What nonsense is this? Kaithy, who is clearly one of the rulers of her species, just requested a simple, modest one hundred dollars. It's practically pocket change! And her mom says 'no' like it's her choice. Well, this will not be good for her, I can tell. Kaithy is probably one of those creative sorts with her brand of discipline.

"Okay." Kaithy said to her mom, completely unperturbed by the refusal.

My mouth dropped. Unbelievable! How could this happen? Did I run into a defective leader of the human population? Could she not simply demand the money? Or had I been incorrect all along and my research for this planet was all for not? No, that's nonsense. But I don't understand what's going on.

"Can Geff stay for dinner?" Kaithy asked.

"Sure," her mother nodded, "we're having meatloaf, so there should be plenty."

Oh, I see now. Kaithy is letting her mom think that it is okay to say no to her, but in the end, we will get the money; perhaps even more. It's all a part of Kaithy's plan!

"You're gonna love it!" Kaithy said, turning to me. "Mom's meatloaf is the best!"

The mom smiled and pat Kaithy on the head, "How about you two go play outside until it's ready?"

"Okay, let's go!" Kaithy grabbed my hand and led me back outside. We went around her house, coming to a thin, metallic barrier but it did not stop the human. She was able to move a mechanism up and a section of the barrier swung forward. We stepped through and Kaithy closed it again.

This section of the property was surrounded by the same kind of barrier that we had just come through. Within its borders, there seemed to be a large, colorful and plastic mass that appeared as though it would be easy to climb up, but a small part of it looked like it would be easy to fall down, as it was slanted and smooth. Near the plastic mass was a large tree. A collection of metal chains connected to a large branch and hung downward, connecting together at a large rubber tube of some kind; it looked identical to the black circles on the cars the humans drive.

Kaithy did not go to these objects. Instead, she went closer to the house, where a large, grey plastic box sat. Taking off the lid, she grabbed two items. They resembled tiny humans, but these were made of plastic - even the hair was plastic. Moreso, they had wings and wore sparkly fabric that covered them from their necks to their feet. They were almost identical. But one had purple hair and the other had pink hair. For both, the fabric they wore matched their hair. Kaithy approached me, holding up the purple, plastic thing.

"This is Princess Pookie, you can be her and I'll be Princess Monica."

I stared at the tiny, humanoid figure and cocked my head, "What in the name of nads are you talking about?"

My question caused more giggles, "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Say what?"

"What in the name of nads. That's silly."

"Silly? Have you never heard of the Great Nads?"

"No."

I nearly choked. Shaking my head, I said, "What do you humans learn about?" Kaithy began to respond but I cut her off, "No, no. It may come as a surprise to you, but I am not of this world."

"You look normal."

"Thanks a disguise. It means it's working."

She shrugged, "Okay. Then tell me about nads."

"The Great Nads," I correct, "but everyone just says nads when they refer to them." I was unsure how to best explain who the Great Nads were and Kaithy was quietly waiting while I collected my thoughts. "Alright. There are two Great Nads. They were the first of my people. Before the Great Divide, Lefeaton Nad and Rightus Nad were brothers. They were the ones who developed the creation of Purified Undorbious Sacks, or PUS for short. They began a competition to see who could gain the most profit for the PUS, to which began a rivalry between their offspring for generations. Today, my planet is made of these two groups. There are the Righteods and then there are the incredible, astounding, attractive and brilliant Leftnoids. I, of course, am a Leftnoid."

"So, does that mean you're left handed?"

"Left what?"

"Left handed?" Kaithy repeated.

"What does that mean?"

"You know, which hand do you use more?"

I scoffed, "As in, you humans have preferences with your hands?"

Kaithy looked puzzled, "Uh, I guess."

"Ridiculous. I have no such bias."

Kaithy raised an eyebrow, "What hand do you use to write with."

"Whichever one isn't holding anything."

"My dad says that left handed people can't write well with their right hand."

"Preposterous!"

Kaithy looked around and picked up a stick a short ways away, then handed the stick to me. "Okay. Write your name, then switch hands and do it again."

Narrowing my eyes, I said, "Fine." Finding a soft piece of dirt, I took the stick and wrote my name, once with my right hand, then with my left. "There. Perfect."

"That's not a name. That's not even words." Kaithy complained.

"Nonsense!" I exclaimed, "This is how my planet's written language works."

In truth, I hadn't bothered to learn very much of the Earth's written language. There was so much of it to learn, I quickly became overwhelmed and only learned the basics; but I hadn't learned how to write the name: Geff. Instead, I wrote my name as if I were back home. It consists of seven intersecting swirls encased in a triangle with, what you humans call, a rainbow on top - but the rainbow is on fire and two small water drops fall from it's curve as if the rainbow is crying.

Kaithy appraised me for a moment, as if considering if she believed me; humans and your trust issues. Eventually, she settled on the correct answer: I was telling the truth. I told her my real name, but reminded her just to call me Geff, for that is my chosen name here on Earth. I did not tell her of my mission; that would be foolish. Instead, Kaithy told me about her favorite things on Earth, which I must say, are either stupid or amazing!

Since you, human, are from here, I can only assume that you already know some of the things that I am going to tell you, but I must say that I cannot wait to see a dinosaur. Perhaps, I will even sell them some PUS! I also am excited to share that I am very much anticipating a place called Disney World. Kaithy says there is also a DisneyLand but given the choice between a land or a world, it should be obvious which one is bigger and therefore better. However, I cannot fathom you humans fascination with bones in the dirt, Kaithy called fossils. Nor can I comprehend the interest in porta potties. Gross.

I, of course, shared some of the finer things from my world as well. PUS was only one of the delights. But we had many things, thanks to our conquering method and therefore have many things that make life easier and more enjoyable. For example, my planet has some of the best bouncy blasters available. Simply shoot an object and it temporarily becomes springy and you can bounce on it. It's great fun!

Eventually, Kaithy and I decided that the time to share details of our planets was over and we changed course. It was the first time that I played with someone, using something she called, imagination. And it is great fun!

I stood on the top of the plastic playground, looking down at Kaithy and her pink, Princess Monica. It was my turn to declare victory here and I shall do it mercilessly. "I, Princess Pookie of the Third Realm of Malleable Things, hereby declare this: Fort Geff-Pookie Leftnoid; after myself, of course. We will begin conquering the rest of the backyard as follows: The Swing, that bush and the toybox. We will end with the toybox, for that is the most dangerous of all locations. We will need to act swiftly if we are to gain command! Are you ready?"

"Yessir!" Kaithy answered, holding up Princess Monica.

"Kaithy, Geff." A voice called from the house, "Foods ready."

"Oh yes! I'm so hungry!" Kaithy said, tossing Princess Monica to the ground, "Come on, Geff."

"I..but...we...didn't conquer the backyard yet."

"Kaithy," her mom called again, "Remember to put your toys away."

"Right, mom!"

We entered the house after the princesses were stored away. The room smelled meaty and salty, forcing my mouth to create an access of saliva. I had a sudden urge to devour whatever would be at the diner table.

"Hold on." Kaithy's mom held a finger up, stopping us in our tracks, "Go wash your hands."

She had a good point. After playing outside, my hands had visible dirt stained on them. "Very well. Where is your VED?"

Kaithy's mom blinked several times at me but Kaithy answered before I could clarify, "Follow me."

She led me to, what she called, the sink in something called a 'bathroom', handing me a white, slippery bar and told me to rub my hands with it. I did as instructed, noting that it created several bubbles. "Amazing!"

"How do you get clean on your world?" Kaithy asked.

"We use a vacuumized ejector for dirt; VED for short." I looked at my hands, satisfied that they were clean, "How do I get these bubbles off?"

"You rinse them." Kaithy changed the angle on a device in the sink and out came....PUS!

"What is this?" I shouted.

"Everything okay in there?" Kaithy's mom asked, hearing my distress.

"Why do you have this? And so much of it?"

"What?" Kaithy asked.

"This!" I rubbed my hand over the PUS and the bubbles on my hand came off easily. "It's even in an unsacked form. How is this possible?"

Kaithy's mom stood in the doorway, crossing her arms, "What's wrong Geff?"

I stared at the running PUS that was just falling from a metal spout, "Where do you get this from?"

"Uh, the river, I think. Why?"

"How much is there? When will you run out?"

The tall human chuckled, "It doesn't run out. But let's not keep it running."

It doesn't run out. That means there is enough to make endless supplies of PUS. "Does everyone on Earth have access to this river thing?"

"No. Other places use other rivers or lakes."

"All around the world?" I asked, disbelieving what I was hearing.

"Some places have it rougher than others, but pretty much, yes."

This was awful! The Earth had its own source of PUS. This was the reason why I had so much trouble selling it; no one needed it! I no longer had the ability to buy the Earth. My mission would be a complete and utter failure! What was I supposed to do now?