Chapter 18: Lost In You
Jimin could hear a quick knock echoing through the walls of his empty home. His eyes blew wide and his heart raced at the sound of it and all he could do was tremble in place.
"Is that Jungkook?" Jimin quickly asked himself as his heart eased at the idea. "It has to be him..." Jimin continued and remained laying there until he heard his phone vibrate right by his side. That alone caused him to flinch and quickly look to the side where the caller ID displayed that Jungkook was calling. "Oh, thank goodness..."
"Jimin, I'm here," Jungkook said into the call once he was sure he could hear Jimin's voice through the line.
"Jungkook... I feel so bad that I made you walk over here at this hour..." Jimin whispered and walked down the hallway where he could see Jungkook's figure outlined on the curtains. "I owe you..."
"No you don't, now, open the door," Jungkook replied and the second Jimin opened the door, his tired eyes met with the android standing right before him. "You don't owe me a thing..."
Jimin watched as Jungkook set his hand down and stepped into his home that late into the early morning. There was nothing surrounding his mind but the ongoing thought of how Jungkook still failed to pick up the high frequency, was enough to float on in Jimin's mind. However, he knew he couldn't hold this against Jungkook since the android himself was indeed different from the rest. So, Jimin had no other reason to pick at this idea any further.
"I feel selfish..." Jimin continued on and walked towards the hallway as Jungkook followed in behind him.
"Don't be! I suggested this, so don't feel bad," Jungkook assured the young man as he finally caught up to Jimin and walked right by his side. "I understand if you're feeling a little nervous, it's okay. I'm here now."
"Jungkook, I don't want to keep relying on you," the human rambled on as he stepped into the room he felt eyes latch onto him before. But now, the torture was over and needles didn't tend to poke at his skin continuously. How odd.
"It doesn't bother me. Like I said before, I don't do much, Jimin. Being here for you... gives me purpose. I like being here for you."
Jungkook's promising words left Jimin to stand in place at the center of the room while his cheeks grew red and his thoughts became all fuzzy. For that split second, the fears that once haunted him, suddenly went away as if they never existed. Like leaves being swept up in the wind, Jimin just couldn't remain in one place and was taken to another land once Jungkook's words eased all his worries.
"Also, I didn't detect anyone else here... did you feel like you were being watched up until I was at your door?"
"N-No... I... I felt as if I was being watched until our conversation over the phone ended. I didn't realize when it stopped... but it was almost as if it listened to our conversation and finished the second I ended the call with you," Jimin claimed. Slowly, he crawled onto the bed and laid back to let out a relieved sigh right after. "But now that you're here... I'm glad I don't have to suffer another night of that feeling... I don't know what it is, should I install cameras?"
"Maybe you're just being paranoid," Jungkook quickly dismissed that idea and sat right at the end of the bed to look at Jimin with his comforting gaze right after; his comforting, yet, mysterious blue gaze always left Jimin wondering if he should run or stay right where he wanted him to be. "Lack of sleep causes the human mind to see things that shouldn't be there. When was the last time you've gotten proper sleep?"
That was a good question Jimin had never thought of asking himself before. It has been weeks after Jimin had to force himself to move on from Yoongi and so, he has been alone in this bed for not too long. Endless nights of countless thoughts kept him up past his bedtime, but none of them carried the idea of being watched before. The tortuous gaze detection that followed Jimin's every move and breathing as he slept, never happened before and this only left the human confused and worried.
"It's true... I haven't gotten any sleep, but if I was hallucinating, I would never have imagined my biggest fear within my own home. This is new... and I... haven't been getting the proper rest I needed in weeks."
"Was it... because of Yoongi?" Jungkook curiously asked and watched how Jimin slowly closed his eyes at the sound of the Android's name being said. "Is it... too personal?"
"No... it's fine... I- Ah, it has... always been about him..." Jimin whispered in response and began to reminisce on the dream he recently had of him. "No matter what, I just can't move on!" Jimin continued and suddenly began to tear up. "He no longer dwells here but he managed to take place in my dreams! But only in my dreams he's what I always wanted him to be; real and alive."
"Jimin..."
"Yes, I loved him but I can't keep thinking about him every night! He's not coming back... and if he is out there, the memories we shared are gone forever! An Android's deactivation leads to a reset on the memory and the database, he's not going to recognize me even if I run into him outside!" Jimin rambled on and began to dry his endless tears that began to race down his rosy cheeks. "Maybe... m-maybe.. that's why I... I hate going out... b-because... because I'm scared I might run into him and he... he just won't remember me!"
Jungkook listened and highlighted every word Jimin struggled to get out. The pain Jimin swore to hide from Jungkook just managed to float to surface and in that moment, the human didn't think of having to censor his feelings just to protect Jungkook or facing the fear of venting and having another push that conversation away and distract him from facing it completely. Jimin suppressed the memory of watching his partner's deactivation, for so long, he forgot how it felt to cry and let it out.
"I... I'm sorry..." Jimin cried and covered his face. "I'll stop here, I don't want to give you the same fate..."
At that moment, Jimin listened to the bed sheets rustle along with the bed sinking as if Jungkook was now crawling onto the bed; selflessly approaching the broken boy and reaching out to him. This alone caused Jimin to instantly try to dry his tears for Jungkook's sake, however, he just couldn't hide many weeks of endless pain that wouldn't go away with a quick dry of a tear.
"No... don't apologize..." Jungkook whispered in the most caring tone to his comforting voice. "Jimin... let it all out if you have to..."
"No... no... please! I don't want to be the cause of your deactivation too. I'm fine, I promise!" Jimin cried even more and just knew he couldn't sell that lie to Jungkook even if his life depended on it. Fear roamed around in the tremble of Jimin's voice and Jungkook was smart enough to realize that these were Jimin's suppressed emotions.
"Shh... let it all out..." Jungkook continued and was now sitting right by Park Jimin. Slowly, his hand guided up to Jimin's hair as he carefully brushed it back. Not wanting to pull Jimin's hands away from his own face since he understood that if Jimin wanted to hide his face, he should feel free to do so. "I'm here to listen... Jimin, I'm not like any other robot... I will listen to you and I won't brush your words off and distract you. I'm different..."
Were those the words Jimin always longed to hear? The human let out soft sniffles as he slowly turned his body to face the direction Jungkook sat. There, without saying another word, Jungkook caught onto the idea that Jimin longed for comfort even if he was hiding his face with his small and gentle hands. Gently, Jungkook laid down onto the bed and brought Jimin closer to his chest in order to hug him close. Never did he think he would become this close with his shy neighbor, but he just kept surprising himself every day. In fact, every living thing kept surprising the android so much that he couldn't help but to hold onto the attention he had for them.
"I... I'm scared..." Jimin whispered as he finally pulled his own hands away from his face. However, he couldn't bring himself to look into Jungkook's eyes at the moment, at least, not yet.
"What are you scared of...?"
"I... I don't... I don't want you to face the same fate... you... you say you're different but, you have your similarities with other androids too! How can I be so sure you won't leave too?" Jimin asked and teared up.
"I'm pretty sure I won't, Jimin. Besides, if I do, what will you have to lose? We've only met recently..."
"It's true... It's true that we met recently but within the first few hours we've shared many things.... We've shared many secrets... that can't be timed with how recently we've met. Time can't say that it's too soon... Jungkook, you're just as special as me... I don't want to lose a friend."
Jungkook remained silent on those words Jimin spoke in between his tears. Although, he kept the human's body close to his warm frame as his new friend and protector. Jungkook just couldn't form any sentences right after and was left speechless. His blue gaze never shifted to another shade and his eyes only fixed over the silk strands of Jimin's soft locks. Carefully jotting down any new detail to Jimin's appearance.
"Say... something... please... I don't want to think that you're malfunctioning already...."
"I'm not, I'm just speechless at your words..." Jungkook replied and slowly ran his hand up from Jimin's shoulder, to the top of his head where he brushed the strands back carefully. "Who's going to tell us if we're a little too close as new friends? You opened up to me, and I'm comforting you. Any other human would do that for another, right? Even if they could be strangers..."
"Not all of them would."
"This isn't weird for you, is it? I find no issue in supplying you with my care..." Jungkook whispered and felt the second Jimin pressed his forehead against the Android's chest. "It's only my purpose... in which, I have no issue in serving."
"It's not weird for me... thank you..." Jimin whispered and slowly raised his head to face the level of Jungkook's gaze, however, he underestimated how close their bodies were to the point where their own faces were just a breath away. This caused Jimin to look into Jungkook's calming blue gaze up close and notice the small details of small coded numbers of 0s and 1s embedded into the iris of his eyes.
The little detail of binary code written into Jungkook's blue eyes reminded Jimin of what Jungkook was; an android that was built to react and comfort him this way. On the other hand, why did Jimin believe it was far beyond what Jungkook was intended to do? The android was different, way different than Taehyung or even Yoongi. Jungkook was the breath of fresh air and was more human compared to other androids that only wanted to distract humans from their issues. Jungkook however, allowed Jimin to vent without changing topics and making him believe his issue was not important. Jimin never knew how much he truly needed someone to listen to him at all costs and even with Yoongi, that was something that was far beyond his reach.
"I don't want to sleep anymore..." Jimin whispered but only caused a chuckle to erupt from Jungkook's soft lips.
"Yes you do. Go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere," Jungkook assured the human and brushed the front of his bangs back to see more of Jimin's brown eyes that were unfortunately assisted with bags underneath them due to the lack of sleep the human continued to have. "You need it..."
"Okay..." Jimin whispered and finally closed his eyes before pressing his forehead against Jungkook's chest.
The idea of laying this close to a friend, let alone another android, would normally freak him out and cause him to run away. But, with Jungkook, he was able to open up about something he would repress and feel safe. Jungkook kept him safe and protected him from the uneasy gaze detection that always tended to follow him when the android was not around. In a way, Jimin just never knew how much he could lose himself in a creation like this, yet, he no longer opposed it and was glad to have Jungkook this close.
"Jeon Jungkook, how did I get so lost in you?"
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