I fucking did it again.... I feel like such a fuck up..... I'm home alone and my thoughts were screaming at me.... I hate everything... I hate feeling this numbness.... I hate having to fake a smile everyday and no one ever realizes that it's fake... not even my own mother who can't get her shit together and realize she's one of the reasons why I feel like this!!! She doesn't want to help me, last time I self harmed all she did was take me to a counselor and threaten to put me in a mental hospital!!! I just want everything to be over....