Unedited.

In simple terms, sleep felt unattainable.

I was rolling over constantly, staring at the ceiling for long periods of time, and groaning quietly when my eyes refused to close. It was a nightmare, excluding the violent imagery.

Eventually, I rolled over to the face the window, one that led to outside and displayed the gorgeous night. I cuddled up in my blankets and gazed outside at the night sky. Though there were no lights on, the moon felt like a small lamp in the darkness that was times now.

War was on the verge of breaking out, my people wanted to kill me, and the Order likely wants me in jail. Especially after realizing how close I've become with the seven boys.

It was almost strange to think about how far apart we were a couple weeks ago — where we avoided each other, and Hoseok was screaming in fear. Not to mention Taehyung teasing me relentlessly, and giving me the ugliest glares he could muster.

I brought my hands to my face in embarrassment, thinking about everything that has happened between us over the last couple weeks. Our moment at the river, on the rock, and running through the field. Then, there was this morning.

I groaned and covered my eyes at the thought, but the image only grew more vivid.

The way he stood there so intensely caused butterflies to erupt in my stomach all over again, and how his fiery eyes made me vulnerable in ways I never thought were possible. I couldn't lie to myself that I wasn't falling — because I definitely was.

No matter how much I tried to imagine it, I pushed the thought into the furthest corner of my mind. Because it was wrong on so many levels.

A Gem and human being together, was wrong. It would likely ruin his reputation, when he becomes leader of the Order. He would be a disgrace to his own kind, which I can surely imagine as a shitty experience.

I sighed, before sitting up and throwing my legs over the bed to standing. There was no point in forcing sleep when it wasn't going to come. With that in mind, I grabbed the hoodie Ryujin gave me, and pulled it on.

I guessed that I looked like a big marshmallow with my thick track-pants, and large hoodie wrapping my thin body. I continued across my bedroom floor and into the hallway, where I noticed a soft orange glow casted on the floor.

"Shit." I muttered jumping back into my room.

I looked down at the wooden floorboards, following the source of the light — which led to another room further down the hall. Cautiously, I stepped back into the hallway to see where the light was coming from, and my eyes widened upon realizing that it was Taehyung's bedroom.

Clearly he can't sleep either.

Without thinking, I quickly walked down the hallway toward the light, which eventually led to his bedroom. I softly knocked on the door, eyes meeting the book sitting in front of him.

His head spun around to face me.

Taehyung's face lit up at my presence, as he brushed back his fluffy hair, which showed the gorgeous red roots starting to be more apparent now.

"Hey," he said with a small, shy smile before turning back to his book.

"Hi." I gulped, an unknown excitement building up in me. "What are you doing?"

Taehyung chuckled, "I'm reading this book I found, it was hidden behind the shelf back there."

I frowned curiously, following behind him to see the words on the page. "E-Elivian myths? What would something like that be doing here?"

Taehyung shrugged, reading more of the book. "Maybe someone just forgot it,"

"The Elivians lived in Southern Russia, I'm sure they wouldn't leave something like that here. Besides, the population was wiped out hundreds of years ago." I said.

"What doesn't make sense is how similar the language is to Onavalian," Taehyung breathed, eyes scanning the page as if he was in a trance.

My eyebrows furrowed, and I sat down beside him, as Taehyung placed the book between us.

"Look, lissé is leaf in Elivian. In Onavalian, it's lisser..." Taehyung explained, and my eyes widened at the similarity of all these words.

"But, the Elivians were just a myth — they were magical humans, there's no way they actually existed." I scoffed at the silly thought.

"If the Gems exist, then so can they." Taehyung turned to me, eyes alight with a firm look that I didn't want to argue with.

"But, Opal looks just like them..."

Taehyung showed me pictures in the book. "Look here, the Elivians looked exactly how we see Opal — white hair that glittered with different colours depending on their emotion." Taehyung pointed to the book in his hands, the pictures and paintings of the Elivians and how they appeared. "Perhaps she was Elivian, and her power transferred to us?"

That's when everything clicked. The human brain at the party, and all of the different emotions for all the sects written on the wooden ledge. It all made sense now — it wasn't specifications like I expected, they were true emotions. The feelings within a human, which was what the Elivians were — just mutated humans.

I gasped at the realization... and my eyes glued to the floor.

The Onavalians descended from the now extinct Elivians.

I turned to face Taehyung again, but this time my eyes widened at our proximity. Clearly, I grew closer to him within the span of a couple minutes without even knowing. Our faces were merely inches apart, bringing back feelings from before — yet this time my feelings weren't being questioned.

I felt sure of them now, although I might regret it later, I didn't care. All I could think about was how my stomach tightened in anticipation.

Taehyung slowly closed the book, slowly placing it beside us without taking his eyes off mine. We both knew what we wanted, it was just a matter of who'd break the tension first.

"Red for..." he whispered, his face growing even closer, to the point my heartbeat quickened so much I assumed he could hear it. His eyes flickered between my own, occasionally glazing over my lips.

The tension was so thick, I thought he would kiss me right then and there.

But it never came.

Instead he froze in his position, perhaps realizing what he was doing. He cleared his throat and backed away, almost exactly like before. My heart stopped in disappointment, and I gazed down at the floor, upon realizing my feelings were clearly not reciprocated.

"I can't do this." he mumbled, eyes looking away from me sadly.

I bit my lip, holding back the rejection as I stood up. "I will see you, uh-"

"Later." He said flatly.

I gulped before turning and leaving the room as fast as I could, almost running back into my bedroom. I collapsed on my bed with a loud thud, face meeting the soft blanket. Never have I ever hated my emotions more than now.

I wanted to crumble, I felt like I was stepped on a million times and chopped into tiny shreds. My heart felt like it would never be repaired — even though I already knew there was so much wrong with what I was feeling.

I couldn't fall for a Gem, what was I thinking?

Did I really think someone like him would fall for a poor human like me? How could I expect that?

I groaned, punching my pillow in frustration. I wanted to forget all the feelings, and hopefully wake up the next morning to realize this was all a dream.

***

I was stupid for assuming both of us could go on like usual — as if nothing happened.

Having a strange interaction twice now, Taehyung and I found it natural to avoid one another — despite the friendship we've built so far. It was so strange not talking to him, teasing him, or even being stupid around each other.

It almost felt normal.

I sighed as I sat down on the living room couch, pinching the area between my eyebrows. The place where I became vulnerable for the first time. I sighed at the memory of his hand in mine, and the way he looked at me.

Things were going to change between us, and that was inevitable.

My head jerked upward, toward a loud, impatient knocking on the door.

"Come in," I called out, glancing at the door hesitantly open. I sighed in relief when I saw Jungkook's comforting smile from across the room, making my body relax.

I wasn't ready to deal with Taehyung yet, at least, my heart wasn't. The reaction last night still had its toll on me, but I knew that I'd surely get over it...eventually.

"Hey." He said, hopping over to lie down beside me on the bed, cuddling up in the blankets like a small baby.

"Hi, but ummm...what are you doing?" I asked with a confused, but awed expression.

He looked so cute and adorable.

"Hyung is being weird." He said simply, daydreaming at the ceiling.

"Tae?" I asked, knowing what the boys was referencing.

Jungkook nodded. "He's been all awkward recently..."

My eyebrow raised, urging him to go on.

Jungkook's lips pursed and he smiled. "I told him to face whatever's bothering him, but he seems afraid of something."

"Of what?"

"I don't know, but he's hesitant. Like, he's afraid that if he does it, it'll all come crumbling down."

I looked down to the ground sadly, as Jungkook spoke again.

"This isn't the first time, you know. He was like that with us after his mother died, he became distant, and was afraid to get attached. I guess Tae knew that if he did-"

"They'd be harder to let go of." I finished, realizing all of the puzzle pieces fitting together.

"Yeah." Jungkook bit his lip, "I'm glad you've grown...closer with him." He smiled playfully, as if he knew more than he was letting on. Jungkook may have been the most innocent member, but he was far from stupid, which is what he was commonly illustrated to be.

Frankly, he was quiet and observant, making him the obvious person who knew what was going on between us.

"You've changed him Juliana. You really have." Jungkook smiled gently. "I've never seen him like this in a long time — with the excitement to live, and be carefree."

I smiled internally, despite my blank, shocked expression. Taehyung made me feel the same way, and though I hated giving in to those soft feelings, it was hard to ignore them. I couldn't ignore how I felt safer, and in general, happier.

I needed him.

[A\N]

Long time no see, my friends. With the past couple years of writing on here it's been very fun and I've made many friends. 

I want to make it clear that I'm not leaving, nor am I discontinuing this book. A writer writes. It is something I have been passionate about since I was a wee thing. I still have drafts and ideas floating around in my head that I intend on sharing with you.

However, there have been a lot of issues as well. This has affected the quality of my writing and the time I have to write. Sometimes I try to write and what goes on the page is actually shit. And I know that's not fair to share with you. I made a promise to be one of those writers who shares the best I have, not some half ass garbage. So I've been taking space and not writing, which hurts, I know. 

Thankfully, I'm getting better. 

I'm very sorry, guys. Although it's been a long time and little to none of you are still here, I truly thank you for all the support. I love you <3