MISSION

Everyone has a mission in life. Many people may already have found it. For some, it's to dedicate their lives to other people, to help them when they encounter difficulties, to protect wild animals. For some, it's for their families, to take care of the seniors at home, to create a better life for their children.

Some people find their missions in life when they're just kids. A seven or eight year child seeing a homeless person on the street every day will try to think what they can do for them, to set up foundations and charities. Others may take in stray animals. But for me, I don't think I've found my mission yet.

There are many people who may want to get awards, to become professional artists in an industry. They'll think more big picture, and want to become a big shot, to have a different existence than others. But very few will end up being able to achieve this.

The few years that I've been in the industry, I have never thought that I was different from others, nor have I thought about where I want to go. Up until now, I've just wanted to invest myself fully in the script at hand, to do my best in portraying a role, to give my all in the tasks that I have at hand. To steadily walk every step. Where I can go in the future, where I can't go - there's not a lot of point in thinking about that now.

It's like how in the beginning, I was blown away by a sudden gust of wind to a present that I've never thought about. To the me that has a bit more control now, I still can't predict what direction my future path will take me.

If a person does their best and smoothly walk with fate, that's a good thing. After being blown onto this racetrack, I hope that I won't always be blown along by these winds.

Where I go in the future, I hope that I can decide that on my own.
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THE IDEAL WORKING STATE

When you face a good opportunity, it's actually quite hard to make decisions. The belief that I always cling on to is that if you miss out on a good role, then there will definitely be a better one awaiting you. Even though the tempo in this circle is very fast, if you don't take a role, naturally, there are many people who are waiting for it. Everyone's working state is always like this: the minute you finish one project, another comes knocking.

But I hope I can slow things down a bit more. I don't want to walk too fast, nor do I want to be in a hurry. My ideal state is to film one or two projects in a year (T/N: should note that in 2019, he mentioned in an interview that his ideal state is three projects in a year.)

It's not because I have a great feeling of security, or that I lack a sense of urgency, but it's because naturally, I'm enveloped in insecurity. I don't believe that something I've attained means it was meant for me, nor do I believe that having a great goal now means I can achieve it. I only believe that in taking every step steadily, to do what I can at hand.

I hope that I don't take an empty step, that even if I walk a little slower, I make the most of every decision that I make, to do well with every performance. That's how you ensure that you have something real and solid in your hand.
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SLOWING DOWN

Recently, I've been constantly telling myself, don't think you're special. You're just a normal 20 year old. You're not a prodigy like Natalie Portman. Don't be deluded by outside voices. You just have a taste in art. Your acting, your career - there is a long road ahead.

If we're talking about natural acting talent, for a 20 year old, even if he got into the Central Academy of Art, even if he undergoes four years of professional training, if you were to have him compete in acting with a random 30, 50 year old extra actor in Hengdian, he will probably lose. At their age, they've seen so many things, have experienced marriage and the birth of their kids, the passing of relatives, the most difficult decisions of life. They know what it's like to have a monthly salary of 300 or 400 RMB, of learning how to survive.

So even though they may not have studied acting in school, nor have they been through training, you can't beat them.

After filming Léon: The Professional, Natalie Portman took a long hiatus. During that time, she used her studies to steady herself. The woman who cut off all her hair in V for Vendetta, that was Natalie Portman. She made the decision to shave her head after accepting the role and reading the script.

When Liang Bo became the winner of The Voice of China (Season 1), many people asked, "Why him?" After he won, he stopped and spent time to study, to read, go to the US, to replenish himself. When he came back, he went on I Am A Singer and touched everyone with his performances. The audience could see his natural talent in singing, as well as his love for it. This is why I really like him. (T/N: plugging in my personal favorite Liang Bo song)

So you see, no matter where you go, you don't need to be in a hurry. This road is very long, you don't have to quickly finishing walking it. And you don't need to worry or be afraid. Don't become mesmerized by the temporary illusions in front of you. Calm your heart, and steadily take each step. When your heart is strong, your physical body will also not fall.
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A REAL ACTOR

The ideal actor in my mind, is someone who's had their unique life experiences, who've gone through the little moments of life, seen the ups and downs, so they are able to portray the special characteristics of a different kind of person. Like the actors I really like - Wu Xiubo Bo Shu (Uncle Bo), or Huang Bo Bo ge. Bo Ge spent some time singing at a bar in his youth, and Bo shu opened a restaurant and did many things that don't really have anything to do with acting.*

*T/N: It should be noted that both actors are known for their late debuts in the industry - Huang Bo was admitted into the Beijing Film Academy at 28 and started in minor supporting roles after many years of working in other industries and occupations, while Wu Xiubo didn't really start his acting career until 34, though he is a Central Academy of Drama alumni.

Their lives, the unique life experiences they have, has given them acting styles and conditions that is very different from other actors. It feels deeper, heavier, something that only comes from those who've had experiences. I sometimes think my career thus far has been too smooth, and too full (schedule-wise), so I'm a little envious of what they've been through.

I think the times that they had wasn't just low-key, but also steady.

For example, if someone decides to become a monk, he'll move to the temple to live. When you see him half a year later, he'll seem like a completely different person. This comes from moving far away from the life you currently have to experience a whole new lifestyle.

Sometimes, I feel like I"m currently in a vacuum, doing the same things, continuing to climb hills, but the things that I want can only be experienced at the bottom of the canyon. Or maybe as I'm climbing up the hill, I can stop occasionally to look at the surrounding views, to see the trees.

But when I'm being pushed forward by the waves, I'll feel confused, and think, right now, I'm very lucky. If I don't grab onto these opportunities, maybe they won't be there in the future.

I am someone who is very lucky, who has continuously been pushed forward by a great wind. I know this isn't a result of my own abilities. Even if the mountain peaks in the distance are the dream destinations I want to reach, I'll still feel a little apprehensive as I'm forced to sprint ahead.

I'm very grateful for these winds. They've allowed me to walk faster than I could've imagined, and sometimes I'm on the verge of flying. But I also hope that I can become "heavier" amidst the swirling winds, that my feet can stay glued to the ground. I need to constantly remind myself, rather than running forward, it's more important to be able to stop and hold your ground amidst the wind, to not be blown into the canyons.*

The mountains in the distance are my dreams. I want to be come a true actor, to use my performances to take on more roles, to experience different kinds of lives. I also hope that whether it's the me who is currently hiking up the mountain, or the me who hopefully one day has the opportunity to stand on the peak, I'll be able to look back and see that the road I took was a steady one, that every footstep is imprinted in my heart. To do what I want to do, to complete what I need to do. To stand between Heaven and Earth with no regrets.

*T/N: the wind is what Haoran calls his circumstances, the things he cannot properly describe: his luck, his opportunities, his high starting point, his celebrity, the spotlight that's on him.
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FINAL THOUGHTS

This October, I turn 20 years old.

I used to always think about what I'd be like when I turned 20. Now that it's come, I understand that whatever stage you're at, whether it's pain or sadness, joy or self-pity, that's you at your best, when you are the most real version of yourself.

It's because you've experienced these feelings, or are about to, that you've become the person you are today. At 20 years ago, I will definitely face many more obstacles, but when the wind comes, I hope that I can steady myself, and simultaneously be someone who can become the wind in someone else's life.

From 16 years old to now, I've met many people and encountered many things on this journey. Some people have come, some have gone, some things have succeeded, others have not. At 20, this is the start of another journey in my life.

Who has seen the wind? Neither I nor you; but when the leaves hang trembling, the wind is passing through. - Christina Rossetti -

Seeing the wind, is seeing the wind's speed, the wind's influence, the direction that it decides;

Wind is change, the changes that the outside environment brings to people;

After seeing the wind, you'll have seen the you who's moved by it, the you who's pushed by it, who's brought into a particular environment and state,

Stand your ground within the wind, feel it swirling around you,

Become part of the wind, and ultimately become someone that can also be influential.
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SPECIAL THANKS

Mom and Dad, big sister and brother-in-law, my whole family.

Sicheng ge (Chen Sicheng), Ya Ya jie (Tong Liya),

My mangement team,

Every director, actor, and staff member I've worked with, and every friend, whether I know them or not, who's helped me.

Every Nuan Yang (Haoran's fandom), thank you!

The past, the present, the future, thank you for being by my side.

THE END.