It is only after you meet yourself, after seeing the world, that you will be able to realize your purpose. You see a bright future, and you put your hopes into it. Amidst the outside environment, find your strength from within, take control of yourself.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PAIN AND SADNESS

Movies, a lot of the time, have a certain intent to them. For example, in the end, there might be a sudden burst of emotions. In dramas, however, there isn't necessarily that buildup. Many times, (as your character) your dad dies, your mom remarries, you hold your head and sob painfully.

Sometimes when I look at scripts and there is a scene that asks for the actor to cry in pain, my head hurts. It's really not easy for actors. Especially for new actors, tears are very important. Right now, most of the scenes where I need to express pain, I have to rely on tears to deliver. I'm still in that stage where a scene where I need to express pain means I'm looking for tears.

But later on I've discovered, pain and sadness are two different things. Many great actors use other ways to express pain.

A couple of days ago, I was acting for one of our company's projects, a show called Great Expectations (Twin Dragons). For once, I was smart, and talked the director into using another method to express pain instead of tears.

It was a very short filming period. We only spent a little over ten days on it, so getting into character was a bit harder. The crying scenes would have to come naturally, so I was a little worried.

This scene was about actor Chen Hao and I losing our good friends. We all were broken, and in despair.

The script wrote it this way: holding your head and crying in pain. To ensure that your friend's corpse would be intact, you'd bite your tongue, bow your head, and crawl.

So I thought, maybe I can use another method to act out this scene. I talked it out with the director. If both of us followed the script and cried that way, then the two roles would be too similar. And the characters' personalities were entirely different.

Chen Hao's character was a happy-go-lucky, street smart ruffian, but my character was more mature and steady. Our (characters') family backgrounds were also different. I was a military student, he grew up on the streets.

So in this scene, the way we expressed ourselves also wouldn't be the same. It was this point that ended up convincing the director to agree to my suggestion, so I expressed my pain in a more steady sadness.
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WATCHED REPLY 1988, CRIED THREE TIMES

I've always bragged that I never cry when watching movies or dramas, because to an actor, when we watch things, we are very conscious of the fact that it's acting. So many times I'll be paying very close attention to an actor's expression. I'll be more analytical in my approach, as I try to remember certain expressions, to see if I can use it for a role later on.

It's like when some producers watch movies, they're thinking about how much money is spent on a particular shot.

But recently, I've still ended up engrossing myself in the show. During break, I cried three times, and it was all while watching Reply 1988. Even though it's technically a youth drama, the story covers a lot, a very touching and impactful show.

A lot of it isn't even necessarily the script's design, but the fact that the actors fully became the characters and brought them to life. Whether it was their bond, or the creative freedom given to the actors by the production team, it really was just like watching real life. The more that they didn't want to "act", the better the effect was.

Reply 1988 had a scene where Junghwan, Dukseon, and Dongryong were sitting on the bus. They were by the window, holding on to the grab rails. When the bus suddenly braked, everyone was thrown backwards. Dukseon grabbed onto Junghwan, and accidentally pulled Junghwan's shirt open. At the same time, Dongryong grabbed the hair of a girl nearby.

The girl was an extra, so as she turned her head, she laughed. Normally, having your hair grabbed would incite anger, fury, this kind of reaction, but the girl was very aware she was acting, and no one had told her this would take place, so she wasn't sure what to do.

But Dongryong did it very well. It must have been an improvisation by him, the hair grab. He had designed it based on the situation, and knowing his character's personality.

A lot of the scenes in the drama were like this. For example, where they were goofing around. It was a type of natural joy and happiness that came from behind the scenes, a type of feeling that's hard to act out. The atmosphere around them was full of nostalgia, of the awareness of time passing. It was very sincere and real.
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BOYS SHOULDN'T CRY EASILY?

Actors must cry, but it's difficult for boys to do so. When they want to cry, they do their best to hold it in. But recently, I've started crying very easily. Because in my daily life, I'm exploring more ways to express my emotions.

I have a really good friend. We've been classmates since middle school, and were also dormmates. We studied together, got into the Central Academy of Drama together. Up until now, we've known each other for nine years. (T/N: He's talking about actor Ye Xiaowei, who played the second male lead in Wang Junkai's Eagles and Youngster).

When we were in Japan for our school trip, the two of us went out to drink and to catch up. We talked for a really long time, and I ended up crying after a while, and he comforted me.*

*T/N: Ye Xiaowei talked about this in an interview - he said that it was because on the Japan trip, Haoran had gone drinking with a teacher. The teacher told Haoran Ye Xiaowei was very lacking in self confidence for various reasons, and didn't think very much of himself. When Haoran returned to their room, Ye Xiaowei asked him why he came back so late, and Haoran broke down crying.

For me, life has been smooth sailing. Although there have been occasional bumps in the road, there haven't been any big issues and it hasn't affected my road forward. Up until now, I've never really experienced the type of situation that has made me want to quit the industry, to give up, to change careers.

Maybe it's because I'm still quite new to the industry, I have many friends and seniors around me who help and protect me, so my road has been very smooth and steady.
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THERE ISN'T REALLY A PROCESS WITH DEATH

When I was filming Nirvana In Fire 2, I hadn't been home in over a year. My mom had hurt her leg, and the situation was quite serious. She was on a motorcycle and was trying to avoid another car when she was hit, and broke her leg and several other bones. But my family didn't tell me, and by the time I found out, my mom was walking again.

My family has always been like this. They don't tell me anything.

When I was in middle school and my grandfather died, they didn't tell me. By the time I found out about it, the funeral was already over. I wasn't brought up by the elderly in our family, and my grandmother passed away a long time ago, but they are still family members who I consider myself to be very close to.

Even though I wouldn't be pained to the point where I couldn't accept their deaths, when I learned about Grandpa's passing, I was full of sadness and rage. It was a double attack. If it was just my grandparents passing away, I might have been just sad, but they only called to tell me after the funeral was already over.

I was so hurt and angry, to the point where I was going to go crazy. My family said it's because I was by myself studying at a boarding school, that they didn't want to affect my studies. But I really didn't get it, and threw a big tantrum. Why couldn't you tell me? That's my grandfather! Going home for three to four days...how is that going to affect my studies!*

When I started middle school, we had three grandparents at home. My paternal grandfather, and my maternal grandparents. By the time I got to eighth grade, all three were gone. We were mentally prepared, because they were all elderly, and lived to an old age. If we were to speak in my hometown's terms, it would be a celebration (because they had lived a full and long life).

That was when I realized what death is like, though it wasn't directly. Even though death still feels like a foreign concept, I am fearful of it.

Towards (the concept of) death, I want to stay far away from it, while also full of curiosity. I'll think, what happens after death? Do you just succumb to darkness? Or do you still have awareness? Or will you really be reborn?

The biological chain of the world is very complete. From birth to death, every organism has a set process. So after humans die, is there a process as well? After someone dies, will they still have a purpose or reason? Will we truly disappear after death?

When I was little, I would imagine myself as the main character of the world, that the world existed for me. From the perspective of one's death, the world is your own. After death, there is no more meaning to it.