Valentina

Levin Residence, Moscow, Russia – December 25th, 2020

My father came home a few days later than I did, but I was asleep by the time he arrived.

We had Christmas Eve dinner at home without him last night, but my mother left right after to go join the formal dinner with business associates – which, now that I know what I know from Aleksi, I'm sure is not just 'business'. It's business.

The kind of business where you need to carry a gun and do things other people go to prison for.

I've been thinking about the talk I had with Aleksi.

I watch my father as he walks across our kitchen to greet my mother this Christmas morning as she's drinking a glass of rosé. As she checks the oven, he presses a kiss to her cheek.

It's what he always does, but now I can only think about how that kiss could mean anything from 'good morning' to 'thank you for marrying into my mafia family and accepting me the way I am'.

Who knows, maybe she's deep into it too – at this point nothing could surprise me anymore.

He doesn't even acknowledge me at the table as he takes a sip from her glass.

"So, are you just going around killing people now?" I ask as I pick at my nails.

They both look at me at the same time.

"Excuse me?" He questions, eyes wide in terror.

Last Christmas I overheard them talking about two men who died. Now two other men, the same two men who attacked me in the subway station, have been hung from a bridge, their hands cut off. After he told me that he'd take care of it and there will be justice.

They exchange looks. They always exchange that look when they're talking without using words.

"Well?" I press.

"What are you talking about?" My father asks, keeping his face calm.

"The two men who attacked me. You cut off their hands and hung them from the bridge close to my apartment."

My mother's mouth opens but no words come out.

"Tell me." I demand, looking between the two of them.

"This is not the time, Valentina." My father cautiously starts, eyes trailing over to the door.

"Right. Because we keep secrets from each other in this family, and Adrik shouldn't know all the fucked-up things you're capable of?"

My mother's eyes flicker with something that looks a lot like fear.

They both know. I can see it on their faces, and it all makes sense now.

They shake their heads. I'm not sure whether I can trust them at this point.

"For once, just tell me the whole truth. I figured it out anyway. The man that's been following me is a bodyguard sent by you to keep an eye on me. Because you're scared for my life, because you're involved with people who do illegal things. And you're involved with people who do illegal things because you're doing the same. They're your other 'work friends'."

My father opens his mouth to say something, but mom stops him by placing a hand on his arm.

"There's no point in hiding anymore, Kyril. She's smart, and we always knew they were going to figure it out at some point."

The silence hangs heavy in the air. I don't know what to say, and they haven't admitted it yet.

I want them to say it to my face.

I'm about to speak when my father shakes his head.

"My office." He finally says and nods over to the door leading to the second hallway.

My heart stops.

Oh, so it's happening. It's real. He's going to admit to it.

"Kyril." My mother interjects, but I'm already halfway across the room.

Our footsteps ring out through the hallway as we walk towards his downstairs office in silence.

I've only been in here two times before, both when I was under ten years old, and only because I knew Aleksi wouldn't dare to look for me in there during Hide & Seek.

He waits for me to sit down at the desk first, before he finally takes the seat across from me.

My skin turns to goosebumps, all the way from my feet to the top of the head.

It's the exact same picture of my grandfather. The back of the chair that goes way above his head, the wooden desk, and that expression of impending doom that I've never seen on his face before.

"Who did I allegedly kill?" Is how he chooses to start the meeting or whatever this is.

"The two guys who attacked me in the subway station."

His face changes. "We didn't find them."

"Who's we?"

"The-the company."

"You mean the bratva."

His jaw clenches. "Yes."

"Say it to my face." I demand.

"Valentina."

"Tell me that I'm the daughter of one of the heads of the Russian mafia. I want to hear it come out of your mouth."

"I'm the head of the family, and you're my daughter." He hesitantly repeats.

"That's not what I asked."

"I am the head of the Russian mafia, and you are my daughter."

All the blood rushes to my chest.

It's true. It's not a joke.

But I'm not surprised.

No, I certainly do not feel surprised.

I feel betrayed. By the person I trust most in the world.

"Do you kill people?"

"Yes."

I feel nauseous.

"What about children?" I ask with a lump in my throat.

He goes still. "No."

There are a million thoughts rushing through my head. How can he live with himself? How can he hide it so well? Who else knows? Why is he training me to be a part of it? What if I don't want to? What if he's going to completely cut me off if I say I don't want to be trained for the fucking mafia? What other secrets has he been hiding?

Then I remember Adrik's birthday.

"Is it true, then, what Uncle Boris said? Was Aleksi's father's death not an accident?"

"We can't prove it."

I grip the armrests. "Who do you think might've wanted to ?"

He exhales through his nose. "We can't prove that either."

"I asked you who you think it was."

He shakes his head. "We don't know."

"Is Aleksi aware of this?"

He nods.

"I believe he's the one who told you about what we do."

I still. I know Aleksi told me not to say anything to my father – he practically begged me not to – and I don't want to betray his trust.

It's probably written all over my face anyway, because my father just nods.

I can't get over how nonchalant he is about all of this - and of course he is, why wouldn't he be? He's been doing this as a job for years apparently.

"Since when?"

"Since when what?"

I impatiently exhale through my nose. "Since when have you been in the mafia?"

It's so weird to say it, to talk about it like it's a normal way to live.

"Since I was born. Then as the first-born, I took over when your grandfather died."

The truth hits me like a freight train.

I think of the two portraits in the hallway upstairs. How my grandfather changed so much over the years, and now it all comes together - the things he must've seen to end up soulless so many years later.

I wonder if that's what's going to happen to my father.

"What do you mean, as the first-born?"

"There's no initiation ritual for outsiders to join. Initiation is only for leaders who are born into it."

"Who are the other leaders?"

"There are multiple families that work together, with one leading at the top of the chain."

"Us."

His eyes go wide, and he looks pleased, although I'm not sure why.

"Yes. That's us."

Is he-is he proud of me? Whatever for?

"Why do you look like you're proud of me?"

"Because you said 'us'."

I huff. "You kill people."

He sighs.

"How many have you killed?"

"Valentina."

"Tell me."

He shakes his head. "I don't know."

My stomach drops as I look at his face.

The man in front of me looks like my father but feels like a stranger. No remorse, no sorrow, he just states it like it's just an everyday occurence. I guess for him, it is.

"What about the guys who attacked me in the subway?"

He places a hand on his chest, over his heart. "I swear to you, Valentina. I didn't have anything to do with it and I don't know what happened. We found out who they were but we weren't able to locate them on time."

Something doesn't sit right with me.

"Who were they?"

"They're Russian, but they're not affiliated with any family. We're still looking into it."

"Who killed them then? You were the one who told me you'd take care of it. Or maybe it's a coincidence. There were three men hanging from that bridge, who knows what else they were involved in." I smile then. "I guess they got their karma."

I can see he's thinking about something, only half-listening to what I'm saying.

"What?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

"Tell me. If I'm going to get used to this new reality, I need you to be honest with me. No more lies. Just tell me the truth."

"You said their hands were cut off?"

I nod.

"Are you sure?"

I pull my lips into a thin line. "Yes, I am sure that their hands were missing. How is that relevant?"

"Because that's our M.O. And it wasn't us who did it."

My stomach sinks for what feels like the hundreth time today. This is not a conversation I ever thought I'd have with him.

All my life I've seen him through the eyes of a little girl. When I was younger, he would come into my room at night and pretend to fight off the monsters under my bed. I never thought there would come a day where he himself would be a monster I'm scared of.

But- I'm not scared. I don't know what I am. I don't know if I'm intrigued or curious or devastated about it. I just am.

I swallow. "Why cut off somebody's hands if you're going to kill them anyway?"

"It's only done to people who steal, people who cheat, people who touch what isn't theirs."

'Only'.

But what scares me the most is the way I feel right now.

It's like Matteo described it – feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. Or more like feeling guilty about not feeling guilty that a little part of me is satisfied knowing that those two men who attacked me and tried to rape me got what they deserved.

"Are you training me to become part of your..." mafia group?? gang??? criminal enterprise?? "...company?"

He makes that hand gesture that means 'sort of'.

"What does this mean?" I ask, mimicking his hand gesture.

"You are already part of it, Valentina."

And once again, goosebumps.

"Then why suggest a gun range?"

"So you can learn how to protect yourself."

The dangerous implications regarding my safety never actually occurred to me. It's too much all at once and I feel overwhelmed.

"What if I don't want to be a part of it?"

He shrugs. "I'll never force you to do anything you don't want to do. But if you're born into it, you're part of it."

"And what happens if I can't-" I can't even say it "-if I can't do it?"

He shakes his head. "If anyone can, it's you."

"No pressure," I say, trying to ease the mood with sarcasm.

We look at each other for a few long seconds.

"There's a man watching my place. Am I never going to get the luxury of privacy anymore?"

"If no one was watching over you after what happened, I wouldn't be able to sleep at all, Valentina."

I let out a long sigh.

"Can you promise me that you'll be careful?"

He frowns. "Me? With what?"

I shake my head. "With everything. I don't want you to go to prison."

He laughs like it's ridiculous.

"Slim chances of it happening."

A lump forms in my throat. "And I don't want you to die."

His throat jumps and he looks a little devastated. "I promise to protect you from ever feeling any pain, Valentina."

And that's good enough for me.

For now.

***

Levin residence, Moscow, Russia – December 26th, 2020

I'm sitting on my bed watching Modern Family for the fifth time this year when I get a text from Isabella.

Isabella: what are you doing for New Year's?

Valentina: Raisa wants to go to the same place as last year

Valentina: not sure I want to though

Isabella: how about NY with ME and the group?

My heart starts beating faster.

Valentina: who exactly

Isabella: everyone

The everyone makes my pulse pick up.

I haven't seen Matteo since that night at his place, and I also haven't talked to him since he texted me that day when I found the men hanging from the bridge.

Why am I nervous about seeing him again?

I think about where I was at this time last year. Still in my room, still thinking about what to do for New Year's.

So much has changed since then.

I have a job, working for my father. And my father, as it turns out, is the head of the Russian mafia.

Oh, and I am also over the unresolved, deeply buried feelings for Matteo.

The first two statements are true, the third one's a lie.

What a year it's been.

Kyril

Vanessa sits down next to him on the loveseat in their master bedroom and takes the glass of whiskey from his hand.

"What happened?"

"I told her everything."

"How did she take it?"

"Unbelievably well."

He throws an arm around his wife, pulling her close, and she melts into him like she always has.

"Is she going to be okay?"

He nods into her hair. "Of course. She's our daughter. And the men who tried to hurt her were killed."

She stiffens in his embrace. Ever since she heard about what happened to Valentina, she's been out of her mind with worry. She was the one who suggested self-defense classes.

"Who do you think did it?"

He hesitates and she looks up at him.

"Kyril."

"I think it might've been the kid."

"Who?"

"Matteo Giudice."

Her eyes go wide. "Matteo Giudice? Are you sure?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"Why him then?"

"They've been spending more time together than they should. They got caught outside together at three in the morning, and she was at his place until very late a few weeks ago. She was leaving his place when she was attacked."

"That's two times." She argues, the worry in her eyes being replaced by slight mischief.

"That's still two times more than it should be, which is zero."

"Zero times two is still zero."

They throw each other a look and he's the first one to smile.

She gives him back his glass. "If by some ridiculous twist of fate Lorenzo Giudice's son killed two people who tried to hurt our daughter, then we should be thankful, no?"

Kyril nods.

Then, slowly, wicked smile spreads onto his face, which his wife know all too well.

She's seen the darkest sides of him, knows him inside out.

It's not a playfully wicked kind of smile. It's a dark, twisted type of smirk. One that both exhilarates and terrifies her.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"I do hope it was them."

She waits for him to elaborate.

"He took the oath half a year ago, which means he's in."

"Okay?"

Kyril shakes his head, looking almost elated now.

"If it really was him, then we finally found a weakness we can use against them when the time comes."

---

A little late because I cannot find my notebook with the schedule rn.

Hope you enjoyed reading :) Next chapter (NYE chapter part 1) will be up September 28th! 

See you then ;)