Valentina

Chapter 31

Capo d'Orlando, Sicily – July 21st, 2020

Isabella and I spend the rest of the day by the pool until the sun starts to set on the horizon and it gets too cold to chill in a bathing suit.

"I want to order pizza."

I look up from my book to where Matteo is sitting by the edge of the pool, his legs in the water.

"Yes, please." Isabella groans. "I'm so hungry I could die. Where are you ordering from?"

"I know a place."

Matteo and I make eye contact for a moment before his eyes drift back to the screen. A few seconds later he starts talking to someone in Italian, so I zone out and try to focus back on my book.

The pizzas arrive twenty minutes later, and we sit down at one of the tables on the terrace.

"What time are people arriving tomorrow?" He asks me with his mouth half full.

"I don't know, I guess around seven or eight. Might be sooner."

We eat our pizzas in peace after that, deciding to watch a movie before going to bed. We're all tired from sitting in the sound all day, and tomorrow's going to be a busy day.

As I get into bed with Isabella that night, my skin feels like it's glowing.

"It was okay, right?" She asks me in the darkness after we've done our going-to-bed routines. We would set a speaker in the bathroom as we took turns showering and doing our skincare, before getting into bed. There are guest rooms she could sleep in, but she preferred feeling 'at a sleepover vacation'. I agreed.

"Was what okay?"

"Matteo being here."

My throat goes dry as flashbacks fill my brain. "Yes, it was alright. He's...fun."

"I'm happy you two are getting along."

I turn on my side to look at her. "Really? Why?"

"Because it's the first time one of my close friends actually liked him and didn't end up sleeping with him."

A feeling settles in my stomach, and I'm not sure whether it's guilt or sorrow.

"I used to get along with Allison before they began dating. And I also liked Ariana before she stopped being the person I knew."

I don't want to lie and tell her that I'd never sleep with him. "He's okay."

"Happy birthday!" she says out of a sudden, before showing me the screen of her phone. "You're twenty now!"

Capo d'Orlando, Sicily – July 22nd 2020

I wake up after Isabella the next morning, judging by the fact that she's not in my room. She's talking in Italian to someone downstairs, and I remember that Matteo is also here.

My morning routine goes on for longer than usual because I'm procrastinating on going downstairs.

Finally, I emerge in the kitchen after I got bored upstairs.

"I drank your coffee." Is what Matteo says when he sees me.

"Great, thanks." I sarcastically answer. I walk over to press the button on the machine.

"Happy birthdaaay." Isabella sings, coming in from the garden. "I made us birthday Mimosas."

The love I feel for her in this moment is the only confirmation I need for my 'should I ever even consider sleeping with Matteo or not' dilemma. I would never do anything to ever hurt or lose Isabella, so the decision not to do it is fine for me.

She looks at me making myself coffee and scoffs at Matteo. "I told you not to drink her coffee."

He shrugs and checks his phone. "Vinnie is landing in two hours. Asked if we wanted to pick them up at the airport."

"Sure."

He looks at me, eyes softening. "Happy birthday, Valentina."

Ninety minutes later I was still getting ready for the airport, and Isabella was already calling both of us downstairs.

"How come I'm the first one to be ready?" She yells from the bottom of the stairs.

"Un fottuto minuto!" Comes Matteo's voice from down the hall.

I'm not sure what he said, but I'm pretty sure he threw a swear word in there.

I set down the perfume and look at myself in the mirror one last time before I leave my room.

"Can you see what's taking him so long?" Isabella asks me when I'm about to take the first step down the stairs. "The driver is already outside."

"Sure."

I walk over to Adrik's room, which is wide open.

"What are you doing?" I ask when I step inside. Matteo is at the wall containing some of Adrik's photos. He's looking at a photo, and he seems to be ready to leave.

"This photo." He says, pointing to the wall. "It looks familiar."

I know it's a photo of Adrik and Aurora before I even see it.

"Why?"

"I feel like I've seen it before."

He turns his head to look at me. I watch his eyes go down to my body, then back up to meet mine.

The air in the room feels thick all of a sudden.

He smells good, which only makes things harder.

"You look good." He observes.

"I know." The words fly out of my mouth before I actually think about it. He smirks at that, eyes falling to my lips. I can tell that he knows exactly what he's doing, on purpose.

"What."

His right hand comes up to the back of my head, where he softly pulls at my hair, making my head tilt upwards.

My lips inch out towards his out of reflex, and he closes the gap so they can touch. He doesn't kiss me though.

Judging by the way his eyes sparkle and the way I can feel his lips bend up into a smile against mine, I realize he's taking the piss.

"Isabella's waiting." Is all he says against my lips before he lets go of my hair and takes a step back.

"Are you serious?" I ask, not moving from my spot.

He grins. "I never am." Then he walks out the door.

He just played with me, what the fuck.

I'm not sure whether I'm annoyed or horny, or both, but I compose myself before going downstairs.

The ride to the airport is silent and for some reason, I can't breathe.

I'm looking out at the scenery passing by so quickly I don't get to fully process it.

My legs are crossed so we can have enough space, meanwhile Matteo's sitting across from me, legs stretched out so mine are between his. Our knees bump against each other every time the car goes over a pothole, and every single time I feel it, the area he touches catch on fire.

Nobody seems to notice that the air is thick or that my throat is so dry it hurts.

He's already looking at me when my eyes wonder over to him.

His eyes move down to my crotch, then back at me.

I raise my brows and shake my head, silently and sarcastically asking him whether I can help him with something.

Matteo grins and nods. I roll my eyes and move my head so I can look back out the window, hoping that the airport is less than five minutes away.

"Okay, what's going on?" Isabella asks, and suddenly I'm back in the car, aware of where I am.

"What do you mean?"

Matteo looks at me. "I think she doesn't like the silence."

"Exactly! You're both holding Mimosas and no one's drinking or saying anything. Valentina, it's your birthday."

I raise my glass and they both bump theirs against it, saying 'salute' at the same time.

Thankfully, the landing strip is right around the corner and the Barone siblings are already there waiting. They're all dressed up for a party, and I instantly feel at ease.

Today is my birthday; it's supposed to be fun. And easy. And filled with memories.

I don't look at Matteo at all during the ride back to the house.

***

The rest of the people I invited show up around 8pm, and I'm already dressed. I'm wearing a black sundress with sneakers, because I'm not about to wear heels for no reason whatsoever.

The pool party is in full swing about an hour later, and I feel like I'm the only sober one. Isabella is already on her third Gin and Tonic, while I'm still trying to finish my first. She's talking about Vinnie as I look around the garden, feeling like I want to do something.

It's like every time I had some time to think, my mind would go to how we kissed, and it would make me want it more.

He's talking to Ariana by the pool now, and she has her hand on his arm. She's been laughing since she arrived, and Matteo is not that funny.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry, I'm not."

"Are you checking out Isaac?"

I look to where she's pointing, realizing that Isaac and Vinnie are sharing a joint right behind where Matteo and Ariana are.

"Uh, maybe."

"Is something wrong? Do you not feel comfortable?"

I shake my head. "No, it's not that."

"You've barely drunk anything. Usually, you're already four drinks in and have had a line or something."

"I'm fine. I just feel like...I don't know. Like I want to do something. My energy is all over the place."

"Do something? Like what?"

"I don't know."

"Or maybe do someone?"

She wiggles her eyebrows, and I know she's referring to Isaac.

"With Isaac? I don't know."

"You've already done it and it was fine. Plus, he wouldn't have come all the way from Russia for no reason."

"I don't know if I like him or not."

"You said the sex was great. And he's an easy choice if you feel horny."

"Hmm, maybe. I don't know. I guess I want something new."

"What about Matteo?"

I panic inside for a second. "What?"

"Matteo? I mean, isn't he also a potential, you know?"

My face contorts in confusion mixed with pretend disgust caused by the thought of it.

I'm overthinking again.

"I mean – wouldn't you mind?"

No idea why I asked that.

"Why would I mind?"

"You said that I'm your only close friend that has never slept with him."

"Yes, but then I thought about it this morning. You're my girl best friend and he's my boy best friend, and you would be the first girl he hooks up with that I actually like." She smirks.

Something weird happens in my body when I think of Matteo and me having sex. She looks like she's excited by the idea. Which makes me feel even guiltier about what has already happened and cannot be taken back.

My face turns to look in his direction. "He looks like he's interested in Ariana though."

"Oh, yeah, they had sex."

"When?"

"On his birthday, after everyone fell asleep."

He told me that everyone went to sleep that night, why would he lie to me? Or avoid the truth?

"They've been talking a lot actually; I think it might turn into something serious."

"Really? I can't imagine him like that."

She rolls her eyes. "Serious as in, they have sex, and he also enjoys her presence as a friend. Texting when it's not a booty call-" She pauses to look at me when I laugh at the word. "That's how they say it, isn't it?"

"You don't like Ariana then?" I ask her.

"Meh. She's okay at parties. Otherwise, I don't really care for her. I think she can be fake sometimes."

"Fake how?"

"I just don't trust her. She's too friendly."

I throw her a look. "Too friendly?"

"It feels forced sometimes. She's not usually friendly and fun, only when there's guys around."

"Oh, so she's a guys' girl."

She smirks. "Exactly. She reminds me too much of Allison, and I don't like that."

We both look in her direction again, but this time Matteo is looking at us.

"Shit, I think he's onto us." Isabella giggles as she waves him over.

He says something to Ariana before walking over.

"What are you gossiping about now?"

Isabella motions towards where Ariana is now texting on her phone.

"What about her?"

"What's the deal?"

He shrugs, throwing a look in my direction. "I don't know? She's...nice."

"Alright."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because I can't go through Allison 2.0."

"It's not like-"

"Yes, it's exactly like that. You had sex first before even getting to really know her and she's easy to talk to, and now she's all you know."

Matteo's eyes flicker to me just as Vinnie calls him over.

I down my drink to process the entire conversation with Isabella from start to finish.

"Another one?" She asks.

"Actually, let's do some shots."

It's a big house, but the music is still thumping through the walls when I arrive upstairs an hour later. I left Isabella to go and grab a jacket because it's getting cold. I'm way past tipsy now, and I kind of wish I had something to sober me up.

Matteo is just leaving Adrik's room, followed by Ariana.

"What's up?" He asks as soon as he sees me, sparing a glance in her direction.

"I'm going for a smoke." Ariana tells him before walking towards the stairs, not even acknowledging my existence.

My head softly starts moving to the beat as we look at each other, neither of us saying anything.

I realize that we're alone for the first time since the party started.

He's the first one to break the silence. "Do you want a line?"

"Do you have?"

"Yes, Vinnie brought it."

"Sure."

We walk into Adrik's room, and I shut the door behind me while he walks over to the table. I notice that Adrik's red LED lights on the ceiling are turned on.

I take a seat on the edge of the bed, watching him as he takes a plate out of the drawer and places it on the desk. I feel the impulse to ask what he was doing with Ariana since the lights are on, but I cough and try to focus on what he's doing.

Matteo turns his head to look at me. "Are you having fun?"

His question pulls me back to reality. "Yeah, I am."

"You don't look like it."

I scoff at him. "I am."

"Okay." I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he's done with the conversation.

He comes over to sit on the bed, holding out the plate in front of my face. I take the rolled-up bill he's holding.

There are two highway-sized lines there, so I look at him incredulously.

"What?"

"I've never seen lines like these."

Matteo motions to the plate, so I do the line in one swift motion. He looks surprised for a second, then takes his turn. Once he's done, he settles the plate on the desk and sits back down next to me.

The room is so silent that I can hear the music from outside through the open window.

"I need a drink." I say, then order my legs to help me stand up.

"It's on the desk."

Right. I brough my glass upstairs.

"I came up to get a jacket." I remind myself.

"I'll wait here."

After taking a jacket out of my dressing room, I go back to my brother's room.

Matteo is still on the bed, but looks up from his phone when he hears me come in. He checks me out again, then pockets his phone and stands up.

Neither of us says anything, and I'm currently thinking about him and Ariana having sex, wondering why he didn't mention it to me when I asked.

"When I asked about your birthday, you didn't tell me about Ariana."

"You asked me if we did anything interesting."

I roll my eyes at his answer, even though he sounds genuine. "You don't find that interesting enough?"

"I didn't lie to you."

"I wasn't accusing you of lying. I was just wondering why you didn't mention it to me.

"Because I thought it wouldn't be interesting to you."

"Alright." I decide to take his word for it. "Let's go."

He nods and hides the plate in the drawer of Adrik's desk. I wait for him by the door as I shut off the lights, which leaves the room dark red. I turn around to leave once he's close enough.

His hand suddenly grips into my wrist, turning me around.

"Does it bother you?" he asks.

"Does what bother me?"

"Me fucking her."

I can't contain my laugh. "Why would it bother me?"

"I don't know."

"Should it bother me?"

"No."

"Okay then."

His hand quickly moves from my wrist up to the left side of my face, pulling me in towards him. My instincts take over without thinking about it, and I kiss him back.

His body presses against mine, blocking me against the doorframe.

Matteo's other hand moves between my legs, his cold fingers making my inner thighs tremble.

"Let's not." I breathe out against his lips, right hand coming to the back of his neck. My body isn't cooperating because it wants to feel more.

He whines. "Why not?"

"Because it's weird."

I kiss back, still gripping into his shoulders.

"Why is it weird?" It's dark but I can see his features, and he looks a little sad and disappointed.

I shrug. "There are people here, you're Isabella's best friend, and we shouldn't be touching like this in the first place."

"You don't like it?"

One of his fingers slips into my underwear, catching me off-guard and making me moan in surprise. I look up at him.

"Of course I enjoy it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I just told you."

Someone calls my name from downstairs, which sets off alarm bells in my mind. Apparently, in his too, because his hand pulls back immediately.

Vinnie is at the top of the stairs when Matteo and I walk over to him. He looks at me first, then at Matteo, then back at me. "We're about to light another one, and Isabella told me to come find you."

"Yeah, I'm coming."

Matteo mumbles something under his breath that sounds a lot like 'not yet'. I pretend not to hear him as I follow Vinnie down the stairs.

Matteo pats me on the shoulder before bringing the finger that was inside me to his mouth, licking it.

I flip him off and hurry down the stairs, hoping Vinnie didn't notice anything suspicious.

Capo d'Orlando, Sicily – July 23rd, 2020

Everyone sang happy birthday to me at midnight, even though it's more symbolic rather than factually accurate, making me uncomfortable but happy.

We did some shots after, then Isaac tried to flirt with me for what seemed like forever before Isabella finally saved me and brought me out by the pool half an hour later.

Matteo and Vinnie are in their own world, talking on the other side of the pool.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

We've been people watching for the past twenty minutes since we sat down.

"I don't know, what do boys even talk about all day?"

"No clue. And I have a brother at home."

"They seem to have a very interesting discussion. Matteo looks serious, like he's scared even."

"How can you even tell?"

"I know him."

He turns his head, as if he could feel we were talking about him. We make eye contact before he turns back to Vinnie.

"Something's off with him." Isabella notices.

"You think?"

"He's hiding something. I think it's about Ariana."

The two of them start walking in our direction, and he looks over at Ariana, smirking. I avert my eyes.

I know I'm supposed to be leaving tomorrow (my mother asked me to be home after my birthday – that was the deal), and the thought makes me sad.

The night becomes in a blur, and after a few more shots everything goes blank.

Isabella wakes me up the next day, telling me that my driver is downstairs, waiting to take Isaac and I to the airport.

Capo d'Orlando, Sicily – July 23rd, 2020

Four hours in and I still can't sleep during my flight back. Isaac fell asleep as soon as we took off, but I'm just staring into darkness.

When the sun comes up on the horizon over the clouds, time and space stop feeling real. I don't know how long I actually look out the window, but the next thing I feel is the plane wheels coming in contact with the ground.

As I step outside and down the stairs into a very rainy and cold Moscow, I suddenly get overwhelmed. Someone laughs behind me, and I turn around to see Isaac talking to the pilot.

I still feel out of place when we climb into the van and greet our family driver. I get the urge to cry, but I'm not sad. It's the lack of sleep and the thought of the upcoming jetlag.

Or maybe it's not.

Maybe I've gotten so used to being around him for three days non-stop, that it's weird not feeling his energy anymore.

It's weird but it's not. I just don't know how to describe it.

Not sad.

Just...empty.

Somehow.

Valentina

Chapter 32

Moscow, Russia – August 25th, 2020

A month has passed since I was in Italy for my birthday, and time seems to be infinite. I miss that energy so much that I've started listening to ABBA and watching foreign movies taking place during the summer.

Our courses start again in October, but I have no idea whether they'll be online or in person. Sometimes I find myself hoping they would happen in person, because I feel like I need to be in my own space, doing my own thing.

Spending time at home with my parents is nice, because I don't have to focus on surviving. But it gets tiring after the third time my mother tells me to pick up my clothes or not eat food in the bed. I need to be on my own again, and I also miss my friends.

"Are you listening to ABBA?" My mother asks, stepping inside my room with a shocked/excited look on her face.

Oh, and she also comes in whenever she feels like it.

"Yes, I like their songs."

She used to play it all the time when we were growing up, in the car or at parties I got to witness as a child.

"Are you in love?"

The question makes me laugh somehow. "What? Who would I be in love with?" It's unexpected.

She smiles and nods. "I see."

I groan. "You see what exactly?!"

"Nothing."

"Can I help you with something?" I sarcastically asks, making her roll her eyes and smile.

"You need to pack; we're going to Italy for your father's 45th birthday."

"Since when?"

The information brings a weird feeling with it. I don't know whether it's happiness or anxiety.

"Since he decided yesterday. A friend of his is playing in the opera and he wants to see it."

"Dad doesn't even like opera."

"But his friend does."

"Who's the friend?"

"A family friend. You don't know him."

"Who else is coming?"

"The immediate family."

"So, Boris is coming too?"

"Yes. And Romeo."

"Alright."

I like Romeo, and I don't like Boris, so I guess it evens out.

"Pack lightly. We won't stay longer than three nights."

"Yeah yeah."

I text Isabella about me going to Italy before my mom even leaves the room.

***

Capo d'Orlando, Sicily – August 27th, 2020

My father's 45th birthday is a bigger deal than I expected it to be. Both of the guest rooms are filled (by Boris and Romeo), and there are people downstairs who are waiting for the pre-drinks to finish.

It's mostly people from Russia; some I recognize from former events, and then Aleksi, Raisa, and their mother.

"Raisa has a boyfriend now." My mother tells me when it's just the two of us outside with Adrik, waiting for the last town car to arrive. "He's from New York."

Why is she telling me this like I should care?

"I thought he was from South Korea." I answer, catching Adrik silently laughing.

"They broke up. This one studies Law."

"Alright? Why are you even telling me this? Please don't go all Boris on me."

"I'm just saying, she's happy with her choices."

"And I'm not?"

"What choices?" Adrik laughs, but I agree with him.

"Exactly."

The car pulls up in the driveway as dad's car leaves, but the conversation stays with me a long time after that.

The opera is in a nearby town, so the ride is longer than I'd like but we get there eventually.

There are a lot of people there, and we cut the line because Boris talks to someone at the entrance, who leads us all the way up to our seats on the first floor. They're box seats, which are basically balconies overlooking the entire atheneum.

I've never been in such a giant theatre, opera, or whatever it's called.

I get the seat between Adrik and Romeo, thankfully not next to my mom. She looked like she wanted to continue the conversation when we entered the balcony.

I don't focus on the show, not really, but the music is okay, and I can kind of understand what story they're telling in Italian.

Romeo stands up to clap along as the soprano is about to finish the last song, looking as happy as I've ever seen him. I stand as well and he leans over to me then. "Let's go before everyone starts to leave."

"Alright."

He coughs up blood, all over my face and chest.

Before I can even process what's happening, I see a bullet enter the left side of his temple in a split of a second.

My mother is the first one to start screaming, followed by Valerya and Raisa. Within seconds, everyone around us is screaming and panicking as Romeo falls into me. My arms feel numb when I try to hold him up. I can see that I'm holding him, but I don't feel like I'm holding him.

I look around to where the bullet came from, still not moving from my spot. I'm paralyzed by fear and the possibility of the next shot taking me out. There's a reflective flicker of light coming from the technical room right above the stage.

The light goes out then and Romeo drops to the floor, head turning weirdly against the edge of his seat. Blood is gushing out of his temple now, and I can see parts of his brain on the floor and on my shoes.

My mother yells at me as she grabs my arm, but her voice feels like it's coming from somewhere far away.

There's a ringing sound in my ears – I get them sometimes, randomly, but it's never been this loud.

As I stare down at my hands, the reality of what has just happened slowly enters my consciousness. The blood tastes exactly like I expected it to. My hands shake, and I realize it's my mother violently pulling at my arm.

"We need to leave now, Valentina, for fuck's sake!"

I look down at Romeo, whose eyes are open as he blankly looks at my ankles. There's no trace of life in them.

In the midst of people running and screaming and pushing each other to flee towards the exit, my father is talking at Boris.

I look down at Romeo again as my mother physically forces me to follow her.

What did you do Romeo?

It's only when I'm in the car with my family that I start to have thoughts again.

The first thing I notice is that it's a bulletproof van now, unlike the one we had arrived in.

The second thing I notice is that my father, Boris, and I are the only ones who have not once panicked since Romeo got killed right in front of us.

---

The last chapter of this story will be up by the end of the week (hopefully)!

Let me know what you think :) 

xoxo,

Ronnie