Valentina

Chapter 27

Moscow, Russia - June 23rd, 2020

The weeks after I came back from Sicily went by in a haze. I spent them mostly watching movies and eating snacks, which led me wondering whether I was bordering on being depressed. Every day seemed to be exactly like the one before and sharing the same space with my family for days on end turned very toxic very quick.

By the middle of June, Russia came back to pre-lockdown levels, which also meant that my social life had a dramatic increase. Not only did I have Raisa calling me almost daily to go out and do something 'fun', as well as Isaac asking me when I was free 'to hang', but I also had my parents drag Adrik and I to business meetings and formal lunches.

My mother had commented that I had gained a little weight at some point during one of those lunches, which triggered my memories of being an insecure teenager with an undiagnosed eating disorder.

Every time I come back to my hometown and spend some time with my parents, I come to the realization that the experience is bittersweet. I saw a post that said 'your parents' house has everything you need but peace', which rang deep into my bones.

Then I end up feeling ungrateful and end up hating myself a little bit more.

It's Adrik's birthday today, which brings us to our uncle Boris' house on the outskirts of Moscow. I've always thought it's more of a palace rather than a home, because it is way too enormous for a single man like my uncle to live in alone.

We used to spend Christmas at his house when I was younger and we were still living in our apartment in the city.

I never knew how 'formal' that Christmas experience was until we started spending it at our own home, just the four of us.

I'm wearing a white and red polka dot dress my mother asked me to wear (apparently my uncle Boris bought it for me as a gift last Christmas).

The driveway is immense, always filled with cars parked around the fountain in the middle. A large stone staircase with koi ponds on either side leads up to the wooden door that always creeks. The main entry of the house is held up by tall marble columns that sport the Russian flag, which has always looked very conservative and outdated to me.

I'm wearing heels, so I walk slower than usual, trailing behind my family as we go up the steps in silence.

Two valets greet us in the foyer and take our coats before they show us the way to the dining room, even though we've been here before.

The table is long enough to sit twenty people, but there aren't even that many here. I can see Aleksi and his mother talking in hushed tones on one side, and my uncle sitting on across from them. He's sipping his whiskey and scrolling on his phone, mumbling something to himself as he does so. There are a few men and women I don't know and who I bet Adrik doesn't know either, yet they're here for some reason.

I instantly notice that Raisa isn't here. I didn't think to ask her because I just assumed she would show up like she always has.

The first course is served, and after two glasses of wine, the function becomes more fun.

I actually enjoy talking to my mother about the books we've been reading, after all the men at the table excused themselves to 'go talk in private'.

"Are you having fun?" I ask Adrik after noticing that he's spent most of his time on his phone. I bet he's talking to Aurora.

He looks up at me and throws me an annoyed smile. "What do you think?"

"Be nice." Our mother hisses. "Boris invited us here."

"But it's my birthday." Adrik notes. Mom shoots him a warning look, which causes him to roll his eyes and return to his phone.

Half an hour later, the men return into the room and only dad and Boris sit down. The rest say their goodbyes and leave.

"Raisa isn't here." My mother observes, making conversation with Valerya. Valerya is Raisa and Adrik's mother, a tall woman with green eyes and black hair. She looks exactly like I would imagine Raisa looking in thirty years. She's always been very quiet and elegant, keeping to herself and choosing to follow her late husband's lead. I've always thought of her as the epitome of elegance and calmness.

My ears perk up at the sound of her name. "Where is she?" I ask, genuinely interested.

"She's in Mallorca."

My eyes widen. "With whom?"

"With a guy she met."

"When?!"

When did she even have time to meet someone new? I feel like I've been inside for the past few years (even though it's only been a couple of months), and she's already out there travelling with a guy?

"A few months ago, while she was at dinner."

A few months ago was lockdown, so the guy must be rich enough to make her leave the house.

"Who is he?"

"Some guy from South Korea, who's doing an Erasmus semester in Moscow. His parents have a few mobile communications companies in Asia." Her mother explains, eyes sparkling.

I don't know why it bothers me, but the fact that Raisa didn't tell me makes me wonder why.

"Do you have anyone, Valentina?"

I knew the question would come at some point during the evening. It always comes up at any family event.

"No, I don't." I cough. "There's no one who interests me right now."

My uncle throws me a look and so does Adrik.

"What?"

"What do you mean, no one interests you? What does that even mean?"

"It means I want someone I like, someone...exactly how I like it."

"Do you really think you should have such high standards and expectations?"

I make a face. "And why the hell not?"

"Valentina." my mother gasps, not expecting my outburst.

"There aren't many people to choose from, and the older you get the harder it will be to find someone."

I roll my eyes. "There are literally billions of people on the planet."

"Not in our tax bracket and social class."

His face doesn't move.

"So? Who says I can't date or marry someone who doesn't have as much money as I do?"

"You won't."

"But what if I will?"

"Where would you meet someone like that? At your private school? At your vacation home in Italy?" He spits the last word like Italy is a place he'd never go to. I'm not sure if he ever has, actually. He's always been very vocal and open when it came to his strong opinions about the rest of Europe, especially Italians.

"I'm just saying. If I fall in love with someone who doesn't have as much money as I do, then I'm not going to care about what anyone has to say."

He chuckles in a very patronizing way that makes my blood boil.

"First, you don't have any money. Second, get back to me when that happens."

An awkward silence settles in the room as I shift in my seat, avoiding the stares from my parents. It's been a long time since I've gotten into a 'debate' with my uncle. Usually, he'll say something racist or sexist, but he's never commented on anything related to me before.

My father stands up and raises his glass. "Let's toast to those who couldn't be with us today." Everyone follows him, including my uncle who mumbles as he stands up. "To Volkov and Raisa."

Valerya places a hand on her chest and thanks him.

"Biggest lie ever told." My uncle mumbles as he takes a long sip from his glass.

"What?" Aleksi asks, the first words he's spoken in the past two hours.

"He's drunk." My father interjects, but Aleksi and I both heard him right.

"What do you think? That he got in an accident last year? At night, on an empty road? Where the cameras happened to not be working?" my uncle laughs.

Aleksi and I exchange looks. I get a bad feeling in my stomach and I'm not sure whether it's showing on my face, but Aleksi continues anyway.

"What else could have happened? That's what we were told."

"Someone killed him." My uncle says without even blinking.

"Oh my God." Valerya cries.

"I think that's enough." My dad says and walks over to Boris, reaching for his glass.

Why doesn't he look as shocked and worried as everyone else in the room?

"What does he mean?!" Aleksi asks, voice getting louder. He's nearly screaming now, even though I've never seen him as anything but calm.

Boris and I make eye contact from across the table, where my dad is holding him back.

"Open your eyes, Valentina."

I frown. "What?" Okay, he's way past drunk now.

"You've played stupid for a long time now." He adds, but then my dad manhandles him out of the room, saying something I can't hear.

I look at my mom, who looks worried. Not about what Boris said, but for my dad.

"What was that about?" I ask her.

She composes herself and shoots me an innocent look. "Oh, nothing. Come on sit down, finish your drink, and let's go home."

***

Moscow, Russia - June 26th 2020

"I think I might be going insane."

The rustling in the background lets me know that Isabella is turning around on the other side of her bed for the hundredth time. The video call has been going on for over two hours now, and neither of us has said anything for the past half hour.

I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed, doodling in a blank notebook that I bought ages ago just because it looked nice but never used.

"Why?"

"I'm bored out of my mind."

"How could you be bored? You're next to a beach."

"Ugh, but it's not like that, really. Everyone lives outside of town and the boys have their own thing going on anyway. Who am I supposed to go out with? Pia? We're not even allowed to go out, there's police going up and down the street."

"Why don't you just join the boys?"

"They're either playing video games or going out having sex with girls from Tinder."

This catches my attention for some reason. "What?"

I look at the screen now. Only half of her face squished against a pillow is showing, but she still looks good.

"Yes. They talk to girls on Tinder and then go out somewhere and they have sex."

"How? Where?" It's the most interesting thing I've heard in weeks. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't think you'd enjoy the tea."

"I always do!" I whine. "I've read like, four books in the past few weeks. I need real life entertainment, not just my imagination."

I don't tell her that I had another dream about Matteo after Adrik's birthday fiasco. I haven't even told her about the first one, and it feels weird to keep things from her.

He was pressing me up against a wall, and his hands were in my hair, keeping my head back. I don't remember what I told him, but I remember him kissing me. I remember how good the kiss felt and how he kissed exactly the way I liked it.

"Well, Vinnie has been seeing this one girl he met for the first time a month ago, and Matteo has had two? Or maybe it was three dates? He only had sex with one of them though, he's weird."

"How is he weird?"

"I don't know. I think there's something weighing him down."

"Like what?"

I can see her shrug. "Maybe something with his dad, I guess? He was acting weird today at his grandmother's birthday."

"My birthday is on the 22nd." I tell her, wanting to change the subject.

"We should do something in Italy."

"I could come and spend time at our vacation house in Capo."

Her face lights up. "Yeeees and we could spend a week there just existing."

I instantly feel happier, but then it fades out when I think about having to ask my parents for permission.

"I'll ask my parents. Getting them to agree is the hard part."

"Let me know, and then I'll see how I'll get to you. It's also Matteo's birthday next week, so we can go to Palermo then!"

"When is his birthday?"

I remember knowing this at some point.

"The seventh."

There's a long pause in which both of us think of completely unrelated things.

"So...you'll talk to your parents and let me know?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"I'm going to go shower and get into bed." She says and we say goodnight before she hangs up. I watch the screen for a moment, my mind already in the future. I check the time.

10:55pm

My mom's voice is coming from down the hall, and she sounds happy, so I take it as my cue to go and ask her about Sicily.

I open my door to find her at the top of the stairs, talking to someone on the phone.

'Can I talk to you?' I mouth.

She shushes me with her hand, then giggles into the phone. Okay, she's drunk. Who is she even talking to?

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. Yeah, goodnight." She says and takes the phone away from her ear. "Is everything okay?"

She's back to being worried mom now.

"Yeah, I wanted to ask you about my birthday."

"Come talk to me." She says and starts walking towards the master bedroom.

My parent's room is at the other end of the hallway, and it opens into my dad's office, which also has a separate door for 'the public'. When I was younger, I would sometimes see people sitting in the armchairs by the door, waiting to go in and talk to him.

I watch her walk over into the ensuite bathroom, stopping by her sink to take off her makeup. She looks happy and a little too smiley from the drinks but seeing her like this makes me warm inside.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I want to do something for my birthday."

Our eyes meet in the mirror. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to go to Sicily and stay at our house in July. Like a birthday month. And before you say no, I'm going to go insane if I must stay inside for one more day. I will just go and detox and read and lay in the sun and talk to no one." I ramble, not wanting to give her a window to say no.

"You know there's a global pandemic happening, right?"

I sigh. "Yes."

"And you know I can't possibly believe that you're going to Sicily and won't see a single person there."

"Who would I even see?"

"Isn't your friend Isabella from Palermo?"

Oh, right. I forgot I told her about my friends. Well, not all of them; I left some of them out (Matteo, mainly).

Amusement sneaks on her face when she sees I have nothing to say for myself.

"Please, as a birthday gift."

"I'm not even sure you can travel."

"I know I can. Dad does too."

"But your father-"

"Has more important things, yeah yeah. Pleeease? I won't ask for anything ever again."

She scoffs at that.

The moment I hear her sigh though, relief washes over me. She caved.

"Fine. But you're only going if you won't leave the house." She sternly says then starts taking off her clothes.

I go to hug and kiss her, thanking her for letting me go. I don't tell her that she's also partly the reason I want to leave for a while and get some peace of mind.

"When do you plan on leaving?" She asks me as I'm on my way out.

"I was thinking in a week on Friday. Or wait, no. The 2nd. I think that's a Wednesday."

"Fine. But you also have to ask for your dad's permission."

I nod and blow her a kiss before happily going back to my room.

"Why are you so happy about?" Adrik startles me.

He's leaning against the wall with his phone in his hand.

"I'm going to Italy next week."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Why?"

"For my birthday. I need the beach and the sea. Aren't you bored here?"

Adrik just shrugs.

"Do you want to come with?"

He makes a face. "Why would I want to come with?"

"I don't know. Just thought I'd ask."

"I'm fine here." Is all he says before he pushes himself off the wall and walks to his room.

A few seconds later I'm already on the beach in my head. Only a few more days, then I'll be on sitting on an actual beach in Italy with a drink in my hand.

Valentina

Chapter 28

Capo d'Orlando, Italy - July 2nd 2020

I landed in Italy last night, at the same landing strip we used last summer to go to Taormina. My mood shifted as soon as I stepped foot on Italian ground. It was like I wasn't Valentina Levin anymore; I was just someone going to their favourite place.

It didn't feel like home, but it was definitely the only place where I could just be.

Isabella came over this morning and settled into the first guestroom across the hall from my room, excitedly listing all the things we could do: reading on the beach, ordering in and eating our faces off, finding underground clubs or raves etc. When I asked her what she wanted to do today, she just said 'beach'.

Now here we are, sitting on the lounge chairs on the beach in front of the house, reading our books and enjoying the sun. We're on a mission to get tan before Matteo's birthday, so we're pretending like we're not melting under its rays.

"Should I ask around about raves?" She asks out of a sudden.

"I mean, are there any here?"

I feel like I need a party where I can just go have fun, let loose and maybe kiss a cute guy or three. At this point, I've forgotten what fun even is, not to mention that even the thought of being around people again gives me a weird feeling. Like I'm uncomfortable. I've gotten used to being by myself in my own energy, without anyone disturbing it.

Even being with Isabella is different; I feel like she's changed since the last time I saw her. She's gotten skinnier, and she's obviously avoiding talking about Vinnie. Maybe it's just in my head.

"Ugh, wait." She says.

I hear some rustling coming from her phone, then a familiar voice saying 'che fai'.

"I'm on the beach." She says in English.

"Con chi stai?"

"Valentina." She answers and turns the camera towards me. I wave at Matteo then look back at my book.

"Hi. Listen, I need your help with my birthday party."

Isabella chuckles. "Meaning what?"

"Meaning, I just can't focus on it right now, but I wanna do something, and you always have the best ideas."

"You love kissing my ass."

"I will literally do it if you want me to. Just help me."

"Fine. Who do you want to invite? Just send me a list."

"And I want a yacht."

I see Isabella rolling her eyes under her sunglasses. "A small one. Matteo, you cannot drive a boat."

This makes me laugh. "Do you actually want to drive a boat?"

"Can you help me or not? Please?" He whines on the other end, completely ignoring my question.

"Fiiiine. I guess we can-"

"We can go from Palermo to Taormina and spend the night at our house." Matteo interrupts her, and I can hear the excitement in his voice.

"You give me the invite list, first of all. And second of all, everyone needs to be tested before coming. I'm not fucking around with my health."

"You're on a beach with another person, from a different country."

"And you want to organize a party."

There's a sigh on the other end. "I'll take care of sending tests before the party."

"Good. Send me the list."

"Thank you, you're the best! Mwah!" He says, making a kissy noise.

"Byeee." She turns to look at me over her sunglasses after ending the call. "You're coming."

"Am I even invited?"

She scoffs like I've just insulted her.

"I mean, I don't want to intrude on a small-"

"Since when do you care?!"

"I don't know-"

She raises her hand to stop me from explaining myself further.

"It's Matteo. He'll invite you."

An hour or so later, she gets a text.

"See?"

She pushes her phone in my face. It's a screenshot of a list of names, and I spot mine in the middle.

"I told you he'd invite you."

My brain tells me that he invited me just because I was there when he talked to Isabella, but I just smile. I wanted a party, and now I have one.

Palermo, Sicily - July 7th 2020

I woke up at seven in the morning so we could arrive at Matteo's house in Palermo before he woke up. Isabella had arranged a private driver to take us from my house to his, but that didn't help my mood. The fact that I didn't even get the chance to have a coffee and smoke a cigarette before we left made me irritable and cranky.

We arrive in front of his house a little past eleven, and I'm glad I know the place because I know exactly where to find the coffee machine.

The Barone kids and Ariana are already in the kitchen. We greet each other and I ask whether anyone would like some coffee. Isabella and Ariana nod, and then Vinnie comes over and asks me if I want a drink.

"After I have my coffee and cigarette." I mumble, feeling bad that my mood doesn't match his.

"Do you like Aperol?"

"Sure." I say and manage to give him a smile.

I take my cup once it's ready and go outside to the terrace overlooking the sea. Vinnie joins me a few minutes later, right as I'm about to light my cigarette.

He's holding two Aperols and watches me alternate between the cigarette and the coffee.

"You're in a bad mood." He observes, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"Not for long."

We make small talk while we take sips of our drinks, and he tells me how he started going out despite the restrictions a few weeks ago. He leaves out the part about the girl from Tinder and asks me if I've heard from Sofia instead.

I make a confused face. "I'm not even friends with her, so no."

"Nobody's heard from her in weeks, maybe even months. Her mother told me she went to visit some relatives up north, but I'm not sure whether that's true. And she hasn't been answering me either for the past couple of weeks."

I can see he's stressed about it, worried even, but it's normal to care.

"Has she done this before? When you were broken up or had a fight?"

Vinnie shakes his head. "No, never. And her mother loves me, I used to talk to her when Sofia wouldn't talk to me."

We hear raised voices from inside, and I know Matteo must've come downstairs. I feel my heart beating through my entire chest for some reason, and I wonder whether it's just the coffee kicking in.

"I think Matteo's up." Vinnie says, changing the subject.

We put our cigarettes out and I follow him to the door.

"Happy birthday you little weasel." Vinnie laughs and walks in front of me to hug Matteo.

Our eyes meet over Vinnie's shoulder as they hug. He's wearing shorts that show off his leg tattoos and a white shirt. Objectively, he looks good.

"I see you've already started." He jokes and points to my drink.

I'm happy to see him. "It's your birthday, isn't it?"

I hug him too and wish him happy birthday. He smells really good, like he just got out of the shower. The tips of his hair are still wet, and I notice a tattoo under his ear that I hadn't seen before.

"Thanks."

We pull away and I step back before I even think about how close we are.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Isabella asks him.

Matteo looks down at himself. "What's wrong with my fit?"

"Everybody's dressed for a party." Ariana says.

"So? When I have fun I like being comfortable, I don't care about looking good."

He goes over to the coffee machine and that's when everyone switches the subject. At some point he goes upstairs, only to emerge with a smile on his face, saying he's ready to go. I double check that I haven't left my cigarettes outside before I follow the group out the door.

We set off towards Taormina around four. The boat is a nice cream-colored motor yacht with two decks and warm lights.

Isabella and I settle on a couple of lounge chairs, and I toe off my sneakers so I can tan my feet.

Ariana brings over a jug of Sangria and sits down on the empty chair next to us. She looks out onto the front deck, where the boys are getting undressed.

I realize now that I should've thought about bringing a swimsuit. Isabella and I exchange looks, then turn our head back to the boys.

I imagine she must be watching him, since she's put her sunglasses on to be less obvious.

My eyes trail over to Matteo, who's already in his blue trunks, laughing at something Marco has just said. The tattoo on his chest glistens in the sun, and he runs his fingers over it.

Our eyes meet across the deck and I panic for a second, like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't have.

He smirks at me and I turn my head, only to see Ariana waving at him. I realize then that I wasn't the one he was looking at.

The boat stops at some point, and I spend the next hour trying to avoid looking over at the guys. They're jumping in the water, screaming and laughing amongst themselves.

Their voices echo through the air, and I get a sense of contentment watching them. I'm happy for them, or maybe I'm happy just for being here. I don't remember the last time feeling this content.

Maybe the last time I was in Italy.

***

It's already dark outside, and the mood has shifted since we've smoked a few joints and the lights on the upper deck have been turned on. We're supposed to be in Taormina in less than two hours, and I can't find my other pack of cigarettes.

My semi-drunk self needs to chain-smoke while talking to the girls on the couch. A laughter catches my attention and I look over to where the guys are sat around a table.

Of course.

"Has anybody seen my cigarettes?" I ask, walking over to their table. They've been playing poker for nearly an hour, and I've been looking everywhere for the past fifteen minutes.

I immediately spot the pack of Golds on the table.

"What do you smoke?" Vinnie asks me.

"Marlboro Gold."

"That's mine." Matteo immediately says and points to the pack.

"Since when?"

"Since I got it yesterday."

"You smoke the Red ones."

"They don't sell them at the corner store anymore."

I roll my eyes and extend my hand. "I'll have my pack now."

"When did you lose it?" He asks, pretending not to have heard me.

"An hour ago."

"I've been at this table for- well, okay, for less than an hour. But this is mine."

He grins at me like he usually does when he's trying to be smarter than me, which instantly annoys me.

"Are you serious? It's mine."

Matteo shakes his head, remaining calm. "No, it's not."

Isabella speaks up from her spot on the couch. "Does it matter? I have an extra one, you can have it, Valle."

"We're bored, let's play a game." Ariana whines. For some reason, she's annoyed me today as well.

Matteo and I make eye contact. I can't help but roll my eyes once more before walking over to Isabella.

"We're already playing a game." Vinnie says. When he sees Isabella won't budge, he sighs. "Fine. Let's play something."

"It's my birthday, we should play something I want to play."

The boys walk over to us and Matteo sits down to my left.

"What do you want to play then?" I ask, having had enough of his attitude.

Of course, he shrugs. "How about the game we played last time?"

After a few challenges in a row, Matteo complains. "Why is it so boring?"

Two more dares after, he groans again.

I don't hold back this time. "Maybe you should play the game of buying your own cigarettes and shutting up."

"Maybe you should remember when you finish your-"

"Can we not?" Isabella says, then looks down at her phone. "There's a dare for you Matteo. You have to down your drink or kiss the player to your right."

It takes me one second to realize that I am on his right because he's on my left. He dumbly looks at Eddie.

"That's your left." I tell him, almost laughing.

I lean in closer, still not over the fact that all he's been doing since he got here is complain.

There's no way he'll do it. Or maybe he will? Him saying no would be a little embarrassing for me.

He leans in closer as well, which makes me follow his lead, not wanting to seem insecure.

Pull away.

My mind goes back to the cigarettes and I smile without thinking. The fact that we're closer than we've ever been before doesn't faze me.

We've been this close before

"Well? Are you asking yourself how to lie about the cigarettes right now?"

Isabella throws her hands up in a desperate manner. "Oh, I can't take this anymore."

I know what she's about to do before she actually does it.

Our lips meet halfway, and I get an instant déjà vu. Suddenly, I want to continue the kiss, and I feel that switch going off in my head, turning to a setting I didn't even know existed.

Isabella pulls her hand away and Matteo slips backwards making her laugh. "Was that so hard?"

"More than it looked." Matteo jokes.

Isabella continues. "Matteo, who is more likely to end up drunk in a ditch? Vinnie or Eddie?"

Matteo doesn't seem to hear her. He looks like he's somewhere else, thinking about something that has nothing to do with Isabella's question.

She steps closer to him when he doesn't respond. "Matteo? Are you even paying attention?!"

"What?"

"Are you incapable of just doing a simple task?" She groans, tapping on the screen to skip the question.

I see him looking at me and I understand now that he was probably thinking about the kiss. It doesn't even count as an actual kiss; it's like we're in fifth grade, playing truth or dare for pecks.

I spend the rest of the game looking anywhere else but at his actual face. I catch him turning looking at me a few times, but I convince myself that it's just in my head. After all, the reason I am so caught up in the kiss is because I haven't come into contact with a guy who wasn't family in months.

The kiss wasn't even that good, anyway.

Taormina, Sicily – July 8th 2020

We arrive at Matteo's house a little before midnight. Their dock is small and dimly lit, made from a stone that looks ancient.

The boat is slowly reversing as we emerge down the stairs, waiting to disembark. I'm way past tipsy now, and I'm not sure whether I'm more drunk or stoned.

"Let's continue this in my room!" Vinnie suggests and everyone cheers.

On my way to the lower deck, I realize I forgot my phone charger, so turn around to go back upstairs. I let Matteo and Marco slip past me before I quickly climb the last steps.

It's not on the table nor by the bar, but I find it squished between some cushions on the couch.

I realize how eerie the place is as I slowly walk down the stairs, trying not to trip. Even though it's dark and I can barely see because there's a strange fog hanging low in the air. And the silence. The silence is the worst part.

I see Matteo waiting by the stairs on the lower deck, but he appears to look right through me as I come down.

The lights on the yacht have been shut off and everyone but the two of us has already offboarded.

I can hear the others chatting as they walk up the steps leading through the trees and up to the house.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asks me as I walk down the last couple of steps. His voice is tense, and for some reason it rubs me the wrong way.

"No. I was looking for your pack." I sarcastically say, just to provoke him.

"I don't know what you want to hear from me." Matteo sighs, his Italian accent getting heavier, like it always does when he's trying to dramatically articulate himself. He looks stressed, like he needs a break from life.

I immediately soften. "I was just joking."

It's the first time we've ever had to put a disclaimer to our little unspoken 'let's see how far you can take it' game (or whatever it is that we're doing).

He huffs, looking annoyed that I felt the need to explain myself.

It makes him look like he can't keep up.

We stand there at the bottom of the stairs, looking at each other, neither of us saying anything.

I look down at his lips just in time to see his tongue move across them. An earthy feeling settles into the pit of my stomach, and I realise that I am incredibly attracted to him right now.

I don't know who gives in first, but our mouths collide before our bodies even touch. His lips taste more like Tequila now and his mouth is warm. One of his hands comes up to the back of my neck, hot against my skin.

Matteo pulls me closer to him, and our bodies are touching all over for the first time. His smell is everywhere, filling up my senses and turning me on. Our tongues seem to be working in sync, like we already know what to do.

Everything else around me fades to black as I focus on how kissing him feels. He's the best kisser out of everyone I've ever kissed, because it's like he already knows exactly how I want to be kissed. He kisses with just the right balance between rough and slow, deep and gentle.

I sigh into his mouth again, pushing my lower body up against his by instinct. He bends down a little and I throw one of my arms over his shoulders when his hands come down to grip into my hips.

He walks me backwards until my back hits the wall. The collision puts pressure on his body against mine, making me tremble at the friction.

We keep kissing for I don't know how long, Matteo's cold hand pressing against my neck right under my earlobe to keep me in place.

A scream of laughter comes from somewhere above us, and it's enough to break the bubble we have stepped in.

He's still holding my head back slightly, our heavy breaths mingled together as we come back to reality. I look at his face, realizing that I have never seen it so close to mine, not even during the dare a few hours ago.

His eyes are different, almost completely black now from what I can tell in the moonlight. I want him to kiss me again, but the moment has passed.

Matteo lets go of me and steps back, leaving all the parts of me he touched cold.

"We should uh-" he says, voice hoarse, which lets me know that it was as intense for him as it was for me.

I follow him off the boat and onto the dock. He stops to check his pockets, making sure he hasn't forgotten anything, and I feel like the energy in the air is suffocating me.

There's a heat coming off his body as he silently walks in front of me, and I wonder if he can hear my heart pulsing in my throat.

I wonder what he's thinking when he's silent.

I can usually tell what people are thinking and feeling by their body language and their expressions. We learned this last semester in Business Psychology, and it has been my favourite course so far. But it's different with Matteo.

He stops for a moment and looks over my shoulder, as if to double check whether the boat is still there. I want to joke that it won't float away, but something has changed between us, so I bite my tongue.

He goes up the steps and we only stop when we reach the stairs leading up to the second floor. I remember seeing these steps a year ago, liking how they spiralled up along the column like a snake.

Where do I sleep?

I don't ask out loud, but I'm suddenly aware that Isabella never made any remarks about our sleeping arrangement.

"Where does Isabella sleep?" I ask instead. My voice comes out croaky, like I've been eating sand and am in desperate need of water.

He starts walking up the steps. "In a guest room. That's where she usually sleeps when she comes here."

We arrive on the second floor and the balcony door separating the hallway from the outside is already open. There are loud voices and music coming from a room, and Matteo stops in front of the door, placing his hand on the knob.

I look at his hand, then back up at him. "Well? Open it."

My words die in my throat, and I can't even figure out why. I can't even think because I get the sudden urge to kiss him again.

He's the one to take the first step this time, and it's not as soft as it was before. He grabs the back of my neck and tilts his head to make my mouth more accessible.

The way he kisses me, like he wants it, makes me weak. It ignites something in me I forgot even existed.

My hands grab his face to bring him closer, if it's even possible. I sigh into his mouth and his fingers tighten their grip into my hair.

We pull away for a second, our chests still pressed together. The air around me us feels heavy and I can tell we're both confused and surprised at the same time.

It's like months of pent-up tension I wasn't even aware of have just been released.

I look into his eyes, and I can tell he wants this as much as I do. I bite my lip when I feel his hands slipping down to my waist.

I'm the one to lean in first this time, and the way he smirks before we kiss tells me everything I need to know.

Same.

"Where's Valentina?" Isabella's voice comes from behind the door.

I pull away. "Go." I tell him and he opens the door, not having to be told twice.

I haven't been in the room before, but it looks like it must be a guest room.

Everyone turns to stare at us.

"Speaking of the devil." Isabella grins, then she looks at my face. She squints her eyes at me before looking at Matteo.

My eyes focus on something else in the room, lips still burning. He isn't saying anything right now, and I ask myself whether it's because he's repeating the kiss over and over in his head, like I unwillingly am.

I know what I said about wanting to kiss a cute guy, but this is not what I meant.

I hate this. I hate that it was so good and so short that it left me wanting more. And what I hate most of all, is that out of all the people in the world, it had to be him.

---

I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Chapter 15 will be up tomorrow!

Let me know what you think !

I will be finishing this story by the end of the week :D (hopefully)

xoxo,

Ronnie