Chapter 40

In my entire fucking life, I have never rebelled against anyone or anything because why would I do that? I have lived a privileged life, as far as I was concerned. I was sheltered, even. I saw no reason as to why I would rebel... until today.

Since that night na nagkausap kami ni Lui, hindi muna kami nag-usap. We didn't agree to not talk, but it was an unspoken agreement. He's pissed at me but I was more pissed at him. Ayoko muna siyang makita dahil maaalala ko na naman kung gaano ako katanga sa kanya. Because if I were being honest, if it weren't him, I would've walked away. At once. Without even looking back.

But I didn't want to think about that and to think about things I didn't have control over.

"Yes po, Attorney?"

"Pa-request ng lahat ng relevant files sa may Villamontes case," I told her. I saw the surprise on her face nung banggitin ko iyong kaso. I was right—everyone in this building's aware tungkol sa kaso na 'to. Seriously, ilang complaint na ba ang na-dimiss laban kay Arthur Villamontes? Pang-ilang prosecutor na ako na gusto nilang tumulad din sa mga nauna sa akin?

"Sa Villamontes po?" she asked like she didn't want what I said to be real.

I nodded. "Lahat nun dismissed complaints, affidavits, testimony, lahat," I replied. "Paki-prio and pabigay sa akin asap," I continued before I dismissed her.

Nagsuot ako ng airpods habang nagta-trabaho ako. I only had two hours bago kailangan ko na namang umalis dahil may hearing ako na pupuntahan. Hindi naman porke gusto kong i-prioritize iyong kay Villamontes e kakalimutan ko na iyong ibang kaso na hawak ko.

I was so deep in my work na halos tumalon mula sa dibdib ko iyong puso ko nang may makita akong kamay sa may lamesa ko.

"Seriously?!" inis na tanong ko habang tinatanggal ko iyong airpods at nakita ko na naka-tayo si Julia sa harapan ko. I mean, alam ko naman na na makakarating sa kanya 'yon, but did she really need to frighten me like that? Ano ang plano niya? Kung hindi man niya ako mapa-backout sa kaso, papatayin niya naman ako sa gulat?

"You'll proceed with the case?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied at saka ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa document na dina-draft ko. "Unahan na kita—wala akong pakielam kung isama mo si Lui sa complaint mo. Go ahead. If you feel like he's guilty, name him as one of the defendants. I would do the same. Trabaho lang naman."

"Fine," she replied, but I didn't like her tone—I never did, really. "I was just trying to be nice since magka-trabaho tayo."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Have you read the complaint?" I asked. Nakita ko na natigilan siya. "I know you're friends with him, but seriously, have you read the complaint, Julia?"

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot.

"Because I did. And I read all the other complaints. And I know that you're not dumb. You know that there's a probable cause to at least get this case to the court."

Did she honestly believe that he's innocent? The same way that Lui believed that he's innocent, too, dahil lang hindi siya kasama sa mga humawak sa paddle? Paano nila nagawang makapagtapos sa law school at maka-pasa sa BAR exam kung ganito sila mag-isip?

"I read the complaints," she said. Diretso siyang naka-tingin sa akin na para bang kumbinsido siya sa kung anuman ang sasabihin niya. "The first complainant was his ex-girlfriend. She falsely accused him. They settled out of court. Nalaman nila na malaking pera iyong binayad ni Arthur. And you know people would do anything for money."

"And how did you know that she falsely accused him?"

"Because why would she accept the money if not?" mabilis niyang sagot sa 'kin. "If what she was saying was true that he assaulted her, bakit mabilis siyang nakipag-areglo?"

"Probably because of people like you na hindi naniniwala sa kanila," I told her. "And even if that's true, that doesn't mean na hindi totoo iyong ibang complaints laban sa kaibigan mo. Eight complaints, Julia. Eight. Do you sleep at night telling yourself na nagsisinungaling lang lahat ng babaeng 'yon? Na sasabihin nila na biktima sila ng rape para lang sa pera? Do you seriously believe that?"

She was just looking at me, but I knew that she'll never believe me because in her mind, they're all lying and her friend's the innocent one na naiipit sa lahat ng false allegations na 'to.

"Just... leave me alone. Seriously. Kung totoong inosente 'yang kaibigan mo, I'm sure he'll get acquitted," I said, almost begging her because I honestly had a lot of work to do and I didn't want to cater to her tantrums and empty threats. Kung gusto kong makipag-away, si Lui ang una kong tatawagan.

Julia began walking away. Finally. But then she stopped bago pa man siya maka-labas at tumingin sa akin. I could see it in her face na may gusto siyang sabihin sa akin, pero mabuti na lang at pinili niya na sarilihin na lang iyon.

Ni hindi pa ako tapos sa ginagawa ko nung kinailangan ko ng umalis dahil ayokong ma-late sa hearing. Puro motions lang naman ngayon kaya hindi ganoon kabigat. Sana hindi na mag-object iyong opposing counsel ngayon dahil wala akong energy.

The day felt longer than usual. I requested for motion to postpone, but I was opposed. I was pissed, but what could I do? Part of the job. Mabuti na lang at may pagka-paranoid ako kaya kahit alam ko na motion lang ang plano kong gawin ay binabasa ko pa rin iyong overview nung case... you know, just in case.

After that long, long day, dumiretso pa rin ako sa office dahil sinabi sa akin na nasa table ko na iyong mga nirequest ko na files para sa Villamontes. I just wanted to read all of them para kapag ginawa ko iyong recommendation ko ay wala silang masabi. I knew that one way or another, they'd make me dismiss this case, but I just want to show them an airtight case.

I spent all my free-time building my case na para bang didiretso na ako sa hearing dahil sa dami ng annex at exhibition na ginawa ko. I felt bad for the previous prosecutors dahil nakita ko na sinubukan din naman nilang ilaban...

"Thank God," I uttered to myself nang matapos ko na iyong recommendation. I submitted it. And then I had to wonder kung itetext ko na ba si Lui? Ako ba iyong kailangang magtext? Ako ba iyong may kasalanan sa aming dalawa?

But really... meron bang may kasalanan sa amin? O magkaiba lang talaga kami ng perspective sa buhay? Kasi kapag may client ako, para ma-defend ko kung anuman iyong ginawa nila, I always try to put myself in their situation. I should do the same for Lui. There's a reason why he's like that... Impossible na ganon lang talaga siyang pinanganak.

Makes me wonder kung paano siya pinalaki ng pamilya niya...

Hindi ako nagmessage sa kanya. Hindi ata kaya ng pride ko na ako iyong magtetext kahit malakas ang kutob ko na siya iyong may mali sa amin.

Pero at least may pride na ako kahit papaano! Kaya ko naman pala na hindi ako iyong gagapang pabalik.

I just focused on my work dahil hindi naman nauubos iyong trabaho ko. But after a week, bigla kong naalala iyong tungkol sa recommendation ko. I tried to ask the paralegal tungkol doon, but she was giving me very vague answers. I asked around, but no one was giving me any straight answer.

"Hi, sir," sabi ko nung maka-pasok ako sa office niya. I didn't want to go here, but I was left with no choice. Walang sumasagot sa tanong ko tungkol doon sa pinasa ko na recommendation. I had no doubt in my mind na ni hindi na nga lang probable cause kasi may laban talaga iyong kaso.

"Atty. Hernaez," sabi niya.

"Yes po," I replied.

"What can I do for you?" tanong niya sa akin. "Have a seat."

Ngayon ko lang talaga siya naka-usap. I really tried to keep my head down dito sa trabaho. I just wanted to work without making any noise kasi based on experience, mas maraming tao ang nakaka-kilala sa 'yo, mas maraming unwarranted opinion tungkol sa buhay mo.

"I just want to follow-up po sana don sa Villamontes case."

"Oh, that," sabi niya na walang pagbabago sa reaksyon.

"Nabasa niyo po ba 'yung recommendation ko?"

"Yes." Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. "I don't agree with your recommendation, Atty. Hernaez."

Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko. "Sir?" hindi ko mapigilang sabi dahil paano naging hindi siya agree sa recommendation ko? Sa ilang buwan na nagta-trabaho ako rito, lagi namang wala akong naririnig tungkol sa recommendation ko sa Office of the Prosecutor.

"I read the recommendation. I didn't agree with it."

"Sir, isn't the proper procedure to remand—"

"You've been doing a great job so far, Atty," he said, cutting me off. "So far, 100% conviction rate. Very impressive." I pressed my lips together. "Malayo ang mararating mo, hija."

I felt my chest tightening. He was saying praises, but I felt like I was being threatened to be silent.

"Any other concern?" he asked like he was telling me to get the fuck out of his office dahil tapos na ang pag-uusap namin.

I knew I should stand up, say my goodbye, and then leave.

"Which part of the recommendation didn't you agree with, Sir? Should I conduct another investigation for clarification?"

"No need," diretsong sagot niya. "This complaint doesn't have a probable cause. It's dismissed. Go focus on your other cases, Atty. Hernaez." And then he called his secretary via the telecom and told her to escort me out of his office.

Wow.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo lang doon at hindi makapaniwala sa naging pag-uusap namin.

And then I was reminded of what Julia and Lui both told me... that this case will be dismissed either way... that I was just wasting my time...

They're right.

Fuck.

Paano ko ipaglalaban iyong tama kung iyong mismong mga dapat kakampi ko ay kalaban ko rin pala?

* * *

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya kakausapin. I promised her that I believed her and that I would fight for her case... pero ano ang magagawa ko? The complaint was dismissed. I did my best to fight for that, but it was just thrown away and I was told to keep my mouth shut and to just put my attention elsewhere.

Panay ang paghinga ko nang malalim bago ko siya tawagan. I wanted to say this to her in person, but I couldn't make her go to Manila just to disappoint her... Hindi rin ako maka-punta sa kanya dahil sa dami ng trabaho ko. I felt so mad and conflicted and I just wanted to burn this building down.

"I'm very sorry..." sabi ko nang matapos kong ipaliwanag sa kanya iyong nangyari sa complaint niya.

"Okay po, Attorney. Salamat po at pasensya na sa abala."

I felt my chest tightening. She didn't deserve this. She deserves justice, but I couldn't give it to her. And I hated that she sounded apologetic... after everything that happened to her... siya pa ang humihingi ng pasensya sa akin...

I was thankful when the call ended. Sinandal ko iyong ulo ko at saka pinikit iyong mga mata ko. I just let the tears fall. I just let the disappointment consume me.

Did I get in the wrong profession?

Where was the justice they all told me about?

Was that just a figment of the imagination?

* * *

Lui called me, but I didn't answer. Did he hear about my little meltdown? He probably did... after all, kahit saan ata ako pumunta ay may mga matang naka-tingin sa akin.

I decided that I needed to get a drink. Iniwan ko iyong sasakyan ko sa opisina. I wanted to get drunk tonight. Tahimik akong naka-upo at umiinom nang may marinig ako na tumawag sa akin.

"Atty. Hernaez."

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang baso na ang nainom ko. I decided that I was already drunk because why was I seeing Atty. Arnaez? In a bar? She didn't seem like the type to drink in bars...

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Tumango ako at saka bigla akong napa-sinok. Narinig ko na humingi siya ng tubig sa bartender at saka inabot sa akin iyon. "Are you with someone?" she asked and I shook my head. Naupo siya sa tabi ko.

"Ma'am—"

"Jean," sabi niya. "Hindi naman na tayo magka-trabaho."

Tumango lang ako. I'd never call her that. She's my senior.

"If I may ask, why are you drinking alone?"

"Mourning..." tahimik kong sagot. "The death of justice."

Nakita ko na napa-ngiti siya sa akin. Tapos ay itinigil niya iyon nang makita niya akong naka-kunot ang noo.

"I'm sorry. Go on," she said, urging me to talk... and I'd been told to shut up today, so I immediately grabbed the chance to talk. I probably told her more than I should've... but I had to let the disappointment out or else I'd explode from it.

"Why don't you just open a private practice?"

"Newbie lawyer pa lang ako, Atty."

"Naka-one year ka na sa firm and then your prosecution experience. That's more than enough," she said.

Hindi ako naka-sagot. I had never considered that kahit pakiramdam ko ay kaya ko naman kasi sariling sikap lang din naman ako sa trabaho. Ako rin nagreresearch, gumagawa ng documents, nag-aappear sa court.

"Masyadong matrabaho saka mahal. Besides, puro pro-bono ata iyong gusto kong hawakan na kaso... and as much as I want to do that, hindi feasible... Kailangan ko pa rin ng pera."

Bakit ba hindi na lang ako pinanganak na mayaman para magtatayo na lang ako ng firm tapos ako mamimili ng clients ko? Bakit kailangan may boss pa ako? Bakit kailangan kong sumunod sa kanila?

At bakit parang lahat sila mukhang pera?

"I see... Have you considered arbitration?" she asked. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "You just need one good settlement and you're set for life, Atty. Hernaez. You can cherry pick the cases you want to handle."

Napa-awang iyong labi ko nang abutan niya ako ng calling card. Pangalan niya iyong naka-lagay doon sa pangalan ng firm... Nagresign din ba siya sa firm namin?

"Something to consider since you don't seem to do well with office politics," she said before she left me with more questions in my head. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 48 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email [email protected] for assistance :) Thank you!