Chapter 38

I tried to keep my head down and just focused on my work. I kept on telling myself that not my monkeys, not my circus. I'd just have to hold on to what Lui said na hindi siya involved doon sa may initiation. I'd just focus on my workload... and I guess I'd have to draw a very professional line kay Julia in any case that she'd decide to ask for a freaking favor.

I mean... seriously?

The hell does she take me for?

"San ka?"

Napa-tigil ako nung marinig ko iyong pagtawag sa akin ni Julia. I drew a deep breath and tried to maintain composure. Paano niya nalaman iyong schedule ko? Did she bribe the paralegals? Seriously? Wala na ba talaga akong mapagkakatiwalaan sa trabaho na 'to?

"Inquest," I lied even though I knew na alam niya kung saan talaga ako papunta. I made the conscious decision na 'wag dito gawin iyong interview. I just knew that Julia's lurking around. I mean, honestly, I really tried to empathize with her... He's her best friend... But also, Julia's not dumb.

I knew, therefore she knew, too, that he's so fucking guilty that I literally should just throw him in jail myself. But we have the law to uphold, so I'll just stick to doing my job... as should she.

"I'm reading the witness' testimony again," she said.

"Okay?" I replied because what did she want? A fucking round of applause?

Julia and I could've been really good friends... if not for her lack of morals.

"I think I'll have to send a summon again," she continued. "I found some inconsistencies."

"Okay," I just said tapos ay tumango ako. I began to walk. I really needed to go dahil lumuwas pa galing sa probinsya iyong iinterviewhin ko. Narinig ko na tinawag ulit ako ni Julia, but I just pretended not to hear her.

Thankfully, mas nauna akong dumating. I read the copy of the complaint again. Working as a prosecutor, I wanted to say that I was already used to reading complaints... pero meron talaga akong mga ayaw na hinahawakan—rape being one of them.

I just... can't and refuse to understand.

Do some people really get the thrill in forcing themselves on others? Why can't they just find someone who's willing? Or if wala talaga, just fucking pay someone to sleep with you. God!

Agad na napa-tingin ako nang maramdaman ko na may naka-tingin sa akin. I immediately recognized her face... and I hated that my memory of her included the bruising on her neck and arms dahil sa higpit ng pagkaka-hawak sa kanya.

"Hi," I greeted. She just nodded at me. I knew that this must be hard for her. Alam ko na ilang beses niya ng sinabi 'to pero heto ako, tatanungin na naman siya. "May mga gusto lang akong itanong."

Hindi siya nagsalita.

Diretso lang siyang naka-tingin sa akin. Hindi ko matanto kung ano iyong naglalaro sa isip niya, pero sigurado ako na may takot sa mga mata niya.

"Na..." sabi niya at saka natigilan. "Naniniwala po ba kayo sa 'kin?"

My heart just broke when I heard her question.

"Hindi naman po ako nagsisinungaling... Hindi ko lang po talaga alam na gagawin niya sa 'kin 'yon kaya wala po akong ebidensya... Hindi po ba talaga sapat na sinabi ko na ginawa niya 'yung mga ginawa niya sa 'kin?"

I knew I shouldn't reach for her hand.

I knew that as much as I sympathize with her, I should remain professional.

But I did it anyway.

I held her hand and squeezed it and hoped that with that, she knew that I was on her side. Because I read her complaint... as well as all the other complaints that were dismissed...

And they all tell the same story.

What kind of a fucked up coincidence would that be, if ever?

* * *

Hindi ko namalayan na medyo matagal din pala iyong naging interview. I just wanted to make sure that everything's in order. Ewan ko ba, pero medyo duda talaga ako... Basically same lang naman iyong complaint ngayon sa complaint dati pero na-dismiss sila. So, I decided to make sure na maayos iyong recommendation ko para walang room for questioning.

Hindi rin naman ako bobo—alam ko rin naman na nababayaran iyong mga judge dito sa Pilipinas. Minsan nga iniisip ko na mas okay siguro kung jury system... but then again, do we have the capacity to actually protect the jury?

Ay, ewan.

Alam ko naman na 'di ko mababago overnight iyong sistema, so I'd just do my part and actually prosecute those who deserves to be prosecuted.

After that, dumiretso na ako pabalik sa opisina. Puro paperworks lang ang gagawin ko ngayon kasi bukas ay kung saan-saang court na naman ako makakarating. Puro estafa lang naman iyong naka-sched bukas. That should be easy kasi mas technical siya for me.

I kept to myself the entire day dahil ayokong biglang maka-salubong si Julia. I also told the paralegal na 'wag sabihin kung kanino iyong schedule ko. Medyo masungit iyong dating ko, but whatever. Mas ayoko na available for all ata iyong information ko.

"Hey..." I said nung makita ko na tumawag si Lui. He's been busy the past few days. I knew it was about Samuel, but I didn't really press on. I kinda felt guilty when I implied na fault ni Samuel na bumagsak siya. That was so low of me. Para bang bigla kong nalimutan iyong stress and mental toll na dala nung BAR exam na tipong kapag wala lang thigh part sa Jollibee ay naiinis na agad ako.

"Are you done?"

Napa-tingin ako sa orasan. Past 5PM na pala.

"Almost, why? Dinner tayo?" I asked.

"Yes, please," he replied. I could hear the tiredness in his voice. Ano kaya iyong nangyari? I really didn't know kung ano iyong progress doon sa reopening nung case. 'Di naman kasi ako kagaya ni Julia na nakikielam sa kaso ng may kaso.

Lui told me that he's already in the parking. Kanina pa ba siya? Bakit ngayon lang siya tumawag? Nagmadali ako. I immediately saw his car parked next to mine. Siraulo talaga 'to... nakita ng reserved parking 'yon para sa prosecutors, e.

I knocked on the window. Instead of him just rolling the windows down, he opened the door. Medyo nagtaka ako sa ginawa niya lalo na nung lumabas siya sa sasakyan niya. Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko nung yakapin niya ako.

"I missed you," he whispered as he hugged me tightly.

I softened in his embrace. "Miss na rin kita..." I replied.

"Can we just ride in my car? Then I'll drive you to your work tomorrow?"

"Why? Sa condo ka ba matutulog?"

I felt him nodding as he hugged me tighter. "Yes," he said in such a way that calmed me so much even though I knew that there were secrets hiding behind these hugs. "I missed you so much, baby."

What the hell could I really do but to say yes to him?

We got in his car. Agad na napansin ko iyong pagvvibrate ng cellphone niya. Someone's calling him and he's ignoring whoever it was.

"Kanina pa tumatawag," I told him when we got stuck in the middle of traffic.

Kinuha niya iyong cellphone. Ni hindi niya man lang tinignan kung sino iyong tumatawag at pinatay agad iyon.

"Baka importante—"

"You're here with me. I don't need to talk to anyone right now," he said.

In another circumstance, my heart would literally skip a beat with the words that were coming from him... but god, sometimes, I hated that I knew better... and I hated it even more because oftentimes, I'd see myself pretending that I didn't know any better because I'd rather be blissfully happy and ignorant than to be anything else.

Lui told me that he's selfish.

Apparently, I am just the same.

Lui reached for my hand and held it habang naghihintay kami na maka-usad. It was rush hour. Hindi na siguro kami makakapagdinner sa labas dahil sa bigat ng traffic ngayon. It's fine, anyway. Mas gusto ko namang magstay na lang sa condo kasama si Lui. I just wanted some quality time with him.

I decided na he can be busy with his work and personal affairs and I'd do the same. And then we can just be happy together.

I was fiddling with the radio stations when I felt my phone vibrating. Napa-tigil ako sa ginagawa ko para i-check kung ano iyong notification. I immediately rolled my eyes nang makita ko na email 'yon galing kay Julia. She didn't use her work email.

'Thought you should see this,' was the subject of the e-mail.

Agad akong napa-tingin kay Lui na naka-sandal iyong ulo sa may bintana habang naka-tingin sa labas. He looked so... innocent. And I knew that he's far from that.

I stared at my phone. Bago ko pa man buksan, alam ko na tungkol kay Lui 'yung e-mail na 'to. I just knew it.

And I probably shouldn't open it... because I knew Julia's end goal. She wanted me to withdraw the case against Villamontes. Kagaya nung ibang mga complaints na na-dismiss kahit na malakas iyong ebidensya.

Kasi ano? Pera-pera lang?

"What's that?" Lui asked. Kanina pa siguro ako naka-tingin sa cellphone ko at hindi ko namalayan.

I looked at him. Inside my head, I was debating on what I should do. I should tell him... right? Kasi ano naman kung sabihin ko sa kanya? He said na wala siyang ginawang masama nung gabing 'yon... so why would Julia's little taunt matter? Si Lui lang naman ang may pakielam ako sa frat na 'yon.

"Nothing," I said as I tried to act as casual as possible. Why? Ewan ko. I probably wanted to see Lui's reaction. Because as much as he could act casual, there is always this split-second reaction wherein I could see what really goes on in his head. "Just my workmate, Zaldivar," I continued... and there it was. The slight panic in his eyes.

Lui tried to act nonchalant, but the way he held onto the steering wheel told me otherwise.

"She just sent a file asking for my opinion."

"Why?" he asked. "Marami ka ng workload."

"Yes, but it's fine," I replied as I clicked on the file at mabilis na nagload iyong pdf file. I quickly scanned the manuscript of the witness' testimony. And then I saw the highlighted part.

Napa-tingin ako kay Lui. And I wished I didn't because I just saw the guilt on his face.

"You said you weren't there," I told him. "Why does this testimony say that you were there because you were the one who invited all those alumni?"

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. I knew he hated the fact that we're stuck in the middle of the traffic and he couldn't just walk away from me.

"I didn't hit Jake—"

"That wasn't the question, was it?" mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya. "You said na wala ka don."

"Does it matter—"

"Yes, it does!" I shouted. "You damn well know na lahat ng umattend sa initiation, kesyo pumalo ka o hindi, kasama sa complaint."

His hold on the steering wheel tightened. "I didn't even hold the fucking paddle, Tali—"

"Neither did Samuel," I quickly shot back. I saw his jaw clenching. "That's why you're so guilty... because you were the one who was there... but Samuel got screwed up... kahit wala naman talaga siya don..." I said as I was quickly putting the puzzle pieces together.

Because I knew Lui.

I love him... but he wasn't that nice.

He wouldn't feel so guilty... unless there was something to feel guilty about.

"Does Samuel know?" I asked him.

Lui looked at me. "You don't understand—"

"Then make me," I snapped back. "Because from where I am standing, you are involved in this case that's been reopened and for some reason, I feel like I'm being blackmailed into dismissing a rape case, Lui—a fucking rape case. Do you understand the situation you're putting me in?"

But Lui was just looking at me.

I waited for him to give me something.

"I'm not asking you to do anything. I didn't hit Jake," he reiterated as he stared directly into my eyes like he was asking me to listen to every word. "But I guess, finally, welcome to the real fucking world, Tali." 

**

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