Chapter 37

I was stressing... but it's probably nothing. I mean, at the end of the day, it's just work, right? Alam naman siguro nung mga pulis na 'yon na trabaho lang, walang personalan.

But god, this was so stressful! Tuwing pupunta ako sa precinct for work, kinakabahan ako. Hindi ko naman kasalanan na ang dami nilang lapses sa procedure kaya ang daming nadidismiss na kaso. Trabaho nilang manghuli at trabaho ko naman na iensure na na-apply nang maayos iyong batas—at least during the preliminary. The cases wouldn't have been dismissed had they done their due diligence.

"What?" I asked nang mapansin ko na may mga naka-tingin sa akin habang naglalakad ako. It was making me feel so uncomfortable. Parang nagkaroon ng warflashbacks kasi ganito din sa dati kong workplace.

"Nothing," Julia replied.

"Really?" I asked, my brow slightly arched.

Julia grabbed me by my arm tapos ay naglakad kami hanggang sa maka-labas kami. She offered me a stick of cigarette, but I politely declined. Lui and I made a deal na hindi na kami maninigarilyo pareho. I'd been so good! Kahit parang mababaliw ako kasi sobrang stressful ng work, hindi pa rin ako naninigarilyo.

"So?" I asked nung nasindihan niya na iyong sigarilyo niya.

"May bagong case," she said. I patiently waited kasi ano naman kinalaman ko sa kaso na 'yon? As far as I was concerned, focused lang ako sa workload ko. May personal quota ako na sinusunod kasi goal ko talaga na maubos iyong pending cases.

"Alam mo 'yung sa initiation?" she continued.

Slowly, I nodded. "What about that?" I asked because as far as I knew, dismissed na 'yon. Lui did tell me about that. He told me na wala talaga siya doon sa mismong venue at pinatawag siya nung nagkaloko-loko na. He didn't name names pero sinabi niya na maraming malalaking tao iyong present nung initiation na 'yon. If I were being honest, I wasn't all that surprised when the case got dismissed...

Was I disappointed? Yes. Surprised? Not at all.

"Na-approve daw 'yung petition for new trial."

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "May bagong evidence?"

"Apparently," Julia replied.

"And they're looking at me because..."

Julia shrugged. "Beats me," she said, but we both knew she's lying. Naka-tingin sila sa akin dahil ano? Pakiramdam nila dahil lang boyfriend ko si Lui, ano? Ipapa-dismiss ko iyong kaso? Seriously? Ganon ba ang tingin nila sa akin? After ko maging enemy number one ata ng presinto dahil sa mga recommendation ko.

The whole day, I was just focused on my work. Hindi ko inisip iyong sinabi sa akin ni Julia. 'Di naman siguro maaassign sa akin iyong kaso... I mean, not saying na hindi ako impartial, but magkakaroon pa rin ng look of impartiality of magiging part ako ng prosecution. Ang laking kaso pa naman nito.

"Thank you," sabi ko nung ilagay sa lamesa ko iyong bagong batch ng kaso na hawak ko. Medyo kinakabahan ako nung isa-isa kong tinitignan iyong mga pangalan doon. So far, wala naman akong nababasa na new trial para doon sa initiation case.

"What?" I asked nung may kumatok sa pinto at nakita ko na sumilip si Julia. She's usually busy with her own caseload kaya sigurado ako na 'di naman siya pupunta dito para maki-chismis.

"New case?" she asked, pointing at the mountain of papers on my table. I nodded. "Ano 'yung cases mo?"

"Why?" I asked, a bit confused with this sudden interest.

"Humor me," she replied.

I began telling her about the new cases. There was no change on her expression, but for some reason, something was telling me that she had personal interest sa isa sa mga kaso na nabanggit ko sa kanya.

"Thanks," she replied. "By the way, na-assign sa 'kin 'yung sa may initiation," she continued.

I gave her a short nod. She gave me a... look. Why? Did she expect me to ask for a favor? Sigurado ako na walang kinalaman doon si Lui. He told me na wala siya nung gabing 'yon. I wasn't worried about that.

"Alright. Good luck sa work," she said at tumango na lang ako kasi... what? Good luck? Seriously?

I wanted to just focus on my work, but Julia bothered me so much so kaya napa-search ako sa mga pangalan na nasa kaso ko. It didn't even take me that long to figure out kung ano iyong kaso na interesado si Julia.

I was so bothered na nagtext agad ako kay Lui kung nasaan siya. I just needed to talk to him once again. I just needed him to assure me na wala siyang kinalaman sa nangyari nung gabing 'yon because I had a nagging feeling inside me na hihingi ng pabor sa akin si Julia. I wish I didn't think that way but I did notice that she had the... ability to look the other way. Hindi ko pa rin malilimutan kung paano niya sinabi sa akin na 'wag magrecommend ng dismissal para lang mas mapadali iyong buhay ko. As if we didn't take an oath to uphold the law.

Lui didn't answer immediately. I tried to call him and he answered after the second ring.

"Hey, baby, why?" he said pagka-sagot niya nung tawag. "I'm driving."

"Oh..." sabi ko. Nagda-drive pala siya. "San ka papunta?"

"Meeting a friend," he replied.

"Sino?"

"Samuel," he said.

Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo ko, pero agad ko ring naalala kung sino si Samuel. He mentioned him a couple of times, pero ang mas naaalala ko ay kung paano ayaw pag-usapan ni Lui si Samuel. It's like it was a topic that he'd rather avoid discussing.

"Oh, okay," I replied.

"Why'd you call?"

"I wanted to ask you kung gusto mong magdinner," I said instead.

"I'm not sure what time I'll finish," he replied.

"It's fine," I said. "Can you swing by the condo after mo don?"

"Okay," he said. "I'm already here. I'll text you kung makakapunta ako sa 'yo mamaya."

I honestly didn't think na makaka-punta pa si Lui sa condo ko kaya naman nagdinner na ako mag-isa. I hated how Julia got into my head. I mean, that's what she wanted, right? Kasi bakit naman siya dadaan sa office ko kung hindi? She already knew na hindi ako nagpapadala sa mga ganon... Ano kaya ang balak niyang gawin?

The whole night was filled with me trying to watch a movie while overthinking. Naka-tulog na ako sa couch. Nung magising ako, nakita ko na walang text si Lui. Agad na napa-kunot iyong noo ko. Simula nung naging kami, he'd always text me and update me kung makaka-punta ba siya o hindi. Usually nagkaka-conflict talaga kami sa oras, but it was fine since I understand that work is work... All I wanted was to be informed dahil 'di kaya nakaka-tuwa maghintay sa wala.

I woke up earlier than usual dahil maaga akong naka-tulog. Dumaan ako sa coffeeshop and got us breakfast. Nasa condo pa naman si Lui for sure. Dumiretso ako sa unit niya habang hawak ko iyong paperbag na may laman na coffee and cheese toastie. I knocked on the door. I heard footsteps kaya alam ko na nasa loob si Lui. A few seconds passed at hindi pa bumubukas iyong pinto.

I called him on his phone. Narinig ko pa na nagring 'yon.

'Are you hiding someone there?' agad na text ko sa kanya.

"Seriously, why do you always think I'm cheating," sabi niya pagka-bukas niya ng pinto pero halos 'di ko narinig iyong sinabi niya nung makita ko na may pasa sa may bandang ilalim nung kaliwang mata niya.

"What the—" I said and then took a step forward. Halos mabitawan ko iyong hawak ko na paper bag. I held his face. "Sino'ng sumuntok sa 'yo?!"

"It's nothing," he tried to say. "Tumama lang iyong mukha ko—"

I stared at him—the kind of stare that told him to not lie to me because I'd know kapag nagsisinungaling siya. Seriously, hindi pa ba niya ako kilala? Mas gusto kong ma-disappoint niya ako sa kung anuman ang ginawa niya kaysa mahuli ko siya na nagsisinungaling.

"Seriously, it's nothing," he said tapos ay dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal iyong kamay ko sa mukha niya. He got the paper bag from me at tinignan iyong laman non. "Wow. Thank you," he added and placed a kiss on my cheek.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya nung maglakad siya papunta sa may lamesa. Nilagay niya doon iyong pagkain at saka tinanggal iyon mula sa paper bag. Then he turned to look at me as if he was motioning me to go there para makapagbreakfast na kami.

"Did Samuel punch you?" I asked him.

A lot of things were crossing my mind. Ngayon ko lang ulit narinig si Samuel mula sa kanya. He didn't really talk much about him, so I really didn't know much about him. Tapos sakto pa na sinabi ni Julia na may new trial doon sa initiation na kaso. Tapos biglang nagkita sila ni Samuel. Tapos may pasa sa mukha si Lui.

Seriously, what the hell was happening?

"Yes," Lui replied. "Can we please have breakfast?"

I pursed my lips together. Naglakad ako papunta sa may table. I took the seat. Lui tried his best to ignore my stares and focused on eating. I was watching his every move.

"What happened?" I asked him one more time, giving him the chance to come clean kaysa ako ang makaalam ng kung anuman iyong ayaw niyang sabihin. I had a gutfeeling na may kinalaman 'to sa new trial.

"Nothing—"

"Did you lie to me?" I asked. "Because there's a new trial para doon sa may initiation. Apparently, there's new evidence. Kaya ba kayo nagkita ni Samuel?"

Diretso lang na naka-tingin sa akin si Lui. "Seriously, Tali..." he trailed, but never finished.

"What?"

I saw his jaw clenching. "I already told you—wala akong kinalaman 'don. Why do you always think I'm lying to you?"

"Because you're always dodgy!"

"Dodgy?" he asked, his jaw clenching once again.

"You didn't answer—"

"I was driving," mabilis na sagot niya.

"You didn't text—"

"I—" he said and the paused. He looked at me as he took a deep breath. "I forgot, okay?" he said after a few seconds that felt awfully long. "It had been a long night. Nakalimutan ko. Can you let it go? Just this once?"

I bit my tongue.

I hated that we're arguing first thing in the morning.

"Okay," I said, conceding. "I'm sorry," I added.

Naka-tingin sa akin si Lui. I saw him sighing as he stood up, leaned in, and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm sorry, too," he said. "I genuinely forgot."

Tumango lang ako. Gusto ko pa siyang tanungin tungkol kay Samuel at kung ano iyong koneksyon non sa bagong trial, but I felt like I'd be pushing my luck. I didn't want to argue with Lui. I hated arguing with him. It exhausts me so much.

Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa maubos ko iyong sandwich at kape ko. Naramdaman ko na patingin-tingin si Lui sa akin. I just bit my tongue whenever the urge to question him arises. Babasahin ko na lang ulit iyong kaso pagdating ko sa trabaho. I couldn't ask him, but he also couldn't stop me from searching answers for my questions.

"I didn't lie," bigla niyang sabi. Napa-tingin lang ako sa kanya. "I wasn't there that night. I told you that they just called me when they were panicking dahil hindi na humihinga 'yung neo."

I didn't say a word—I just kept on looking at him.

"Samuel," he began and then paused like he was trying to find the right words to tell me. "He's just pissed."

"Why?" I asked before I could even stop my mouth.

"Because we both weren't there when it happened, but he got the short end of the stick."

My forehead was slight creased with confusion.

"He failed the BAR."

"How is that your fault?" I asked. Mahirap bumagsak sa BAR, alam ko, pero bakit naman niya sisisihin si Lui? Hindi naman si Lui iyong nagtake ng exam niya. Pare-pareho lang naman kaming nagpaka-hirap magreview.

"It's not but—" He paused. "His life basically got fucked after that night, Tali. He failed the BAR, broke up with Deanne, barely passed the BAR, and now he can't get in the top firms."

"So what—"

"I'll stop you now bago pa kung ano ang masabi mo," sabi niya. "Samu's my friend, Tali. The frat fucked him up. You wouldn't understand. I honestly don't know how he failed the exam. The frat must've done something, but I can't prove it," he continued. "And now... it's like the nightmare will resume."

I drew a deep breath. It's clear that Lui cares about Samuel. I felt bad for my earlier remarks.

"If..." I carefully began. "If wala naman talaga kayo don... he shouldn't be worried... right?"

But Lui just looked at me like I didn't and wouldn't be able to understand. 

**

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