Chapter 35

I really tried not to overthink things nung hindi kami nagkita ni Lui nung gabing 'yon. He did call me and explained na dahil umalis siya ng ilang araw, ang daming natambak na pending na kailangan niya na talagang tapusin. He even offered to FaceTime me para ipakita iyong pending work niya, but I didn't want to be the overbearing kind of girlfriend... although that would've really worked. Iniisip ko kasi talaga na kaya ayaw niya na magkita kami ay dahil alam niya na iinterrogate ko siya sa kung bakit ayaw niyang sa prosecution ako magtrabaho.

Instead of overthinking things, I decided to just prepare for my job interview. This is basically my first official job interview kasi iyong sa last work ko, basically shoo in na ako dahil kay Lance. Siguro kaya mas gusto ko rin dito. Kapag kasi doon ako sa binigay ni Lui na list, one way or another, parang may iba na naman na nagbigay sa akin ng work. At least dito, ako talaga.

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam kapag alam mo na ikaw talaga iyong nagpaka-hirap sa kung anuman ang meron ka.

I called some friends na sa prosecution and government din nagwowork. They all basically told me na makukuha ko iyong trabaho dahil top 1 ako. Still, I didn't want to be overconfident. Hindi naman kasi talaga basis iyong ranking ko sa BAR exam. That was theoretical—ibang-iba kaya iyong sa practice. Kaya nagreview pa rin ako, and it worked on my favor kasi nawala sa isip ko kahit papaano si Lui.

'Good luck on your interview.'

Napa-arko iyong kilay ko nang mabasa ko iyong message niya. It's been two days simula nung maka-balik kami sa Manila. Two nights na rin siyang overtime. Friday na ngayon tapos weekend na bukas. Ano na naman kaya ang sasabihin niya sa akin para 'di kami magkita?

'Thank you,' I replied kasi tina-try ko 'yung pagiging mature. He did tell me not to overthink things and to just take his words and actions at face value. Medyo mahirap, but whatever. Kailangan ko na talaga ng trabaho dahil ayoko na sa kanya umiikot iyong mga iniisip ko lagi. Hindi healthy.

'Let's get dinner later to celebrate.'

'?'

'Haha cute. Will see you later. Good luck, baby.'

Ugh.

Lecheng 'yan. Isang baby lang sa akin e tiklop agad ako. Fair ba 'yon?!

Nagreact na lang ako ng heart doon sa message niya. Ayoko talagang magsimula ng away or whatever kasi baka isipin ni Lui ay nagkamali siya na gawin niya akong girlfriend at tama iyong intuition niya nung nagrereview pa kami na 'wag akong gawing girlfriend dahil magulo akong tao.

Tsk.

Siguro dapat nagboyfriend na rin ako dati... Kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung paano umakto. Like in theory, I know what to do... pero ang hirap kontrolin ng sarili ko around Lui. Kaya siguro sa aming dalawa, mas controlled siya kasi galing na siya sa longterm relationship. Alam niya na iyong kailangan niyang gawin habang ako, hindi alam kung paano aakto sa harapan niya.

Hirap talaga kapag matanda ka na naglovelife, e.

Pero instead na isipin ko 'yon, dumiretso na ako sa job interview ko. I arrived 30 minutes earlier than the scheduled time. Nagcoffee shop muna ako habang naghihintay. I got myself a decaf coffee since I was trying to cut back on my caffeine intake dahil pakiramdam ko ay addicted na ako sa kape. While waiting, nag-online shopping muna ako para kumalma naman ako kahit papaano.

"Good morning," bati ko pagdating ko doon sa interview.

"Ready ka na?" I nodded kahit hindi ako ready talaga. Kumunot ang noo ko nung abutan ako ng papel at saka ballpen. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na gulung-gulo iyong mukha ko. "That should be easy," he said instead.

"Mag...eexam ako?" I asked, still confused.

"You have 30 minutes," sabi niya na lang tapos ay sumandal siya at saka nagcellphone at para bang binigyan ako ng privacy para magsagot na.

The hell?! Hindi na natapos-tapos 'tong exam na 'to kahit abogado na ako!

I was so confused, but then again, nagsimula na akong magsagot dahil 30 minutes lang iyong binigay sa akin at wala akong panahon para magpaliguy-ligoy pa. Puro essay iyong tanong at mostly about court procedure. Mabuti na lang talaga ay inaral ko 'to nung nasa law firm pa ako at ginusto kong maglitigation.

Tahimik akong nagsasagot, pero sa isip ko ay pinagmumura ko na lahat ng kaibigan ko dahil wala man lang nagsabi sa akin na may pa-exam pala dito?! E 'di sana nagreview ako?! Kahit si Lui walang sinabi sa akin! The betrayal!

Nung matapos ako sa exam, binalik ko na iyong papel. The guy just quickly scanned the paper tapos ay tumingin na siya sa akin at tumango.

"As expected," sabi niya sa akin.

"May pa-exam ba talaga kapag nag-aapply?" I asked kasi baka ako lang pinagtripan nito.

He nodded. "Should be easy," sabi niya. "A job in the prosecution is highly coveted—you should be embarrassed kung kahit ganitong tanong lang ay hindi mo masasagot."

Tumango na lang din ako dahil tama naman siya. Ang hirap maka-pasok dito sa prosecution. Swerte lang talaga ako na may vacant kaya naka-apply din agad ako... saka iba pa rin talaga kapag Top 1 sa BAR. Parang one foot inside ka na agad sa mga gusto mong pag-applyan.

The next minutes, we just discussed the responsibilities and expectations that came with the job. Alam ko naman na magiging overworked ako dito, but then again, overworked din naman ako doon sa huling trabaho ko. Mataas din naman iyong sweldo ko dito, pero hindi pa rin comparable doon sa dating sweldo ko. Whatever. Mas masaya siguro dito kaysa sa walang kamatayan na pleadings na ginagawa ko dati. At least dito nasa korte na talaga ako.

"Any questions?" tanong niya sa akin.

Tumango ako. "Do you have any questions?" balik na tanong ko na lang.

Tumingin siya sa akin sandali. It was like he was trying to read my face, but then again, there's nothing to read. Gusto ko lang naman na magtrabaho dito at maging magaling na litigator. Wala naman akong ibang agenda.

"Will you be okay?" biglang tanong niya.

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. "About what?"

"You were dating Serrano and you're with Valladares now, right?" sabi niya bigla at mas lalong lumalim ang kunot ng noo ko. Seriously? Naka-public broadcast ba ang dating life ko? Bakit updated 'tong taong 'to?

"Yes?" sagot ko na lang dahil kahit hindi ko alam kung saan patungo 'tong tanong niya, I was curious enough to follow through his line of questioning. Bakit pakiramdam ko ay konektado 'to sa dahilan kung bakit may kakaiba sa reaksyon ni Lui nung napunta ako dito?

"Why'd you ask?" patuloy na tanong ko nung hindi siya agad nagsalita.

"Might be a conflict of interest for you."

"Bakit? May pending ba na kaso sila?"

He shrugged. "Here and there," he replied vaguely as he gathered the papers on the table. "Those cases will eventually fall on your desk."

I gave him a short nod. "And I'll be impartial if the time comes," seryosong sagot ko sa kanya.

"I will take your word on that," sabi niya sa akin at saka tumango. He stood up and offered me his hand. "Welcome to the prosecution, Atty. Hernaez."

* * *

Hindi maalis sa isip ko iyong mga sinabi niya... Ano'ng kaso ba iyong sinasabi niya? Those were probably serious cases because they warranted being mentioned... Iba pa ba iyon sa may kaso nung sa initiation? Kasi alam ko na malaki na iyon dahil nagkaroon pa ng senate committee hearing para don.

"Hi," Lui said as soon as I opened the door for him. Agad niya akong niyakap at saka bumulong siya sa 'kin. He looked like he came straight from his work. Medyo na-guilty tuloy ako kasi kung anu-ano iyong iniisip ko e mukhang totoo namang tambak siya sa trabaho niya... As if hindi ko alam na ganon naman talaga ang reality sa trabaho namin.

"You look so pretty," he continued as he wrapped his arms around me as though he was seeking reprieve from that. "Hindi ako nakapagpalit. Dumiretso ako dito."

Fuck it.

I melted in his arms as I returned the hug. Niyakap ko lang siya nang mahigpit. Dahil din naman sa akin kaya natambakan siya ng trabaho. Kasi kahit naman nagwowork siya habang nasa Bali kami, mas madalas naman na naka-aligid lang siya sa 'kin. Of course hindi siya makakapagtrabaho as efficiently as he could've.

I decided to not immediately jump into asking him what his possible involvement was sa mga pending na kaso sa prosecution. I figured we could have a nice dinner first. Kung magtatalo man ulit kami, mamaya na lang. Dalawang araw pa lang na hindi ko siya nakikita, pero miss ko na siya. Mas-e-enjoy muna ako.

We went to a restaurant in BGC. Lui didn't open the car door for me, but it was fine. He did open the doors for me and let me in the establishment first. Pagpasok din namin sa resto, akala ko ay sa harap ko siya mauupo, pero nandon siya sa tabi ko.

"What?" he asked nang mapansin niya na naka-tingin ako sa kanya.

"Nothing," I replied.

"Come on, what?" he asked still.

I shrugged. "Wala... Weird lang na nasa tabi kita. Usually sa harap, 'di ba?"

"Do you want me to move there?" tanong niya tapos ay naka-turo sa upuan sa harap ko.

I shrugged again. "Not really," I said. "Just a bit surprised."

"Why?"

"Dati kasi sa harap naman kita naka-upo."

"That was different."

"How so?"

"We weren't together then," he said and then I felt his hand on my thigh. "We're together now," he continued and gently squeezed my thigh. "I'd rather sit beside you, so I can touch you."

I felt my ears burning up nung sabihin niya 'yon habang nasa binti ko iyong kamay niya. Ganito pala siya na boyfriend. Ilang araw pa lang, pero mamamatay na ata ako!

Lui ordered food for the both of us. Mas may tiwala naman kasi ako sa taste niya at hindi pa naman ako nadidisappoint sa mga order niya. Nung umalis iyong waiter, nag-isip ako kung ano ang pag-uusapan namin... kung tatanungin ko na ba iyong sa prosecution. But it's such a nice night!

"Congrats," bigla niyang sabi.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na naka-kunot ang noo. "Congrats?"

Tumango siya. "You got the job, right?"

"Oh... right," I said as I reached for the glass of wine and took a sip. "Yes. I'll be starting on Monday."

Tumango lang ulit siya. I already made up my mind na pag-uusapan namin 'to, but I'd give us a few more hours para iba muna ang pag-usapan namin. Lui did promise that we'll talk about it. I'll just have to trust his words.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" biglang tanong niya.

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya. My lips slightly parted. I didn't expect him to bring it up first. I thought he'd avoid it for as long as he possibly could.

"Do you... want to?" I asked him back. I had to check my tone. I didn't want to come off as nagging.

He finished his glass of wine. "Might as well," he replied, looking at me. "I did promise you honesty," he continued, giving me a small smile that made me feel guilty dahil parang kung may choice lang siya, ayaw niyang sabihin sa akin.

But if he's really serious about us, then I should know about this... right?

"Lui," I called. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. I saw how bothered he was by this. I touched his face and caressed his cheek. "You know... that I love you, right?"

I saw his lips parted.

Like he didn't know that I love him.

"I don't expect you to be some sort of... saint," I continued. "You probably did some shit before. I understand. I promise I won't judge. I just really want to know you... and I don't want to be surprised. I'd rather you tell me about whatever it is kaysa bigla ko na lang malaman mula sa ibang tao."

Lui was staring at me intently like he was trying to get a peek into my soul. He reached for my hand and held it tightly and then kissed the back of my hand.

"Okay," he said barely audibly.

I nodded and gave him a small smile.

Lui began. I listened. The food was served, but it was not touched at all. Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kanya. He did tell me about his family, about the reason why he transferred from med school to law school.

About how he tried to befriend everyone.

Because he knew how one day, he'd need people to get him out of the mess he's involved in.

"I've never told anyone this," he said as he looked into my eyes.

"...why?" I asked because I had to. He had close friends. He had Samuel, Rhys, and all his other friends. I already knew the answer, but I just wanted to hear it from him.

"Because they'll see through me," he replied. "That I'm selfish. And that I am really never anyone's friend."

Lui was looking at me like he was begging me to understand him and to be on his side... despite the things that he told me.

"Can you please say something?" he asked when seconds passed and there was only silence on both our ends.

"I love you," I said because he gave me what I demanded... so what right did I have to take everything he said against him... right?

**

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