Chapter 34

Hindi pa ako nakaka-tayo ay naramdaman ko na agad iyong hawak ni Lui sa braso ko. I turned my head and saw that he still had his eyes closed. Naramdaman niya lang talaga na tatayo ako?

"Where are you going?" he asked, his voice a bit hoarse.

"Sa labas lang. Gusto kong manood ng sunrise," I replied.

It's been quite a few days.

I'd been really happy... pero mamayang gabi, uuwi na kami. Ewan ko. There's still a part of me that was wondering if things would change pagbalik namin sa Maynila. Kasi baka Bali-bliss lang 'tong nangyayari. Alam mo 'yon? Parang kapag nasa PBB house ka tapos iba rin iyong nangyayari sa outside world?

So, I just wanted to get out for a while and breathe it all in.

Baka kasi bukas, iba na naman ulit.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang maupo si Lui sa kama. Kinusot pa niya iyong mga mata niya. Medyo magulo iyong buhok niya, pero bagay pa rin sa kanya. Kahit ata ano may muta pa siya sa mata, gwapo pa rin sa paningin ko.

"Nope, matulog ka pa. Sa labas lang ako," I told him, but he just shook his head and stretched his arms. Napa-tingin ako sa braso niya. Sigurado ako na paborito ko iyong mukha niya, pero parang second place iyong braso niya. Ang ganda kasi talaga. Parang ang sarap kumapit palagi.

Sabay kaming lumabas. Ang tahimik ng paligid. Ang payapa sa pakiramdam. Pero parang mas na-highlight lang iyong katotohanan na pagbalik ko sa Manila, maingay na naman iyong buhay ko.

"Sayang..." I mumbled when I realized na 'di namin makikita iyong sunrise mula dito sa may villa. I turned my head to look at Lui, pero wala na siya sa may tabi ko. I didn't even have the time to look for him dahil bumalik ulit siya. He cocked his head to the side at napa-kunot ang noo ko. "Aalis tayo?" I asked when he showed me the key he was holding.

Si Lui iyong nagsuot ng helmet ko. Naka-yakap lang ako sa kanya habang naka-angkas ako sa motor. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami pupunta. I didn't even bother to ask. Ganon na ba kalaki iyong tiwala ko sa kanya na tipong kahit saan niya ako dalhin, sasama na lang talaga ako, no questions asked?

Huminto kami sa may kalsada malapit sa beach. It was so quiet na tipong hampas ng alon lang ang maririnig mo. Napa-tingin din ako sa langit at mukhang dito nga sisikat iyong araw.

Minsan iniisip ko kung tour guide ba si Lui sa Bali dahil parang alam niya lahat ng magandang spots dito. Nagbakasyon kaya sila ng ex niya dito dati? Ang dami kong tanong pero ayokong tanungin kasi for sure masisira lang ang araw ko.

Lui and I walked side by side hanggang sa makarating kami sa may dalampasigan. I sat on the sand first, and he quickly followed. Naka-tingin lang ako sa dagat. It reminded me of the time nung dinala niya ako sa La Union. Back then, I had to bite my tongue a couple of times dahil alam ko naman na wala akong karapatan. Ngayon? Sabi niya meron, but still, I had this worry inside me that I couldn't just quash.

"You're awfully quiet," he said.

I hugged my knees close to my chest. "Ang aga pa. Tinatamad pa akong magsalita," I reasoned.

"Okay," he replied, but he didn't sound like he bought my explanation.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "Why? I asked.

Napa-tingin din siya sa 'kin. I counted the seconds in my head, waiting for him to speak his mind. "You have the tendency to overthink things," he said.

"Do I?"

He nodded. "Most of the time."

"Parang hindi naman," sagot ko sa kanya. I didn't break the stare. "I guess I only overthink when it comes to you."

"I'm not an overly complicated person, Tali. If I say something, just take it at face value."

"Easier said than done," I replied.

"Why is that?"

"Because I feel like I barely know you," I told him. Inalis ko na iyong tingin ko sa kanya at binalik ko sa dagat. I wanted to tell him everything that was bothering me. Gusto kong sabihin na lahat bago pa kami bumalik sa Manila. I really just wanted to start on a clean slate pagbalik namin don.

No more blurred lines.

No more secrets.

No more of that.

"You do know me," he said.

"Do I?" sabi ko habang diretso pa rin ang tingin sa dagat. "I heard stories about you, you know? Pero iba iyong naririnig ko sa nakakasama ko. Minsan naiisip ko kung iba ka lang ba talaga... o nagpapanggap ka lang sa harap ko... or if you're just indulging me..."

I used to hear stories about Lui being the life of the party. I used to hear stories tungkol sa mga kalokohan niya at lahat ng gulo na kinasangkutan niya. I mean, I know people change, pero kapag kasama ko siya, parang ibang tao iyong nakikita ko.

"Do you honestly think that I'd follow you all the way to Bali if I were just indulging you?" tanong niya sa akin. Ramdam ko na naka-tingin siya, but I maintained my gaze at the sea. This was the only way we'd have a conversation about this... because if not, I'd get lost in his eyes yet again.

"I don't know the kinds of stories you heard about me, but what I can say is that I'm different when I'm with my family, with my friends, with my acquaintances, with you," he said. I felt his hand on my cheek. He made me face him and I once again heard the loud beating of my heart. Ang lakas ng kabog na para bang nakikipagpaligsahan sa hampas ng alon. "But it's all me, Tali. I promise," he continued while caressing my cheek with his thumb.

I could not speak.

I only stared at his eyes.

"From now on, I'll tell you every little thing that crosses my mind," he said as he gazed into my eyes like he was trying to have a peek at my soul. "So that you'll know me."

Lui leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"Okay?" he asked softly while he was cupping my face.

"Ganito rin tayo pagbalik sa Manila?" I asked as I reached for his hands and held them myself.

"I promise."

"Ayoko ng promise. Kapag promise, hindi natutupad."

"Is that so?" he asked and I nodded. "Then I'll just do it."

"Boyfriend pa rin kita sa Manila."

He chuckled as he leaned in and kissed me once again. "I'm your boyfriend anywhere in the world, Tali," he replied as he leaned in, kissed me, and the sunrise was forgotten.

* * *

Lui and I spent our last few hours in Bali sa may falls. We were the only people there. I'd feel scared, but I was with Lui kaya hindi ako natakot. We were just swimming and making out and laughing. I had the greatest time with him.

In the airport, si Lui iyong may hawak ng mga gamit ko. Inabot niya lang sa akin iyong passport at ticket nung kailangan ko na siyang gamitin. After that, siya na ulit iyong may hawak. I really, really like this. Tapos nung sa may airplane, siya rin iyong naglagay ng gamit ko sa may overhead bin.

Then saw me yawning at nilagay niya iyong airpods pro max niya sa may ulo ko. A relaxing song was already playing. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya, pero imbis na magsalita ay pina-sandal niya lang ako sa balikat niya as if he was telling me that I could fall asleep.

I love this.

I love this so much.

* * *

"Papasok ka na sa work bukas?" I asked him. "I mean mamaya?" I asked kasi ala una na pala ng madaling araw.

Tumango siya habang nilalagay iyong mga gamit namin sa may likuran ng sasakyan niya. Naka-park pala siya dito sa may airport. I felt bad kasi buong araw na kaming nasa labas tapos ako lang naka-tulog kanina sa may eroplano. I told him na ako na lang magda-drive, but he assured me that he's fine and that he wouldn't drive kung inaantok na siya.

"Oh, okay... Good luck," I just told him kasi choice niya naman pumasok sa work.

"Have you decided?" he asked while he was putting on his seatbelt.

"Saan?" tanong ko habang sinusuot ko iyong seatbelt ko.

"Kung san ka magta-trabaho."

Binaba ko iyong vanity mirror at tinignan iyong mukha ko. I looked so tan! Wala kasi kaming ginawa ni Lui kundi magswimming. I mean, nasa coffeeshop siya at nagta-trabaho habang nagsswimming ako o nagssunbathing. Kapag may kakausap sa akin na lalaki, bastos na kung bastos pero tinatalikuran ko agad sila. Alam ko kasi na kapag nakita ni Lui na may kausap ako, lalapitan agad ako non. And ayoko lang maabala siya sa work niya.

Besides, alam ko iyong feeling kapag may kumakausap kay Lui na babae. Nakaka-inis kaya. Ayokong gawin sa kanya kasi alam ko iyong feeling.

"Right..." I replied as I applied lip balm. "May vacant daw sa prosecution ngayon. I applied the other night. May interview ako sa isang araw."

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko nung mapa-tingin ako sa reflection niya sa salamin. "Why?" I asked because he didn't look too happy with my decision. "I mean, maganda naman iyong mga binigay mo sa akin sa may list, pero ayoko muna sa private law firms. Besides, gusto ko talaga ng litigation. And magandang experience sa akin iyong sa prosecution."

Nung nasa big firm pa ako, puro mayayaman iyong clients ko. Not saying na guilty sila, pero obvious naman minsan na sila talaga may kasalanan... Alam ko rin naman na work lang, pero may konsensya din naman ako. I just really tried to separate my personal opinion sa trabaho ko kahit minsan feeling ko nagmamagic na talaga ako para lang ma-twist iyong batas sa favor ng clients namin.

Imagine what I'd feel kapag nasa prosecution na ako?

I surmised that I'd be way happier.

"Ayaw mo ba na nasa prosecution ako?" I asked him. He said no more secrets whatsoever. I looked at him as I waited for his answer. Kung totoo ba iyong sinabi niya sa akin sa Bali na sasabihin niya kung anuman ang nasa utak niya para hindi na siya misteryo sa akin.

"No, if that's what you want," he replied.

"It's what I want," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Okay," he said.

"Okay," I replied.

But it didn't feel okay dahil tahimik kaming dalawa habang nagda-drive siya papunta sa condo ko. The music didn't help either dahil ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin iyong katahimikan.

"Lui," I called when he parked in the basement.

Napa-tingin siya sa 'kin.

"You said no more secrets," I told him.

Lui's hands were on the steering wheel. I knew that it's almost 2AM, but I didn't want to end this day without us addressing this. Kasi siya na nga ang nagsabi na madalas akong mag-overthink. Kaya kailangan ko ng sagot bago ako ang gumawa ng sagot sa utak ko.

"I know," he replied.

"Okay," I said. "What's with your reaction? Ayaw mo na magtrabaho ako sa prosecution?"

"It's not that," he replied. I patiently waited for his response. Kahit siguro abutin kami ng umaga ay maghihintay ako. Mas gusto ko 'yon kaysa isipin ko na naman kung ano na naman ang susunod na magiging misunderstanding namin. I was done with that.

I said no word and just waited until he gathered himself to tell me what he needed to tell me. He didn't even need to tell me everything because I knew that it would be a lot. I just needed him to give me something.

"Sa frat niyo ba? May koneksyon na naman si Lance?" I asked because honestly, might as well sa ibang bansa na ako magtrabaho kung pati prosecution sa may kapit siya.

Umiling si Lui. "No, it's not about him," sagot ni Lui. I just looked at him as I waited for him to continue. "There might be cases... that I might be involved in..."

Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo ko. Napaawang iyong labi ko nang maalala ko iyong sinabi niya sa akin na kaso na dahilan kung bakit baka hindi siya makapagtake ng oath at sign sa roll.

"Iyong sa initiation?" I asked him. "You weren't involved, right?"

"No," he quickly replied.

"Okay. Then, what's the problem?"

Because it wasn't like I'd blame him for something that was out of his control. Parte siya ng frat. Parte din ako ng sorority. I knew that sometimes, decisions that we don't necessarily agree with are made.

It sucks, but it is what it is—that's probably the reason why I went inactive nung third year ako at hindi lang dahil busy talaga ako.

"Can we talk about this later?" he asked as he reached for my cheek and held it. "I still have to go to work in a few hours."

I looked at him and nodded. "Okay..."

He just gazed at me as he leaned in and kissed me on the lips. "I really hope you mean it, Tali," he whispered but when I asked him what he meant, he just gave me a small smile. 

**

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