Chapter 25

I thought I was going to die.

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang humatak sa akin. I used to think that I have survivor's instinct at alam ko ang gagawin ko kung sakaling may masamang mangyari sa akin... but at that point? Nung biglang may humatak sa akin? I froze... at ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay katapusan ko na at sana ay burahin ni Alisha lahat ng laman ng cellphone at laptop ko bago mapunta iyon sa pamilya ko.

"What the fuck, Lui?!" galit na sabi ko sa kanya habang hawak-hawak ko iyong dibdib ko dahil rinig na rinig at ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bilis ng ng pagtibok ng puso ko. I felt like I ran a fucking marathon dahil sa bilis non.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, seemingly more annoyed at me kahit na ako iyong biglaan niya na lang na hinatak papunta sa isang gilid.

Naka-kunot iyong noo ko. Hindi ako makapagsalita dahil hindi pa gumagana iyong utak ko dahil sa mga nangyari.

Instead of answering, I saw him with his jaw clenched and him running his fingers through his hair. He looked very visibly annoyed... mad, even.

"What are you doing?" balik tanong ko sa kanya. Habol-habol ko pa rin iyong paghinga ko.

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot. Naka-tayo lang ako habang naghihintay sa sasabihin niya. I held his gaze. Who the hell did he think he is para bigla na lang akong hatakin dito tapos ay hindi niya sasabihin sa akin kung ano ang kailangan niya?

"I told you," sabi niya habang kita ko iyong malalim na paghinga niya na para bang kino-kontrol niya iyong sarili niya. "I told you to stay away from these people."

I briefly closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. Right. He did tell me that. I knew that he was coming from a good place. I knew that as little as it was, he gave a shit about me. But still, he didn't know what was going on in my life. Hindi niya naman alam iyong problema ko kay Lance at kung bakit ko 'to ginagawa.

"I appreciate the concern, but I'll be fine," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Why are you being stubborn?"

Hindi ko napigilang matawa sa reaction niya. Lumalim iyong pagkunot ng noo niya. Diretso akong tumingin sa mga mata niya.

"I am not being stubborn, Lui. I told you, I appreciate the concern, but I can manage," sagot ko sa kanya.

Once again, I saw how his jaw clenched. Ilang beses ko na ring nakasama si Lui, pero ngayon ko lang siya nakita na nagka-ganito. Even when I was being a pest to him by clinging onto him, hindi ko siya nakita na magka-ganito. He was always... patient with me. To a degree.

So, why was he being like this?

"Can't you just listen to me?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"Tali—"

"Look, I'm fine. Nasa party tayo. Maraming tao. I appreciate your worry and concern, but I don't think they'll do anything to harm me. We're in a public place. And in no way bragging, but top 1 ako sa BAR. I don't think they can do anything to me unless gusto nila ng malaking gulo."

His lips were pressed into a thin line and his stares felt unfamiliar. It was like I could feel him controlling his breathing as he was staring at me with much restraint.

"You're deluded if you think they can't do anything to you dahil Top 1 ka sa BAR exam."

Napaawang iyong labi ko. "What—"

"Tali, these people have done worse things—worse than you can possibly imagine," sabi niya sa akin. "I was serious when I told you to stay away," dugtong niya tapos ay tumingin sa akin. I felt as his eyes dragged from my face down to my feet. His jaw clenched once again at napa-hugot siya ng malalim na hininga. "And then you came here... looking like that..."

Suddenly, I felt very much aware that he was looking at me. May damit naman ako, pero parang gusto kong takpan iyong katawan ko dahil sa pagtingin niya sa akin. But then again, what for? Nakita niya naman na 'tong lahat.

"Are you seriously blaming me?" mabilis na sabi ko sa kanya para matabunan iyong kung anuman ang nasa isip ko nung tignan niya ako.

"Call me sexist or whatever, but I'd rather have that than—" sabi niya at mabilis na natigilan.

"Than what?" I asked nang hindi pa rin siya magpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "You keep on telling me to leave. I keep on telling you that I know what I'm doing. If you want me to listen to you, you have to tell me why. I'm not the same person who'd listen to you blindly," diretso kong sabi sa kanya.

Walang nagsasalita sa pagitan namin.

Naka-tingin lang kami sa isa't-isa.

"I... can't," he said after seconds that felt like forever.

"Okay, then," sagot ko tapos ay akmang tatalikod, pero hindi ko nagawa nang hawakan niya iyong braso ko. I stopped and stared right into his eyes. "Your hand. Please."

Hindi niya tinanggal iyong pagkaka-hawak niya sa akin.

"Just please listen to me."

"No."

"Tali—"

"I know what I'm doing—"

"You don't—"

"Fuck off, Lui."

Hindi pa rin niya tinanggal iyong pagkaka-hawak niya sa akin.

"Can't you just trust me on this one?"

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong ekspresyon sa mukha ko nang marinig ko iyong mga salita na 'yon na lumabas sa bibig niya. Really... trust him? After everything? Did he really expect me to just blindly trust him?

"No," I told him.

"Tali—"

"If you want me to trust you, give me a reason to," sagot ko sa kanya. "I'm not a child, Lui. I can make decisions for myself."

"Tali, these people—"

"You are with them, Lui."

"You don't understand—"

"Then make me," mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya. "Explain to me with words. Hindi iyong bigla mo na lang akong hinahatak at sasabihan na umalis. You don't make any fucking sense."

Hindi pa rin lumuluwag iyong pagkakahawak niya sa braso ko. It was as if he didn't want to let me go. He nodded as he let out a deep breath.

"Fine, but promise me one thing first."

"No."

"Tali—"

"You don't get any favors from me, Lui."

Naka-tingin lang kami sa isa't-isa na para bang tinitignan namin kung sino ang unang susuko. I could stay here all night. I would not bow down against him kahit na alam ko na ngayon ay hinahanap na ako ni Lance.

"You don't love Lance," biglang sabi niya.

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko. "What the hell are you talking about?" tanong ko dahil sa pagka-lito sa sinabi niya.

"You don't love him. You won't have a problem dumping him," imbes ay sabi niya. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang una kong mararamdaman... kung matatawa ba ako o maiinis dahil kung makapagsalita siya ay parang alam na alam niya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

"Wow..." sabi ko habang nakaawang ang mga labi ko. Kulang na lang ay pumalakpak ako sa harapan niya.

"You don't have feelings for him, Tali," he said. "I know how you look like when you have feelings for someone."

It was like there was a lump on my throat.

Hindi ako maka-sagot sa mga sinabi niya.

"Please don't associate yourself with Lance. He's bad news. This whole frat is bad news. I know I'm with them, but it's not because I still want to be here. I'm just... caught in the middle," sabi niya sa akin. Lumuwag iyong pagkaka-hawak niya sa braso ko hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang bumitaw. "Gusto kong sabihin lahat sa 'yo... but, Tali, believe me when I say that I just don't want you caught in the middle with me."

He was just looking at me... and probably waiting for me to just blindly agree with him... kahit wala naman talaga siyang sinabi sa akin para maniwala ako sa kanya...

"No."

I said that as I looked into his eyes. I knew what I was doing. I'd stay here in the party and then go home. I'd finish my contract and go work somewhere else. I would quietly leave my relationship with Lance and he would forget about me.

I knew what I was doing.

"If that's all—"

Both words and air escaped me when Lui closed the distance between us and suddenly, his lips were on mine. Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko sa gulat. Bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko at nanlamig iyong mga kamay ko.

I knew I should push him away.

Hindi 'to tama.

I am still in a relationship with Lance.

But I couldn't move.

All I could hear was the loud beating of my heart.

But I didn't need to push him when I was yanked away from him and suddenly, I could see Lance's eyes and the anger in them. 

**

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