Chapter 21

Lui didn't really talk to me pagkatapos kong sabihin sa kanya 'yon. Hindi ko na rin naman napansin dahil naging busy ako sa legal consult. Nung matapos 'yon, kinausap ko iyong head nung legal aid kasi concerned ako doon sa isang pumunta. She was a minor and even though she was very vague about her questions, I knew that she was pertaining to her teacher abusing her. I tried to pry as gently as I could, pero ayaw niyang magsalita. Hindi ko rin naman siya pwedeng pilitin.

That was what bothered me the whole day... or maybe the whole week, even. Na kahit balik na ako sa contracts na trabaho ko, kapag nagkakaroon ako ng bakanteng oras, bumabalik doon iyong isip ko.

"Are you free this weekend?" tanong ni Lance ulit sa akin nung Friday na. I was cooped up in my office. Gusto kong tapos lahat ng work requirements ko for this week para guilt-free iyong weekend ko.

"Nope, sorry," I replied habang nasa screen pa rin iyong mga mata ko. I remember asking Lance before kung dumadali ba iyong work namin... He said no, but we get better at it. Tama naman siya. Kaya ko na atang magdraft ng pleadings kahit naka-pikit ako.

"Uuwi ka sa inyo?" he asked.

"Nope," I replied.

"Plans with your friends?"

"Nope," I replied again while revising my pleading bago ko i-mark iyon as done.

"Then, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Personal time," I replied. Hindi ako tumingin sa mukha niya dahil alam ko na iyong magiging itsura niya. "I have to have a personal time unless gusto mo akong makitang magka-mental breakdown," I continued saying.

Thankfully, he didn't push the conversation even more kasi pareho naman naming alam na maraming lawyer ang nagkaka-mental breakdown talaga lalo na sa big firms dahil sa dami ng workload. I knew hindi naman talaga personal time iyong sa legal clinic, but I like doing it.

It makes me feel... good.

Ito siguro iyong sinasabi nila na moral dilemma na gumagawa ka ba talaga ng mabuti dahil alam mo na mabuti or just because it makes you feel good about yourself? And in that case, the unselfish act becomes a selfish one?

But did it really matter? At the end of the day, I'm helping someone. Who fucking cares kung bakit ko 'yon ginagawa?

Lance invited me to have dinner with him, but I told him na magkikita na kami ni Alisha. I asked him to join, but he declined. It's fine since I invited him to be polite lang din naman.

"What? 'Di pa ba enough workload mo at nasa legal aid ka naman?" Alisha asked me, confused nung sinabi ko sa kanya iyong weekend plans ko.

"Iba naman 'yon," I replied. "Boring contracts lang iyong ginagawa ko sa work. Ayaw mo ba magtry don?"

Her face contorted like I just suggested that she swim in a polluted river with an open wound. "No, thanks," sabi niya sa 'kin. "I'd rather spend my weekends doing anything else but working."

"Ang saya kaya. Nasusubok talaga iyong utak ko."

"Magpilates na lang tayo," she said. "Or yoga? Or spin class? Or basically anything other than working."

I shrugged. "I'm free naman ng Sunday," I told her since every Saturday lang 'yung legal aid.

"Wala kayong date or something ni Lance?"

"No, it's fine," I told her. I'd rather do pilates or anything else kaysa umattend na naman sa networking event ni Lance.

Alisha and I continued to talk nung bigla kong ma-mention na kasama ko si Lui sa may legal aid. Napa-hinto siya sa pag-sip niya nung amaretto niya.

"What? Why didn't you start with that? Ang dami mo pang sinabi na boring na bagay!"

"What? Hindi naman boring 'yon!" I told her kasi I was telling her about the zoning ordinance na binasa ko nung isang araw kasi may nagtanong sa akin sa legal clinic tungkol sa kung sino iyong may rights sa parking sa harap ng bahay nila.

"It is," sabi ni Alisha. "So, what happened with Lui?"

I shrugged. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yes. Nothing," I replied. "We greeted each other tapos nagsmoke kami—"

"What?"

"I mean, nauna ako doon tapos sumunod siya."

"He followed you?"

"Hindi naman siguro," I told her. "Maybe he was just also looking for a place tapos nakita niya na nandon na ako," I continued because I refuse to put colors in his otherwise innocent action.

Alisha prodded me to continue, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her kung ano iyong sinabi ko kay Lui nung huli. I didn't even know why I said that. I knew I shouldn't have said that. Kasi ano naman kung top ako tapos siya hindi? Pareho lang naman kaming pumasa.

But... the way he'd say my name...

It really rubbed me the wrong way.

Like couldn't we just be civil? Must he call my name with such familiarity? Na parang hindi niya hinide iyong IG stories niya sa akin before? Na parang hindi ko dineactivate lahat ng social media accounts ko kasi nasasaktan ako noon na hindi ko nakikita iyong stories niya dahil alam ko na naka-hide lahat sa 'kin?

"Maybe," Alisha said. "Saka galing sila sa same frat ni Atty. Serrano, right? I don't think Lui will dare."

"Right..."

* * *

I didn't know why my freaking conscience wouldn't let me rest. Na-guilty talaga ako sa sinabi ko kay Lui saka feeling ko ang condescending ko sa part na 'yon.

Napa-tingin si Lui sa akin nang ilagay ko sa harapan niya iyong coffee na binili ko. He didn't say a word, but he slightly arched his brow.

"Just accept it," I said.

"Baka may lason 'to," he replied.

"If I wanted you dead, I'd rather hire a hitman," I told him. May narinig ako sa work tungkol sa mga gun for hire. Ang mura lang pala non—which sent chills up my spine kasi... iyon na 'yon? Iyon lang ang presyo ng buhay ng tao?

Natawa siya. "If you did, tell them to shoot me here," sabi niya sabay hawak sa dibdib niya. "Wouldn't want to mess this," dugtong niya sabay turo sa mukha niya.

I rolled my eyes at him tapos ay naupo na ako sa pwesto ko. The consultation began at nawala na sa isip ko iyong katabi ko. Napa-tingin lang ako doon nang makita ko na abutan ni Lui ng tissue iyong babae sa harapan niya. I was a bit taken aback... for some reason.

Was it because I remembered all those times na pinuntahan niya ako at pinatahan dahil umiiyak ako? Na binigyan ko ng kulay lahat ng 'yon? When in fact, here he is, doing just the same.

He didn't really care about me that way.

He was just being a decent human.

God, it was really just me—it was all in my head.

"You need anything?" tanong ni Lui nang mapansin niya na naka-tingin lang ako sa kanila.

Mabilis akong umiling. "Nope," sabi ko tapos ay inabot ko lang iyong kape ko at ininom iyon para mahimasmasan ako nang kaunti.

Nung lunch break, hindi ako pumunta doon sa smoking area. Nagstay ako sa may area at nakipagsocialize sa ibang mga lawyer doon. I saw Lui looking at me, but I pretended that I didn't notice. It was easy dahil ang dami kong pwedeng makausap na iba bukod sa kanya.

By the end of the lunch break, ang dami kong bagong nakilala. Sure, hindi sila mga Supreme Court justices o partners ng kung anumang firm, but I was happy. Kaya ko naman palang makipagsocialize on my own terms.

The consultation continued. Nakakapagod, pero masaya din at the same time. Nung natapos na 'yon, nagpaalam na agad ako kasi may lakad pa kami bukas ni Alisha.

"What—" sabi ko at natigilan ako dahil nakita ko si Lance na nasa may labas nung building kung saan nagaganap iyong legal aid.

"This is your weekend plan?" he asked. There was no hint of anything on his face, but I knew him better.

Umayos ako ng tayo. "Akala ko may lakad ka?" I asked because why was he here? Dito ba iyong lakad niya?

"Papunta pa lang ako don," he told me.

"Ah... May kailangan ka dito?"

"Someone told me you're here."

"Someone?" I asked. "What? You're having me watched now?" pabiro kong sabi kahit naiinis ako na bakit may nagrereport sa kanya kung nasaan ako?

"Of course not," he replied. "Someone just mentioned how commendable it is that you're still doing pro-bono here despite everything you have going on."

Hindi ako nagsalita. I was waiting for him to say his piece. Pagod na kasi ako buong araw. Gusto ko na umuwi at matulog.

"Anyway, are you done here?"

"Yes."

"Good," he said. "The dinner will start in an hour. Pwede pa tayong dumaan sa condo mo para makapagpalit ka."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What? Ano'ng dinner?"

"The one I mentioned last night," he said. Tumingin siya sa relo niya. "You can go straight to your condo. May bibilhin lang ako tapos dadaanan kita doon para sabay na tayo," he continued without even asking me kung okay lang ba sa akin na dumiretso pa sa dinner.

He didn't even give me the chance to say no dahil hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi tapos ay naglakad na siya paalis.

I just stood there, dumbfounded.

What?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo doon dahil bigla na nasa tabi ko na si Lui.

"Shut up," agad na sabi ko nung naramdaman ko na magsasalita siya. I was having a headache dahil sa sinabi ni Lance. I was really looking forward to sleeping in my bed.

"I didn't say anything," sagot niya.

"You were about to."

"I wasn't going to say anything," he replied. "It's not my place to make a comment on."

I snapped my head at his direction. The words he's using and his tone didn't match up.

"Good," I said. "Keep it that way."

"Alright," he replied, placing his hands in his pocket. "He really cares about your career."

I knew Lui; I knew that this wasn't an innocent observation. If anything, this was a dig.

"He does," sagot ko. I didn't like how Lance tries to control where my career is going, but it's my call to make. Lui doesn't get to have a say in that.

"When he mentioned that you're focusing on Corpo and Arbitration, I'd admit that I was a bit surprised," sabi niya. I didn't say a word. "I always thought you'd be in litigation."

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko.

"But what do I know, right? Baka nagbago ka na talaga," he continued before walking away. 

**

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