Chapter 07

'Wru? Study out tayo? I'm going insane.'

Naka-tingin ako sa text ni Alisha sa akin. Back then, I'd always disliked girls who'd ditch their friends para sa boyfriend nila. Mas nakaka-inis iyong mga hindi magpaparamdam kapag may boyfriend sila tapos biglang magpapa-kita kapag break. Tapos kapag okay na ulit sila o may bagong boyfriend na, magdidisappear na naman.

But maybe Lui really performed some kind of voodoo on me.

'Sorry can't right now :((( Next week promise.'

I felt guilty. Gusto ko rin namang makasama si Alisha sa review, but with Lui, I really felt like I was on some kind of borrowed time. Ilang beses niya ng nabanggit sa akin na 'wag ko siyang seryosohin. I was trying my best to do just that. Sometimes, though, some feelings would slip through the crack... but then I'd always remind myself na hanggang BAR review lang 'to.

At best, I had a few months... maiintindihan naman siguro ni Alisha kung gusto ko lang sulitin iyong oras.

'Here.'

Agad na kinuha ko iyong mga gamit ko nung ma-receive ko iyong message ni Lui na nasa baba na siya. Dumiretso ako sa sasakyan niya nung nakita ko na naka-hinto iyon sa labas ng condo ko. I got in his car and he just gave me a small nod. I saw him stretching his neck and then putting his left hand on his nape.

"Okay ka lang?" I asked him.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. "Yeah, why?"

"You look kinda off," I told him.

I mean, I didn't really know kung ano kaming dalawa. Ayoko rin namang isipin kung ano kaming dalawa. Ang goal ko lang ay magreview at saka mag-enjoy. Kasi based on experience, tuwing iniisip ko kung ano kami ni Lui, nagkaka-migraine lang ako.

So, I decided na maging in denial at delulu muna ako at least kahit ngayong review period lang.

"Medyo masakit lang 'yung ulo ko," sabi niya sa akin.

I looked at his face. Halata na pagod siya dahil sa mga mata niya. Siguro masyado lang akong laging naka-tingin sa mukha niya kaya napapansin ko kahit konting pagbabago lang.

"Natulog ka ba?" He nodded. "Ilang oras?"

He shrugged. "Four?"

"Akala ko ba nurse ka? Bakit 'di mo alam na masama 'yang ganyang tulog?"

He turned his head to look at me. He gave me a small smile kaya nakita ko na naman 'yang bwisit na dimples niya. "You're worried about me," he stated, cocking his head to the side.

I scoffed. "Feeler ka talaga," sabi ko sa kanya tapos ay natawa lang siya. "Di mo ba alam na ang golden rule sa review ay bawal magka-sakit?" sabi ko. "Besides, sabi sa akin, kailangan daw na ayusin natin 'yung body clock natin na aral sa umaga tapos tulog sa gabi. Kasi kapag hindi, baka antukin tayo sa mismong exam."

He was just staring at me—a little too long for my comfort kaya naman nagsimula akong makaramdam ng pagkakailang. Hindi ko talaga kaya na naka-titig sa akin si Lui. Pakiramdam ko ay malulusaw na lang talaga ako.

"So, what do you suggest that we do?" sabi niya tapos ay napa-tingin sa orasan. It was quarter past 7PM. "Uwi na lang ba ako?"

Uuwi na lang siya? I had looked forward to seeing him tonight. For the past week, sabay kaming nag-aaral sa study hub. I had grown fond of our little routine. Susunduin niya ako around 7PM tapos sabay kaming pupunta sa study hub. We'd study there until 11PM tapos ay pupunta kami sa condo niya. Then uuwi ako around 2AM. Tapos ay papasok ulit ako sa review center.

I had to stock up on vitamins dahil pakiramdam ko ay magkaka-sakit na ako sa schedule namin... Kahit nung sa law school nga ay hindi ko ginagawa 'yon. Believer kaya ako ng complete sleep hours! Super bihira lang ako nag-a-all nighter. Iba talaga ang hatak sa akin ng Lui na 'to.

"Yup," I said kahit labag sa loob ko. "Just go to sleep and have some rest. See you sa review center," I continued tapos ay dumiretso na akong lumabas kahit gustung-gusto ko pa talaga magstay sa sasakyan niya and be in his proximity.

Dire-diretso lang akong naglakad at hindi ko siya nilingon dahil baka biglang magbago iyong isip ko kapag nakita ko siya. Saka... pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ko na rin ng pahinga. I had been over-exerting myself. I was feeling the fatigue already. Buong araw na ako sa review center tapos nag-aaral na naman ako kasama si Lui sa gabi. At this point, baka magtop na ako sa BAR exam sa sipag ko! Masshock buong pamilya ko, if ever.

I tried to sleep, but it was like my whole body was already used to staying up late. Instead of forcing myself to sleep, nandon na lang ako sa couch at saka nanonood ng Kdrama pampatulog.

"What the—" I said when I saw Lui's face sa isa sa mga Instagram Story ng sis ko. I had to go back to the story para ma-check kung siya ba talaga 'yon.

Wow... ako na nga nagmalasakit sa kanya para makapagrest siya, tapos pupunta siya sa club? Also, bakit nasa club iyong sis ko? It's literally Thursday! Hindi ba siya makapaghintay ng Friday para pumarty?

I kept on telling myself that it wasn't my place to police kung anuman ang ginagawa ni Lui. I told him na magpahinga siya. He's a nurse. Dapat alam niya na kailangan niyang magpahinga.

It's not my business—ugh! But what if may babae siyang makilala sa club? What if may dalhin siya sa condo niya tapos—

Mabilis akong umiling. Nope. No, Tali. Literally wala kang pakielam dapat sa kung anuman ang ginagawa ni Lui. Also, kung gagamitin mo lang 'yang utak mo for a change, dapat siguro ay tigilan mo na rin ang pakikipaghookup kay Lui. See how he's in a club? May iuuwi na naman 'yan. Hindi ka ba kinikilabutan na part ka ng harem ni Lui? Where's the pride, Italia Reign?!

'Are you resting?'

I opted to text him instead. This was already a bargain for me. Gusto ko talaga siyang puntahan, pero napaka-weird ko naman kung bigla akong susulpot doon. Kahit pa sabihin ko sa kanya na nakita ko lang siya sa story ng sis ko, I doubted if he'd focus on that and not on the fact na pumunta ako sa club dahil lang nakita ko siya roon.

'Yes.'

'In bed?'

Hindi agad siya naka-reply. I was just holding my phone and staring at it like na para bang bibilis ang pagrereply niya kapag naka-titig lang ako doon.

'No, I'm out.'

'We have review class tomorrow.'

'I know. Sandali lang ako dito.'

'Nasan ka ba?'

Shucks. Mukha ba akong pushy? Mukha ba akong clingy? O baka pwede niya namang basahin na parang concerned citizen lang ako?

'Club,' he replied after a few minutes. I read his message from the notification bar. Ilang minuto rin iyong lumipas na hindi ako nagrereply kasi hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko doon. 'Wanna join?'

I should say no. Nasa condo na ako. Naka-pajama na nga ako. Ready na akong matulog. May klase pa kami bukas.

Pero kailan ba nanalo ang logic sa gusto ko talagang mangyari?

* * *

Normally, matagal ako mamili ng isusuot ko lalo na kapag alam ko na maraming makaka-kita sa akin. But tonight, masyado akong nagmamadali. I opted for a little black dress... but then again, one could never go wrong with a little black dress. I also wore my red strappy heels. At dahil nagmamadali talaga ako, I just let my hair loose at saka nagred lipstick ako.

I got inside the club and I definitely didn't miss the noise and the smell of smoke. Tumingin ako sa paligid at so far, wala pa naman akong nakikita na kakilala ko. I mean, yeah, malakas uminom mga tao sa law school, pero bihira lang ako maka-rinig ng nagpaparty in the middle of the week. The partying and getting drunk and wasted were usually reserved for Saturday nights.

Naka-tayo lang ako sa may malapit sa hagdan paakyat sa VIP area nang may biglang bumulong sa tenga ko. Halos mapa-talon ako sa gulat.

"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," sabi ni Lui nang makita ko siya na naka-tayo sa likuran ko. Iba na iyong suot niya ngayon sa suot niya kanina. He's now wearing a faded blue jeans and white longsleeves na naka-bukas iyong unang tatlong butones. He's also wearing his silver chain necklace.

I was about to reply, but my vocabulary failed me nang makita ko na tinignan niya ako mula ulo papuntang paa pabalik sa mukha ko.

"Well, damn," sabi niya.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling shy because he's still staring at me intently.

"Nothing," he replied, slowly shaking his head. "Red looks good on you."

Mabuti na lang at madilim dahil kung hindi, makikita niya na kulay pula na rin iyong pisngi ko at dulo ng tenga ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

"T-thanks," I said. Naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin. "What?" I asked again.

"I'm still thinking," sagot niya.

"About?"

"What to do with you," he replied, and then he took a sip from the glass of whiskey that he was holding. "I plan to stay here for another hour but," he said and then stopped.

"But what?"

"But look at you," he replied and then drew a deep breath and slowly shook his head.

"Pwede namang dito lang tayo," sabi ko kahit rinig na rinig ko iyong malakas na tibok ng puso ko kahit ang lakas din ng tugtog dito sa club.

I just stood in front of him, waiting sa kung ano ang susunod na gagawin niya. He was just looking at me. His eyes weren't leaving mine. Parang bigla akong nauhaw sa paraan ng pagtingin niya.

And then he grabbed my hand and dragged me with him. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin hanggang sa huminto kami sa isang madilim na parte ng club. Ni hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na magsalita dahil bigla niya akong sinandal sa pader.

There was no space between our bodies. Ramdam niya rin kaya iyong bilis ng tibok ng puso ko?

"What... are we gonna do?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Make out," he replied as his right hand went to the side of my neck while his left hand was on the side of my waist and his thumb tracing patterns there.

"Baka may maka-kita," sagot ko sa kanya.

"I don't think so."

"Pero—"

"And I don't think they can blame me," he replied as his left hand pulled me closer to him. My lips parted when I felt how hard he was for me. God. Kaya tamang desisyon talaga na pumunta ako dito. Dapat talaga naniniwala ako lagi sa instincts ko.

"I mean, look at you," he said as he placed his right hand under my chin and made me look up to him. "The things I want to do to you..." he whispered when he leaned in close to my left ear.

I could feel his the tip of his nose as he slowly dragged a line from my left ear to my cheek to my nose. And then his lips were dangerously close to mine... But he wouldn't close the distance and just kiss me. Para akong mamamatay sa paghihintay.

"Please," I said when he still wouldn't kiss me.

"Please what?" he replied.

"Kiss me," I pleaded.

And then he kissed me... but he was kissing me so slowly... so painfully slow that it felt an itch that I couldn't scratch. I tried to wrap my arms around his neck so that I could pull him closer to me, but I couldn't because he grabbed both my arms and pinned them against the wall.

Lui continued to kiss me slowly and it felt like torture.

I wanted him to kiss me like his life depended on it.

Para akong mamamatay sa bagal ng paghalik niya sa akin.

He continued to kiss me slowly. I opened my mouth and thrusted my tongue in his mouth. I felt him chuckling against my lips. Why was he laughing at me? I bit his lower lip. Napa-tigil siya at napa-atras. Binitawan niya iyong mga kamay ko na nasa itaas pa rin ng ulo ko.

"So impatient," he said as he swiped his thumb across his lower lip to check for blood.

"It was frus—"

But then he cupped my face with both his hands and began kissing me again... only this time, he was kissing me like he meant it. This was how I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me like he'd die if he stopped. I wanted him to kiss me that I'd forget that other people existed outside of the two of us.

We were kissing quickly and deeply and his hands were touching my body. His left hand was on my neck and his right hand was on my chest... down to my stomach... then to my—

"Not here," I said when I felt his hand in the middle of my legs. I looked at him. My lips felt sore from all the kissing, but I didn't mind. "We're future lawyers, Lui. We can't have sex—"

"We won't," he said as he pressed his thumb against me and began rubbing. "We're the only people here," he continued as he looked around to check our surroundings.

Oh, god... He was only caressing me down there, pero pakiramdam ko ay lalagutan na ako ng hininga.

"I won't fuck you in a public place, Tali. I'm a gentleman," he said, looking straight into my eyes. And then he leaned in and whispered, "I just want to finger you." My heart drummed loudly inside my chest. "Is that okay with you?" he asked.

I couldn't even find the words... but I found myself nodding to his proposal.

"Thank you," he said as I felt him putting his fingers inside my underwear and then began to rub me like the expert that he was. His mouth was still on my ear. "The music is loud, Tali. No one can hear you but me. You can moan," he continued as he rubbed me faster.

I was breathing deeply.

Para akong mababaliw.

Naka-kapit iyong magkabila kong kamay sa mga balikat niya.

"You can come now," he said like he knew the exact moment that I'd come undone... like he knew me better than I knew myself.

Habol-habol ko pa iyong paghinga ko nang lumuhod si Lui. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa niya doon nang hilahin niya pababa iyong underwear ko.

"What are you doing—" I asked when he managed to get me to remove my undies. But then he began to wipe me down there. Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko dahil sa ginagawa niya. "What the heck—"

"What? Would you rather walk around with your cu—"

I groaned. "Stop, please."

Natawa lang siya tapos ay napaawang iyong labi ko nang ilagay niya sa bulsa sa likod niya iyong panty ko. "For safekeeping," he said.

"You freaking weirdo."

"What? Gusto mong ilagay 'to d'yan sa bag mo?" he asked. "What can you even put in that little bag?" he continued habang naka-tingin sa may Prada handbag ko.

Lui waited for me to fix myself bago kami lumabas. Wala siyang sinabi kung saan kami pupunta, pero sasama naman ako kahit saan niya ako dalhin.

"Gutom ka ba?" he asked while we're walking. "Okay ka lang?" he asked when he saw na medyo mabagal ako maglakad.

"No."

"Why?"

"Hindi ako sanay."

"Na?"

"Na maglakad na walang panty."

Napaawang iyong labi ni Lui tapos ay nakita ko na tatawa na siya nang mapa-hinto kami dahil nakita namin iyong ibang mga kasama niya sa frat. Papasok pa lang sila sa club. Nagtatawanan sila nang malakas na parang sila ang may-ari ng lugar na 'to.

"My car's parked outside," sabi niya nang iabot sa akin iyong keyfob ng sasakyan niya. "Wait for me there," he continued before walking quickly and leaving me in the dark hallway where I probably belonged.

**

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