Chapter 01

I had to drown myself in sashimi to forget the fact na walang Lui ang nagmessage sa akin habang nasa Japan ako. Buti na lang at mag-isa lang ako na pumunta doon kasi kung hindi, baka maawa or mainis na sila sa akin dahil sa constant na pag-check ko sa phone ko. At one point, nainis na rin ako kasi every time na may notification sa phone ko, super bilis ko siyang kunin...

Only to always get disappointed when I realized that it was not the notification I was eagerly waiting for.

"How was the trip?"Alisha asked me. We met at a coffeeshop to have brunch. I went to Japan to unwind. Alisha and some of our other sisters went to Siargao. They invited me to go there din, but I knew that they'd just be partying—again—so I immediately told them about my Japan trip.

Ugh.

If alam ko lang na may makikilala ako na Lui na guguluhin ang isip ko, e 'di sana pumunta na lang din ako sa Siargao and nagparty. Basing on the groupchat, ang dami nilang nakilala na gwapong guys. Maybe I could've met someone else...

But gosh... every time I'd think about Lui? And what he did to me? I'd get weak in the knees...

Ganoon lang kaya talaga siya ka-talented or dahil first time ko lang kaya everything was literally new to me?

I shrugged at Alisha. "It was fine."

"Just fine?"

"I mean, it's Japan. I had fun," I told her as I stirred the paper straw in my iced coffee.

Alisha's forehead creased. "Okay... If you say so," she replied although I knew that she wanted to press me some more, but she could see on my face na wala ako sa mood makipag-usap about whatever was bothering me.

"Anyway, where will you enroll?"

"Not yet sure," I replied. "I wanna see muna kung kasama ba ako sa list of graduating students."

She groaned. "Right," she said. "But let's claim it na."

"Don't wanna. Baka ma-jinx."

"Never ka naman nagka-failing grade sa law school."

"That was swerte lang."

"Swerte my ass."

Tinawanan ko lang siya. I mean, for sure nag-aaral naman talaga ako... but in law school, I feel like luck really has a part in everything. Minsan kasi pwede ka mag-aral the whole freaking night but what if may topak that day iyong prof mo and bigla kang i-ask doon sa concept na literally once lang na-mention sa book? Malas lang talaga.

"Swerte talaga!" I said as I listed down some of the professors that I had in my major subjects na known na mabait magbigay ng grades. Ewan ko. Swerte lang talaga ako sa part na 'yon kasi may mga sections talaga na parang gusto na paalisin ng school kasi puro terror prof iyong napupunta sa kanila.

"But yeah... I just don't wanna think about it first hanggang walang naka-announce na list of graduates," I continued. "I plan to enjoy the next few weeks or months."

"Wala munang review?"

"Nope," I replied. "I mean, I think we deserve to have fun. It was a hard year."

And then my phone vibrated. It was like a reflex—the way I grabbed my phone to check kung may nagmessage ba doon... but it was just a freaking notification from Gmail.

"What?" I asked nang mapa-tingin ako kay Alisha and saw her looking weirdly at me.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head. "You just looked... so disappointed at whatever it was that popped on your phone."

I sighed and took another sip of my iced coffee. I pondered for a while kung sasabihin ko ba kay Alisha because clearly, she warned me that Lui's bad news... pero ako itong baliw ang sumama pa rin sa kanya despite all warning signs.

I mean, I did enjoy! But at what cost? My sanity?

"May sasabihin ako," I began. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin, waiting for me to continue. "But don't be mad at me."

"Okay?"

I drew a deep breath. "Remember the party right after our Commrev exam?"

She nodded. "Yeah, what about that?"

"Well... 'di ba I disappeared?"

She nodded again. "Yeah," she said. "Sob told me that she saw you leaving. You weren't replying, so I thought umuwi ka na or something since pinilit lang din naman kita na pumunta doon."

Tumango lang din ako as I played with the straw again. I wanna save the turtles, too, but damn, these paper straws... I might really have to start carrying my own straws at this point.

"About that..."

Alisha was looking at me. Her forehead creased like she was trying to decipher what happened that night... And it didn't take long before she realized what could've happened.

"Oh, my god," she mouthed.

I looked at her and nodded. "Yes."

Her eyes widened. "You and... Lui?"

I nodded again as I felt my face getting hotter because once again, I remembered the things he did to me that night. Gosh! When I said make it memorable? He definitely made it a night that I would often recall...

The things that guy did to me...

"Oh, my god ka, Tali!" she said kaya medyo napa-tingin sa amin iyong ibang tao dito sa coffeeshop.

"I know!" I said in agreement kasi anyone who knows me knows that I don't really do hookups. Some frat guys call me a tease kasi hanggang kiss and makeout lang minsan ang kaya ko. I mean, whatever.

"So, what happened?!"

I began to tell her about what happened that night. I tried to be very vague doon sa mga specific details nung mga ginawa namin ni Lui because ewan ko... Even if he's kinda ghosting me now, I could still appreciate the fact that he made me feel good. Narinig ko na kasi dati sa mga sis ko na iyong first time nila ay sobrang ewan.

"From 1 to 11am?!" I nodded. "Oh, my god."

"I know!" I agreed again.

"Kaya siguro nagsasabunutan iyong mga sis natin dahil sa kanya..." she said.

I mentally groaned because I immediately hated the fact that he touched other girls. Gusto ko ako lang... and ang kapal ng mukha ko sa part na 'yan e ni hindi nga ako tinext after.

"So what happened? Nag-uusap pa rin kayo ngayon?"

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. Nahihiya ba ako? Kasi after ko literally ioffer iyong sarili ko sa kanya, ni hindi man lang siya nagmessage sa akin. Gusto ko na lang i-convince iyong sarili ko na nanakawan ng cellphone si Lui, pero parang tanga lang.

"Nope," I simply said.

Napa-kunot iyong noo ni Alisha. "What?"

I averted my gaze at naka-tingin na lang ako sa table and I was just playing with my avocado toast. "I think... he ghosted me."

I threw Alisha a quick look and saw the reaction on her face. I thought she'd at least feel bad for me, but I just saw the 'see? I told you so' look on her face. And in her defense, she really did tell me so! She quite literally pulled me away from Lui and told me that he's bad news... Ako lang naman itong talagang sinundan si Lui mula sa club papunta sa shower niya tapos sa couch tapos sa carpet tapos sa kama tapos against the window tapos in front of the mirror...

Ugh!

That night will forever haunt me kasi mauulit pa ba ulit iyong ganon?! Kaya bang gawin ng ibang lalaki 'yon?!

"What? Won't you try to console me?" I kidded.

Alisha shrugged. "Eh," she said, waving her hand. "At the very least, you got a good experience for your first time."

I wrinkled my nose. "So, you think hindi na siya magpaparamdam sa akin ulit?"

"Do you want my honest opinion or do you want me to be delulu with you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Honest opinion."

"Okay," she said. "We both know Lui—"

"I really didn't—"

"Fine," she said, cutting me off. "You met him that night, but surely, you heard stories about him na rin naman. We all heard stories about him flirting and hooking up with girls from different sororities. You know about our own sisters fighting because of him. He's literally banned from our events. You know who he is... yet you still ended up in his bed," she continued. "I mean... this is quite expected, don't you think?"

Hindi ako nakapagsalita kasi I was being slapped with the truth.

"Or did you become delulu for a second and thought na 'I can change him?'"

I rolled my eyes. "Hindi, ah," I said. "It was just a hookup."

"Yeah, right, but abang na abang ka if magtetext siya."

"Not really, noh."

"What made you think ba na kaya mo makipag-hookup?"

I shrugged. "Why not? People do it."

"Yes, other people do it."

"Then why not me?"

"Because babe, your heart is in your vagina."

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. "Alisha!"

Natawa siya sa akin. "I'm right, though. Lui fucked you once and now, you think you're in love with him."

"Correction—eight times."

She rolled her eyes. "He's good, noh?" I nodded. "That's because he's had lots of practice," Alisha continued that made me frown. "Tali, babe, Lui's not the kind of guy girls like you should mess with."

I just pursed my lips as I massacred my avocado toast.

"Think of it as a blessing in disguise na lang na hindi ka na niya minessage," Alisha said and I just nodded kasi ano pa ba magagawa ko? I left my number and he didn't message... That's like a clear sign that he wasn't interested in anything else with me.

* * *

I tried to divert my attention. Naglinis na lang ako ng condo. I arranged all my materials per BAR subject para if kailangan ko sila, mas madali na silang hanapin. Iniisip ko rin if uuwi ba ako sa province, but decided against it kasi nandito na rin naman sa Manila karamihan ng high school friends ko so wala din akong gagawin masyado doon.

Most of my close friends from the sorority ay mga ka-batch ko lang din. Naka-enroll na sila sa advance review for the BAR kaya wala na rin silang time makipagkita sa akin. Super sipag nila kasi iba pa iyon sa mismong BAR review. Hindi ba sila napagod sa fourth year namin kasi naubos na talaga iyong energy ko doon... Balak ko talaga magstart ng review four months before the actual exam.

So, while everyone else around me was busy preparing for the much dreaded BAR exams, I was trying to be busy doing anything but. I went to get hair treatment, my nails done, spa, signed up for the gym again, and even tried if I'd enjoy playing golf—it was frustrating dahil gusto ko na lang pulutin iyong bola at ako na ang magshoot doon sa butas... But I liked my golf outfits, so I think I'd keep on playing.

While I was on my bed and was just browsing and watching Instagram Stories, bigla akong napa-hinto when I thought I saw the face that was haunting me for quite a while now.

It was a story of one of my sisters. She was doing a selfie boomerang and biglang may nahagip na mukha from the background. I wanted to zoom in on it sa app, but hindi pala pwede. I had to screenshot the video and then zoom in on it doon sa gallery ko.

It's him!

Masyado na ata akong delulu like what Alisha said kasi kahit medyo blurry iyong screenshot ko, sigurado ako na si Lui 'yon! He was wearing a dark blue Ralph Lauren polo shirt at naka-upo siya sa likuran ng sis ko. It's him—same haircut and all that. Hawak niya iyong phone niya.

So, may phone pa pala siya—hindi lang siya marunong magtext.

Ilang minuto ako na naka-tingin lang sa screenshot ng blurry na mukha ni Lui... What the heck would I do with this piece of information?

'Siiiiis! What review center ka?' I messaged my sister.

'Legal verge!!!'

'Maganda ba jan?' I asked para hindi masyadong halata.

'Yes magandaaaa why? I thought di ka pa magrereview?'

'Eh nakaka bore pala saka lahat kayo nagrereview na e.'

She asked me a few questions pa but while talking to her, I went to the site of the review center, saw that tapos na iyong enrollment period nila for the advance BAR review. I still emailed them din in hopes na papayagan nila ako na mag-enroll pa rin. I included in the email na magbabayad pa rin ako in full kahit na two weeks na nagstart iyong review.

A few hours later, I received a good news. I smiled to myself as I saw na may schedule ng review bukas. Buti na lang at kaka-treatment and color pa lang ng buhok ko. May eyelash extension din ako and new nails.

I woke up early the next day. 8AM iyong start nung review class. Gusto ko pumunta nang maaga doon, pero sa parking muna ako para hintayin si Lui. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung saan siya uupo if ever. Pero hindi naman ako stalker! I would not stalk and follow him outside naman!

I arrived there at around 7:30AM. May dala din naman talaga ako na laptop kasi magrereview din naman ako. Wala naman akong balak na titigan siya the whole day. After a while, I saw him arriving. Lumabas siya mula sa black na BMW car. See? Hindi ako stalker kasi ni hindi ko nga alam na 'yan ang car niya!

He was wearing a light gray polo shirt once again, blue maong pants, saka white lowcut converse. May black na backpack din na naka-sabit sa left arm niya. Hawak niya na naman iyong cellphone niya. Tss. Lagi naman niyang hawak pero hindi nagtetext.

He was walking alone. Tinignan ko muna iyong itsura ko sa salamin bago nagspray ulit ng perfume. Lumabas na ako sa sasakyan but natigilan ako nang may makita ako na babae na biglang sumabay kay Lui sa paglalakad. Napa-tingin sa kanya si Lui and then magkakilala yata sila kasi nag-uusap na sila papasok sa review center.

Baka friends lang. Whatever.

Pumasok na rin ako sa loob. Mabuti na lang at nakita ako nung mga sis ko kaya sabay-sabay na kami pumasok sa room. Nakita ko na nasa bandang likuran si Lui. Katabi niya na naman iyong babae. Nasa bandang gitna kami. Hindi ko alam if nakita niya na ba ako kasi nasa cellphone lang iyong atensyon niya... Sino ba ka-text niya?

Hanggang sa dumating na iyong lecturer namin for the day kaya wala na akong choice kung hindi ang makinig.

When lunch time came, nag-aya iyong mga sis ko na sa restaurant kami kumain. I told them na susunod na lang ako sa kanila kasi napansin ko na may kausap na naman si Lui sa phone niya. Sino kaya 'yon?

Nung tumayo na siya tapos ay lumabas, tumayo na rin ako. He was still looking at his phone while he was walking. I was behind him. Then he stopped kaya nabunggo niya ako because I was like just a meter behind him—I was trying to get a whiff of his cologne, sue me!

"Shit, sorry—" he said, turning around to face me. Natigilan siya. He looked at me, his forehead creased like he was trying to remember kung saan niya ako nakita. I wanted to be offended—I was offended! Ganoon ba ako ka-forgettable?! Samantalang siya naaalala ko every second of the day?

But I quickly gathered myself. Years of denying na naka-makeout ko iyong mga frat guys kapag nakikita ko sila around campus finally came in handy.

"Oh... Sorry, gosh, I forgot your name," sabi ko sa kanya while smiling and trying to look apologetic.

He was still looking at me. "Lui," he said.

"Right. Lui," I repeated.

"Tali, right?"

"Oh, you remembered."

"You wrote me a note," he said.

My lips almost parted with what he said. So, nakita niya iyong note. He just chose not to message me. I drew a deep breath and maintained the expression on my face. No freaking big deal, Italia Reign Hernaez. Keep your composure.

"Was just trying to be polite," I told him, smiling and pretending like I didn't want to run away because I felt like paunti-unti ng nauubos iyong pride ko. "Didn't want to literally just leave while you were sleeping," I continued. "But noted—next time I hook up with someone, I won't bother with a note and just leave quietly."

**

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