"Who even decided that trial by combat should be a thing anyway?" Tyrion sat on the straw scattered floor twiddling his thumbs waiting for the day that his trial could take place.

"Well, if your champion wins then clearly you have the god's favour." You had managed to get into a surprisingly similar situation to the Imp and had found yourself sharing a prison cell with him in Kings Landing dungeons.

"Yes, you buffoon, I understand why we do it, just not... why we do it. Why even choose a champion, I'm sure I could take on Cersei myself divine intervention or not."

"Be careful my Lord, talk like that will remove any doubt from their mind about their verdict."

"Oh please, they had the guilty verdict before I was even on trial. If anything, Tywin was just looking for a reason to put his abomination of a son on the chopping block. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to find a suitable champion from in here though." He raised his small wrists to show the thick steel chains that chafed his arms raw.

"I could always be your champion?" You suggested half-jokingly. "I've always been handy with a sword."

"Do you know who she's sending out?" You shook your head. "Well he's about six foot seven, and of similar weight and stature to a bear. He would merely have to wink at you and my fate is sealed." Tyrion scratched his head with what little manoeuvrability he had left.

"I think to be honest with you, I'm just well and truly fucked. I wouldn't even be mad, but it wasn't me that killed the decrepit little prick."

"I know that and you know that, to be honest they probably do anyway, they just don't care." You looked around to make sure that nobody was listening in on you. "Just out of interest though, if you were to have done it... how would it have been?"

Tyrion laughed and smiled to himself, looking up to the ceiling as if recalling a fond memory.

"If everything was to go how I had dreamt so often." He spoke low and slowly, but it was not in Tyrion's nature to be careful with his tongue. "I would have cut off his testicles with a rusty blade and stuffed them down his throat. Sometimes I imagined disembowelling him and choking him with said bowels so that he could literally have as much shit spew from his mouth as he often did. But instead, he was poisoned so it's a bit boring really."

~*~

Written by Aaron.