RAJVEER

The night didnt went in jiffy for him. Whole night he turned sides on bed. Whole night he was wide awake. Reason was his past..

But was it supposed to happen!

No. He wanted freedom from a stained relation. He wanted his space. His dignity back...And now he had all these, hadnt he!

Rajveer could not hide his tear that escaped down his cheek. Soon he was deep in thoughts.

Pondering over his past was not a right thing to do. Not even close to right. When he had gone past all these...after three years what exactly had made the difference that caused him nightmares and insomnia.

Answer was vivid in form of a broken case..

He got up and began his morning chores. He was ready within time but again got late as one of his socks was hung somewhere unknown to him. In breakfast he could not bear so much perfect coffee made by himself. All he did was think of her. And this caused his inside churn. He was angry...so much angry. On himself..on turns of events and on her too.

If he hadn't told her to leave, would it have been same and peaceful for him!

He thought while attending meeting with Brigadier.

If she hadnt let their relation go, he would have had his mental peace.

He saw her while teaching the cadets.

Face void of emotions and hesitant in sharing the space with him. But soon it was  clouded with serious expressions and lecture resumed.....much to his dismay.

His heart had taken a new root. It is fluttering now and then.

The feeling is unknown to him. Naina was his past. He had taken time in getting over Nandini because she had cheated on him deliberately by leaving him. Her deception had made him shallow. But with naina it was all different. He was unable to name one particular cause for his heart to turn rebel against his wish.

All of sudden he was ashamed on himself..

But the life was going on...And he could not stop it. His encounter with his ex wife were now not subtle. He would stare at her deprived face so long. Sometime she would  leave the lecture just after the bell but....he never dared. He would see her retreating figure as long as he could.

Rajveer was not able to name his state. He was sleepless at nights because he was afraid whether she was crying in her own room or spending night aghast. Her eyes every morning were red. And that would always made his sleep disappear.

Was it his repent? His repent that he made her life hell! His attempts of lessening his guilt after knowing the truth. Or was it his weakness in accepting his own fault and moving on?

He caught her glimpse while moving back to his quarter. She was standing and talking on phone. He would recognize her figure now even in dark. He would feel her presence...and it scared him.

He kept standing there. He looked at her. She was animatedly giving orders to whomever was on other side of phone. He presumed it be Naveen...and soon he broke into a grin.

Those memories flashed when she was dictating her brother and making fun of them. Though he was a silent spectator but he has enjoyed it..all. Naveen as a scapegoat was his all time favourite. And watching naveen help less in front of his own sister was a sight to watch..

She left soon and he broke into sorrows. He himself had ruined the happiness of three lives..He was the villain...

He was the demon who single handedly had ruined the paradise.

He was the shadow that loomed over bright fates of many people.

Rajveer singh shekhawat...earlier a loner now guilty who was yet to be charged.

It was indeed his karma that bit him back.

Why are you left uncharged? Why its me who is being punished!

Come Naina...look. I am too Perished..

And he laughed. First time feeling good. Because somehow it lessened his pain of being the guilty but not charged. He wanted to be guilty as charged..so here he was..

He pulled out cigarette and began smoking. Soon rings of smoke filled the room but his heart was content now..Watching crumbles of his happiness scattered here and there, he felt relieved today.

NAINA

She was sitting there lonely. Vihan had gone for some official work hence her only companion was away from her. She sighed. It was again same. Depending on someone has its own perks. With his talks, nonsense stories and illogical facts she was used to have food daily. But...today she missed him.

And Suddenly the ghost was back!

She could not stop herself from twirling the spoon and giving it a tour of her plate. Soon she was bored. Plate full of daal-Roti was suddenly out of her interest. She decided to call it a night.

And then she saw him....Plainly replying to Lt. Riya.

It instead of pleasing her pierced her. Silently yet harshly.

He was talking with Riya. More likely Riya was talking with him. It was so visible. His unshaven chin was bent on his palms clutched together. His disheveled hair had grown long to almost his shoulder. The plain shirt was not doing the flamboyance.

He seemed to be a wreck himself!

What! He has nothing to do with you, Naina. Dont open Pandora' box. No...

But she dared...and the misery was back. But this time in changed form.

Guilt of bringing him here with her....

Guilt of pushing him to hell hole..

Guilt of letting him perish like her....

.....And she chuckled. Remembering the days she had spent with him, today she felt only one thing..

...the urge to go back...and mend him..

..even it cost her her self-respect!

But hadnt she lost it long back!

Back to the days when she was going from one's bed to other's. Come on...there was nothing left.

Her head ached. He was fine when was away. His posting with her brought nothing but problems. And Naina didnt want to open one more gate of Periah...For Him...For herself...and...the person who had involved himself deliberately!

She left the mess..food untouched.

Rajveer continued to his attempts of keeping up with talks of Riya..unaware of her. She was sure of it.

*****

She saw him standing on the door of mess. She was so late today as Naveen was nagging her for whereabouts of Raj. When she had disclosed their postings together, matter seemed to relieve him. He but after other seconds began his queries and predictions about his failing career.

She had always seen him out of trouble. How could his bright as gold career deteriorate! No. Naveen was misconcepted. 

She took a deep breath. Whatever it was, she was meant to be stayed away. So she in hurry filled her plate. As she was last the food was almost ended. But she was not in mood of having full meal hence she filled her plate half. And left.  But....

....her clumsy nature never left her. In attempts of avoiding the adjacent bench she dropped her plate..

Damn! I was hungry...atleast to enjoy half plate meal.

She got down and began to place dropped food items back to plate so that she could serve it to some dog or astray animal.

She was busy in cleaning her trouser when she felt his presence next to him.

He handed her plate full of meal....which was perhaps the last and remained. Before she could say something he took the dropped plate from her hand and disappeared.

She was not in state of thinking neither commenting. Having no option left she digged in. As food is her weakness moreover food should not be wasted, she had no other option. Twisted relations are different but innocent food items are solely different. She was hungry after all. Soon she was done..She wiped her mouth clean. And left the plate in mess to be washed.

'Ma'am.  You saw Rajveer sir leaving. Did he have his food?' Orderly asked her..as she returned from dropping her second plate in wash basin..

She nodded then shook her head..

'Damn! He was supposed to have dinner in last. Nothing is left there. When you go passing by his, please ask him come in mess. I'll order something for him. Damn! I am so done. He would be dead hungry..please ma'am. Dont forget to tell him. He had not had his evening tea. I wad the one who forgot to give him. Such A fool I am!' And the orderly moved away blabbering his mistakes..

But what caught her attention was his hunger.

Rajveer loved tea..A hardcore chai lover! How can he miss his tea! And then he gave his dinner to her!

Wasnt his presence enough for making her feel guilty of herself that he now is doing charity for her! She didnt need his favours..no.

She rushed to his room and found it locked from inside. She knocked but no body replied.

This man was a swine indeed!

She cursed him....in frustration and left not before kicking the door and hurting her toe.

****

After the dinner incident she would avoid to come late. Instead she wpuld make sure that she is the one who is dining after him. She would make sure he is not missing his daily dosage of tea. Even if it costed her her half hour when she boiled water and spilled half of it. Then she was able to prepare not so decent tea...for him.

She had made tea for him...on Sunday!

It was just repayment. She was returning favour, wasnt she! Tea for dinner. The end!

She was somewhere relaxed...watching him sipping his tea as it was Ambrosia. She had watched him through canopy between her book and her hand. Pages were being turned without reading that day. All she had read was his expressions.

He had grown weak! Hier study told her. And she decided to advise kitchen department of  base over it..

She told them not to make spicy food. To keep check of quality. To ensure it was healthy.

Orderly would stare at her as if they had seen a ghost! Naina Singh was invisible before it. How come she was ordering them for already quality food!

Naina had left in embarrassment. Face red and she smiling sheepishly..

Have you ever checked quality of food before? Who are you, food inspector! Dimwit!

She laughed...

****

She was sitting with Vihan when over enthusiastic Captain Mrinal Came with him. Mrinal was new colleague who since past few days were trying her best to get in with all of them..

But he was first in the list of acquiances...Perhaps. thats why Mrinal was now and then talking with him and inviting him over..and over agin.

All of them ordered coffee. But she denied. Because she was full..she told everyone.

They talked. And soon Vihan had to go as he was summoned by Brigadier. Left were mrinal and Rajveer and she.

Soon Mrinal left citing her phone call..leaving both of them alone.

But this was not same as before. She had nothing to say. Hence she kept quite.

You can still leave the table.

But she could not...as coffee was still hot. She sipped it slowly..blowing it. And then observing his eyes on her!

She could not bear this...

'If you want this so bad, have this!'

She thumped the half sipped mug on his side and left....

That was insane reason to leave.

No..He was staring. That was so rude of him. And when somebody is drinking or eating, staring is mannerless thing to do! He had forgotten his manners! Look at him.

She knew the reason was childish. But those eyes were turning intense....day by day. And she was falling weak night by night.

*****
RAJVEER

She had left him on table. And it was so sudden he could not even register what had just happened. Yes he was staring...but...He..He was..just...

Do you have a reasonable reason?

He ducked his head. His hand in process touched the hot mug. Bit of coffee was spilled on table.

This woman has not changed. Still having black coffee.

Rajveer made faces. How can someone drink so bitter liquid. Whether it was coffee or tea, sugar is mandatory to be  present. He looked around. No one was there.

Having no other option left be began sipping the same bitter liquid.

Before he could relish the bitterness, Captain mrinal out of no where appeared.

'Hey! You like coffee?'

'No...Its just. I..I want a change. You know. Its..Its bitter.  Tea is sweet. You know. Change in taste.' He stammered.

'Ohh. Okk. But wasnt Naina here? She left so soon! Hold on. Isnt it Naina' mug?' And he almost spilled all the coffee on himself..

'No..Its..Its mine. Come on. Cant two mugs be same? Aur ye jaruri he ki Naina ne jis mug se coffee pi ho, me bhi usi mug ko use karunga? Mess me bahut sare same mug he. If you dont believe, go and check their cabinets. Me kyu uska mug use karunga? Why do you even think so!'

He saw her eyes getting confused.

Rajveer, boy! You ruined the chance yourself!

'Much Defencive! Arent we! Leave it. Wo mujhe Apna mail and password change karna he. Please help me. In my personal details there is some kind of mistake. I need your help. Please?'

He nodded. Now a days he had no heap of work after all. He picked the mug up..and went wirh her relishing her bitterness in the mug..

*****

He saw her fighting with her broken watch. He smiled remembering her clumsiness. Perhaps this time too she would have broken it in same way!

But could he approach her like As before?

His steps halted and he turned..

....away.

Later that evening he heard her scolding Vihan..

'Never buy me this.. this teddy bear like watch!'

'But its not teddy bear. Its micky mouse. And I-'

'I am not talking about this.there is one more left. I don't like someone buying things for me. So you dont dare. I am telling you! Mind it.'

'But Naina...' and she did not let him complete the sentence and left him. 

He smiled to himself. She still was same...authoritative and bossy. Never heard what you say..

At least she has some of her old beauty left in herself!

You never left a chance to ruin her normalcy, did you? You crumpled her innocence.

Thats why I am trying to do the damage control....IF. I CAN!

And he rushed for mess...he was sure she was going to gave grumpy mood. But he was ready to bear this...

After all he was her criminal...and the offencer was not still executed. Perhaps his invisible yet subtle sorries would lessen his guilt. perhaps they would bring him  little of his mental peace.. perhaps his small sorries could get him small soothing gestures in return. Last he doubted. But he was hopeful his small sorries would buy him something...

Only if he knew what these sorries could buy....only if he knew!