I have never seen pearls in my life...

Were you the bloom I had been waiting for!.

Yearning for rain,

Quivering under hot sun..

Were you the rainbow I had been waiting for!

My breaths would never suffice me.

You were the life I had been seeking.

Now when I know its you...only you..

It is your smile...

That I have been longing for...

RAJVEER

He had been under a kind of spell that would always drag him to the places where  her presence was most probable. Not only this his actions now a days sought everything related with her. He would go any extent to see her smiling..

Even if it costed him anything...

Like when he saw her caressing a stray dog, he had brought him to his room. He fed him...but the creature fled and barked ad Brigadier' wife and almost scared her to death. Brigadier in return had almost threw him out. Though the personal thanks from Brigadier after his wife left was another story. But the point was dog was in premises of base....For her to play with or caress or whatever she wanted to do with that creature. After this incident Raj decided to chain the creature up...but somehow She got the hold of his intentions and she scolded him for daring this crime to Triangle(she had called the creature triangle!) Raj...later that day examined that creature for hours to see whether the name was justifying itself or not....At last he gave up....Thinking ears would be excuse for naming a round cylindrical dog triangle!

Then he had began buying her different cheesy bookmarks. She used to throw them at his face. And he always came up with smug face.

And the floral shirts he bought for her...they also had been another objects hitting his pretty face. And once those clothing contained a shoe too...as Raj had unconsciously bought a bra for her.

Well...he never saw what else the store provided along! As he was lost in imagining her in that shirt he didnt hear sales girl describing additional offer!

And those silks...And crunchy wafers...He always handed her whenever the class ended. As he had expected she the first time threw it on his face, But he being her senior manipulated her.

'Food is not meant to be thrown...and chocolates never.'

She had taken them...hesitantly. And then it began...Chocolates and sweets at her disposals every day..

He still cooked for her. Though the days became hectic for him. Once he cooked pasta for her...and brought for her in mess. That day she had uncapped her volcano for the first time..and thrown it on his face. Vihan had tried to calm her down bit she openly declared him a emotion less jerk who'd want to have everything as per his wish. She declared she was fed up of his tactics.. she cant come back. He has to understand it. He was the one who threw her out...and so on.

Whole base now knew they were once married now divorced.

But he could not dare scrutinizing and poking glares of people make him lose his enigma. He could not let his craving for her fall..

He again cooked for her and brought for her again. She left the place..and he could not go behind her.

It went on for three days..and fourth day she accepted his Tiffin silently.

Raj swore he had seen gods that day giving him their blessings!

Once in a restaurant with Anuj, Riya, Mrinal and Naina, He had seen her vacant..and distant. That day he asked her for dance. And he himself never knew how she accepted his offer and went to dance floor. She swayed little..and he silently hummed the lyrics..That day he marked the date...and almost cried his heart out in pleasure. It was perhaps the best day... best day and night of his life.

Next morning she told him it was all momentary. She would never in her dream go and stand beside him. It broke him little but....the dire need of her and her smiles drove him back to his place...where he was on his knees in front of her.

He was content..until she began choosing Vihan over him. Vihan had not made move...it was just she brought him. If he would offer his hand for help, she grabbed Vihan. And it didnt do well with him. However he never left trying. Foods, her liking, her space, her job, her priorities all had been in his mind..

But no one can share his life...can he!

Two days ago, It was opening of valentine week. Vihan and his gang were the most excited ones. Rushing things and managing their duty according their all set dates, these people had created a frenzy in base. Before the week all was quiet and at peace but just the day before valentine week, everything turned so hustle on the base as it was about to happen something big. Like someone was getting married!

As if someone would appreciate this good for nothing base as a venue!

But Rajveer' bitterness about this base died the moment he saw her. Her with Vihan...going out. She was dressed as usual. But all Rajveer took to lose his breath was a single glance. He stared at her....not even giving a damn to people surrounding him..not even cadets who could get wrong motivation.

She had been once my wife!

Yes. She had been. She is not. He has lost the right long ago..

And this particular thought made him restless. His guilt woke up...once again...to realise him how cruel of human he had been...

The way he had accused her. The way he had pushed her into secluded corner of her rooms. Not to forget the way he had fallen to his fragilities and accused her of being seductress who would lure men into her trap. Kind of wench! He had called her names...He had done every kind of wrong to her..

And suddenly when he had this...this particular warmth for her after almost four years..He felt ashamed. But he repented more.

Because now the chances of their reunion or his fate being so good as he'd have her by his side were reduced to zero. He being the main and only cause.

She had left with Vihan...And he was still standing on his place.

He returned to his room. Locked it and sat on couch.

How beautiful his life would have been if it were not for his nonsense doubts!

Abhimanyu was not the one to be blamed. He was just a phase or more like a gust of foul smell that'd have been thrown out of his life if he were cautious enough. But he fell to his words and believed every line of him. And the result was his ruined life.

Naina was his life and he had crushed her..in every possible way. She was gentle, fragile, strong headed woman who had borne him even when she could just leave him at the very first night. Outcome would have been nothing but him perishing..but this time lonely. He had burnt her too...He drove her to hell and pushed her to flames.

Now you expect her to forget her burns and return to you....in any way possible.

She would never come back...and she should not too. If she ever came back and accepted him, Raj'd die of embarrassment and guilt. Yes. He wants her. He needs her...but...The truth that he is not even close to what she deserves is also as clear as glass.

Raj sighed. He had not anticipated such state.

On one hand his inside always churned whenever she neglected him, but on the other side he was the happiest when she didnt spare him any glance.

What should I do! The pain always increases whenever I see her and spots her silence. But I know at the same time...Ii am not her medicine. And still I want to be...

Raj after so many days opened the cabinet and brought the liquor which he was abstinating. He tossed the cork and soon filled himself a glass. He emptied it..

And soon the bottle was empty...leaving the person on couch full...Full of the dare he wanted to have since the day he got to know of his feelings...

He stood up and with stumbling steps he knocked on adjacent door. It was opened after three knocks. The moment she opened the door he almost stumbled on her. The smell of liquor perhaps reached her because she flared her nostrils.

'What the! Ye kya he Raj?'

Raj....His name never sounded this melodious...this good before.

He grinned like an idiot forgetting why he was here at first place.

She shook her head. She was about to shut the door when he forcibly entered and shut the door behind him.

He stared at her...Feeble and stiffened she was under his gaze. But those eyes....as the mirror for him shedding every possible shade she had borne.

He wanted to touch her. To feel her...And it was not because of physical need only. He ached for her comfortable warmth too. He ached for her soft and tender yet strong hold.

But...he was not worthy.

He lost his grounds and fell on his needs. Suddenly the sea was unleashed and waves flew open.

'I....I am so sorry Naina. Even if you dont accept it or deny the fact that you were never able to forgive me at first place. I will always apologise because its the only thing perhaps...I can say without hesitation.'

He didnt dare look up...Because he was afraid the innocence she had in her eyes he would die one more death today...And today he needed some moments of life...for her...for himself..for their old relation.

'You had asked me why I was not having sleepless nights. Just know this Naina...I have not blinked sleep for ages. My comfort has long gone. I am perished. Because I have nothing...nothing with me. The soul within me had emptied me. I am living but like another living body. I dont know if the punishment is over or  not...but I cant take it anymore. '

He wailed....loudly this time..

'I..I..I want to have you back in my life. Though I know you'll not as its against your self respect. I too dont want...but...I cant live without you at the same time. I am dying Naina...little by little daily. Pleasee.....'

'I never knew what you had gone through. But I can today imagine your plight...not completely but little. Amd it just breaks me even more. Whenever we met in past few years, I longed for you...in every indirect way possible. I craved for you...Didn't you see the ache in my eyes every time?'

'I....I am not strong Rajveer Singh shekhawat. I am weak and timid Raj who always gets scared whenever he sees you away from himself.'

'I dont know....I dont know when I got this. This feeling in me that I...I need you more than anything in my life. I think it had been there all the time but I recognized it late.'

'You dont know naina...How badly how badly I try to hold my heart every time you ignore my presence. I die at that moment. Even If I know its my fate and I jave to live at every possible cost. Isnt it my periah that I am living but dying at the same time.'

'I...I know its late. Its too late. But...I cant live. Please....I dont know what to do. If your not with me, I will die...or even if your I will die then too.'

'When you smile, I feel like I have got the biggest reward possible. But your fallen face squeezes my heart. If your happiness cost my life, I would give up in a moment. I can do anything for you....and that scares me.'

'My feelings for you have gone beyond level..It was not planned...not at all. I had planned on getting away from you. Punishing myself was the option i had. But...Today...I seek you in darkness of my life. I want you midst crisis of my life. I need you...and I dont know why!'

'Its not love Naina...Its not love. I am not capable of loving you. Because your way too pure for me. I am stained....too stained. I cant love you...but at the same time I cant name my feelings attachment. Its way inferior what I hold for you. What my heart wants for you is not affection. My soul had craved for you. And its not infatuation. My life has got meaning because of you...hence its not care. I....I am your Demon...but This demon still...after so much distance and wrongs wants you to be his angel.'

'I am too selfish...way too selfish. I cant see you happy with Vihan or someone else...I cant profess that i am the saint who would let my ex-wife live with someone else...love someone else. I...I am afraid of losing you hence I want you for myself only...I want you to be happy because of me only..'

'Pleasee Naina...wait for me...Even it takes eons for my soul to be pure for you...for holding you...for loving you...Please wait. This life wouldn't be complete if your not with me in the end. I'll not be in peace...if I never have you in my life. Even if it takes me all my life to become what you deserve, please wait for me...pleaseeeee.'

'I know. Its perhaps the most expensive thing one has ever demanded. But....i want to live with you. You on my side is what my ultimate destination. You...You are the wish that i have asking upon stars daily. Your the muse. Your the harmony..The lost solace of mine...my one and only.'

He remained in that position for sometime. Hanging his head and fearing of her disappearance because of his nonsense talk. He prayed in mind for her to be present...He had taken the risk...of breaking her bit mlre by revealing his feelings for her. But he had to take the risk as he would consume himself in this pitfire of emotions.

After many seconds he dared look up.

She was there! Tear stained face...

He was dumbstruck. He attempted to get up and offer her his handkerchief but before he could do so....She leaped to him. Held his cheeks and kissed him....

He broke in. Could not feel himself for moments...then it came down. She was kissing him.

He pulled back..

'I...I...I am..Stained. impure ...unholy...Perhaps diabolical for you.'

She cried...

'I am too...You have broken me...once more. The love your asking, I cant give you...but I cant stop myself from loving you too. Where are we! Rajveer..Look..What we have done! We have this happiness with us but we cant smile...and reason being Galatfahmi!'

He shed tears...

'I dont know what to do now. I dont know...please...Naina. Bolo na...me kya karu? Me hamesha tumhari mushkilo ki wajah banta hu...Lekin isme meri is bar koi galti nahi he. Bina jane bina soche...Ye sab ho gya. I cant go back...because I dont want to. Mujhe nahi karna move on. Mujhe nahj jana kisi aur ke pass. Your the perfect one for me..Your enough for me. Please...Dont give up on me. Me tumhare kabil nahi hu...bahut sare daag he... Lekin...Me tumko khud se door jata huya nahi dekh sakta. Mujhe mat chhodo Naina...please. Ek bar dar kar tumko apni jindagi se door kar diya tha...ab nahi. Tum meri zarurat nahi ho...Wajah ho. Agar me is janam me Tumhe wo chand lamhe khushi ke nahi de saka...To.....I cant forgive myself.....ever. Please....Sirf waqt....aur koi bhi saja...Me sab kuch sah lunga...bas Tum mujhe apna lo...Accept me..the moment I am worthy! Pleaseee..'

And she hugged him tighter...sobbed on his shoulder.....He too cried bitterly.

The moment again stopped when she after breaking hug, Kissed those lips which once were full of accusations for her! But now his hiccups and shallow breaths seemed to wash off her agony and hesitancy.

Kiss of life had done its work perhaps.

Galatfahmi countdown start. Its approaching its end