"I remember this passage from my studies."

After telling Rosita what was going on as calmly as she could manage, Rosie left and went back home. She wished Negan was still there. She could talk to him. But he left. That fucking asshole left her.

"Written by a scholar centuries ago who was trying to understand the impossible."

Every couple of steps, Rosie would be back in that barn. She'd be on her knees, watching as the Whisperers brutally killed her friends and family in front of her. Then she'd attempt to ground herself again, looking in every direction with her teary eyes open wide. She'd count the houses or the lights or anything she could find.

"'Let me live if life is better for me and take my life if death is better for me'."

That walk felt longer than the walk from the prison all the way to Alexandria. And when she finally did get home, all she did was cry. She sat on the couch in Daryl's room, crying and crying and crying, and all Daryl could do was wrap his arm around her shoulders and try to get her to calm down.

"He had surrendered himself to fate because his world defied logic."

The next morning wasn't any better. As it turned out, Lydia was missing. She went out with Carol, for a reason Rosie didn't know, and only Carol returned. Carol claimed that Lydia didn't want to come back and that she couldn't make her.

"Defied justice."

Now, all Rosie could do was stand in the grass, staring at the back of Rosita's head, knowing that it was her own fault that Siddiq was dead, and that Rosita would now have to raise Coco on her own- that Coco would never remember her dad. She'd heard those thumps and thought nothing of them, only for them to be the sounds of Siddiq's life slipping away.

Gabriel knelt down next to the dirt that covered Siddiq's body. "We created you from it... and return you into it... and from it, we will raise you a second time," Gabriel said, dropping more dirt onto the pile.

Rosita sat down at Siddiq's grave, a look of heartbreak and loss on her face. Rosie ducked her head down until her chin was touching her chest. Her heart felt empty and her eyes felt dry, with no more tears left to fall. Daryl put a hand on her back and began leading her away as everyone else scattered from the new grave.

"Daryl," Rosie said as they walked back to their house. He glanced over at her and she took a deep breath, trying to rid that empty feeling from her stomach. "I wanna come with. I know you're going out to look for Lydia, and I want to come with you," she said.

Daryl had a feeling she was going to say that. "Rose, you know it's more dangerous out there for you know," he said.

"So, what? I'm just gonna stay inside these walls forever? I can't do that, Daryl. I can't," Rosie said, shaking her head. "I can't be in here right now. Not with you being gone, and Negan being gone, and Lydia being gone- with all of you being gone. I can't. So either I go with you, or I go alone."

After taking a moment to think it all through, Daryl let out a sigh. "A'right. But when we're out there, you're gonna listen to everything I tell you. Hear me?" he said.

"Yes. I hear you," Rosie said, giving a firm nod.

"Understand me?" Daryl asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes. Yeah, I understand," Rosie insisted.

"Ok. Get your shit," Daryl said, patting her arm.

She went off inside and got all of the things she might need outside of the walls. Her knife, a small gun, another knife, and unfortunately not the lighter that Daryl still hadn't given back to her.

Once she had everything, she bid goodbye to Ian, who was sitting on the couch, reading a comic book. He was still sick, but he was finally on the mend. The only person who died from the sickness was an old woman named Cheryl, as far as anyone knew. So Ian and Rosie weren't so panicked about him being sick anymore. He was gonna be just fine.

After that, Rosie went outside and met Daryl at his bike. Aaron and Carol hopped onto their horses while Rosie got onto the back of the motorcycle.

"Is it just us?" Rosie asked. Four people seemed like a few too little, if they really wanted to find Lydia.

"We're meeting a few people from Hilltop," Daryl replied.

"Connie?" Rosie asked hopefully. Daryl gave no answer, only rolling his eyes as he turned on the loud, rumbling engine of the motorcycle.

•

As Carol and Aaron tied up their horses, Daryl hid his bike behind some bushes. Rosie was just happy to see that Connie was, in fact, part of the group that was meeting them. The group consisted of Connie, Kelly, Jerry, and Magna.

"Hi," Daryl greeted them.

"Hey, D," Jerry replied.

Rosie went straight to Connie, who greeted her with a big hug. They hadn't seen each other in a while, and Connie had grown fond of the girl back when she originally met her. Whenever Daryl would go to the Hilltop for anything, Connie would always ask how Rosie was doing. As of lately, the answer hasn't always been good. So Connie was happy to see a smile on Rosie's face.

It was hard for Rosie to let that smile grow on her face. It felt wrong. Wrong because Siddiq died last night. Wrong because so many other people were dead, too. Somehow, it felt disrespectful to feel happy. But Rosie allowed the smile to form. She didn't want people to think there was something wrong. 

Happy to see you, Rosie signed. Daryl had been learning sign language for Connie, and knowing that Daryl was learning it made Rosie want to learn it better than she already knew.

You too, Connie signed in return, giving Rosie's shoulder a squeeze.

The group began walking with Daryl, Rosie, and Connie in the lead. Daryl had taken Rosie's place beside Connie, so now he was in between the two. Rosie wanted to make a joke about him being jealous, but she didn't want to embarrass him, so she kept her mouth shut.

"Thanks for helping," Daryl said to Connie.

Connie nodded and reached into her pack to take out her notebook. When she held it up, it was opened to a page that said, Anything for us.

Upon reading that, Rosie felt a bit confused. She thought they were out there for Lydia. She tapped Daryl's arm to get his attention. "We're not just lookin' for Lydia, are we?" she asked.

"No. We're lookin' for the horde, too," Daryl replied, shaking his head. He thought that she already knew that. Carol had been dead set on finding that horde, and she hadn't exactly been quiet about it.

Rosie huffed out a breath. She just wanted to find Lydia and make sure she was ok. But if finding the horde was what they were out there for, then she'd help with that, too.

Together, the group walked the woods, getting closer and closer to Alpha's border with each and every step. They walked and walked until the sun went down and the crickets began to chirp. And when the sun had fully descended beneath the horizon, the group was met with the spikes that marked Alpha's border. Rosie kept her eyes on the ground as they walked past them.

For those few moments as she passed through the border, Rosie couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe at all. Her chest ached and her throat was tight. She could see their faces. She could hear them screaming. And in that short moment, she fully realized that she was truly alone with whatever was going on in her head. With Siddiq dead, there was no one else who was there. No one else could understand.

Floating. That's what it felt like for those few moments. She felt like she was floating outside of her body, but she could somehow still feel all that pain. Until Connie put her hand on Rosie's shoulder and squeezed, bringing her back to where they were and what they were doing.

Then Daryl was by her side once more. "You ok?" he asked her quietly.

After a deep breath, Rosie replied with, "Yeah. Carol?"

"Don't know," Daryl sighed. Carol wanted Alpha dead so bad she was going to die trying to kill her.

"Daryl?" Rosie said.

"Hm?"

"You ever watch Final Destination?" Rosie asked him, her eyebrows furrowed. Daryl wasn't sure whether or not he'd seen that movie. He couldn't remember. So, he just shrugged and gave her a look that told her to go on. "In that movie, people who were s'posed to die, didn't die. So they died in different ways afterward. I watched it with my- well, David was watchin' it, and he fell asleep, so I watched it by myself. I was just thinkin' that with me and-"

"Stop it. Siddiq died because shit like that happens. He wasn't meant to die in that barn, and neither were you. Death ain't tryna catch up to you, or whatever you're thinkin'. You scare the shit outta me, sayin' shit like that," Daryl said, shaking his head.

Rosie sighed and shoved her hands into the pockets of Fraser's old jacket. That wasn't what she wanted to hear. "I wish Negan didn't leave," she murmured.

That wasn't what Daryl wanted to hear. "Yeah. Sucks," he muttered before quickening his steps to walk ahead of her. He couldn't understand what it was that made her feel like it was better to talk to Negan than to talk to him. All he had ever done was help her, yet she still wanted Negan.

However, Rosie was just as frustrated as he was. She just wanted Daryl to understand that Negan was important to her, too. Negan had been there for her since she was four years old. She couldn't help but feel attached to him. And the fact that he had left was only adding to that awful weight in her chest, dragging her deeper down into the pit of darkness inside her head. But she couldn't tell Daryl about that because he wouldn't understand.

So, the two didn't share another conversation, walking in silence through the night. Of course, Daryl would glance back at her every once in a while, making sure she was ok and that she hadn't strayed off from the group- that type of stuff was the stuff he did without even knowing he was doing it. The emotional stuff took much more effort.

Just as the sun was peeking back up over the horizon the next morning, the group finally reached the place where they expected to see Alpha's horde.

Aaron had been talking to a whisperer supposedly named Mary. She was the one to tell him that the horde would be there. The problem was, though, that the horde wasn't there.

"God damnit!" Daryl spat, turning away from the cliffside.

"Wait," Aaron stopped him.

Daryl stopped and turned back to look at him. "For what?" he asked, obviously frustrated that they had wasted so much time for nothing.

"This doesn't mean Mary lied to us, alright? They were protecting this place. They put a trap in the road as a deterrent," Aaron reasoned, trying to defend the whisperer that he had somewhat befriended.

"Yeah, from some hunter a decade ago," Daryl argued.

"No. That thing was rigged more recently than that, and you know it," Aaron said.

"You wanna stand around and figure it out?" Daryl asked sarcastically.

"Look, the herd could have been here last week or yesterday. We had an obligation to come check this out," Aaron insisted.

"Who the hell cares? It's not here, clearly. We have to find Lydia. Now," Rosie butted into the argument, holding her arms out at her sides.

And although Daryl might have been frustrated with her, he agreed. "She's right. Let's go," he said, turning to walk away.

Rosie quickly followed behind him. "What the hell was the point of this, anyway? Who cares if we found it? There's eight of us. What are we s'posed to do, kill it on our own?" she asked.

"Carol's been dead-set on findin' it. I told you," Daryl answered.

"Yeah, well, no offense to Carol, but I don't give a shit what she wants if Lydia could be in danger. She's out here somewhere by herself. Her mom coulda' already found her. Why are you goin' along with 'em if you don't agree with what they're doin'?" Rosie asked, feeling frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed. The worry that Lydia was already dead wouldn't get out of her head.

"Council voted on it," Daryl told her.

"Who cares?" Rosie scoffed. She didn't care what the council wanted. Lydia's life was on the line. She should have brought this up earlier when she was originally thinking about it, but she was able to keep all the frustration inside up until this point.

"God damnit. What's done is done, Rosie. Let's just go," Daryl said, his tone tense. His anger and frustration as building up and he did not want to snap at Rosie. He wanted her to stop talking and just listen. He didn't even want her out there in the first place. He wanted her at home, where she was safe. But she didn't care.

Because she could see the anger building up inside of Daryl, Rosie shut her mouth. She didn't want him to snap at her, either. She just wanted to find Lydia, anyway, and this wasn't productive.

"Look. Lydia woulda taken that river downstream," Rosie said, pointing out the river a little ways ahead of them just as the rest of the group began to catch up.

Following the direction Rosie was pointing, Daryl spotted the river, too, and nodded. "Yeah. Back to our side," he said to everyone. They all began to follow his lead, except for Carol, who seemed to be caught up on trying to find the horde. "Hey. Carol, let's go," Daryl called back to her.

Carol, however, had no plans of following. "You go on. I'll meet you," she said.

"What? No," Rosie said with a scoff.

"Come on. We all stay together," Daryl said, shaking his head. But Carol wouldn't listen. She kept staring out into the distance, like she was searching for something, until she started running. What the hell? "Hey! Carol!" Daryl called out, running after her.

And now everyone had no choice but to follow. As they ran after Carol, they came to realize that Carol was running after Alpha. They chased after her until both Alpha and Carol disappeared into some sort of cave.

Soon, walkers began to surround them. Not enough to kill them, but enough to slow them down. Rosie and Daryl didn't hesitate to start taking them down.

"Go! Get her ass outta there!" Daryl said to the others, who went running into the cave. It only took them a minute to take down the walkers, but by the time they were done, the whole group had disappeared into the cave. "Damnit," Daryl muttered.

"C'mon," Rosie said, rushing into the cave without any hesitation.

However, Daryl caught her arm in time to stop her. "You don't know what's in there. Be careful," he reminded her.

Rosie let out a huff. She didn't care what was in there. All she cared about was that Carol, Connie, Kelly, Aaron, Jerry, and Magna were in there, and they needed to get out. But she listened, anyway, and held her knife at the ready.

When the two Dixons stepped inside the cave, they were greeted with nothing but darkness. Rosie let out a humorless laugh. "Y'know, that lighter ya took from me would be real helpful right now," she muttered.

"Wouldn'ta taken it if I didn't have to," Daryl muttered in return. Rosie rolled her eyes, but Daryl couldn't see it in the dark, so he couldn't scold her for it. "Carol!" he whisper-shouted. He took just a few more steps forward before suddenly tumbling down the rocks out of nowhere.

"Daryl!" Rosie whisper-shouted, halting her steps.

For a moment there was no answer, and Rosie was sure that he was dead. But then the words, "It's ok. I'm ok," echoed through the cave. Thank God, he was alive. "Stay where you are," Daryl told her.

At that, Rosie scoffed and took the last step. She went tumbling down the rocks, too, until she landed right on her side. "Oww," she groaned, holding her arm around her side.

"You ok?" Kelly asked, holding her hand to help her up. Rosie could barely hear her over the loud, agonizing snarling of the hundreds of walkers below them, but she took it and Kelly pulled her up.

"Yeah," Rosie nodded, rolling her shoulders back. "Found the horde, huh?" she asked.

"Looks like it," Kelly said, nodding her head.

They all readied their weapons, unsure of what to do. How the hell were they supposed to get out of this? There were no visible exits and it wasn't like they could kill the whole horde all on their own.

"I told you to stay where you were," Daryl grumbled, giving Rosie a stern glare.

"And let you all die? I'm not doin' that again," Rosie said, her tone tense. She had already made that mistake once. She wasn't going to make it again. She wasn't going to lose anyone else at the hands of Alpha- not without trying like hell to stop it.

"Uh... hey, guys," Jerry's voice grabbed everyone's attention.

They all followed his eyeline to see Alpha on a ledge at the very top of the cave. She had a torch in her hand and a smile on her face. Rosie's heartbeat quickened its pace upon seeing Alpha's face again. Her breath caught in her throat, and she could see it all again. She squeezed her eyes shut, turning away and ducking her head down as Carol cried out in anger.