Book: Suit and Tie
(it's gay. Yes, books can be gay too)

Story: I wake up to pitch black because I hear something fall. "If you're a ghost or something could you please not right now because I'm tired."

Tbh I'm not trying to talk to no damn GHOST! I'm trying to pack my shit and MOVE TO CANADA!
but let's continue...

Comment: Bitch if you're in my house you better pay some rent. You me fucked up if you think I'm going to let you run up my electric bill, I can barely keep them on but you wanna be flickering them on and off.

You tell that ghost!
*snaps fingers*

Comment: This is so me. Holy shit.

My sister was playing with a knife I guess and she ran into my room screaming, "I got stabbed! I stabbed myself!"
But I was asleep so I was like, "if you have the life in you to scream if you got stabbed, you can survive. Go away, your blood is getting everywhere." then I went back to sleep.

#SiblingGoals!

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You can also shove cake up your butthole if you want to, nobody's forcing you.

~E