Dedicated to an anonymous user. 

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Me: I'm bleeding

Friend: ummm....are you ok?

Me: yeah I got an extreme paper cut

Me: it hurts like crap

Friend: ... 

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*May be offensive to some users*

Friend: Omg guess what

Me: MY FUNERALS TOMORROW???

Friend: No mine is stop stealing my dates

Me: I PLANNED IT FIRST

Friend: No I planned this since the day I was born, do you not understand?

Me: I PLANNED IT IN THE WOMB!!

Friend: Anyways this isn't where I was planning to go

Me: fine

Friend: you know who my crush is right?

Me: which one?

Friend: what do you mean

Me: like which one the one in like math or the blond one in English or the one in like science?

Friend: not the math guy, and which blond? Idk...

Me: IDK SCREW YOU HITLER

Friend: h*ll hitler

Me: AGAIN SCREW YOU HITLER!!

Friend: *heil

Me: hell was better

Friend: what's this all got to do with hitler?

Me: parmesan

Friend: same I like cheese

Me: I MEANT NOTHING!

Friend: NOTHING DOES NOT CHANGE TO PARMESAN YOU LIL POOP!

Me: WELL IT DID SO IDK LIFE

Friend: Maybe autocorrect is on crack... Or marijuana

Me: probably

Friend: Shame... What did all the paper for our schools spirit week go to then?!?? Why did all those trees die for?!??

Me: they died for Parmesan...

Me: NOTHING GOD DAMMIT NOTHING!!!

Friend: OMG HAHAHAHAHA

Me: THEY DIED FOR NOTHING!!