2. if you never met the devil in the road of life, it's because you're both heading the same direction

3. well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

4.i never forget a face, but in your case, i'll be glad to make an exception

5. i an busy right now, can i ignore you some other time?

6. tell me. id being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

7.i'd tell you to go to hell, but i work there and don't want to see your ugly mug every day

8.mirrors can't talk. lucky for you. they can't laugh either

9.  If you want to change the world, do it while you're single. Once you're married you can't even change the TV Channel.

10.Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?

11.Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them. 

12. My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don't know. I give them answers they don't know.

13. I may look calm, but inside my mind, I've killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.

14. Babies are so lucky. They can sleep all day and everyone still would be proud of them.

15. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

16.  True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.

17. Zombies eat brains. Don't worry, you're safe.

18.Police pulls over a speeding car:

COP: I've been waiting for you all day.

DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

19. Boy: "You're not my type."

Girl: "Why, 'cause I can read?"

20.Oh... I didn't tell you. Then it must be none of your business.   

I UPDATED YAYY!!!!!! also, MY SCHOOL JUST GOT OUT, YESSSSS!!!!! there's also another chapter coming up. for more quotes just got to: www.luvze.com/sarcastic-quotes/