Melissa and Jim hadn't seen Ralph for a while, but he seemed very excited on the phone when he called them up and asked them to come over and hang out. They didn't have plans that Friday evening so they agreed to meet up.

The first thing they noticed when they entered the house was the odd odor. Sort of like a combination of rotting meat and body odor. Melissa thought maybe Ralph hadn't taken a shower recently. He'd always had questionable hygiene and he looked scruffy and unshaven and he had bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept.

"I'm so glad you guys could make it!" Ralph said.

"Well, we did have big plans to stay home and play Scrabble," Jim said. "But you seemed like you had some big news or something that you wanted to share."

"That's right!" Ralph said. "I just got a new pet and I know you two are animal lovers, so I wanted to introduce you to Mitsy."

"Aw, how sweet," Melissa said. "Is she a puppy dog?"

"Uh, no," Ralph said.

"A kitty cat?"

"Nope,"

"Okay. How about a hamster? Is she a hamster, Ralph?"

"No. Give up?" Ralph paused for a moment for dramatic effect. "She's a cave troll! Come on, Mitsy, don't be shy. Get in here!"

The floor shook as a giant lumbering beast tramped into the room. Its skin was a sallow gray color and long strings of drool trailed from its thick crusty lips. As soon as it laid eyes on Melissa and Jim it flashed a mouthful of crooked yellow fangs and let out a deep growl.

"No, Mitsy!" Ralph shouted. "Bad cave troll!"

"Um, so that's an interesting choice for a pet," Jim said. "Where did she come from?"

"Someone just abandoned her on my doorstep," Ralph said. "Can you imagine? People can be so thoughtless. Anyway I was happy to open up my home to her. She still needs some housebreaking, but she's a very sweet girl. Aren't you a sweet girl, Misty? No, don't eat the T.V. remote. Put it down!"

"Does she normally eat household objects?" Melissa asked.

"She eats anything!" Ralph said. "Her favorite is garbage, though, which is handy because if I need to dispose of anything I just give it to Misty here. Say, you guys want to sit down? If you're lucky she might hop up on your lap for a cuddle!"

"We're good here," Jim said.

"Suit yourselves," Ralph shrugged. "Can I get you guys something to drink? Hang on a second. Mitsy! Where did you get that chainsaw from? Drop it! Drop it! Good girl. We don't play with things like that, do we?"

"Well, we've had a really nice time, but it's getting late," Melissa said.

"What are you talking about?" Ralph asked. "You guys just got here! I wanted to catch up on the latest gossip and reminisce about old times! Maybe squeeze in a couple hands of Uno. You can't leave yet!"

Mitsy started growling even louder and slamming the ground with her oversized fists.

"Uh oh," Ralph said. "You guys didn't make eye contact with her, did you? I forgot to mention she doesn't like eye contact. It makes her really upset for some reason."

"You know, I forgot, we actually have a Scrabble related emergency back at the house," Jim said.

Mitsy suddenly charged forward and swallowed Jim whole.

"No, Mitsy!" Ralph shouted. "Bad cave troll! You regurgitate him right now!"

The cave troll let out a long burp and patted its tummy contentedly.

"Oh gee, it looks like Mitsy ate Jim. I'm really sorry about that Melissa. I'm going to get her trained. She starts classes next Tuesday."

Melissa looked like she was about to say something, but then Mitsy opened her jaws wide and ate her, too.

The next day Ralph hung up a "Beware of Cave Troll" sign on his front door.