Hi. It's me again. I know it's been awhile, if any of you still read this. I just wanted to give some updates.

To put it simply, I've lost a lot of motivation to write. I know if I keep at it, I'll get better, and I have so many concepts and ideas I want to put out there for people to read, but no one even glances at my stories anymore.

I don't feel appreciated, or even wanted. My friends all either look at me with annoyance or fear, and the ones who can't look at me barely respond to messages anymore. I can count on one hand how many people I fully consider my friends. Less than one hand. It's had to trust. I feel like all the love I give out to people freely isn't returned. Mom keeps yelling at me, my sister is never grateful, and the people I care about and spend all my time making sure they feel great about themselves never go to the lengths I do to return the favor. I beg and plead with them, but it all feels pointless.

I just want people to talk to me. To trust me. It's gotten to the point where now I feel like people see me as that quiet kid in the back of the room. The one you barely talk to to make sure he doesn't pull a gun on you. The silent devil who could do so much wrong if pushed the wrong way.

I'm afraid to complement girls now, because every time they've thought I was hitting on them or were actively opposed to my praise.

Sometimes I feel like I only hate myself because others hate me. Sometimes I want to be hated. It's just easier. To be blamed and picked apart for all the world's problems because it's easier to be the scapegoat. I've tried to remake myself countless times, but I can never escape the shadow of what others want me to be. I'm strangled by standards. I'm choked by expectations. I swear the powers that be just plain hate me. I want it all to stop. I want to be happy for once. I'm upset. I'm anxious. I'm a failure. I'm toxic. I'm a bad person.

I'm so tired.