Because of you, I learned how to fake a smile

The world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels full of scars

People only notice you when your pretty or dead

5 years ago, I never would've expected my life to be the way it is right now

Seeing someone lose interest in you is probably one of the worst feelings ever

Words cut deeper than knives. Knives can be pulled out, words are embedded into our souls

You can fake a smile, but you can't fake your feelings

I'm sick of crying, tired of trying. Yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying

Sadness is like a drug. It takes you away from reality and makes you see in a whole new way

S-he's Br-ok-en, because he lied

Dear heart, please stop getting involved in everything, your job is to pump blood that's it

I don't wanna wake up today because every day's the same, and I've been waiting so long for things to change

I'm not me anymore

Maybe I'm just too fucking complicated for anyone to love

I'm told to stay strong, keep fighting; but they don't understand...I've already lost

If this is how my life is going to be, I don't want it anymore

The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die

I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easy, and care too much

I had these and a bunch more written on sticky notes taped to my wall. A wall of bright blue against the beige wallpaper. I decided it was time to change. I'm realizing that it's time to open a new chapter in my life. I know that it won't be easy, but this was my first step. Get rid of the notes. Take down my reminders. I used to see these every time I got out of bed or before I opened my closet doors.  I'm going to force myself to stop writing these notes. Various quotes that I had read on the internet. I still have some sticky notes inside my instrument case, and I have them written in pen on the back of my notebook at school. The school year is practically over so the ones on my notebook will go. The 5 notes in my case will stay, I can't get rid of all of them that quickly.
In place of the negative notes, I'm going to have ppl I know to write something positive about me on a pink sticky note. I doubt they'll be able to write one, but we'll see. I'll have to start small, maybe seeing something positive when I wake up will help. I can't be like this forever. Then again no one would notice if I did.
A friend of mine recommended that I see a therapist of some kind, but that sounds suspect. Sure, let me pay someone to listen to me talk for an hour. There's a low chance it'll actually help.
I know there are ppl who feel worse in life than I do, and I know that I could be that bad if not for these ppl
stucky_trash_gay
erenackerman1225
llamawithglasses
pocketbangtan
Stony-46
legit_fandom_trash
Danica-Queen-of-Hell
Crazy_Gay_Trash
R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D
MpregExpertTex
ohmycroft_ohmychuck
shamelesssteve
Sebby_Michaelis_
YellowStrawberrys
ISailEveryShip
Stonys_Daughters
_Destined2Ship_ or _Destined2Be_
TakeYour_PantsOff
Alessia_Tiana

Whether it be a story you wrote or a comment thread, it made my day. It made me smile when I was feeling like shit(language!). These are ppl who I follow and who I recognize when I see them in multiple fandoms or books. Even thou I've never met these ppl in real life(I don't think) they still make my life feel like it's worth living. They help me push through day after day. To _Destined2Be_/_Destined2Ship_, shamelesssteve, Alessia_Tiana, and ISailEveryShip, I've reread your stories so many times. Whenever I'm feeling really down, I read a couple chapters and I'm able to get through the rest of the day. Thank you guys so very much. With you unintentionally helping me, I'll be ok.