Chapter 16: Worst that dying

"What?" I choked out, cheeks turning a dark shade of pink and I used my hair to cover them up.

"Y'know we're going to have to talk about it somehow, someday, right?" he asked, finally looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"No. Why? I mean it was a kiss right? That's normal. And it probably meant nothing to you anyways but I mean we don't ha-" I rambled on but Vince cut me short.

"Didn't mean anything to me? God Lyss, you have no idea what that kiss made me feel," he raised his hands up, exasperated, "I liked it so goddamn much it scared myself."

He liked the kiss? He liked the goddamn kiss. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I need Chelsea or Summer here to watch me spazz and I jump around like a crazy-ass person.

"Uhm... Uhm..." I stuttered, unsure of what to say.

Do I agree and say I liked it that much too? Or do I disagree and say I didn't like it to make him think I don't have romantic feelings for him when really, I do.

"Uhm?" he gestured for me to continue, as if thinking I've created words to finally say.

"Uhm..." what am I supposed to say? That I liked it too? Or course I did. I loved it. But no, he can't know that. He can't know what the kiss did to me. He can't know about my feelings.

"I think... And this might sound so crazy it seems crazy even for me but, but I think I-"

Oh my god is he going to say what I think he's going to say?

Red light! Red light! No, no, no. No goddamn way will he say he likes me.

"But I think I lo-"

"No!" I screeched which made him stop halfway through the word.

I expected him to say "like" and not what I think he was going to say. Not the L word. It was worst than a profanity. It was worst than anything to me.

Worst than a room full of six-inch spiders.

Worst than being attacked by a dinosaur.

Worst than dying.

"What?" he asked, bewilderment filled in his voice and he stared at me with shocked eyes.

"You can't say that word," I said softly, tears threatening to escape as I finally break it to him.

He's going to hate me forever, I just know it.

"Why not?" he furrowed his eyebrows, a flash of hurt taking over his smile.

"Because... Because I-I might not say it back," I croaked as a lump in my throat started to form, and I walked away, leaving Vince to stand there with hurt, anger and shock.

I hate me.

Walking back to the table where Summer and Zak was, I hope for news; good or bad. They seemed to be really into the conversation.

"Lyss! Just in time! I've made a deal with Zak," Summer clapped her hands, smiling so wide I was afraid her cheeks might tear.

"Which is?" I gave her a feeble smile, though I possibly failed since Zak and Summer both gave me weird looks.

"Are you alright? Where's Vince?" Zak asked, a frown about to be plastered on his face.

"Vince is..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Vince is here," I heard his voice and closed my eyes for just a second or two, before asking, "so what's the deal about?"

"What deal?" Vince asked, not even sparing me a glance.

"Zak agreed that you guys could stay in our house, as long as he gets to be the one that buys groceries - well with his money and not him himself cause he's too lazy - and that you'll," she turned to me and from the corner of my eyes I could see Zak smiling.

Vince on the other hand, was playing with the salt shaker, twirling it around on the tabletop.

"You'll need to do the dishes occasionally and get a new bed, which means I get to re-do my room. Which of course, you can participate in, since it's going to be your room after all," Summer smiled.

"That's great!" I exclaimed, though on the inside still feeling a little bit upset, "thanks Zak."

I gave Zak a tight warm hug to thank him but really, I needed him. My brother was a pillar of support when it came to anything in my life, really. He's always been there without a doubt.

He hugged me back with the same amount of force and I wondered if he knew that something's wrong with me.

Something's definitely wrong with me.

I just told the guy I like not to say that he liked - or maybe lov- god I can't even say it - me back because I've got doubts on love.

If I had enough guts, I'd have said it back too, and just give it a go. After all, I know I've still got Summer and Zak and Chelsea to count on. Even Megan.

It could've been cliche. Vince would've have finished his sentence, then I would've said it, then we'd kiss.

Oh god his lips. I craved for it more than anything. Of course I wouldn't get it anytime soon since, well, I'm too much or a loser and scardy-cat.

"Alright, now I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving," Zak chuckled as he pulled away, shooting me a look at told me he did know what I meant.

Whether I was looking forward to the talk that I knew was about to come, I don't know.

---

Zak stared at me as if asking for when I was going to start talking. I stared back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want to know?" I sighed, finally breaking the silence as we sat in his office.

"Everything," he said it in an obvious manner, then proved my point by saying, "duh."

"This might make you back out on that deal with Summer though," I winced as I remembered how crushed Summer could be.

She was so extremely excited and glad that we could stay with the Frerri's.

"Shoot."

"I think... I think I like uhm..." it's never a good idea to talk about your crush with your older brother, especially since they live under the same roof.

I saw his body stiffened and his knuckles whitened.

"It's Vince, isn't it?" he raised an eyebrow.

I stared at Zak in shock and surprize. Was I that obvious? Or was he that observant?

"How'd you know?" I voiced out my thoughts.

"The way you act around him. You blush a lot, y'know?" he gave a small smile, but it seemed to have pained him to say that. Of course, he was my older brother and he was way too overprotective at times.

"Yeah, I know," I sighing and looked at the cup of coffee in my hands.

I really like him.

And I'm scared shitless by that.

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Author's Note: the song to the side is how i think Lyssabelle feels because she's so scared of love.

two updates in a day so i hope you liked this:) have a great day ahead loves xx