That's desire'

Esme knew beyond the noise of the numerous video games and the goofy smile how he really felt. The bittersweet enjoyment and attempts at losing himself with devices and fantasies. The goofy grins he pretended were always real and the new family he was trying to build. For a couple seconds every morning he would try to pretend it never happened and he never left.

'I shouldn't want it, but I want it'
'And it's killing my black soul' 
Reeva's dream and plan was tearing him apart. He was being warped and excited with fears dragging him down partially. He was overwhelmed on the inside and wanted to tear himself apart. He didn't want to destroy her or the Inner Circle but at times he wanted to destroy himself. To quickly see if he could break his own neck or something with his power.

'I want money and power'
'My black heart's to blame '

Every resource and opportunity he was used made him feel guilty on the inside. The attention from the hashtag known as mutant uprising was his own doing and the protesting and riots were his fault. At least in his own head it was all his fault. Lauren's fall and pain made him feel like a abuser, like a sickening monster. People including herself tried to talk to him about it. But none of them really knew what it was like to hurt a sibling on purpose and go too far.

'Guiltier than a liquored-up mistress who'
'Runs to you'

Whenever someone dropped something or he heard a crack he had a flashback. The dreams with Lauren caused him to wake up with bleeding self caused wounds on his hands and wrists. On purpose he tried and did this to try and never wake up again. He was in envy of Esme and her sisters.

'labeled liar'
He would smile at Esme and hid the pain. He didn't want her to know. He would shrug and ignore every point and concern she brought up. She visited him in the night seeing his eyes red and teary.

'my black heart'

Then came the sound of metal and glass shattering. Andy breathing a little heavily and finally thinking of doing it. By the time he grabbed a shard she sprinted into his room and forced him to drop it. Grabbing him. " I can't let this happen. You have a good heart but your drowning it and your mind in guilt, and loneliness. Andy no one wants you to do this. Andy I want you to live." She felt weakly a little relief. She looked around his room and knew he needed her help. Her reminder, her intervention.