CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
hunting and insanity

Two weeks passed without contact from Elijah and Klaus. I'd like to say that I continuously searched for them but I couldn't help but give up fairly quickly. Obviously, one of two things had occurred: something bad had happened to them (in which case there was nothing I could do to help) or they decided that they didn't want to be with me. Those options left me feeling a weird mixture of useless and abandoned.

Henrik and I had settled into a new routine. He'd wake before me and visit Mystic Falls and the neighbouring towns in the hopes of finding his brothers. He'd arrive back at the hotel late and exhausted. I rarely saw him and that felt like a knife to the gut. I knew he was desperate to find his family and I prayed every day that he'd succeed, but with him gone so often, it almost felt as if I'd lost all of my mates.

After a sleepless night caused by overthinking, I finally gave up at five in the morning. After brushing my teeth and splashing water on my face, I journeyed into the kitchen in my dressing gown. Planning on having cereal, I opened the fridge, only to remember that I'd finished off the milk last night for my tea. With a sigh, I resorted to making toast with the final two slices of bread. I made a mental note to visit a supermarket today.

Before Elijah disappeared, everything had been fully stocked at all times and now that he was gone, it felt like everything was falling apart. I didn't realise how much Elijah actually did for us until he disappeared.

"Hey." A voice sounded behind me, causing me to drop the knife I'd been using to spread the butter. I turned to see Henrik leaning against the doorframe with a lazy smile. He looked tired and there were bags under his eyes. He had clearly neglected shaving since he now had a short beard growing in.

"You're jumpy this morning." He commented, walking over to me and planting a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm just a little on edge from lack of sleep." I said, snaking my arms around his torso and burying my face in his chest. He held me to him gently as he stroked circles on my back.

"You're up earlier than usual. Bad dreams?" Henrik said with concern.

"Bad thoughts." I corrected as I inhaled, breathing in his scent.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. How can I help?" He asked, protectively pulling me tighter to his body, as if trying to shield me from my own thoughts.

"You're already helping by being here." I murmured, "I've missed you recently."

Henrik pulled my head away from his chest and pressed a chaste kiss on my lips, "I've missed you too, I resent every second that isn't spent with you. It won't be for much longer though, I'll find them soon."

I pulled away, wanting to distance myself from a conversation about my other mates. Changing the subject, I asked, "Do you want a slice of toast? There's only two left but you can have one if you like?"

"I'll grab something whilst I'm out." He said and my heart sank. He was leaving me again.

"That's probably a good idea! I can never get toast right. It's either warm bread or charcoal." I joked, trying to hide the pit of sadness that had gathered inside me.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. I happen to love your warm bread!" Henrik teased and I playfully shoved him before picking up a slice and taking a bite.

"Well, you must be very jealous of me then!" I said after swallowing the bite of 'warm bread'.

"On the contrary, Sweetheart, I envy the toast." He said and I frowned in confusion.

"Why on earth would you envy toast?" I said before taking another bite.

"Because you have your lips wrapped around it" Henrik said, his dark gaze fixed on me and I very narrowly avoided choking on the toast.

"Oh." I squeaked after swallowing.

A sly smile appeared on his lips, "Oh?"

In a split second description, I threw the remaining toast back on the plate and threw my arms around his neck, smothering him with a kiss. He responded in kind and backed me against the kitchen table before lifting me and placing me on top of it. I broke away and began to scatter kisses down his throat, not minding the scratch of his stubble.

"Fuck!" He groaned, his voice gravelly, as he pulled me back to his lips, gripping my hair. I moaned into the kiss as I reached up and tugged on his hair. Henrik pulled my hair harder in response, causing my head to tilt back so he could trail kisses down my neck. His hands made quick work of untying my dressing gown, leaving it hanging open. I should have felt self conscious but with the way Henrik looked at me, I felt cherished.

He gently pushed me backwards until I was lying on the table with my legs wrapped around his waist. I tried to touch him but he gripped both my wrists and pinned them above my head with one hand.

"This okay?" He whispered into my ear and since I'd forgotten how to speak, I nodded furiously.

He began peppering kisses across my chest and I squirmed in his hold, desperate for more. His mouth travelled lower until he was placing tender kisses on my stomach. He looked up at me through his eyelashes in a way that made me spontaneously combust. With his unoccupied hand, he grabbed one of my legs and draped it over his shoulder. The hand pinning my wrists let go so he could do the same with my other leg but his eyes warned me to keep my hands where they were.

I felt so exposed in this position but it only made me want him more. My brain didn't have time to process what Henrik was doing before his mouth lowered onto me and I let out a loud gasp of both shock and unexpected pleasure. I could barely think as his tongue explored me and I reached a peak of pleasure I'd never thought was possible. When I came down from my climax, I still wanted more.

Henrik's eyes were hungry as I removed my legs from around his neck, sat up and kissed him, tasting myself on his lips.

"Please, Henrik, I need more." I begged, regaining my ability to speak.

He let out a pained groan as he pulled away, "We can't, I haven't got any condoms."

"That doesn't matter," I said, pulling him back to my lips, "What's the worst that could happen?"

He pulled away again, looking at me oddly, "I could get you pregnant."

"Would that be so bad? I want to have a baby with you." I said with a shrug, reaching to touch him but he moved away with a flinch.

"A baby is the last thing we need." He said seriously and I felt my heart crack slightly.

"Do you not want to have children with me?" I said, pushing down the urge to cry.

"In the future, of course! But having a child now, for so many reasons, would be insane." He said and this time it was me that flinched.

Doing up my dressing gown, I got off the table and tried to walk away but he gently grabbed my arm and tilted my face upwards so I was forced to look at him. He scanned my face with a quizzical expression, trying to find an answer.

"I know what this is." He said, having come to a conclusion, "With Klaus and Elijah gone, you feel like you've lost your newfound family so you're trying to replace them with a child."

"Don't psychoanalyze me." I spat, pulling away from him and leaving the kitchen, knowing that he was most certainly correct.

"Morgana!" Henrik called, following after me, "I know you miss them. I miss them too but a baby isn't going to solve that."

I could no longer hold my tears back and I began weeping in the middle of the living room. Henrik quickly reached me and wrapped me in a tight embrace. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back, murmuring comforting words.

"I just want a family. All I've ever wanted is a family." I said blankly when my tears eventually dried up. I looked up at Henrik to find that his eyes were wet with tears.

"I'll find them, Morgana. I promise you I'll find our family."

A/N: Please be kind to Morgana. I know that she can act insecure, needy and often insane, but that's because she's been through some really tough shit. Please don't call her trauma responses annoying, since not only is that deeply insensitive but also very disrespectful to me, who has based Morgana off of my own traits and experiences. Morgana has a lot of things to deal with and work though before she can become the best version of herself. I really hope you'll stick around and read about her journey!