"Doesn't feel like Christmas," Olga grumbled.

Holiday music played over the store speakers. She wheeled herself forward. No one could provide an explanation as to why her leg was once again paralyzed.

Jax told her it may be due to her claiming two alphas. Olga wasn't so certain.

She had gone into the department store to buy something nice for the pack. It was strange to watch normal humans walking around.

Everyone has friends and family, Olga thought.

With a heavy heart, she wheeled around until she found a gift for Sashka and Jax. She got their daughter, Rachel, a gift too.

She wished she had someone else though outside the whole dog-people business. Someone to help her get out of their community or just someone to create new experiences with that weren't centered around stress and fear.

Olga was beginning to resent letting Jax's pack take care of the mill. She didn't want any pack involved, it only guaranteed crime.

"When do I get friends?" she thought out-loud, bitter. She opened her car door, and eventually, pulled herself up inside. "What was ever wrong with me? Why is it so hard?"

The wheelchair wasn't to blame. Olga new she had always been shy...reclusive. Aside from being partially paralyzed from the waist down, it was always hard for her to make friends.

She kind of liked being alone, but still, she yearned for a true friend.

For a long time, Olga drove around town. She stopped at the abandoned community park. Silent, she watched snow flurries drift through the air as kids ran around the wintery playground.

A heavy feeling took hold of her heart.

"What's happened to me?" she whispered. Abruptly, a snow ball flew into the windshield. With great luck, the window cracked as a stone was buried in the snowball. "It never ends."

***

"Merry Christmas!" Sashka welcomed.

"Merry Christmas," Olga replied.

The pack's cabin estate was very warm. In the living room, a large fifteen-foot tree was decorated in red and silver garlands. Bright gold and copper bulbs had been carefully placed through the greenery. On top, was neither a star or angel, but a stuffed moose head.

It was anyone's guess as to how it stayed in place.

Dinner was baked ham for those that preferred not to eat the game gathered from the winter. The pheasant and rabbit may have been cooked professionally by their personal chef, but Olga had grown up on the meat, and ham was more of a treat. It tasted much better.

Loaves of bread, cranberries, salads, mashed potatoes and other cooked vegetables were scattered down the center of the long table.

For dessert, the pack shared a three-tiered black forest cake accompanied by cocktails.

"Your home is very beautiful and everything was delicious. Thank you for having me," Olga smiled. Sashka led her out onto the back porch. They had an outdoor heater and fire pit going. Lights were strung across the deck. There was nothing to see but tall pines in the yard.

"We wanted to light up some of the trees...but it's not surprising no one was up for the task! They're much too tall."

"Right," Olga agreed. She set down her drink on the railing. "I wanted to let you know I placed the restraining order. I don't know how, but he still is able to call me when I blocked his number and he leaves me voicemails."

"Let me see your phone...here..." Sashka began, "Now it will go straight to trash and you won't be notified. I'm so sorry things went so horribly with him. Most mates don't cheat, but unfortunately, alphas have a bad reputation in that area."

Olga quirked a brow while sipping her cocktail. She really did want to know what happened between them.

"We were young. It was before he was alpha...he lied to me about going out with friends. Apparently, it was a female-friend. He never told me about her. You know men...they don't befriend women for no reason. I guess they had been talking for months online. He never told me. One day, he tells me he's going to go skiing with his buddies. You know, I thought nothing of it. I guess I wasn't enough for him to commit to. I couldn't get over it. I still can't. It still haunts me. How could he not tell me about this girl? Then, it makes you wonder what else they don't tell you."

"How did you find out?"

"Well, he was on his phone a lot and started talking to me less. He seemed...distant. The change happened after the trip. I asked him if I could look at his phone. I wish I hadn't...I wish he was smarter and had deleted it all. I wish he would have protected me. That's all I wanted. I've never felt safe with him since."

"Oh, god..." Olga murmured, "I'm so sorry, Sashka. I'm so sorry."

Her voice lightened, "But he isn't like that anymore. After that, he tried to be transparent with me, but I can't...I can't trust him. I love him to death, but this fear, god, it's killed me to live with this fear for so long. Some men are children. They try to get away with as much as they can. You hope they learn. You'd think they'd learn. If they have good character, they do learn, but others will always be children. They just don't want that entitlement taken from them. They think we won't know or will never find out."

Olga turned around. The large windows let her see the party going on inside.

"Trust and communication, aren't those the fundamentals of a relationship?"

"Tell that to him," Sashka said while pointing a drunk finger at Jax walking around on the other side of the glass. Her voice was slurred, "He is a good man, but I w-wanted to tell you my experience. Now, I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone, but you know what they say...the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."

"Well," Olga murmured, "I'm not looking for any man right now. I've had enough of the bullshit."

"Why don't you stay here tonight? It's Christmas. I don't think you should be alone-"

"No, that's okay. Thanks, anyway, I appreciate the offer."

Olga watched Sashka head back inside.

Newly alone, she stared into the shade beneath the pines of the acres surrounding the large home. The commotion inside from the party was getting quieter as most pack members had headed home for the night. There were cabins around the property miles away.

No more could Olga make out any distant headlights.

Everyone must have gone home.

There was something she couldn't let go of. One piece of the puzzle still missing. The one named Aster. The name behind everything.

The pack had told her the humans had Aster, yet never brought him in for questioning. Then, Aster escaped. How did he escape? Did he escape or was he let go?

The more Olga thought about it, the more Aster started to sound like someone else.

Aster isn't real, Olga thought with greater skepticism. If he was, Jax and everyone, they would have found him by now. But why not tell me? Olga thought. Why wouldn't Jax tell me? Why pretend there is another person, when clearly, it's...

Me? Ulrich chuckled. No, it is not me. I promise. There is wizard and I will show you. No one let me out though. If you let me out, angel, I promise I bring Aster to pack.

I don't trust you, Olga spat back.

Yes, you do. It's why you listen. No one else listen and more humans die. I know truth, I know where he is, and more waiting, more humans die. Come to me, Ulrich said carefully.

How do I know you aren't working with him? Olga asked.

I am not greatest evil, Olga. I am cursed by him too. When Aster die, feral blood-hunger die too. I not want eat humans, but he make me. I not ask you to trust me. All I request is chance to prove I right all along and no alpha want another man controlling his pack. He control mine. Soon, he control Jax's too, Ulrich replied.

Yeah right, Olga said. You'll tell me anything just to be freed. You're a feral alpha and that means you choose to eat whatever you want out of your own free will. I don't know who Aster is, but your word isn't enough for me to believe you. That's what happens when you lie.

I know you angry. I sorry for not telling you everything, but I never lie to you on purpose, the feral smoothed over.

Ulrich certainly had lied. Hadn't he? Olga scowled while trying to think of examples. Was there a difference between lying and keeping things from her?

He had kept the mystery woman he was seeing from her secret and there was the bizarre two-person freak show she witnessed in the holding cell. Then, there was the amount of murders he never talked about after committing.

You have kept so much from me, Olga said icily. I don't trust you.

You not need to trust me right now. Remember, I tell you that? I let you come and go. Jax only one who force you to obey. I give you choices, he give you decisions. You know I right, Ulrich tried.

Olga folded her arms. Some tiny traitorous part of her heart agreed with some of what Ulrich was saying. Jax had sort of forced her hand into giving him her business. There was nothing hostile about it, but some of his moves seemed a bit out of line.

The mill was supposed to go all to you. Rollo rolling in grave, don't you think? Rollo rolling...sound funny, Ulrich chuckled.

Olga barely registered his joke.

Did you kill him? she asked in a waver.

It was then the feral knew he had her. The nugget of truth he had decided to save would now come to fruition.

No, Jax did, he answered. And I can prove it.

❄️