• okay the vid I posted in this chapter... it had me laughing for 3 straight minutes. Just imagine being the guy and having to do that with a straight face •

"... Santa Claus?" Summer repeated, gaping with her mouth wide open.

Jack cleared his throat a little. "Yeah... allow me to reintroduce you to my friend—"

"I got this, buddy," Nick patted his chest and then stepped forward, extending his hand. "I'm Nikolas Saint. Aka, Saint Nick."

Nick Saint. Saint Nick.

How clever, Summer silently snorted. Still, it had been clever enough to pass her by. Or maybe she had just been too preoccupied with Jack to make the connection. "This just keeps on getting weirder."

Nick chuckled and shot a glance at Jack when she didn't shake his hand, but instead just stood there. "Why do they always sound so surprised?"

"Uhh, maybe because you don't look like the fat Santa there is on every Christmas decoration ever made?" She pointed out.

He rolled his eyes, just as Jack laughed. "I struggled with my weight a few hundred years ago. It was horrible. When I finally got fit, it was too late. Now it's like that bad high school photo that haunts you." Nick shook his head. "And the beard thing, it was the stupidest thing. Jack dared me to change my hair color to, and I quote; as white as snow."

"It looked good," Jack grinned.

"It did not, and now thanks to you everyone thinks I look like a old, white-haired, obese man. What kind of example does that set to the kids?"

"A couple a hundred years ago," Summer repeated. She hadn't gotten further in the conversation than that. Then again, getting past the fact that they had to be thousands of years old perhaps wasn't the easiest thing in the world to get by. "You're both... exactly how old are you?"

Nick and Jack looked blankly at each other for a moment.

"Are you still counting?" Jack asked.

Nick shook his head. "I think I stopped in 1436. Who cares anyway? What's that saying? 'Age is just a number.'"

"A pretty damn important one," Summer mumbled under her breath, just as she walked into her living room and sat down on her couch. The floor was spinning. The whole room was. She was so not going to pass out right now.

"Summer?" Jack noticed her queasy expression. Both him and Nick followed her inside, Nick closing the door behind him and taking off his jacket. "You alright?"

"No, I'm not," She said and took some deep breaths to calm her heart. "I just learned that I've slept with someone old enough to be my great-great-great-times-infinity grandfather. Oh, and that Santa is real after all and he's not fat or jolly at all."

"Ouch," Nick commented and glanced and Jack. "That's gotta burn on you too, old man."

"You're older than me," Jack voiced, but his focus stayed on Summer. "Summer, look at me for a moment, please."

She forced her eyes up off the floor and saw Jack looking calmly at her, if not with a small crease between his brows. "What?"

His lips turned slightly upwards. "How about we all sit down and talk this through, yeah?"

"Will I finally get my answers?"

He paused and looked questioningly up at Nick. "Will she?"

Nick pressed his lips tightly together and looked at her. "She can't, Jack. Not until after Christmas."

"Why not?!" Summer asked, frustratedly. "Why is Nick in charge of decisions here? And if you tell me it's some sort of Christmas oath-thing again, I swear—"

"It's not a Christmas oath-thing," Nick interrupted. "It's just the way it is. Santa sits on top—ironically enough."

Summer clenched her fists in irritation. It was stupid. What would happen if they told her before Christmas? Would the world fall apart? She hardly thought so.

"Okay, but still, let's sit down and talk," Jack offered and stood up, looking at them both. "We can still have a nice conversation, can't we?"

"About what, exactly? If you can't tell me what I want to hear, then what is there to talk about?" Summer bitterly asked.

"Well..." Jack said, just as a little grin crept onto his lips. "We could tell you stories. We've got loads. How often does a human actually learn the truth about us?"

"Last time was 1993," Nick bid in, just as a grimace slid onto his face. "But we don't need to talk about that."

"Fuck, I almost forgot!" Jack suddenly threw his head back, laughing. "It was Mariah, wasn't it?"

As Nick groaned, a lightbulb lit up inside Summer's head. "Mariah? As in... Mariah—"

"All I want for christmaaaaas, I yoooou-huuu, baaaaybee!" Jack sang in a pitch-fake singing voice that in no way neared Mariah's vocals. Nick slapped the back of his head and shut him right up, only to watch him crack under in laughing cramps.

"It wasn't like that," Nick explained, sighing heavily. "I'll need beer if I have to get through this story with Frost as company."

"There is a box of beers in the basement," Summer told, now actually strangely... interested in knowing exactly what the story was there. "They might not be cold, though."

"Not a problem," Jack winked. "I'll go fetch 'em."

"Do that," Nick responded as Jack played fetch. He took a seat on the couch next to Summer, stretching his legs and arms with a tired groan. Watching him for a moment, all Summer could do was stare.

She was actually sitting next to Santa.

How weird was that?

When she squirmed a little in her seat, Nick shot her a look and frowned a little. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah, just great!" Summer quickly replied and sat still.

"You sure? If you want to, you can sit on my lap. I've been told it's quite comfortable."

"You hitting on my woman, Sandy?" Jack came back into the room, carrying three beers. He set them down on the coffee table and tapped all three of them with his index finger. A small coat of frost instantly covered the bottles.

It was like watching a dementor, Summer creepily thought and shook her head.

"Nah, I'm just making sure she's comfortable," Nick chuckled and grabbed one of the beers. He twisted the cap off and took a sip. "It can't be nice sitting on your cold lap all the time."

"It's not cold," Summer automatically said, but then realized what she actually just said. Watching Nick and Jack exchange a look, she reddened and quickly grabbed her own beer, taking a large gulp. "Uh, weren't we talking about Mariah Carey?"

Nick and Jack kept looking at each other, but then Nick slowly looked away and snapped back into the conversation. "Huh? Oh, right. Mariah. It's not really a good story."

"Please," Jack snorted and took the last beer, twisting the cap off. "She was so crazy about you, you almost changed your address to the South Pole."

Summer gagged on her sip when Nick shot him a flat look, one that was just too precious. Coughing to get the beer out of the wrong pipe, she heaved; "She really got that obsessed with you?"

"Isn't the song proof enough?" Jack chuckled.

A little smirk played on Nick's lips as well. "You'd actually be surprised how good she was. Better than you think. And she's a screamer. She hit the high F so many times, I think it permanently damaged her poor dog."

"Wait..." Summer narrowed her eyes a little. "Am I to assume that you slept with Mariah?"

"Duh, what do you think?" Jack deadpanned before Nick had the chance. "I remember I couldn't be around him all the times he was with her. God, the noises, the constant fucking—"

"Watch your mouth, Frost," Nick surprised Summer by saying, sounding sincere. "But yeah, we were a bit out of control. Well, she was. I just didn't say no."

"And so hence when he left her, she made that song for him," Jack grinned and shook his head. "Oh man, out of all the messed up Santa-shit you've done—"

"Language."

"—that was by far one of the dumbest."

"I learned my lesson," Nick said, sighing heavily. "Which is why I haven't told anyone who I am since then. Well, except for tonight. I gotta say this is a nice change of pace. Thanks for handling it so well," He smiled at Summer and raised his bottle.

She clinked her own against it. "Well, if you think so. So does this mean I won't get coal for Christmas?"

Jack snickered smugly across the room from where he sat and leaned back in her armchair. "Remember that, Nick? What a great night."

"I make one mistake and I'm branded for life," Nick sighed painstakingly under his breath and rubbed his face. "And this idiot won't let me forget."

"It was Christmas, 1639," Jack instantly begun, sitting up with a smug grin. "And it was before everything was electricity-driven. It was just after Nick stopped using his sleigh to deliver presents—"

"Wait, you don't use your sleigh anymore?"

"With the current population of the world, it's impossible," Nick voiced with a serious expression. "I'm magic, but not that magic."

"So anyways, he had stopped using his sleigh and instead invented this big machine called the Gift Distributor," Jack continued, the smug grin still on his face. "And like I said, it was before electricity powered everything, so back then, things ran on wood, and most importantly, coal."

"Oh, God..." Nick groaned miserably. "I keep thinking this story will get easier over time, but it just doesn't."

"So Christmas Eve, when it was time to light up the Gift Distributor that was going to teleport the gifts to where they belonged, all the Christmas elves were shoveling the coal onto the machine to fire it up," Jack told, biting his lip not to grin. "And so when it was time to finally send them off, what then happened?"

Summer had a clue...

"All of the coal next to the machine got trapped in the teleportation field, and so upon that beautiful Christmas morning when hopeful children woke up to check their Christmas stockings..."

"They found coal," Nick said, sounding heartbroken. "I sent coal out to all the kids."

While Summer gasped, Jack howled from laughter and threw himself back into the armchair, laughing. Summer found it funny too, but also kind of sad. Poor kids. "That's awful."

"I know," Nick shook his head. "I shouldn't have kept the coal right next to the machine. I should've made the elves store it further away. I just didn't want the poor guys to overwork themselves carrying it."

"So elves are actually real?" She curiously asked.

"Of course they are," Nick replied and shot her a little smile. "Who do you think teases you in the winter? When you can't find your other sock, when you thought you had more sweets in your cabinet..."

"They do that?"

"And so much more."

"Wow," Summer admittedly said. "My mind is fucked."

"Watch the swearing," Nick reprimanded, sipping his beer.

"Why does he do that?" She turned her head to Jack who was still silently grinning.

"Because I'm Santa," Nick answered. "It's ethics about being naughty or nice."

"And cursing lands you on the naughty list?"

Nick nodded. "And with the way people talk today, the goodie-list is practically non-existent."

Summer could only imagine. "So, hey... you really don't use your sleigh anymore?"

Nick shrugged. "Not for Christmas deliveries. Now I just use it for transportation and to give the reindeers their exercise."

"Okay, I get the last part, but wouldn't it just be easier to get a car? I mean, it would be less conspicuous."

"Who cares about conspicuous? If you had nine flying reindeers, would you honestly still be driving around in your Toyota?"

The magic man had a point.

"So the reindeers... they're real, too?" She continued asking. She found all of this hilarious, yet strangely interesting. It was like having a drunk conversation while being completely sober.

Nick nodded his head to her question. "Yup. You can't trust everything you read about me, but the reindeers are very true."

"Even Rudolph and his red nose?"

"Even that," Nick affirmed and sipped his beer.

"Rudolph is the man," Jack now interjected, having been silent for a while, which was so unlike him. "I once took him out to a camel race in Egypt, and even though they wouldn't let us complete, the motherfucker just went for it anyway and won the damn race."

"Language, Jack," Nick flatly drawled. "Why do I even bother, you're never getting off the naughty list."

Jack winked at Summer and twirled his cane in his hand. "Damn right."

Summer shook her head and tried remembering what they were talking about. "So, uh... Rudolph, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," Nick said and smiled. "He used to be so self-conscious about his nose. Dasher, Dancer and Prancer actually really bullied him with it." He frowned seriously, all the while Summer struggled to take it seriously. "So that's when I started spreading the word out to you humans, and then you guys just took it from there. You made that song for him and it totally boosted his confidence. Now he walks around strutting his schnauze like Kim K struts her booty."

"I seriously can't believe this," Summer finally had to say and placed a hand over her mouth. "I'm sitting here talking to Santa Claus and Jack Frost about Mariah Carey and Rudolph." It was seriously unbelievable. "Are you guys really for real? You're not just pulling some elaborate scam so that I'll let you gang-bang me in a second, right?"

Already before she was done speaking, Jack choked on his beer and Nick simply just closed his eyes, shaking his head while laughing silently. Jack coughed and gagged, turning red from the efforts. Summer just sat there in all seriousness.

Finally, Nick spoke. "Oh, Summer. I knew you were naughty, I just didn't know you were that kind of naughty. I'm afraid you just made the naughty list."

"Welcome on board," Jack said from the corner, having gotten his gagging under control.

Summer chuckled a little. "Well, since I'm there now, I might as well say the Santa joke I've been dying to say all night."

"Bring it," Nick said, taking a quick gulp of his beer. "But I promise you
I've heard them all."

"Alright, that's probably true, but still; Why is Santa's sack so big?" Summer smirked. "Because he only comes once a year."

"Ooowh!" Jack howled, banging his cane against the floor. "I was the one who invented that! No, seriously! Christmas of 56'."

Nick scoffed, but then sent a little smirk in Summer's direction. "I do come more than once a year, for the record. I could come all over you right now."

While Summer was mortified that Santa just said that to her, Jack wiped the smart grin off his lips and shot Nick a flat look. "I'm sitting right here, man, and I'm not afraid to clock you the night before Christmas."

Nick chuckled, but then shook his head. "You'd lose in a fight against me, but don't worry. I'm just messing with you," He smiled and shot a glance towards Summer. "Besides... I'm sure Frost has drizzled his snow all over you, anyway."

There was absolutely no way Summer would ever unhear those words or unsee that image. "Changing subject, now."

"Come on," Nick scoffed when Jack just chuckled smugly. "You two were literally fornicating just before I got here. I could hear you all the way down the street."

"Oh, sweet baby Jesus," Summer said and felt her face red up like—haha—Rudolph's nose.

"Speaking of which," Jack said and turned his eyes to the clock. "Don't you have to get back, Nicky? It's almost midnight."

"Yeah, I should. Nearly forgot the time," Nick said and sighed heavily before putting his almost empty beer down. "That tends to happen when you have eternities of it."

"You have to get back?" She asked and stood up when he did. "Back to the... North Pole?"

"Yeah, that's where the workshop is," Nick nodded. "Personally though, I live in New York. If you ever swing by, come see me."

"Come see... Santa Claus?" She voiced with a little grin.

He grinned back. "Then you get to say that you're in town."

"Right, well," Summer said and cleared her throat. "I suppose it's a stupid question to ask when I'll see you again."

He chuckled a little. "Leave some of your cookies out for me tomorrow night, yeah? I love the peeps who do. It spares me the trouble of going through their cabinets."

"I thought you didn't use your sleigh anymore."

"I don't. Now I just come by for the cookies and milk."

"And you wonder why you had a weight problem," Jack commented, but smirked teasingly from the corner.

Grinning quietly, Summer shook her head but then yelped when Nick abruptly pulled her in for a surprise goodbye hug.

"Take care, you," He said, then pulled back. He smiled at her with his brown eyes. "And don't forget to get some sleep."

"What about me, am I invisible?" Jack said from the sideline.

Nick sent him a deadpan look.

"Oh, yeah, I sometimes am," He sighed.

"Behave yourselves," Nick finally warned. With a last nod, he then headed for the door, grabbing his coat on the way. "Don't forget you have a responsibility, Frost."

"Have I ever really?" He grunted, just as Nick walked out. The door shut, leaving Summer and him alone.

There was a long silence.

"So..." Summer hesitantly said.

"So," Jack repeated and lifted a little brow at her. "I'll be able to tell you what all of this is when Christmas is over."

Summer nodded a little. She wasn't thrilled, but then again, she could wait two days to learn about what all this had been. "Alright. We have some time to kill then. Any suggestions?"

Jack's lips twitched and slowly turned upwards in a dirty little smirk. "A few. Just a fair warning, though; I'll have to make time for decorating the city."

"If you absolutely have to," She shrugged, sighing exasperatedly, just as she as casually as possible pulled off her sweater, taking her top beneath it with her. "I'll just be heading up to my bedroom all alone then..."

"The hell you will," Jack growled, and just as Summer started running up the stairs, she heard his feet pounding after her. "Don't think I'll be leaving this house before decorating you as well."

And then with a squeal from Summer's side, Jack followed after her and slammed her bedroom door shut, sealing them in for a full night of fun.

• • •

And as the movie says, he's the guardian of fun. I can only imagine he's educated in every type of it.

- Hands down, this was my fave chapter to write so far though, that's why it's so long. Had so much fun fucking with classic Christmas.