Within the blackness the boy heard a voice calling to him

"Frooooodddiiiieee," it called with a long moaning drawl, "Froooooddiiiee?"

The boy opened his eyes to see that his world changed to become woven but of the fabric of a tapestry. Patterns and polygons galore danced around him. Lights of crimson and cerulean hues flashed and flickered as they traced the outlines of this strange ornamentation. His vision had a simultaneous blurriness and clarity about it as all that stood around him was both melding together and coming into shape at once. Then suddenly all the markings upon the canvas flooded together and the colors subsided as its new character was revealed. 

Standing before him now was a gargantuan berry. A raspberry to be exact. It had a princely stature and a princes of the universe type of control. All was to be left in the lap of the gods. This one god, one vision. (bad misplaced puns, cool cool) 

The boy was speechless, it had taken his breath away. The sheer size and magnitude of this berry could be compared to no other object before it. Not even to the size of the boy's phallic member. (okay bad dick joke about Fred's big dick) And then the berry spoke

"I am the Bohemian Raspberry, I have traveled from far away galaxies, nation-states, and dimensions to come to you today. It is crucial that I deliver you this message and lead you down your true path. You, Froodie Mercurie, are to be a messenger of the gods— a lover of life, a singer of songs. You are to be a legend, forever changing the world and the hearts within it. It is your destiny"

There was a long pause. 

"Wait, what?" said the boy, "I think you have the wrong guy"

"Jesus chirst, I travel for thousands of years across galaxies and dimensions," cried the Bohemian Raspberry, "Fighting my way through parallel universes, wormholes, and TSA airport security. Traversing across the largest mountain range in the universe, starving and dying of thirst in the hottest desert known to all forms of life, and roaming infinate lightyears to come and find out I have got the wrong guy. Great".

"Hey look, its not my fault," shouted the boy

"Okay you know what, henceforth and from here on out, you will be known as Froodie Mercurie," stated the Bohemian Raspberry, "and now I give you the gift of music" 

With a flick of the wrist and a kind of magic, the boy had now been gifted with the gift of song and the new title of Froodie Mercurie. 

"Okay, my work here is done," and with that the Bohemian Raspberry left. Froodie now was on his own in a dimension of darkness with only confusion as a companion. 

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!" shouted Froodie, "Hello?! Hel— nevermind, this is useless"

Lost and confused Froodie gathered himself and began to walk forward into the great beyond before him. Uncertainty lie ahead, but all that was behind him now had to be forgotten. Soon he too faded into the blackness.