Mya POV
A few weeks later....

Brie was crying as loud as she could. I had fed her, I belched her, I changed her diaper and I just didn't what to do next.

I was overwhelmed. As I held her she kept crying. I tried rocking her but she would quiet down just before starting to cry again.

I felt hopeless. Nothing was working. As I watched her cry, August ran through the door to see what was happening.
I looked at him pleadingly "she won't stop crying" I said
He came over "here let me take her"
Once he held her and started rocking her, she quieted down and was watching him full in his face.
I sighed and I felt the need to cry. "I'll be back"
"Mya" he called out to me like he knew I was disappointed.
He followed me out to the hall. "Mya, it's okay to not have it all together by now. This is new for us, it's a learning process. Don't be too hard on yourself ma"

"I just feel like I'm not doing this right" I said as I started tearing up. "I can't do this"

"Mama, get out yo head for a second"

"I want you to understand two things, you are enough and you are strong. Sure you might not get it now but you will eventually ma. Breathe." He said trying to calm me down.

All of a sudden I started having difficulty breathing "baby" August said worried. "You okay?" I started bending over struggling to catch my breath.

"I can't breathe" I tried to say. He disappeared around the corner and came back in a flash.
Things were beginning to look blurry for me so I shut my eyes immediately.

"Okay baby you got stand up straight so the air can have proper flow" August said grabbing hold of my hands. He led me to the coach nearby and had me sit up straight.
He began massaging my hands and letting me know that he was there for me.
"Try to quiet your mind and focus on my voice" he said in a calm tone.
"I'm right here ma, you not alone in this"
"I'm not gonna move from here until you feel better" he said reassuring me.
After taking deep breaths I was finally able to regain control of my breathing.

My eyes were still closed once I opened them he was staring at me deep in my eyes with a smile.
"There you go, I'm proud of you" he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. He then rested his forehead against mines. With both our eyes closed he said. "You're not alone in this. I'm here. Anything you need baby I'm here. If you need to cry I'm here, you wanna vent I'm here. If you need five minutes away from princess I'm here." He said

He pulled away and continued holding my hands "I would really consider going to see a therapist. This was a big blow for us and we need someone to guide us through this phase of our lives. I'm ready when you ready. Brie can't grow without her mother and her father"
I nodded in agreement. It was about that time. I didn't want to continue struggling with the death of my son and my marriage feeling like it's in shambles. We needed help.

"Okay let's do the therapy" I say and I see him begin to nod. He raised my hands together to kiss them. "We going to come out on top of this. I promise." He said before standing up and pulling me up for a hug.

I rested my head on his chest and we stood there like old times. He kept kissing my forehead every now and then and caressing my face. Just like old times and I just missed these moments with him. This is all I wanted from him before he started wilding out.

Time.

Brie started crying and we broke apart to go tend to her.

****

"Mya you should be home tending to your child" Chris said from the outside of the booth.

"It's okay, Rebecca and August are watching her right now" he frowned
"All the more reason. Rebecca's watching her? Even I fear for her" he said
"Poor Brie" he mumbled in the mic but I hear him and chuckle lightly.

"Let's go Chris" I say and he starts the recording process.

Hey, my baby, why you lookin' so down?
Seems like you need a lovin'
Baby, you need a girl like me around
Hey, my baby, tell me why you cry
Here take my hand and (Yeah, mmm)
Wipe those tears from your eyes

Before I knew it I was crying nonstop.
Chris I'm the booth and hugged me. "He died because of me!" I yelled while crying. "I'm the problem"
"Deep down I know august hates me" I cried as he continued to hug me.

"Mya that's all in your head. It's not your fault"
"Who would've known that this would've happened to you, there's nothing you could have done to avoid this from happening" he said rubbing my back.
"It's not your fault"
"And this doesn't mean that you're not woman enough, you were able to carry Brie and she's alive today. That alone is a blessing in itself. She needs you. Your family needs you" he said to me as he hugged me. I begin to think how I need to get myself together for real because this has been affecting me greatly in every area of my life.
Even my prayer life.  I definitely needed to find my way back to church and back in my Bible.

Not long after Chris convinced me to go home, said he'd be right behind me.

Upon arrival I parked my car in the garage and made my way into the house.
"Such a sweet baby" I hear Rebecca cooing to Brie. I turn the corner and my house was filled. Marcus was here, Dennis was here, my mother, my father and his wife, Rebecca, August's mother, Chandra, Chay, Noonie, Kaykay and Chris who just walked in.

August came from the kitchen with a bottle for Brie and gave it to his momma so she can feed her.
But I was confused as to what was going on. Why was everybody in my house?

"Hey everybody" I say beginning to greet everyone. Before I knew it August had returned to me with a basket worthy of gifts and big balloons that said "I love you" "best mom" & "you got this"

"So we wanted you to know that you're not alone in this. We understand how difficult things have been for you and the process and we wanted to affirm you. You got this. You ain't alone because everybody that's sitting here is here to help with everything you need" August said making me tear up.

"Everything" kaykay followed making me chuckle.
"So we wanted to gift you a few things" Rebecca said plucking a few things out of the basket. There were shower items, perfumes, face masks, spa day reservations, a ticket to bora bora and notes from everyone.
I started tearing up as they all came around to hug me. "Thank you everyone" I managed to get out. August cooked so we all ate right after we played some games and watched tv and a little later August's momma was teaching me a few things on how to manage with Brie.

I had rocked her to sleep for the first time in the week. I placed her in her bed and dismissed Cha and August's mother. "Bye baby,don't forget any questions or concerns you can ask us. We won't hesitate to answer. Even if you need a break" his mom said and I nodded "yes ma'am"

I walked back to the room and I stare out our glass door to see August on our swing set. I open the sliding door and closed it but slightly leaving it open in case Brie wakes up.

I sat on the swing next to him and realize he was staring down at something. " I .. uh" he cleared his throat. "I got this for us"
It was a picture of our son's footprint and at the bottom of it had August Alsina jr and the day he left us to be with the father. It also had rest in paradise.

I hear him sniffle as i take it from him. " I'm sorry I haven't taken into consideration how this might've affected you too" he shook his head. "I've been doing my research baby I understand. I just want us to heal" he said looking at me as if he was pleading with me.
"I want this Mya"

I look at him and I know he's being sincere " I want this too" I say as I reach out my hand to caress his cheek. "I just need you to trust me" he nodded "I do and I'm sorry for listening to the outside noise" he kissed the inner palm of my hand.
"Let's go to therapy" I finally made my mind up. I was certain. The support that I felt tonight gave me some hope and I'm feeling the need to get better because everyone believes in me.

I just need to believe in myself.