'Is Ajay at campus?'

Aarushi texted Viraj as she stood outside the iron gates of NTI, closely clenching a paper bag and shuffling nervously from one foot to other. It was the morning she had been looking forward to with anxious excitement. The paper bag had her glass jarred snowdrop and a box of milk chocolates. If everything goes well, maybe by today evening these contents will be with their new owner.

'Nope, why do you ask?'

'I have some smart watch settings to discuss with him. Garvit is out with Suhani or I wouldn't disturb him', Aarushi typed back, anticipating Viraj's reply.

'In that case, search for him in nearby park. It's one of his leisure spaces when he isn't on campus.'

Aarushi replied with an okay before scampering off to directed location. After a five minute walk down the road she finally managed to spot the guy. Ajay was sitting on the steel bench of an empty local bus station with eyes glued to his smart phone.

The pathway was nearly empty except for occasional passing vehicles. Aarushi gazed at him for few longer moments. Maybe this was her last time admiring him secretly from afar. Maybe this would be the last once her affection would be one ended. She took in a deep breath and walked up to him with a smile more ethereal than warmest spring morn.

'Hi', she called out in a soft voice taking the empty bench beside him. Ajay looked up from his phone sensing her presence. 'Hey...', he said impassively practicing a tight smile. Aarushi saw the flicker of multiple feelings inside his eyes but before she can deduce any of it the black orbs again put on a veil of inscrutability.

'By your look I can tell you have something on, go first', Aarushi said ignoring the butterflies dancing inside her heart. Ajay stared at her for longer seconds before looking away.

'You... must not like me this time', his words pummeled like a stone. Aarushi's eyes widened with shock. Had she heard it right? No, after everything... he can't say something like that!

'Wh-what do you mean?', Aarushi stammered the words out of her throat. Too shocked, too confused to understand anything. Ajay let out a long sigh.

'I mean what I say. I don't want us to suffer through this together when we are not meant to be with each other. What we had was just young infatuation; we cannot mistake it as anything more. Our lives are two league spheres that will never match with other no matter how hard we try. It's better to end it all before it hurts you or me', Ajay said in one breath. Aarushi had been frozen in her place. Even tears couldn't justify the bottomless black hole that pulled in everything that was left for a thing called heart.

The edges of black hole burned around the edges, bleeding out every emotion, every fantasy, that she ever felt or dreamt. Series of once beautiful moments replayed itself again and again, mocking her, anguishing her. So this was the end. End of every acquisitive dream, end of every story she ever wished to write.

'Young infatuation?', Aarushi uttered under breath, she could hear her voice shaking, from affliction, from fury. 'You are telling me to take it all as young infatuation and forget it?' Ajay didn't answer her, what can he answer now? He had said all that he wanted to, breaking everything in just a few seconds what was left for him to say now?

'Four years, freaking four years... and it all ends like some stupid infatuation', Aarushi said with a hollow laugh. 'It's better to clear it up than entangle ourselves in some blemishing whirlpool again', Ajay said, with voice was as restrained as his words.

'Don't say... Don't say a word. Just tell me, do you really think it was all a teenage infatuation? Do you really think in all these years I never asked myself what do I want or why do I want? It's been twelve years... Twelve years since I first met you... do you really think these twelve years are not enough for me to know my own feelings?', Aarushi lashed out. Ajay didn't say a word nor did he turn to meet her eyes.

'No words... After these four years, I again get the same silence', Aarushi said with an anguishing laugh. Moisture welled up in her eyes as she stood up to leave for last time.

'Four years back... I forbade you from answering 'cause we were both leaving for our own lives, our own futures; I never expected to run into you again but still I did. I thought maybe this was my second chance, our second chance. But I was wrong... I was so very wrong. But it's fine now; you finally woke me from my fruitless dream, pulling me back to my reality. In that case, I'll listen to you for one last time... I'll forget it, forget it all. Believe me; you'll never see Aarushi Sharma turn back in her life after this moment, that's a word', she said with tears trickling down her cheeks.

'Just promise me one last thing... Next time, if you meet another girl... Don't make her feel special, don't make her feel wanted. Because it hurts, it hurts when you get closer only to leave. Not everyone in this world is me who would drink the deadly venom with a forgiving smile. Not everyone in this world is Aarushi who would cherish her feelings for fucking four years even when there was no real hope. Goodbye, Ajay, it all ends here'

Her words lingered heavily in the air. Aarushi didn't turn around this time. Finally, it had ended. Her story has finally reached its end, the end she had been waiting to see all these years. Irony was that that she never expected it to be this painful, this blemishing.

'It all ends, it all ends just the way it did four years back. Just the way it always did. I hate this game of fate, why am I only chosen one to lose every time? Why am I the only one who gets hurt every time?'

She wiped her impregnable tears, walking away; away from all the memories, away from all the feelings, away from him... for one last time.

[Flashback]

Second year at high school came with bouts of new feelings and decisions. It was the crucial time of subject choices which will serve as building blocks for their future careers. Aarushi was all up for pursuing sciences, but she wasn't really ready to fight for medical examination as her mother wished her to. But every choice came with an even more confusing dilemma. Over the span of past year, after a lot of back and forth she had finally come in term with her feelings towards Ajay. Unfortunately though, she can never think about having a relationship with him.

Career and aspirations had always made a significant part of hers, and she cannot let them be clouded by her personal emotions. So staying by his side while admiring him from a distance was all she could do. The destiny though had something else planned for them.

That day when she returned home she was greeted by an unusual silence. When nobody responded to her calls she went to check out the basement.

'Mom, Dad, what are you both doing here?', she said skipping the last few steps and running over the small pool of light at far corner. Tension and sadness shrouded Pramila's eyes while Raghvendra sat with head dropped in his hand.

'Do you think it's the only option?', Pramila asked paying no heed to Aarushi or her inquisitive look. Raghvendra gave a stiff nod. 'What are you both talking about? What option?', Aarushi interrupted alarmed.

Pramila sighed before turning to face her daughter. 'We need to leave', she uttered in a defeated tone.

'What?', Aarushi's voice was barely above whisper as she struggled to accept the words. 'Soon after your exams are over we will be leaving this place and this city forever. My transfer proceedings are just completed, by next month we will be all ready for moving', Pramila said with no emotion.

'But why mom!?! My current school is better than any other place! And what about our house, we cannot just move places like this! It's the crucial time for my studies, how can we do that?', Aarushi desperately tried to reason with her parents.

'Aarushi, you know your father's business has collapsed, we are entangled in a legal cases and financial burden. Our social ties have all broken in this city. The only thing we can do is start afresh. Besides, in a bigger city we can get you a more proper guidance for career. It's the best for all of us', Pramila concluded in a no argumentation tone. 'Your mom is right. That's all I can do now, I need to find a way out of this mess or one day it will consume us all', Raghvendra closed the discussion. Aarushi gave her parents horrified glances.

Moving right after final term exams? Just one month left at the place she shared all the memories with?

It wasn't just unacceptable, but also heart shattering. Leaving school, leaving Juhi, leaving her friends... and leaving Ajay... that wasn't something she had been wishing for. What her parents said sounded more correct and practical than it should. Being at a more influential place would definitely give her some extra help in achieving a good future. Wasn't that what she always wished for?

Yes, she didn't have a heart to defy her parents' choices or be selfish and choose her personal feelings above everything else. Something has to be sacrificed to gain another. And sacrificing her personal affection was better than slaughtering everyone else's lives along with her own.

'I have to give up. I have to stop liking him or I would never be able to leave this place. I have to stone my heart for future of my family and for his and mine careers. Two swords would never exist in one case. I have to choose the sword of rationality this once', she thought, sinking down on the floor of her room. The setting sun outside wasn't the icon of beauty and peace, today; it was the harbinger of the longest night of her life.

'What?! You can't just leave like that; I had planned so many events for senior year, what am I even going to do alone in this school!', said a very startled Juhi after Aarushi broke the news to her next day at school.

'We always knew that Juhi... I have to move places, one day or another. It's for my career, my aspirations, I really cannot afford missing out this chance', Aarushi said vainly trying to justify her every word. 'I never thought you would mean it! And now you come up to me one month before your departure, telling me that you are going, with no prospect of coming back ever again. Do you really even take me as you friend?'

'How can you even say that, you know how much you mean to me! And even I found out yesterday, you are the first one to know about it', Aarushi said. 'Is there really no way out?', Juhi asked after a few moments. Aarushi shook her head slowly.

'I learnt the meaning of friendship with you, and now I cannot even bid you a proper goodbye on your final day here. Can you imagine how much that hurts?', Juhi said. Aarushi embraced her friend tightly. 'Nobody can understand it better than me; you are and will always be my bestie, physical distance cannot define our bond; it's for my career, I don't think you'll want me to lose this opportunity', she said trying hard to maintain her even voice. Juhi gave a brief nod holding on to her even more closely.

'Now tell me, would it be too cringe if I tell you I love you?', Aarushi tried lightening up the air with a feeble smile. Juhi laughed a short laugh. 'It would be but yeah, I love you too; and although I won't be able to see you off, thanks to my final exams, but you have to take care of yourself out there, don't be too innocent or trusting and don't get yourself hurt before you achieve what you want', Juhi smiled at her. 'Got it ma'am', Aarushi said chuckling. Her first job was done, now it was time for most significant task; something which promised to change her coming life forever.

The day for science practical progressed smoothly. Aarushi could proudly guarantee herself good grades as she exited the lab after submissions. The spring weather was filled with buoyant plans of holidays and students discussing their subject choices for final years of high school. But for Aarushi, this spring afternoon was memorable, not joyous but memorable.

'What, you are leaving?', one of her friend exclaimed. Aarushi nodded with a sad smile aware of all the extra eyes her friend's shriek had invited. But right now, she couldn't care less about all those curious looks which had troubled her all through her school life. She had an important job at hand, and this was her last chance to get it done.

A laugh rang through her ears, a laugh which she could recognize at the dead of night, a laugh which had always managed to bubble a stream of completeness and delight every time she was with him. And today, was to be the last day she'll ever get to hear it, last day she'll ever be able to feel that same delight, same satisfaction hiding in that carefree voice. As usual, Ajay was surrounded by his ever increasing group of friends, laughing, joking like rest of the students.

Aarushi etched that unforgettable image in pages of her memory. Maybe, he was just one of her teenage crushes, but somewhere the subtle part of her heart knew he meant more than just a crush. He was the inspiration to make her a better version of herself, he was a reason she wished to chase after her aspirations; he was a dream which would always encourage her but still would never come true, and above all he was an indelible friend, who would doubtlessly share her happiness and sadness. And today, she was going to end it all, she was going to burn down everything with her own hands.

'Ajay', she called out as he crossed by her. He turned around at the sound of her voice as she ran up to him. 'I have something to tell you', she said as her heart launched into an erratic dance activating an intense adrenaline rush.

'Save it for tomorrow, we can talk later'; he said carelessly walking away again. 'It's today or never', Aarushi's mind spoke up.

'Your tomorrow will never come', she called after him. Ajay stopped in his tracks turning around to face her. He gave her a deliberating look before sighing in disposal. 'Fine I'll listen to you, say whatever you want to', he said as Viraj joined him, visibly confused by the scene before him. Aarushi closed her eyes and inhaled a long breath, finally this moment had come.

'I wanted to tell you this long time back, but I never got a chance. I don't know how, but somehow, I like you. I always did', Aarushi said in a single breath. She slowly opened her eyes. Ajay had a taken aback expression at the suddenness of confession while Viraj had bafflement spelled across his face.

'It-it doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way; I don't want an answer anyways. We can just be friends', she quickly said leaving no space for consideration. Every word she had said in past few seconds was truer than she wanted it to be. Yes, she had confessed but her confession came with incapability of being in a relationship. How can she risk their futures because of some insignificant feelings? He wanted to achieve his career as much as she wanted and Aarushi wasn't completely oblivious to this fact.

Not every confession opens gates to some sweet romance, some confessions are meant to be the bitter endings also. And her words today were beginning of a similar darker chapter. Bottling up unsaid feelings not always come handy when you wish to achieve something, most of the times they are an indestructible obstacle that leeches on you dragging you back into anguishing past of regrets; as much as she admired beauty of these feelings, she cannot afford to see this vicious phase of them. Confessing to him never came with the desire to stay with him; it was only a definite closure for every fantasy and every emotion. But still she cannot bring herself to hear an answer, she cannot let his answer ruin all the pretty moments they ever had.

'Don't answer me, Ajay; don't destroy everything with those heartless words. My life has already gone to pieces, just let me have your memory as intact and pure as it had always been. Let me have that beautiful delusion as a peaceful solace for life. And finally, let me go, let me go the way I am letting you go. Just promise me, that you will carve a beautiful life for yourself, that you will never leave regrets for yourself, that you will always remember this day and this girl who couldn't be with you no matter how much she wanted', Aarushi thought as tears began welling up in her eyes.

For once in whole eight years, she saw his façade fall. Maybe he can read her thoughts after all. The vulnerability that shrouded his eyes was something she had never seen before. The brightness of black orbs extinguished in the coldness of arcane anguish. This once, no one looked away. Words don't always need to be formed when feelings are pure. And his answer didn't need a medium to be conveyed. Tormented lines of his face ended with a determination, a decision which complied with Aarushi.

'I know your thoughts and I know you love your dreams the way I cherish mine. Although it hurts, but I'll let it all go; for you, for me and for our unwavering life aims. Build yourself into the girl I have always wanted to see, achieve your every aspiration, because every time you look back you will find me smiling and clamorously claiming that I always knew you will get hold of your dreams, that I always knew I wasn't wrong about you. Don't make me the hurdle in your path; let me be the force that will encourage you further', Ajay's unsaid words weren't an unsolvable puzzle for Aarushi today; they conveyed their meaning through his stiff silence.

'Aarushi you are leaving right?', Viraj's voice came abruptly. Aarushi nodded once with a small smile. 'Forever', she said before walking in the other direction.

'What the hell you are doing Ajay? Why did you go all mute just now? The girl herself asked you out! Just go after her! Hold her hand and ask her to stay! This is a chance you won't get ever again! Are you even listening to what I am saying?', Aarushi heard Viraj's voice following her.

'Have you got something to say?', she shot her question directly at Ajay. Half part of hers really wished he would ask her to stay, that he would listen to Viraj and not let her go; that he would say the words to console her for once.

'There's nothing left for me to say, Aarushi. Just leave, forever', he finally answered her with face as cryptic as his voice. The mask he had always worn was back on. Finally this was the end. Aarushi didn't turn to steal a final glance at him that day as she exited the main gates for one last time. She had received what she wanted, now it was time to let go. Let go of her feelings and let go of her past.

'Your last words did hurt me a bit. But it's good, now I can finally move on, from you and from my life in this city. I promise I'll never return back', a couple of tears escaped the corner of her eyes, a smile, beautiful yet empty adorned her face as she prepared herself to embrace the new chapter of her life.

[Flashback ends]

'It's second time now'

A well known sound pulled Ajay out of stupor. He didn't turn to welcome Sarthak as he seated himself on his other side. 'I never thought Mr. Gupta would be a meddlesome eavesdropper', Ajay retorted coldly.

'Well, it wasn't intentional. I just happened to pass by when I saw Aashi having a heated argument with you', Sarthak said matching the level of his stiffness. 'None of your business', Ajay brushed off nonchalantly. Aarushi's tear stained face was already imprinted in his mind, repeating the sequence of events to anyone but Sarthak would do him no good.

'Hmm, that was something I expected you to say', Sarthak retaliated calmly. Ajay didn't bother striking back at him. What good it would do arguing with Sarthak? He had already caused enough damage to last a lifetime; but if that damage can save their futures maybe it was worth it.

'You like her', Sarthak posed the words more like a statement than a question. 'So do you', Ajay retorted passing him a stoical glare. Sarthak gave an empty scoff.

'No wonder you know that; but does it matter?', he said with an astute look. 'In past, yes; but now... no', Ajay choked on his words. 'Do me one favor will you, take care of Aarushi. At least don't make her cry, like I did', he continued after minutes pause. The words sounded composed and calm but their sharpness was enough to bleed him with slow pain.

'Oh... so it's whole trying to be heroic thing?', Sarthak said. Ajay shot him an icy glower. 'You know what, I hate you for making the sunshine girl of our college shed tears in just a couple of meetings, but more than that I pity Aarushi for liking someone like you who doesn't even care about his own feelings', Sarthak stated plainly.

'I like her, and I can promise that I'll never disappoint her but all this is worthless.... It's worthless because she'll never look at me the way she looks at you, she'll never call my name with the same admiration she calls yours, she'll never have that heart melting smile she has, whenever she is with you. I fail to understand what she sees in you, but I respect her choice and happiness, and unfortunately, this time both are connected with you and I, as her friend, don't have the courage to snatch any of it', Sarthak said with a sad smile. Ajay blinked impassively at his words.

'I don't want to know your dumb reason for rejecting her or rejecting your feelings, neither do I want to be a part of your "leave her because you love her" game. So here is a piece of advice, sort out yourself before you sort out others. Stop being harsh to her and your own self. And if even after all this if you still wish to leave her to someone else or make her cry, believe me, I would myself never let you step near her; 'cause you might have the courage to see her smile fade away but I don't, I'll make sure she forgets everything related to you and your memories', Sarthak said forthrightly.

'So make your choice wisely; either leave her life forever or try to restore whatever damage you have made to her and yourself', he stated straightening the slight creases on his swan white shirt as he stood up to leave. Ajay stared behind him, rethinking Sarthak's words.

Had he really made the right decision or it was just as Sarthak had said. 'I, who never had second thoughts or regrets about the decisions I make, becomes all messed up because of a girl. I couldn't bear to leave her neither could I bear to hurt her. I couldn't understand what has become of me; did I really fall in love with her or its just some teenage infatuation playing tricks', Ajay thought staring blankly at the golden rays of setting sun.