nalyssa🐐.

i walked into the locker room quietly with loud music playing through my beats. i was really to scared to face the team after everyone found out about my cuts and stuff.

i changed into my aces shirt and shorts and put on my basketball shoes. after taking my beats off i wrapped my arms hoping no one would say anything about it.

"hey twin, how you feel ?" kb asked walking over to me.

"im okay. numb" i said shrugging my shoulders.

"well do you wanna go shopper later ?? im buying" she said.

"well duh, i can't say no if you're buying" i said making her laugh.

after getting dressed we walked onto the court after hearing the buzzer and stretched. after stretching we got on the line.

we started with ball handling especially for us forwards and centers.. in other words becky tryna say we can't dribble lol she ain't wrong tho.

"aht lower kb" becky said making her huff cus she couldn't go any lower lol.

once we finished ball handling we worked on our defense ofc and then worked on the new plays not everyone had learned all the way yet.

coach wanted us to play full out so she put us on teams and if we got a steal she wanted us to practice our fast breaks cus for some odd reason it's super easy to miss those in a game.

ac stole the ball from tip and i ran down court and she passed it to me and i laid it up.

"good defense ac. and way to hustle and get down on the offensive end smith" she said.

"nalyssa. i need to see you in my office" she said making me look at her confused.

"yes ma'am" i said nervously. i through the ball to a'ja who looked confused as well.

i walked into her office and sat down nervously waiting for her to tell me why im here. lord i hope im not in trouble.

"wassup coach ?" i asked.

"so i was notified that you were having some mental issues" she said making me huff.

"bro i told them not say anything" i said to myself.

"nalyssa i need to know about stuff like that. this is serious and being a basketball player especially a professional one can really effect that" becky said.

"i realize that coach but im still in the healing process" i explained.

"i know.. but i want you to take some time off -

"coach no, don't do that. basketball is the only thing keeping me sane right now. i been dealing with this for more than a year i can handle it" i said.

"listen to me. i just want you to take time and get your mental in a better place at least. yes it's been over a year but mental illness is serious and it can turn on you any time any day." she said.

"i don't want you worrying about basketball right now. focus on you. & focus on this" she said pointing to my wrists.

"so how long ??" i asked.

"idk until we see progress in your mental health" she said.

"that could take months becky you serious ?? i'm never gonna be 100% happy again no matter how much d*** counseling i get & that's just the facts and i have excepted that." i argued.

"nalyssa as your coach im just doing what's best for you. this team care so much about you and we don't wanna see anything else happen to you" becky replied.

"so what am i supposed to do without basketball ??" i asked.

"go home. be with your family. find a hobby that keeps you busy that you enjoy. basketball is to much pressure on the mental" she said.

"fine wtv" i said getting up.

"nalyssa we care about you" becky said making me look back.

"ik" i said shaking my head. i walked to the locker room and changed my clothes. i only practiced for 5 minutes this is bs fr.

"listen up.. go home.. the team will be taking a mental health day tomorrow. we'll see yall back on wednesday" becky said and everyone headed to the locker room.

"who tf told becky about me cutting ?" i asked making everyone look around at each other.

"oh so now we don't know ?? we all just clueless asf huh" i added.

"i didn't tell her lyss but it was only right" kp said.

"no tf it wasn't" i said.

jackie💕.

im the one that told becky nalyssa cut but i had too. this girl did not see nothing wrong with that and she refused to believe that it's not normal.

the way she's acting right now scares me because she's p*ssed but she doesn't know who told. but i feel like once she find out it was her own gf she gone lost her sh** fr.

"nalyssa we love you. and we don't wanna see you hurting like this or ruining your skin" a'ja said.

"okay but it wasn't nobody else business to tell. you might as well tell the whole d*** world" she said making me sigh.

she stared at me and laughed a little shaking her head. she definitely knows it was me.

"you told her ??" she asked staring at me.

"im sorry i had too. this, this is not normal like you think it is baby. and yes i would've respected yo wishes to not tell her if you didn't use a d*** box cutter" i said.

"you used a box cutter ?? lyss you could've killed yourself. those are so dangerous and can cause so much damage" chelsea said.

"jack's right boo.. it's not normal nor is it the answer" syd said.

"well guess what ? she pulled me from basketball just like i said she would" lyssa said.

"mama you need to focus on yourself and your mental. it's for the best" i said.

"and how tf would you know what's best for me ?? you have no idea what the h*ll i've been through or what it feels like and you had no right jackie" nalyssa responded.

"as your gf i did what was best for you nalyssa. no i don't know how it feels but yes ts has effected tf out of me. im the one that has to watch you constantly wake up from nightmares and paranoia".

"im the one that has to see you cry. im the one who has to force & beg you to get out of bed. i have to beg you to shove food down yo throat"

"and im the one you call at d*** near 2 in the morning cus you can't sleep so i get out of bed and drive to yo apartment to be there for you and comfort you".

"so yes i very much have a f*cking right especially when i know i could lose the girl i love most in one of the most heartbreaking ways possible. i can't sleep ts is constantly on my mind i don't wanna lose you nalyssa" i expressed.

"awww" syd said.

"not now syd" kb said shaking her head.

"wtv bro. i hope your happy as h*ll now jackie. im going home to be with my family and who knows when i'll be back" she said grabbing her stuff.

"nalyssa" i said following her to her car.

"nalyssa you're not listening to me" i said.

"good ion wanna hear sh** you got to say" she said aggressively.

"why you acting like this tho ?? it's not like we trying to get rid of you. we just want you to focus on being happy and healthy" i said.

"yeah i got it" she said slamming her bag into the backseat of her car.

"ykk i love you right ?? and i'm sorry if you felt like i was invading your space or made you feel like i don't respect your wishes but stuff like this is so important baby" i said standing in front of the driver side door so she couldn't get in.

"ikk i just need time to process. basketball not even in the question for me and i have put in so much work day in and day out just for it to be taken from me" she expressed.

"but nb is taking basketball from you tho mama. i do understand what you're saying but playing under pressure while your mentally dying inside is not a good mix boo" i reasoned with her.

"yeah i guess" she mumbled.

"how are you feeling tho ?" i asked.

"idk my emotions are all over the place" she said.

"have you thought about cutting again ?" i asked looking into her eyes.

"no ofc not" she responded.

"that's good baby. this little break is gonna be good for you boo even if you don't realize it yet" i said fixing her hair.

"i'm gonna go call my parents & sister, i'll see you later" she said as i hugged her tightly.

"okay i love you boo and text me when you get home" i said kissing her forehead.

"i love you more" she said.

all of this is bittersweet because deep down ik that i had to tell becky for the sake of nalyssa's mental health because playing basketball is a lot of pressure by itself let alone with a mental illness.

but the way she reacted to it made me feel guilty. i don't want my baby thinking that ion respect her wishes or that im not listening to her cus thats not the case. as her gf i did what i had to do to help her even if she don't realize that yet.

chapter 32🥳! vote and comment💕!