nalyssa🐐.

i paced back and forth as i waited for my best friend to text me back. there's something that's been weighing me down.

my phone vibrated and i looked at it making me sigh as i read her message.

bestie🌸: ik you're scared but you have to tell her lyss. it's only right im sure she'll understand boo.

bestfriend💎: okay but what if she leaves me.. i can't take another heartbreak kels.

bestie🌸: girl we both know jack and she would never do that. just be honest with her that's all she wants ! and call me when you do!

i hearted the message and exhaled because this has been stressing me out so bad and i can't hold it in anymore. ik she's right and i need to tell her.

"nalyssa what's going on boo ? cus you been off for a minute now" jack said lightly taking my phone.

"hey give it back" i said.

"i will after you talk to me and tell what's wrong" she said.

the fact that she always knows when something is wrong really does make my heart jump. she pay so much attention to me fr.

"there's something i didn't tell you about that night.. and i avoided that topic cus i was scared of how you were gonna react" i said lowly.

"baby there is nothing you can't tell me.. i promise i would never judge you especially after what happened to you" she said grabbing my hands.

"no you don't understand. the guilt, it feels so wrong" i whispered as my eyes filled with tears.

"tell me what happened mama. i'm here and im not going anywhere" she said lightly.

"so yk how he liked raped me and took my chain and stuff ?" i asked.

"mhm" she said.

"so ofc i went and got a rape test kit and then when i went back home to texas to be with my family"

"well i was feeling off for weeks but i assumed it was because i was on all types of different medications."

"but it wasn't getting better so i finally went to the doctor" i said exhaling as tears rolled down my face.

"and ?" she asked.

"i found out i was pregnant" i said making her gasp.

"omg lyss" she said letting go of my hands.

"and i was stuck like there's no way im pregnant by a rapist. so i told my family and we yk talked about options for me since i play pro ball" i said.

"ts kept me up at night. i didn't know how to feel or what to do. i never imagined myself pregnant let alone by someone who took my virginity".

"continue" she said. i could tell by the change of tone that she's definitely judging so hard.

"a month later the baby was gone" i said as i waited for her to say something.

"omg bae i had no idea. did you miscarry cus stressing a lot does can cause that" she asked.

"no that's the part that's eating me alive" i said.

"i got an abortion" i said lowly.

"what ?" she asked as she stood up.

"i got an abortion. i didn't know what to do & i didn't know if i could love my baby because of how it was conceived" i admitted as tears continued to fall.

"nalyssa you had so many options. adoption it wasn't the baby's fault" she said staring at me.

"you don't think i know that ?? that's why ts is constantly eating me alive. like i can feel the guilt and i regret it every single day of my life"

"the only thing i thought about was the fact that if i had that kid then i wasn't gone be able to give it the best life. and yes i was selfish asf cus i didn't think about my baby's life" i said getting up.

"nalyssa" she whispered.

"no this is why didn't wanna tell you. you're judging tf out of me like i don't already feel guilty enough. i was vulnerable and stupid and i wish i could take it back" i said through tears.

"baby i-

"no don't" i said walking to my room.

"lyss im sorry i didn't mean it like that. i understand what you're saying. ofc it was gonna be hard for you to love your baby considering how it got here" she said stepping in front of me.

"im not judging you my love i promise you! i support you in any and everything and it's okay for you to feel guilty. ik you've taken a lot of time to think about it and realize that maybe you could've loved your baby" i said.

"i just wish i thought about it a year ago. i was so traumatized and so hurt that i never thought about my kid really" i said exhaling as i wiped my tears.

"you're fine baby. things happen and no one can judge you cus they not in yo shoes." she said hugging me.

"i love you" i whispered.

"i love you more baby. no matter what" she said.

"no tears boo you're okay i promise" she said wiping my tears.

"thank you for being here and listening" i said.

"ofc your my gf.. yk imma always be here for you no matter what"

"but why didn't you tell me sooner ?? ik that weight so heavy on you" she asked.

"idk i was scared of losing you. i didn't want you to judge me or leave me because of it. it's not what i wanted and i thought that was the best decision at the time" i said.

"that will never happen my love. im not going anywhere & i would never judge you especially after what you been through" she said interlocking our fingers.

"come on let's go cuddle you need to relax your body and nerves" she said grabbing my hand leading me to my room.

jackie💕.

nalyssa telling me she was pregnant and that she got an abortion had my emotions everywhere because i cannot imagine how hard it was for her.

not only was she pregnant but by someone who took advantage of her. then dealing with the guilt of deciding not to keep her baby.

but as someone who's never been in her situation im not judging and i have no right and all i can do is continue to be there for her as she heals.

"ouu guess what" a'ja said as she excitedly came through the door making me look up.

"wassup ?" i asked.

"i got a ticket to see chris brown. so we all can go" she said happily making me and kp giggle.

"bestie date" kp said smiling.

"so how is nalyssa ?" she asked sitting down.

"she's good.. mental is doing much better" i smiled.

i couldn't tell them about her being pregnant because that's not for me to tell at all. she will tell them when she's ready cus it's not easy for her.

"aww that's good so happy for her" kp said.

"i can't wait to see my man" kp said making me shake my head.

"lord here she go. yall know breezy got a crazy and delusional fan base" i said laughing.

"no fr cus there's no way you think yall married like girl get serious" a'ja said.

"yall so unsupportive. new besties me" kp said.

"girl you ain't getting no new besties lol. i support you and chris boo" i said hugging her.

"period" she said laughing.

"hey guys" kp said as she propped her phone up.

"say hey besties" she added.

"hey guys and don't play with me today" a'ja said sternly. lol she don't play about the fans making jokes about her bam.

"yall i been having really bad headaches everyday lately and they won't stop. i done took advils, ibuprofen, goodys you name it" kp said sitting on my lap.

"clingy a**" i said laughing as i scrolled on my phone.

"and nun of it is working or helping at all. i can't even have my brightness up to far" she said.

"go to the doctor boo" i said as i scrolled on twitter.

"no cus that's way to much" she whined.

"it's not if they won't stop." a'ja said.

"right ts could be serious" i said leaning up to look at her camera resting my head on her back.

she got off my lap and walked to the kitchen slowly as she rubbed her forehead.

"kp the doctor" i said staring at her.

"noo cus what if it is serious im not missing basketball" she said making a'ja scrunch up her face.

"you did hear yourself right ??" she said.

"why does everyone wanna put basketball above their health ?? like i don't understand that" i said shaking my head.

"look i'll give it a few more days and if it doesn't get better i'll go" she said and i nodded.

"a'ja you good ? you always acting funny when we're together" i said looking over at her.

"yeah" she said looking at us and then back down at her phone.

"girl we sick of you and this "i'm fine" bull you are not fine so tell us what's going on" kp said making me nod and look over at her.

"guys-

"please don't tell me bam did something to you" i said staring at her.

"no it's not that" she said.

"then wth is going on with you a'ja ? and we very much know our best friend and when sum wrong with you" i said.

"i think im gonna break up with him tho" she said making me stare at her.

"why what happened ?" kp asked.

"idk it's just not the same. he doesn't want this relationship and he's not even trying meanwhile im putting my all into it and i refuse to let him waste my time" she said.

"good. im proud of you boo. ik you love bam but your worth is much more important and the right one gone come for you" i said.

"period, and now you don't have to worry about him not texting you back or even when we got out to the club and stuff" kp said.

"thank you guys" she smiled.

"yk we got you. now we should celebrate what do you want a'ja on me" i said.

she smirked at me making me laugh cus ik what that meant.

"ouu we getting messed up tonight" kp said.

"iktr" i said standing up stretching.

"this just goes to show yall never at home fr" i said as they pulled out some their clothes.

"we just love you sm" a'ja said giggling as kp agreed.

"lol i love yall more" i said shaking my head.

we went to get ready cus kp and a'ja both keep clothes here cus they never at home fr lol. i texted nalyssa and let her know what i was doing with the girls just so she's aware.

everybody just dropping bombs on me and im really happy to hear aja's. i don't want her going through what kp had to cus they both deserve to be so happy .

chapter 38🥳! vote and comment💕!