Fantasia's P.O.V.

After Taraji opened her gifts and we ate a little bit of food, Regina brought out a bunch of supplies for everybody to sit around the fireplace and make vision boards while music played. It's nowhere close to New Years, but you don't have to wait until the new year to manifest your goals for the future. It was obviously something that Taraji really wanted to do. I could tell by the intensely focused look on her face.  I hope nobody catches me staring at her like a weirdo. I liked the relaxed energy of the activity, but I had to pull LaLa to the side and address what happened earlier. I couldn't let any more time pass without clearing the air. She didn't know that the gift I purchased for Taraji was a bottle of Perignon, but she still could've told me some things about this woman that I'm going to be spending the next 6 days with. What if in the midst of  a fun moment I would have offered her a shot or something? The vibe would have been completely killed and it would have been all my fault. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but it feels like it was done purposefully. I lead her away from her group of friends, going down the hall connected to the living room that housed some of the bedrooms. I leaned my back against the wall, my hands pushed into the pockets of my black Essentials hoodie and my eyes narrowed accusingly at her.

Fantasia: You don't think you should've warned me that Taraji is a recovering alcoholic?

LaLa: How was I supposed to know that you would get her a bottle?

Fantasia: Bottles of wine or champagne are a common birthday gift. That's really not even the point, LaLa. The point is that I walked into this entire situation blind because of you. I already feel awkward enough without you doing weird shit to make me feel worse.

LaLa: Why does it seem like you're accusing me of something? It's not a big deal, Tasia. You're blowing shit out of proportion like you always do. It's over and done with now. You're the only one still dragging it and thinking about it. Can you just try to chill and have fun before you ruin her birthday? Come on.

I pursed my lips in discontent, but I followed her back into the front room anyway. I feel like she just gaslit the hell out of me, but arguing with her in earshot of her friends when this is supposed to be about Taraji will only make matters worse and increase the size of the target that I feel like Gabrielle has put on my back. I thought that I would be secure with LaLa on my side, but now I'm starting to feel like a lone soldier. I can stand on my own, but that doesn't mean that I want to. The girls were sitting in sort of a circle, but there was no room for me in the circle, so I just sat a little bit off to the side with my poster board, my magazine cutouts, stickers, markers, a glue stick, and glitter. I sat silently and focused on my task, pretending not to feel left out as the girls conversed animatedly about their memories of being on set of "Think Like A Man" 1 and 2, and laughed at all of the inside jokes that I didn't get. Taraji turned away from the circle to give me some attention, criss-crossing her legs as she smiled kindly at me and tucked her thick hair behind her ear, looking down at my vision board.

Taraji: What are you going to put on yours, Fantasia?

Fantasia: I'm trying to find a picture of like a pretty building to represent my desire to expand my shop to different locations around the country. I'm also going to put a really cute baby on here.

Taraji:*smiles* You want a baby? That's so sweet. I thought that I wanted kids once upon a time. Maybe I still do. Do you think I'm too old to be a first-time mom?

Fantasia: Not at all. You look like you're turning 23 instead of 43. If I had the money that you have, I would probably be popping out babies until I'm 60. I've always wanted a big family.

Taraji: I thought that I would want the same thing since I'm an only child, but for me it's not so much about how many kids I have as it is about who I have them with. I could have one child, but if I had that one child with the right person, then that would be enough for me.

It seemed like we were getting personal, but you can't get to know someone without getting personal, and as guarded as I am, I didn't mind getting deep with Taraji. She makes me feel so comfortable and considered in her presence. A lot of Virgos are like that. As she engaged me in conversation, I noticed Gabrielle glaring at me instead of concentrating on her vision board. I guess she doesn't like that Taraji is giving me attention. Is she always this jealous and possessive? She doesn't seem to have a problem with the other women being close to Taraji, so what is it about me that bothers her so much? She redirected everybody's attention to herself by breaking up the stillness with an exclaimed statement with an underlying tone of questionable intentions in her sharpened voice.

Gabrielle: Let's take a break from this. This is supposed to be a birthday celebration, so let's turn it up. You're not a grandma yet, Raj.

Taraji: Well what do you have in mind, Gab?

Gabrielle:*bites lip and smirks* Truth or dare. I brought cards for it.

Regina: Don't you think that's a tad bit juvenile?

Gabrielle: Not the way we're going to play. Are you down or not? It's your birthday Raj, so it's your choice.

Taraji: Let's do it.

She had a smile on her face like she was all for it, but the uneasiness in her eyes told a different story. I had a bad feeling about the whole thing, but I wasn't going to isolate myself by sitting in the corner and watching them play- although, it is better to watch a shit show from the sidelines than be apart of the production. We abandoned our unfinished vision boards and sat on the expansive sectional. I rolled my eyes at Gabrielle's childish action of racing to get a spot beside Taraji. I sat on the far end with Megan, tucking my legs underneath my bottom. Gabrielle excused herself for a moment before returning with a thick deck of hot pink cards with black script. She shuffled the deck, mixing up the truth cards and dare cards before placing the stack on the table in front of us.

Gabrielle: The way this is going to work is you pick a card and of course read it out loud. If you get truth then you answer with the truth, and if it's a dare then you do the dare. But the kicker is if you don't want to do either one, you can pass your card off to anybody of your choosing.

LaLa: That sounds messy as hell, Gab.

Gabrielle: We're all friends. We have nothing to hide from each other, so this game should be a breeze. I say the birthday girl goes first.

The prospect of not being able to choose truth or dare but rather allowing the cards to decide your fate was nerve-wracking, and I could tell by the way that Taraji's eyes were darting around that she was hesitant to play this game. However, she most likely didn't want to be a party pooper at her own party, so she picked a card.

Taraji: Ooo, we're starting off strong. It says I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room. That's not fair. I think all of you guys are beautiful.

If she were to pass the dare off to me, I wouldn't hesitate to pick her. I think she's the prettiest in the room without a doubt. It's wishful thinking, but what if she was to choose me? I may not be as glamorous as these famous women, but I know that I'm beautiful. I shouldn't be thinking about kissing a woman I just met, not when I'm still nursing the emotional wounds inflicted by my breakup with my ex.

Gabrielle: Well you have to pick someone.

Taraji: I'm going to pick Gina, but only because she has really cute dimples.

Regina:*smirks* Hoes love the dimples.

I laughed through my disappointment along with the other girls as Taraji leaned over Gabrielle and locked lips with Regina. The kiss was surprisingly intense for them to just be friends. Taraji was visibly pushing her tongue into Regina's mouth and moving her hand through her hair. This is definitely not her first time kissing a girl. They fell all over each other in a fit of giggles as the rest of us egged them on and made instigating kissing noises. I couldn't speak for the other women, but I wanted to be Regina so badly in that moment. As time went on, there was surprisingly no problems. The dares were tame and hearing their truths made me feel we were no longer strangers to each other. I was actually having fun. I should've known that it wouldn't last forever. It was Gabrielle's turn.

Gabrielle: My card says name something you don't like about someone in the room.

Taraji: You can just skip that one.

LaLa: Yeah, as a matter of fact just remove it from the deck completely.

Gabrielle: No, it's cool. I have no problem with it. Fantasia, I don't like your haircut. It's not flattering on you at all and it makes you look like a butch. I don't like that you tagged along on a birthday trip with people you don't know. It makes you seem desperate. I don't like the way you mix cheap threads with designer.

The girls were looking around uncomfortably and in shock as Gabrielle just went on and on, picking me apart and naming 1,000 things she didn't like about me when she was only supposed to say one thing. Tears of anger filled my eyes. I looked to LaLa, but she made no attempts to speak up and defend me. I bounced my leg rapidly, blinking tears away as more came with a vengeance. Why would I expect any of these women to defend me when they've known Gabrielle longer? She's their friend, not me. I got up and stormed out of the front door. I was so furious that I didn't even flinch against the cold wind blowing snow flakes that sliced my cheeks and kissed the tip of my nose with frost. My heightened emotions and the strong wind caused tears to stream down my face steadily. My vision was blurred with tears as I opened my phone and went online to find the next flight from Aspen to California. I could hear Taraji calling my name behind me, but I didn't turn around to face her. I don't want to see her or anybody else for that matter. She's not my friend. Why is she checking up on me and not LaLa? I knew that something like this would end up happening. I refuse to stay anywhere that I'm not wanted.

Taraji: Fantasia, please don't go.

Fantasia: Why should I stay? So your friend can humiliate me again? No thanks, I'm good. I don't need this. There's a million other things that I could be doing right now.

Taraji: I swear I will talk to Gabby. I don't want you to leave. I've really been enjoying having you here. If she keeps mistreating you then she'll be the one to leave, not you.

Fantasia: Why would you ever pick me over your best friend?

Taraji: Come on, Fantasia. I'm out here freezing my ass off in this ridiculous fuzzy romper so you know it's real. Please just come back inside. Everybody is about to call it a night and get ready for bed. I know you don't plan on sleeping out here.

Fantasia:*rolls eyes* I'll survive.

Taraji: If you won't come inside, then come around back with me to the hot tub. I've been dying to get in the hot tub, and all of the other girls are too tired now. Will you please come with me? I know you don't want to disappoint the birthday girl.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, scoffing under my breath as I finally turned around to look at Taraji. She was in fact in her romper and her slippers without so much as a coat on. She held her hand out to me and I hesitantly took it without saying a word. No matter what happens, I'm not going to allow myself to get attached to this woman. She's not my friend. When I go back to my life and my work in the real world, none of this will matter.