Life without Estela is weird.

That’s the only way Maya can put their equation into. It’s not like Estela didn’t leave the dorm room before but this time, everytime she comes and goes, Maya feels a tug at her heartstrings. She barely sees her best friend and it fucking sucks.

Maya wants them to go back to how things were. If Maya of that day had even an inkling of how things would turn out, she would have known better—she should have know better regardless but not the point.

Maya opens the door of the house and falls down on the familiar couch. It’s relaxing.

Her dad is still at the office and she wishes he would come back sooner. He has probably forgotten that Maya was coming home for the weekend. Otherwise, he would be here with a cake prepared to feed his lovely daughter since she gets “weak” everytime she comes home from college. It’s a silly excuse to feed her more than she can digest, really.

She’s particularly nervous this time.

Maya’s dad constantly tells her that he would like to know if anything has been going on in her love life. There had been nothing to tell before but she’s not sure now.

She’s never really kept a secret from her dad—beside being hella confused about her sexuality—and this feels weird. She wants to tell him but at the same time, she doesn’t.

It makes her stomach feel bottomless and Maya bites down on her lip.

Karan Arora may be a very open minded person for a desi guy but Maya has zero idea how he’ll react to this. Not all desi dads talk about their daughter’s love life but Karan did. She’s hoping that he would be okay if she, someday, brought a girl home instead of a boy.

And even if she ignores that line of thought, she wonders how she’ll ever be able to explain everything. Her dad is familiar with terms like gay because it’s thrown around a lot but bisexual and pansexual are basically foreign words where she comes from. She knows her dad isn’t against the queer community because he looked quite happy when Aman and Kartik from Shubh Mangal Zyada Savdhaan had a happy ending.

Time flies by and it’s not long until she’s sitting in front of her dad on the dining table, having finished her dinner.

She debates internally how to start the topic. She isn’t sure why she wants to do this but she feels the need to. Ever since her mom passed away, her dad has been her safe place and with everything going on, she wants him to know. Because so many people do and it doesn’t sit right with her for him to not know.

“Dad,” she says, twisting her ring again.

“Yes, bacha?” Karan asks her fondly.

“There’s something I want you to know,” she begins slowly and tries to gauge his reaction. He raises his eyebrows, urging to go further on. “Do you know what being bisexual means?” she starts off on this foot, because there’s nothing else that she thinks could start the conversation.

“It sounds familiar for some reason,” he says, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Do you think you can read more up on it?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know how else to say this but I think I might be bisexual. It doesn’t change who I am. I am just opening up a part of me to you,” she says, all in one breath. “When you read up on it, give me a call. I’ll be in my room,” she says hurriedly and one second she’s in the kitchen, the next she’s shutting the door to her bedroom.

It feels terrifying.

Nothing has changed but at the same time, so much has.

Maya only hopes that the way her dad thinks of her isn’t one of those that has changed.

She sighs, burying her fingers in her face and replaying that event. “I think I might be bisexual,” her voice echoes in her head and Maya admits that it feels freeing to say it, like a burden has been lifted off her shoulder. She’s no longer closeted even if she still hasn’t chosen her color. She feels like she exists in every color and that’s a damn good feeling. 

———

i nearly forgot to update it lol. but here it is.

friendly reminder: Black lives still matter even if the world thinks the blm movement is over. the people of lgbtq+ community still matter even if pride month is over.

alrighty, stay safe. love x

also pretty please lemme know what you think of this story. looking back, i'm not sure what i feel about this story so i would really appreciate some feedback.