A couple of days after Valentine's day I had decided to try again with the butt sex. 

Fun fact, anal sex hurts people.

Especially when your man has a fucking swiss roll for a dick sitting against his thigh. Harry got about an inch in before I screeched into my fuzzy pillow and used our safe word. We needed more practice, so I ordered more toys.

I can't wait to sign for butt plugs from the Amazon prime guy who finally asked out Harry on a date, and was sadly disappointed when he told him he was not only in a relationship but also straight.

"If I was single and gay, we could really be something great Amazon prime guy," Harry told him gently pushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

"It's actually Zayn." The guy said back.

"Ahh, Zayn, a name meaning beauty, and grace. Fitting name for such a beautiful-" I had to clear my throat to remind Harry I was standing in the hallway. "Someday." He whispered to the dark-haired guy who turned to leave.

Anyways, that was two months ago. It was now the end of April and things were going...okay.

It was wine night and Harry decided he wanted to play video games with his friends, so I went over to Ashleigh's apartment to drink and play scrabble.

"What is that?" Sara scoffs. "Don't you have an English degree? What the hell is a hilt?"

"The handle of a weapon or tool, a sword, dagger, or knife. Suck my ass." She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, I have z-e-p-h-y-r. Twenty-nine points- suck my dick."

"Whip it out then!"

"It's too big for you to handle!"

"Believe me I can handle it!"

"Doubtful, no wonder your man is always so sad!"

"You imaginary dick would be way smaller than my man, It would probably just tickle the back of my throat-"

"Guys!" I stood up and looked between them. "There's always a big sense of animosity when we play scrabble, let's just finish our bottle and watch a rom-com like usual." They sighed, but agreed, setting the game back in the box.

I had been losing, so I might as well cut the game off now.

As Ashleigh searched for something to watch, I couldn't help but notice how her boyfriend walked from the bedroom to the kitchen and then back by us without acknowledging Ashleigh. Completely normal, I agree, but it made me realize something.

I think the honeymoon phase recently ended with Harry and me.

When we began dating, we were all over each other and everything was romantic and sweet. Harry would hold me all night and wake me up with breakfast in bed and the sex...sex was our main source of life.

It all started around a week after my birthday. I had a lot of work piled up and Harry had been pretty stressed over his mom's recent surgery on her foot. 

A surgery the woman hadn't told her son about and just expected him not to get mad about when he found out she was in the hospital.

We had gone out to a really lovely dinner and then Harry took me to a museum I had been wanting to get to. We came home and had amazing sex- I mean A1-quality- cream-your-pants-sex.

And we haven't had sex since then.

That's almost three weeks without sex people!

How did I survive before Harry, I don't understand life right now?

But besides the sex, we hadn't been spending that much time together. Harry had permanently moved into my bedroom and we were currently turning his room back into an office so we talked whenever new pieces of furniture came in the mail but other than that we pretty much did our own thing.

This happens, I get that, I've been in other relationships. But it was so hot and heavy with Harry and a part of me is sad that we are simmering down into a normal healthy relationship where we aren't all over each other all the time.

"So how are you and Harry?" Sara decides to ask randomly.

"Good, uh- question for you guys, how long is too long without sex in a relationship?" The girls turned to look at each other and shook their heads.

"Don't do this to yourself, Bonnie." Ashleigh got close to me.

"Yeah don't 'Bonnie' this relationship. You and Harry are good." 

I scoffed, "what does that mean?"

Sara shakes her head. "You always overthink too many things, you start planning way too much. How long has it been?" She asked referring to sex.

"Three weeks, I guess we've been busy," I said nervously. "Am I nuts or something?" They both laughed and shook their heads.

"That's it, wine night is over. You are just deprived. When you find someone that fits with you like a puzzle piece and reads your body like a book, three weeks can feel like an eternity. Don't overthink this, just go home and have sex with your man."

"But he's busy." Ashleigh rolled her eyes and I knew she had a point.

"Go, please, you need it."

I really did.

*

I came home and opened the front door to find Harry vacuuming the living room carpet that had crumbs of what I can only imagine being cookies all over the floor. He was wiggling his hips as he had headphones in and his back turned to me. He was alone and had already cleaned up so I guess the guys left early.
 
I came up behind him and gently put by hands at his hips and was met with him letting out a screech and practically throwing the vacuum around, barely missing me. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" He turned off the vacuum and pulled his headphones off, placing his hand over his heart.

"Sorry, I thought I'd surprise you but I forget you get scared easily." He sat down on the couch and I gently ran my fingers through his hair. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just- announce yourself loudly." he chuckled. "How was wine night?"

"Fine, did you have fun?" He nodded and quickly stood up to finish cleaning.

When he finished he came over to sit on the edge of the couch and flip through the channels on the tv. “You want to watch some TV before bed, or are you going to bed?” by the way he laid back and kicked his feet up, I realized he was planning to stay out here.

He put his arms behind his head and began watching a cartoon movie, laughing at one of the character's crazy antics. I stared at him for a long minute, feeling a bit of frustration with him and also sexually.

I put my arms around him and kissed up to the side of his neck to his ear where I gently nibbled on the lobe and made him giggle. “Whatcha doin' puddin'?” he asked as he pulled away, his shoulder smashed up against his ear as he laughed.

“I can't kiss you?” I turned his head to me and pecked his lips. He kissed me back but quickly looked back to the television. “Harry, I want to fool around.”

He sighed and shrugged before turning off the television. “Alright, but you have to be on top.” I immediately recognized that tone, it was like when I was just his fuck buddy and would have sex with me to de-stress or something.

“Forget it, watch your cartoons, I'm going to bed.” I walked past him and went to my room where I shut the door and laid on the bed. A few seconds later he knocked gently and walked in with a slight sigh.

“I feel like I did something bad, but I haven't done anything. Let's just say what we need to say and not be teenagers about this.” he took a deep breath. “Do you need attention?” he turned to face me.

“Yes,”  I mumbled.

“Okay, did something happen today or is it something else?” His voice was calm and I could tell he has never tried this method of communication before. I know Harry and his only way of discussion in his past relationships was to argue.

Hence, why he was so bad at relationships.

“We haven't had sex in three weeks, Harry. It would be nice if when I'm pulling my moves on you, you act just a little enthusiastic to want to have sex with me.” he turned his body towards the calendar hanging by the closet and whistled before scratching the back of his head.

“Huh, guess we've been busy with life baby doll.” he laid beside me and smiled apologetically. “I've just been stressed out, and I was afraid about the butt stuff because I thought maybe I pushed you too far and that's why your birthday sex was so basic.” I turned to him and let out a small whimper. “I mean it was good, steak sauce even, but it was no bondage tape, squirting all over the-”

“Yeah, I get it.” I put my hand up. “It's just- I'm afraid, Harry.”

He leaned his head against his arm as we faced each other. “About what, Bee?”

“I don't know, you're my best friend and my boyfriend- I love you and I don't want you to one day realize we were better off as friends and you made some horrible mistake.” I sounded ridiculous. “It's silly, I just get worried that this is all temporary.”

Harry didn't say anything for a long time, gently running his fingers through my hair. “Can I be honest with you?” I nodded. “I've been afraid of the exact same thing.” my eyebrows shot up. “I've never been this happy Bonnie, and you haven't had feelings for me as long as I have. I'm always afraid of disappointing you and you realizing that maybe it was just the sex and stuff.”

I laid him back against the bed and pushed his hair out of his face, gently kissing his face. “I have never been so sure of someone in my life, Harry Edward Styles. I love you so much that sometimes I can't even think about anyone else. You're everything to me.”

His plump bottom lip trembled as his hands quickly came up to his face and he began crying. “You don't know how much that means to me Bonbon. I love you more and more every day, every day my love grows bigger and eventually my heart will explode and they'll open me up and find nothing but my love for you.” we both laughed. 

“You're so lame, but I feel the same way.” he pressed a kiss to my jaw. 

“Good.” he smiled. “Now, why don't you make like my favorite dessert and chocolate shake for daddy.”

I don't even know what that meant, but I guess we were having sex now.

Don't mind if I do.

*

Thanks for reading. Xx

-k