WARNING: ZOEY IS GOING TO BE TRIGGERED AND ITS GOING TO BE HILARIOUS!
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Emily: If you have a picture of yourself in a locket... you can say you're... independent.

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Seth: My friend was cold so I told her to stand in a corner. Corners are ninety degrees.

Zoey: I had to sit back and talk to myself for several minutes because I am SO DONE with you people!

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Vinnie: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes DAYrogen!

Zoey: *walking upstairs* I'm going to bed...

Emily: Good nitrogen.

Alley: Sleep tightrogen!

Tyler: Don't let the bed bugs bitrogen!

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Tyler: Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ARK HIVES!

Zoey: Get the fuck away from me right now.

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Alley: What did the pirate say when he turned eighty? Aye matey!

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Jeremy: What happened to the guy who got caught shoplifting a calendar? He got 12 MONTHS!

Zoey: ...crime isn't a joke...

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SamoanaGirl101: The man entered his home and was deLIGHTed to find that someone had stolen every lamp from inside his house.

Zoey: *face palm* Oh my God.

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Zoey: *just did several hours of research* GUYS! SHAKESPEARE WROTE THAT THE WORLD IS A STAGE! HIS THEATER WAS CALLED THE GLOBE! NOT ONLY WAS THAT PHILOSOPHICAL AND DEEP, IT WAS A FUCKING PUN!

Every one: *containing laughter*

Zoey: REMEMBER THAT LINE IN ROMEO AND JULIET!? "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet"? THE RIVAL THEATER WAS CALLED THE ROSE! AND THEY HAD A SEWAGE PROBLEM! Not only a beautiful line but also a PUN and Willy shakes throwing shade!

Emily: *snickering* Willy Shakes...

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Zoey: *doing dishes* Are tectonic plates dishwasher safe?

Seth: I don't know but they're perfect for continental breakfasts.

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Emily: If you were dating a FBI agent and you dumped him, would he be your fed ex?

Emily: I hope you all got a good laugh out of that one.

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Zoey: Ok. I would identify myself as bisexual.

Brendan: That means you would have a male partner.

Zoey: Yes.

Brendan: Or a female partner.

Zoey: Yes.

Brendan: So that means your bi.

Zoey: Yep.

Brendan: So if you didn't find a partner, would you're on standbi?

Zoey: ...did you just-?

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Alley: I swear people get 500 times cuter when they talk about something they're passionate about.

Emily: Except when it's Hitler.

Tyler: Then it's only NEIN times cuter!

Zoey: I aM DONE! *flips table