Trigger warning for eating disorders

~~

I remember the day Gerard moved to California. We were both sobbing as we hugged each other tight. It's been a little while now and I missed him every single day. I always see pictures of him online that he posts. He looks so good with his perfectly sun kissed skin. He was always posting pictures at the beach with beautiful girls in little bikinis. He even learned how to surf and skateboard.

"Oh my god," I muttered when I got onto skype.

"You like it?" Gerard asked, running his fingers through his dyed red hair.

"Yeah, you look amazing, daddy," I said.

"Thanks, Frankie," he said. "I was actually nervous at first but Lindsey insisted I should get it done."

"Which one is Lindsey again?" I asked.

"She's the one with the red lipstick," Gerard said. "I can't wait until you visit next week and I can introduce you to all my friends."

I nodded a little sadly. As much as I knew it was awful, I hated all the friends he made. He was my only friend here, he has been since second grade. And in high school we fell in love like one of those typical romance movies where the kid gets bullied and then their best friend comes to save them. But then he left to California and met so many cool people and was doing so many cool things yet I was here all alone without a single friend.

"I actually can't talk long, Jamia and I were gonna go to the skatepark," he said. "You're gonna love Jamia, she's so sweet."

I nodded, biting my lip.

"Anyways, what's new with you?" Gerard asked. "You were doing that...uh, what was it again?"

"It's stupid," I muttered.

"No it's not," he denied. "Come on, what is it?"

"I was working on a comic for you," I said. "I know you like comics."

"I can't wait to read it, baby," he said.

I smiled softly as he got a message.

"I've gotta go," Gerard said. "I can't wait to see you next week, I'll call you later, I love you."

"I love you too," I said sadly.

Gerard hung up and I sighed. I wish he hadn't moved. I still think it was me, maybe he was trying to get away from me because I'm so fat and ugly. He moved when he graduated for high school and he promised me that it was only because of his art career whenever I got insecure. I graduate from high school in a few months and I was going to visit him during spring break. After I graduate I was planning on moving out there with him.

"Frank, dinner's ready," my mom said, opening my door.

"I'm feeling a little sick," I said. "And I have a paper to finish, can I just eat a little snack instead?"

She gave me a look that I knew all too well. She left and came back five minutes later with a bowl of spaghetti.

"Eat it," she said sternly before leaving.

I grabbed my laptop and began writing the paper that I wasn't lying about. Twenty minutes later my mom walked in and sighed.

"You haven't taken a single bite," she stated.

"Yes I did," I insisted. "I'm just busy because they always give so much work before break. Thank you, it's really good."

My mom nodded before walking out. I grabbed my plate, going into my bathroom. I dumped the contents of my food into the toilet and prayed to god that it didn't plug it up. Thankfully it all went down and I stripped down to my boxers. I stepped onto my scale and bit my lip nervously.

87lbs

I looked at myself in the mirror and scowled. I needed to be perfect for Gerard. He was there with all those pretty California girls with their tan skin and light hair. But here I was with pale skin and my hair dyed black but with the sides shaved and bleached. I needed to be perfect for him, I couldn't let him think the other people were more pretty or else he'd leave me for them.

I stepped off and went to my bedroom, laying down as I started doing sit ups. I worked out until nearly midnight when I finally just crawled into bed and passed out.

A week later I was finally seeing Gerard. I grabbed my bag and headed out to where I said I'd meet him. I looked around, biting my lip nervously. What if he decided he didn't want me anymore?

"Frankie?" Someone asked.

I looked behind me and shrieked happily, jumping into Gerard's arms. He smiled, giving me a kiss before pulling away.  He just sort of stared at me, biting his lip.

"Wh-what happened to you?" He asked. "You look like a ghost, there's none of you left."

"What are we going today?" I asked. "There's not long before the sun goes down."

"Well, uh, let's go drop your stuff off at my house and then we can go grab some dinner," he said.

He pulled my suitcase for me and I smiled, holding his other hand.

"I'm so excited to see you again," I said. "It's been so long!"

"Yeah, I've missed you so much," he said.

We got into his car and he held my hand as he drove. I looked out the window as I smiled, watching all the shops go by. We got to an apartment and went up the elevator. Gerard just had a small studio apartment but it looked nice.

"You bought this all yourself?" I asked.

"Yeah, my parents helped out a bit but most of it was me," he said. "And I have that job at Cartoon Network so that has helped a lot."

He set my suitcase down next to the bed and smiled at me.

"Okay, let's go out to dinner," he said. "We can go to In-N-Out Burger."

"Or we can do this," I said.

I pressed my lips to his and tangled my hands into his hair. Gerard picked me up easily, laying me down on the bed. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer when he suddenly stopped and pulled away.

"I can't fuck you," he muttered. "I-I might break you."

I frowned as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Come on, I'm starving," Gerard said with what looked like a forced smile. "Let's go grab some food and I bet you're gonna be tired from the jet lag."

I bit my lip as he took me outside. We walked to the building just down the street. Gerard ordered for us as I looked around at the greasy food in front of people. It didn't take long and we sat down at the table. I looked at the burger and bit my lip.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked. "I thought you loved cheeseburgers."

"I'm a vegetarian," I mumbled.

"Since when?" He asked.

I shrugged and he set down his burger.

"I don't think they have anything vegetarian but--"

"It's okay," I interrupted. "I'm not that hungry anyways, I ate on the plane."

Gerard nodded and I picked up a fry. I watched him eat as he talked all about what we're gonna do during my week here. We got home and he was right, I was so tired and it was only nine, although it was nearly one in the morning in my time.

"Some friends are coming over tomorrow so you can meet them," Gerard said as he put my leftovers in the fridge, which was an entire burger and all but five fries.

"And then I'll have you all to myself?" I asked, taking off my shirt and jeans.

"Yeah, then..." Gerard trailed off as he looked over at me.

His eyes looked over my body and I wrapped my arms around myself self consciously. Gerard tucked me into the bed and I smiled up at him.

"Get some rest, baby boy," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

"How much did you miss me?" I asked.

"More than anything else in the world," he replied. "I thought about you all day every day."

I smiled and he kissed my forehead.

"I've gotta work for a bit but I'll join you later," he said.

I nodded and he gave me a soft kiss. I cuddled up in bed as I quickly fell asleep.

The next morning I smiled when I woke up to Gerard sleeping beside me with his arms wrapped around me. I smiled, burying my face into his chest. After a while I got up and went out to the hall to the stairway. I ran up and down it a couple times until I was panting and tired. I went inside to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I heard voices when I got out and frowned. I wrapped a towel around my waist and peeked my head out. Gerard was sitting on the couch talking with his friends that I've seen on the pictures that posts online.

"C-can I have some clothes?" I asked quietly.

Gerard handed me some clothes and I smiled as I shut the door. I changed into the white skirt, baby blue t-shirt and white knee high socks before I walked back out.

"This is my boyfriend, Frankie," Gerard introduced.

They all smiled and waved and I held his hand nervously.

"Come on, we were gonna watch a little tv and then maybe head out to lunch," Gerard said.

"Or we can do something else fun while I'm here," I said.

"Yeah, maybe we can go sightseeing," the girl, who I recognized to be Lindsey, said.

"I want to go out for lunch," Gerard stated.

Gerard gave me the look that my mom always gave me. I sat on the couch with the others a little more nervously. Jamia went over to the kitchen, opening the fridge.

"Where's your pop?" She asked.

"Should be there behind the waters," Gerard said.

When she couldn't find it he went over to help.

"Is he sick or something?" Jamia asked quietly although we could still hear. "He's just skin and bones, I know when my cousin had cancer he got really skinny."

"Oh my god, Jamia, you're such a fucking airhead," Lindsey said.

"What?" She asked.

Gerard scowled a bit, sitting next to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I frowned as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You know what, we should just go," Lindsey said. "Maybe we'll see you some other time, Frank."

They waved before letting themselves out.

"They're nice, I promise," Gerard said. "Jamia isn't really the smartest person in the world, though."

I nodded softly and he gave me a soft kiss.

"How about we just stay in and watch movies all day, just like how we used to in New Jersey," he suggested.

I smiled and nodded. Gerard pulled me into his lap, turning on Netflix. After a few movies I turned, straddling his hips.

"I don't wanna just spend this whole trip watching movies, I've missed you," I mumbled.

I kissed him roughly, my hands tangling in his hair. After a while of making out and light grinding I could feel that he wasn't even hard.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Don't you want me, daddy?"

"I'm going to break you," he said. "All I can feel is your bones jabbing into my skin."

I scowled as he got up and headed to the kitchen.

"It's almost one, I'm hungry," he said. "What do you want?"

"I'm not very hungry," I said. "I ate a big breakfast while you were sleeping before I got into the shower."

"Yeah? What'd you have?" He asked.

"I-I had some toast and eggs and some cereal and a muffin," I said.

"That is a big breakfast," he said, but he sounded like he didn't believe me.

"I really did eat all that, I swear," I said. "I would never lie to you, daddy."

Gerard didn't say anything and I pouted. He started cooking as I watched tv.

"I've been watching cooking shows more," he said. "I've been trying to get better at cooking. I know I used to be awful and I don't want a repeat of that chicken incident that will forever reign in infamy."

I didn't say anything, only pouted and he sighed.

"Don't be all upset now," he said. "We can still have a great week together."

Gerard finished cooking and sat beside me, handing me a plate of pasta. I looked down at it and shook my head.

"I already said I'm not hungry," I stated.

"Frank, there's nothing to you," he said. "You're just fucking skin and bones. You look sick and weak, you weren't like this when I moved, you were happy and healthy. Just fucking eat something."

My eyes watered as I shook my head.

"Why not?" He asked.

I burst into tears and he set our plates onto the coffee table.

"I'll feed you if you want," he said.

I shook my head and stood up. Everything faded away as I felt myself collapse.

When I came to, I was cradled in Gerard's arms. He was crying as he looked down at me.

"I called an ambulance, they'll be here soon," he whispered.

I cried, shaking my head.

"Is it something that I did that made you do this to yourself?" Gerard whimpered. "I'll move back home if you want, I'll take care of you."

Gerard sobbed, cradling me in his lap as he rocked back and forth. I wanted him to move back, I love him. I wanted to be perfect for him.