HI GUYS

V short setting sleep deprived so editing is shit

TW suicidal thoughts/words (so happy Dee, ik)

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Gerard was fucked.

He knew what he had been getting himself into, he knew what would happen, but he did it anyway, because he wanted to feel loved that way, even if it could never work.

And that was his problem.

Gerard was in love.

With his best friend.

Who was also his fuck buddy.

He was so stupid.

He knew that Frank didn't do relationships, he knew that Frank could never love him, but he did it anyway. He just wanted to be able to kiss Frank, even if it was only when he wanted to fuck, or cuddle him, even if it was only when they were both sufficiently worn out to go to bed.

And then Frank got a girlfriend, and Gerard was left behind. And then the girlfriend left him, and then Frank came to Gerard's house crying, and it didn't matter how he had treated him, it would never matter, because they were best friends, and Gerard would still hug Frank's smaller body and make him hot cocoa and binge watch Netflix even if he had tried to shoot him.

But after an hour of shows, Frank didn't want to be cuddled, he wanted to fuck, and Gerard could never deny him of anything he wanted.

So they did, and then Frank went home, and then Gerard was left alone, on the floor, crying his eyes out once his friend had gone.

He hugged his arms around himself as if that could make him feel better, or replace the arms he had only minutes ago, Frank's arms, as he held him close against his chest and pushed into his body, making them both feel so good before he came crashing back down. 

Gerard leaned his side against the wall, pushing his head against it as tears rolled down his face.

Choked out sobs met the despair filled room, and he wanted nothing more than for his outside to hurt as much as he did inside, hurt and hurt and hurt until he could end it all, and make it all go away, no more feelings, no more stupid fucking love that did nothing but tear him apart when he knew he could never be loved back.

He shivered with cold, but ignored the sensations, doing nothing besides try to burrow into the wall and never come back.

His back slid against the wall as he went sideways, laying onto the floor, shaking between sobs and cold.

Suddenly, the front door opened and shut, and fast footsteps came towards his room.

"Hey, Gerard?" he heard Frank call, but he ignored him, figuring he'd leave once he noticed him gone. "I forgot my keys in your-"

Frank's sentence died in his throat as he stepped inside and caught sight of Gerard's tear stained face.

"Gee, what's-"

"Go away, Frankie," Gerard said, hiding his face into his knees. "I don't wanna talk to you."

"Gerard- no, I'm not gonna go," Frank said, coming closer against Gerard's wishes. "I'm not leaving you alone, I'm your best friend, you can talk to me."

Gerard ignored him, curling as tight as he could to block away the world, to hide himself from Frank.

"Go away," he cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Frank bent down. 

"No, Gerard, what's wrong? I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

 "I'm sorry," he sobbed again. "I'm so stupid- fucking idiot-"

"Gerard, you're not an idiot, you didn't do anything wrong, what's wrong?"

Gerard shook his head furiously, refusing to reveal the information. 

"Okay, what do you want me to do, then?"

"Nothing- I deserve to fucking die-"

Frank frowned and moved closer, getting on his knees in front of his friend. 

"Gerard... Don't say that. You know that's not true."

"Yes it is-" he whispered, choking back pathetic sobs so he could keep up his voice. "Its okay Frank, you don't have to pretend to care about me anymore, really, I'll be okay-"

He began crying again, drowning out his words.

He expected Frank to be internally relieved; he didn't have to hang around Gerard anymore, he didn't have to sit through his fandom theories or lectures about art technique, he didn't have to put up with his constant panic attacks, he could just leave, he was free.

But if course, he knew Frank was too nice for that, so it would take some convincing.

"Y-you can go now, Frankie, you don't have to stay here." He explained, waiting for Frank's eyes to light up as they caught on. They never did such a thing.

"No, Gee, you don't understand," he said softly. Gerard looked up at Frank's face, trying to tell his level of seriousness. "I care about you, I can help you, I fucking love you!"

Gerard wanted to believe him, he really did, but he knew Frank could never love Gerard, he just said that to make him feel better.

"No, Frank, you can't love me, I'm-"

"Perfect?" Frank offered, raising his hand to touch Gerard's cheek.

Gerard shook his head. "No, I'm just annoying and whiny, and you always have to take care of me and-"

"Gerard," Frank interrupted. Going for a desperate measure, he leaned forwards and pressed his lips to Gerard's, innocently, with no intention of going further.

Gerard froze, the fact that Frank was serious about his feelings slowly sinking in.

"What- you really-"

Frank stopped him with another kiss.

"Yes, " he said.

Gerard grinned, wrapping his arms around his neck and laying his head in Frank's chest.

"I love you too," he said. "Best friends?"

"More."

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I'm so fucking tired I had some folly weird sentences in there

- Brightside