Chapter 4

"Hm... pwede na," I muttered while scrolling through Cashel Corprew's IG feed. He has over nine hundred thousand followers and he only follows a few accounts--excluding me. Hindi ako assumera. Of course, he's verified and most of his posts are sponsored. He has highlight stories and I had to check it out. Some are fun times, sponsors, his travel abroad--his recent travels were from Portugal, Spain, and Las Vegas six months ago.

I wonder if he has a sugar daddy? If I'm not mistaken, talamak din ang ganyang kalakaran sa mga models. I'm not mentioning all of them but some who are starting their careers. I've been there, I was asked before ng isang manager. He will manage me kapalit ng pag-touch, kiss, and fuck niya sa akin. Of course, I have the decency and I know myself, hindi ako pumayag. Pero may mga tao talagang kakapit sa patalim just to get the fame even though they were putting their body just for the sake of their dying career. Good thing, hindi ako na-scam.

Sa patuloy na pag-scroll ko sa kanyang feed, tumambad naman sa akin ang underwear shoots niya. I almost choked when I saw how he posed in one of his photos. Nakabukaka and he's wearing a speedo and his body is wet and so his hair. He's delivering the seducing type of look. And why am I zooming on his crotch area? Mukhang biggie naman pero hindi 'yon mapapatunayan hangga't walang proof.

"Elle est là,"I finally heard his voice. Inangat ko ang tingin ko at doon ko lang nakita si Cashel at ang kapatid nitong babae. She immediately comes to my direction at niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. I'm confused. Hindi rin ako sigurado kung bakit biglang may pagkayakap siya sa akin. "Adeline, ne pas étouffer son." (She's here. Adeline, do not choke her.)

Kumalas lang siya sa pagkakayakap niya sa akin at nakahinga ako ng maluwag kahit papaano. She gripped me too tight. I didn't expect that. Tumabi naman siya sa akin. I'm sitting on the couch after taking a few pictures on the balcony. I still couldn't believe what's happening though.

"H-Hey..." I stuttered, making a smile on my face. "Ça va?" (How are you?)

"Ça va, et toi?" (I'm fine, and you?)

"Et moi aussi," ngiwi ko pa. I know she's my student but we're not inside our classroom to teach her to speak in English. (Me too.)

"If I'm not mistaken, Adeline is in your class, right?" Lumipat ang tingin ko kay Cashel. Tumango naman ako sa kanya. "Don't worry about her. I mean, she speaks multiple languages but only a few and limited words."

"Ah, je vois..." I responded. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko. (Ah, I see...)

"Oooh! Regarder son téléphone," Adeline said, pointing my phone in my hand. And Cashel's eyes directed on it too. But I quickly turn it over before he could even see what's on the screen. Putik! Baka sabihin pa niya pinagnanasahan ko siya! (Oooh! Look at your phone.)

I didn't know that she's staring at my phone now and I had to shut it down. Pakiramdam kong nag-init ang mukha ko. Pati na rin ang tainga ko. Mabilis pa naman akong tablan ng kahihiyan kaya hindi ko malingon ng maayos ang dalawa ito. I shouldn't be worried about Adeline because she's just seven but her brother terrifies me.

"What's on your phone?" he asked and I shook my head. Not interested to give him any further details about it. Nakakahiya dahil iyong naka-brief pa ang nakita ni Adeline. It could have been any of his photos but that. Gusto ko na lang umuwi sa apartment ko. Lumapit naman siya sa amin ng hindi ko siya sagutin. He puts his hand on Adeline's head and messes her hair. "Retournez à votre chambre, Adie. Nous allons parler." (Go to your room, Adie. We're going to talk.)

"Oui, kuya!" she happily responded. Namintig pa ang tainga ko kasi parang nagbanggit siya ng tagalog word o baka nagkakamali lang ako ng pandinig dahil sa sobrang kaba ko ngayon. It must be something else. "À demain, Madame," she said and jumped out of the seat. (Yes, kuya! See you tomorrow, ma'am!)

She runs back to where she came out earlier and Cashel pulled the couch closer to me and he sat on it.

"Je l'ai vu," he smirked, crossing his legs and rest his hands on the armchair. (I saw that.)

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. "What did you mean now?"

"I saw it," he translated it and a lopsided grin evidently shows too much ego in him. Akala mo talaga napakagwapong nilalang nito. Mas marami pang lalaki na mas lamang sa kanya. And how in the world I got tied up to this man? Nakakaloka. 

"And so? Pakialam mo kung nakita mo," pagtataray ko sabay irap pa ng mata. He didn't respond to it so ibigsabihin, hindi niya ako naiintindihan. Muli ko siyang hinarap nang nakataas na ang kilay ko. "What are we going to talk about? Don't waste my time again. And don't make me look like a fool. Just because you're French and you're in your home country, it doesn't I don't have the right to call out your dirty stunts, you stupid, gwapo."

"Gwapo?" he smirked. "That's Spanish right? And it means, handsome." He clicks his tongue and his perfect set of white teeth shows. Kulang na lang magkaroon ito ng toothpaste commercial. Well, it is his asset so he really took care of his image.

Umiling ako. "Yes, on that language but to what I know in my language. Gwapo is tanga," ngisi ko pa. "Yes, you've heard it right. You're stupid for making an asset to your dirty little stunt and what proposal are you giving me now? Your kissing mate, oh boy, I'm a teacher of your little sister so please have a little decency and good manners to that one."

He chuckles and sits properly on his chair. He leans a little forward while he rests his elbow on his knees. Akala ba niya may nakakatawa sa sinabi ko? Or he's totally losing his mind dahil sa sobrang pagkataas at pagkagandang lalaki ang tingin niya sa sarili niya. Freak.

"Did you say dirty little stunt?" he questioned.

I nodded furiously. "Yes. You broke the code of personal space and you can't kiss me just like that."

"It's normal to kiss in Paris and no one would bother. What do you mean now?" He creases his forehead. He's throwing it back to me para ako ang magmukhang walang kaalam-alam. "And I just wanted to tell you that's not a little stunt and I asked you if you can come with me which you did--very politely!"

"Oh! Because you pulled me without even waiting for my response!" I pointed at him. Gusto ko siyang sigawan but his little sister might freak out that her English teacher is a witch.

Tinaas niya ang kanyang kamay at saka paulit-ulit siyang tumango. "Okay, fine, I had my fault there but you also kissed me that moment. And whatever might happen last night, that can't be forgotten."

I narrowed my eyes. Kung ano man ang binabalak ng lalakig ito. Pakiramdam ko, hindi maganda ang lalabas sa bibig nito. 

"And why is that? But I feel like I don't wanna hear it. You brought me into this situation so I feel like this wouldn't make sense at all. I'm leaving," I said with finality and I grabbed my bag and was about to stand up when he stops me. "What do you still want? Are you going to lock me up?"

He sighed and shook his head. He leaned his back to the couch and then he looked at me like I'm a lost cause now. Bumalik ako sa pagkakaupo ko at nilapag ko muli ang bag ko sa gilid ko.

"Okay, I'll give you a chance. Talk. I want to hear your thoughts. And if I think that it won't benefit me in some ways, I'll drop your proposal immediately. And just because you have almost a million followers on your Instagram it doesn't mean you're on the level of Cristiano Ronaldo."

"So you really stalked me, huh?" he smirked and now he's getting back to his cocky attitude. I don't really like him. And I'm still wondering why I would keep staying here. I have other things to do in life just to be this boy's play card.

I shake my head sideways. Disagreeing with his accusations. "No. I didn't stalk you, for your information and to correct you. I just checked your profile to know who you are. You can't blame me if I don't know you, duh?"

He chuckles. "Oh, okay, but you don't have to defend yourself. I was just asking."

"Yes, you're just asking but you're already making me so into you, like duh?" I squinted my eyes na para bang pinandidirihan siya. It was just an expression. Hindi naman siya talaga nakakadiri. He's a total package ika-nga but this man shouldn't know I was thinking that side of him. Baka mas lalo akong hindi paalisin dito sa apartment niya. I still have a year in Paris and I wouldn't be this night my last.

"Okay, whatever you say. I won't be up against your words again," he said and with that, I finally agreed with him. For the first time. "But I know you, Cosette. Well, not your whole life bu I know what you do back in the Philippines, you're an actress--oh wait, not-so-well-known-actress, you fit on that title."

Kumuyom ang kamay ko at nagtalas ang tingin ko sa kanya. Kung wala lang ang kapatid niya rito ay tinalunan ko na 'to at pinagsasabunutan. Kanina ko pa siguro nahablot ang buhok nito sa sobrang inis ko sa kanya. Pero nagtimpi ako at hindi gumawa ng gulo. Ayokong magsimula. gusto ko maging payapa ang pag-uusap naming dalawa but I don't think it will be. Kung makapagsalita 'to, akala mo wala akong damdamin. Or he was just doing what I keep doing at him? Wow ha, gusto ko ito, kompetisyon.

I crossed my arms and laughed. "And look who's stalking me now," taas noo kong sabi kasabay ng paghawi ko ng buhok sa hangin.

"I'm not stalking you. I'm just doing a little background checking, that's different."

I scrunched my face with annoyance from him. "Background checking mo mukha mo, pareho naman 'yon, pina-sosyal mo pa. Anyway, tell me your proposal now or I would lose my patience with you."

He laughed, scratching the side of his brow. "You can't wait 'no?" Inirapan ko na lang siya. If he's going to talk to me like this, walang patutunguhan ang usapan naming dalawa. "Anyway, what I'm going to propose is easy and it's on you if you want to do it."

"Sure, let me hear it," I demanded.

"I've mentioned it before but this time, it's kind of a different story. Act like my girlfriend, Cosette."

I stared at him blankly when he told me about it. Pinigilan kong matawa pero lumabas ang kabaliwan sa akin. But I still tried to cover my mouth with my hands para hindi ko maagaw ang atensyon ng kapatid niya. He looked at me so confused and he's totally serious about it. Nang kumalma ako, hinagis ko sa kanya 'yong unan sa tabi ko. He catches it with his hands at binato niya pabalik sa kinauuupan ko.

"You must be joking, Cashel. Oh I see now, you're a clown," I chuckled.

"I'm serious about it, Cosette." He said, raising his brow. "People around the country talk about you and they want to know you more. And I wanna help you too. You're an actress, you can use it here. You'll act as ma copine and we'll let people see us that way. We gain something from it, you save yourself from all your failures back home."

"Wow," I muttered and clapped my hands slowly. "You've got the nerve to call me a failure? How dare you?"

"It is what it is, right?"

"Gosh! If hindi ka lang kapatid ng student ko, I would definitely smack your face now pero dahil may kaunti pa akong pasensya sa taong katulad mo, I'm just trying not to. I really hate you now."

"People will like you, Cosette," he assured but that doesn't buy me.

Umiling pa rin ako. "No. You can't sway my mind out of it. I won't join you in your little game. I don't even want to save my dying career. I've got my new life now and that's a professional educator. And if you have nothing else to say, I'm going home even though you're apartment and your view on the balcony are better than mine. I'm still leaving. And call your driver."

Kinuha ko ang hand bag ko. Tumapon doon ang tingin ni Cashel at may pagbanta pa ng pagpigil sa akin pero hindi ko siya pinayagan. Tumuloy ako palabas nang kanyang room. He keeps persuaing me pero lumalabas lang sa kabilang tainga ang mga sinasabi niya. I ignored him until I reached the elevator and wait for it to open for me.

"You know this is a good strategy or campaign, Cosette," he said I still don't mind his words. "You can gain sponsors, people will send you gifts and you'll be followed by many people. You can be an effective partner for me. You're an actress and you already have experience with it. You just need to act. If we need to kiss, we'll give it to them. It's just like in the movies, it's all for the eyes of the public."

I shake my head abruptly. With his kind of intention, it really annoys me. "I can't keep up with lies, Cashel. I can't pretend to be your girlfriend. Life can be portrayed as a movie but you have to know that there are always consequences behind it. I won't be swayed. Hindi ako magpapauto kahit ilabas niya pa ang uten niya. Hindi ako susubo.

As I got inside the elevator, he took the other one at pagkalapag namin sa ground floor ay sinusundan pa rin niya ako. I think he won't give it up. Kung ako 'yan, hindi ko na pipilitin kung ayaw din naman pala. He's too persistent. Kung ano mang benefit ang makukuha niya sa iniisip niya, ngayon pa lang pinuputol ko na.

Hinihintay ko naman ang driver niya na lumapit papunta sa direksyon namin. 

"Cosette," muling pagtawag niya sa akin pero tinaas ko ang kamay ko para tumigil siya sa sasabihin niya. Nakatalikod ako sa kanyya. I don't want to see his face. Baka halikan ko pa 'yan ulit.

"Whatever benefit you'll get from this, I won't still bite with it."

"I won't only be the one, Cosette. Just like what I said, we could both benefit from this. You'll have me around before you and you'll be famous just like as I am! We could be the next big couple in the world now. The next Kim Kardashian and Kanye West! See what could happen next?"

"Asa ka boy," ngisi ko pa.

"You're losing a great opportunity," he smirked. "I could be your lucky charm you know?"

"Wait." Pagtigil ko saka tumalikod para harapin muli si Cashel. "Did you tell your sister that I'm your girlfriend?" I asked, changing the topic. 

He smirked. "I didn't. Why? Did you already think about it?"

"No," mabilis kong sagot sa tanong niya. "Earlier in class when I met my students, she told me that I'm your girlfriend which I answered that she's wrong and we're not. She questioned it because she saw that we kissed. How is that, huh? Showing to a little kid your dirty tricks?"

He laughed. "She asked and so I answered her."

"Yes, with a lie," I said with gritted teeth. "Ginigigil mo talaga ko."

"Maybe, we should just act it all out, right? That you should give this a chance. People in showbiz love this kind of act. Paparazzi will be your enemy for invading your personal space. And Cosette, it could save your dying career back home. You could be famous again and as come out together as a couple, people will come to chase after you."

Even though it is good. I've already decided. Hindi ako papayag. I won't be part of his act. Hindi ako magpapakatanga para lang do'n. I can be better. I can do better. I don't even need him. And I don't need to save my dying career because it is already dead and I'm in Paris to take a new journey of my life. I won't be back just to be the same loser and pathetic Cosette all over again.

"I'm sorry Cashel, I don't want anything to do with you. I can't be what you want me to be. I have my own life and choices so I hope you respect my decision."

"Sure, Cosette. I understand," he nodded and he kissed me both cheeks. "Take care.

"Oh, okay," I blinked my eyes as I'm a little surprise with it. Hindi pa ako nasasanay. O hindi siguro ako masasanay na normal lang sa kanila ang pakikipaghalikan. It's also a way of greeting them kaya hindi na iba 'yon. But I'm sure I'll get used to this kind of situation. Just never with him. "I'm leaving, merci."

He directed me to his driver and his driver opens the door for me. Pumasok naman ako sa loob at inayos ko ang sarili ko. Nang pumasok na rin naman ang driver, muling bumukas ang pinto sa gilid ko at sumilip si Cashel sa akin.

"Hey, if you ever had a second thought about it, DM me," he said and he was hopeful with it. Hindi na namn niy hintay ang sagot ko kung hindi sinarado na niya ang pinto ng marahan at saka tuluyang pinatakbo ng driver ang sasakyan.

On my way back home, muli kong pinasadahan ang mga sinabi ni Cashel sa akin but it kept coming for one reason, ayokong magsinungaling even though a lot of people do it just for the sake of themselves. I want to be true to myself ngayong nagpakalayo-layo ako. People don't have the right to manipulate my decision even though they served good options. I can't go back to the way it was.

I didn't mind the time but when the driver announced that we're already at my place, I quickly got out of the car and run upstairs to my room. Pagod akong humilata sa kama ko at napatitig na lang sa kisame. I didn't expect that I will have this moment in Paris. Gusto ko lang magbagong buhay at sundin ang propesyon but why do I feel like na hinahatak ako ng acting career all over again?

Tama ba ang ginawa kong pag-reject sa offer ni Cashel?

I had to take a bath to wash my body and my tangled thoughts. Pero walang nangyari, nasa isip ko pa rin 'yon. When Victor tries to call me, I ignored it. Wala akong lakas na sagutin ang tawag niya at hinintay ko na lang na batiin ako ng antok.

But somehow Cashel is right, it could save everything but on the other hand, I think it's not worth it. I'm torn and in this kind of situation, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Pero kung matigasan na lang din naman ang karera, hindi ako papatalo.

Even his kiss won't change my mind again.

***

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