Chapter 34

Nanginginig akong bumangon sa kama. Dumiretsyo akong tumungo sa bintana para isarado. When I stretched my arm to grab the handle, bumabagsak naman sa balat ko ang maliliit na butil ng niyebe. Pero agad ko ring hinawi sa balat ko ang flakes at mabilis na sinarado ang binata. Hindi pa masyadong maliwanag sa labas. Kailangan ko ng araw! My tropical skin needs sunlight!

Bumalik ako sa kama at binalot ko ang comforter sa buong katawan ko. Sinilip ko ang oras sa phone ko at pasado alas sais pa lamang ng umaga. Humilata ako sa kama at sinubukang tawagan si Victor. Hindi rin niya sinasagot ang tawag ko at baka mahimbing pa ang tulog no'n. 

Wala na kaming pasok today. After a few days from the forecast, hindi nga nagkamali at nagsisimula nang bumuhos ang snow. This would be my first time experiencing snow. Madalas kasi artificial snow ang nangyayari lalo na kapag pinepeke pa sa mga shows. And all after experiencing the fakes ones, nasa realidad na ako. Totoo nang nangyayari sa akin. The snow. And my going strong relationship with Cashel. Hindi pa man official pero do'n din naman mapupunta 'yon.

Thirty minutes makalipas ay nakatanggap ako ng message kay Victor at inaaaya niya akong bumili kami ng hot chocolate sa labas. I even debated why he can't just make one for himself dahil ang lamig-lamig kapag lalabas kami. But then he said he runs out of stock of his chocolate powder. He asked me if I have at ako nga itong hindi makapa-grocery sa sarili ko, kulang kulang nga ang stocks ko e.

Pero hindi ko rin naman mahihindian si Victor kaya pumayag ako. Dahil walang heater ang bathroom ko ay mano-mano akong nagpakulo ng tubig. I feel like I'm going to do this routine for the rest of the winter season. It only took me five to ten minutes of taking a bath when it's too cold. I've got shivered all over my body!

I wear a thick jacket over my shirt and jeans. Hindi ko kayang mag-dress sa ganitong lamig ng panahon. Sanay ang katawan ko sa klima sa Pinas. Nagsuot ako ng bonet at thermal gloves para hindi lamigin ang kamay ko. Snow boots naman ang suot ko which helps for protection from the cold and freezing. Nagpalibot din ako ng makapal na scarf sa leeg ko para wala ng takas ang lamig.

I secured my room before leaving the apartment. I met Victor halfway to the café shop.

"Ça va, Cosette?" he started.

"Je vais bien, et toi?"

"J'ai à peine dormi la nuit dernière," he grunted, rolling his eyes.

"Exactement! Ce qui est mauvais, mais je suis amoureux d'elle."

He looked at me, frowning. "How come you love this season?"

"Because it's my first time."

He groaned, disgusted by my love for this season. "I don't know where did you find that reason. But to be true, people love the holiday—especially Christmas but no one specifically adored snow like you did. You're such a weird girl. I don't know why Cashel fell in love with you."

"Maybe that's the thing. I am weird so he fell in love with me."

He scrunched his face then his body shivered as he felt he was disgusted with it. Natawa na lang din naman ako sa kanya. I understand where he's coming from kaya hindi na ako nakipagdebate pa. Tinungo na lang namin ang malapit na shop at pagkapasok namin sa loob ay bumungad sa amin ang aroma ng kape at tsokolate. It felt warm inside kaya marami ring nananatili sa loob sa ganitong oras pa lamang.

"I'll buy four cups for us," I offered to Victor.

"Oooh, is it your treat?" he grinned and I nodded to him. "Oh! Merci, mademoiselle."

"De rien."

Pumila naman ako sa counter at in-order ang four cups of hot chocolate at sinamahan ko na ng ilang sweet pastries. Ilang minuto lang din naman ang itinagal nang i-serve na nila sa akin. I took the tray safely from the counter at pagkatalikod ko ay muntik ko pang mabangga ang isang tao. I immediately apologized but when I knew who it was, nagulatang na lang ang buong pagkatao ko.

"Amauree?"

"I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention to anyone. It's drastically cold right now. I hate it."

"Yeah, that's what I said," ngisi ko pa. "I'm sorry. I gotta bring these cups to my friend over there before it gets cold."

"Sure, I'll meet you later," she said and I winced, scurring my way to our table just next to the glass window wall.

Nang inilapag ko ang tray sa mesa ay agad akong kinalabit ni Victor.

"That's... Cashel's friend and ex-girlfriend, right?" he questioned, pointing his finger at her direction. Hinawi ko naman 'yong kamay niya baka kasi makita pa ni Amauree at isiping pinag-chichismisan siya—which on the other is true. Hindi lang dapat pahalata.

Umupo ako sa silya. Tapat lamang ni Victor. I started sipping on my drink while his attention was kept under the charm of Amauree. I motioned my hand in front of his face saka siya bumalik sa katinuan niya. He started drinking his chocolate but he got burned dahil sa pagmamadali niya. Tinawanan ko na lamang siya. Tumigil lang kami sa pagtawa namin ng sumali na si Amauree sa table namin.

It turned awkward when she pulled a chair and sit with us then Victor sips his drink with his little finger pointing out gracefully.

"I'm not sure if we've met before," Amauree said to Victor. "But Cosette told me some stuff about you. I might say you're a very nice person and a good friend to her. It's nice bumping with you guys this morning—well, literally but yeah... it's nice."

"Cosette also told me things about you," Victor smirked.

I darted my eyes on him pero nang mapalingon si Amauree sa akin ay biglang umamo ang mukha ko.

"Yeah, he's right," ngiwi ko pa. "I couldn't help it though. But just those relevant things about you. Not those things you told me not to say anything about—Oh... I apologize. I'm just not used to this cold. My brain doesn't know what to do and say."

Idinahilan ko na lamang iyon at humigop sa baso ko. Sinulyapan ko naman ng tingin si Victor so he could carry this conversation out. I know Amauree and I talked a few weeks ago pero kapag naalala ko pa rin 'yong story na nag-kiss silang dalawa, hindi ko magawang mag-isip ng ibang bagay. Tumatak na isipan ko. That I cannot washed away.

"So you're just living around the neighborhood?" Victor asked.

"Ah, no. I had a client living close enough at this place but before I go and meet him, I decided to stop by here. I am freezing as hell," she said then took a quick sip on her drink. "I just had to sort everything before I head back to Beaujolais tomorrow."

Napatingin naman ako kaagad sa kanya ng banggitin niya iyon. Lumingon din siya sa akin kaya nagkatitigan pa kaming dalawa. I don't wanna get awkward with her. I mean, she's also the reason why Cashel and I got back together pero minsan hindi lang talaga maalis sa isipan ko 'yong mga nangyari. Siguro it will take time. Not just now.

"We're going to leave for Beaujolais tomorrow, right?" she asked and I nodded. "Have you packed?"

Umiling naman ako. "I haven't but I think I'll do it later. I won't be bringing too much. I guess only necessary stuff will be fine for me."

"Of course, you do yours," she giggled. Lumipat naman ang atensyon niya kay Victor. He's already on his second cup habang nangangalahati pa lamang ako sa unang baso ko. Hindi ko pa nga nagagalaw ang tinapay ko dahil mas natuon kay Amauree ang atensyon ko. "So I've heard you're working on a vegetarian restaurant? C'est cool la."

"Merci," Victor said. "But it's not really that fancy. Just the usual."

"I might try to visit you one time," Amauree said and when she's about to drink her coffee, she coughed. Natapon ang laman ng baso niya. I immediately grab a napkin while Victor took the cup from her hand and put it on the table. Pinunasan ko naman ang nabasa niyang pantalon and she doesn't look worried about it. "I'm sorry. I was such a mess."

Kinuha niya ang napkin sa kamay ko at ipinagpatuloy niya ang pagpunas. Nagtaka naman ako dahil may kakaiba sa kanya at kung hindi pa niya natapon ang iniinom niya, hindi ko mapapansin 'yon.

Inabot ko at hinawakan ang braso niya. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She confusedly looked at me. Tumango naman siya sa akin. "I am okay. You don't need to worry. It's just the cold. Not a big of a deal."

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa ni Victor pero bakas sa mukha naming dalawa ang pag-aalala. Pansin kong namumutla din si Amauree pero sabi niya ay okay lang siya kaya hinayaan muna namin. Hindi naman namin inalis ni Victor ang tingin namin sa kanya until she excused herself to leave. Kailangan na raw niyang puntahan iyong kliyente niya para maaga rin siyang makauwi at makapag-ayos ng gamit niya. We watched her go and we were both left in stuttering confusion on our table.

"I don't think she's fine," Victor mentioned.

Napakibit balikat naman ako. "She says she is but I'm also not confident with her answer. Something's off."

"Do you think you should give Cashel a heads up now?"

Muli akong napakibit balikat. "I don't know... she could've sent him a message though. I think she's fine. Maybe it's just the weather. If she's not okay, she would tell it to us, right?"

"Tu as raison," Victor said, nodding his head. "Oh well, we gotta finish our drinks now."

A few talks and bites of our bread, napapansin naman namin iyong mga nagtatakbuhan na tao sa labas. Because of our curiosity ay napalabas din kami ng shop at tiningnan kung anong meron. I couldn't get what people say when they are hurrying to see what happened. And they are all speaking in French, natataranta ang utak ko at hindi agad ma-rpocess kung anong ibigsabihin ng mga 'yon.

When we're trying to see what's happening and we were shocked to see what's happening. There's an accident and Amauree was part of the casualty. Napauwang na lamang ang bibig ko dahil hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita ko. Nang dumating ang ambulance to get the injured, umalis din agad iyon para dalhin sa malapit na hospital. I tried to call Cashel but he's not answering his phone.

"What the fuck, Cosette," Victor muttered, biting her lower lip. Hindi rin naman niya inaasahan na aabot sa ganito ang sitwasyon. "I know there's something wrong. People are mumbling that she was about to cross the street on the green light and then the car came sliding into the icy road and hits her. I hope nothing worst had happened to her. Have you reached Cashel now?"

Umiling ako. "No. He's still not answering his phone. Do you think we'll be able to go to the hospital where Amauree has been brought?"

Agad namang tumango si Victor sa akin. Hindi na kami nagpatumpik-tumpik pa kung hindi ay agad naming pinuntahan ang hospital kung saan idinala si Amauree. At hindi ko alam kung mabu-bwisit ako kay Cashel kasi hindi niya sinasagot ang tawag ko gayong ang best friend niya ay naaksidente. He must still be having his dreamy sleep!

Hindi rin nagtagal ay narating na namin ang hospital. When we asked if we could see Amauree, hindi agad namin makikita ito dahil nasa emergency room pa raw. Walang ibang binigay na information sa amin kung hindi iyon lang. Naghintay kaming dalawa ni Victor sa labas ng emergency room habang patuloy ako sa pagtawag kay Cashel. I tried to call Salve which she asnwered the call immediately pero wala siya sa apartment. She's not at the apartment anymore. Nakalimutan kong pinauwi na siya ni Cashel to come home and have a vacation with her family. Bukod pa ro'n ay wala na akong ibang matatawagan pa.

I just left him a message and an hour later, Cashel rushing towards us with so much anger on his face.

"Where's Amauree?" he asked, hindi na siya mapakali. Parang wala pa nga siyang bagong ligo. Halatang kakagising niya lang din. Parang binuhusan ng kumukulong tubig ang umaga niya at ganito ang binigay na rekasyon ni Cashel sa akin. Pansin ni Victor na hindi siya magkaundagaga.

"She's still in the emergency room," I answered. "The doctor already gave an update and she's fine now. I think they'll be transferring her to a private room."

He shook his head sabay ngisi. Pumeywang pa itong hinarap ako. "How did this happen, Cosette? How did yo let this happen?"

"Ha?" napa-anga ako sa sinabi niya.

"It's not her fault," singit naman ni Victor.

"I'm not asking you," tugon ni Cashel. "Can't you guys see that we're in the hospital now and Amauree's there? She just got into an accident and fuck! This shouldn't be happening! I hate it!"

"It's not anyone's fault," mahinahon kong sagot pero sa loob loob ako dumadagundong na ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

"How could it be no one's fault?" he questioned. "Of course, there will be someone who's at fault at this. Did you really hate her so much that you just let it happen to her, huh, Cosette? How could you do that to her, huh? What if she died? How can you explain that to me. I've known her for almost all my life and she's my ride or die and seeing her in this position breaks me. I know you hate her, Cosette. Just admit it. I know you don't like her so you just let it happen..."

"Teka, Cash... bakit parang... hindi ko naman kasalanan 'to ah? Bakit ako ang sinisisi mo? Ako ba ang nakaaksidente sa kanya? Bakit parang ako pa ang mali sa mata mo? Wala namang akong kasalan but you keep pointing at me like I did something wrong. Wala naman!"

"We're with her before she got into an accident. She said she's fine but she's not. We tried to help her but she won't because she said she had a job to do. Clearly, at this point, it wasn't Cosette's fault. Don't put the blame on her. She's not the reason why she ended up in the hospital. How could you do that to someone you're dating with? It looks like you love Amauree rather than Cosette. You blamed her for something she didn't do."

"Whatever," Cashel did not listen. "Cosette, you're not coming home with us in Beaujolais. And please, leave. You don't have to be here."

"Cash..." I mumbled and tears are tempting to fall on my eyes.

Hinigit na lamang ako palayo ni Victor at palabas ng hospital. Iniiwas na rin niya ang ulo kong mabaling pa muli kay Cash. Nang tuluyan naman kaming makalabas ay may ilang sinasabi sa akin si Victor na hindi ko na naintindihan. Lutang ang pag-iisip ko at hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko.

It was an accident. Wala akong kasalanan do'n pero bakit ako ang mali?

And where that puts us now? Mas pinili na ni Cashel ang kanyang kaibigan and so I know where to put myself. Maybe we're not really meant to be together. Kahit ilang beses pa naming ipagpilitan, hindi talaga kami para isa't isa.

So I'll just rest my case. Cashel and I won't be together... and maybe that's final.

Or I'll just let him realize that it wasn't my fault and come to me and apologize. But let's just see if that's even going to happen. I'm afraid that one in a million chance, Cashel's mind can't be swayed when it is about Amauree.

Too bad, I'm just Cosette. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a girl.

***

Last chapter na tomorrow! Thank you for reading! I wanna know your feedback guys haha!

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