Chapter 29

"I'll be staying just around the Champs de Mars or maybe in some local coffee shop. Just give me a call when you needed something or some help if Cashel started harassing you."

"No, I don't think we'll go that far. Cashel knows how to respect a woman and with good intentions. And maybe that's how he got mad at me. He doesn't want to see me kissing someone else's other than his. He might sound obsessive on that one but surely when a man became protective, he'll be mad. And why am I thinking of that? That's ridiculous."

Victor laughed. "Maybe you're missing someone to kiss you like a pig."

"Duh! As if naman. I totally forget those men who seemingly complicates my life. Let's just move forward."

"And now, you will be meeting one of those complicated men."

I sighed and shook my head. "I guess, let's not move forward! But I do believe that I don't have to worry about it. Cashel clearly stated that we'll only get to meet. We won't get back to each other-"

Victor cuts me. "But you're hoping for it."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not Victor."

"But do you miss him?"

I shifted my eyes at him and gave him death stares. "No. I do not."

"And why do you sound so defensive? Why do I feel like you miss him? You can be honest with me. I won't tell anyone what you really feel. I don't have a big number of followers on my social media so they won't care about it. I know you're trying to dodge when we're talking about him but let's be straight and frank right now. For the past month, did you miss Cashel?"

I look at his eyes. Hindi talaga ako kumurap para mapanindigan ko lang ang sarili ko. But I gave up so I breathe in, close my eyes and let it go.

"Yes," I confessed. " I missed him. I wanted him to talk to me. I wanted him to greet me last night. I even manifested the universe every night before I go to sleep to get us back from the moment we left it off. I didn't hate Cashel. I was just pissed he didn't try to listen to my side when he already shuts me off. And the last night, he shows up. I manifested and it worked."

"Maybe you really have feelings for him. Like for real this time."

I smirked, shaking my head to disagree with his statement. "I don't think so, Vic. That's far from what I'm thinking. I just want to be friends with him again. Maybe, before, when we're still in the fake-relationship. I was hoping that it could turn real but Cashel never thought about it. At that moment, his mind flew somewhere else, specifically in Beaujolais."

"But you also have to remember that situations aren't permanent. Things can't change."

"Why do I feel like you're getting soft, appreciative, and emotional for me, Vic? I'm starting to like you na."

He grunted. Aakmang sasabunutan niya ako but he restrained himself from doing that. He pulled the hem of his shirt and wiggle his head to calm himself. "No. Please. You can have all the French men but not me. I'm only available for myself. Not that I don't want one for me but I'm emotionally not available for anyone right now. And you don't have the right to answer why is that. Now, let's get to the location so you can meet your ex-fake-boyfriend."

"D'accord! Allons-y!" I bubbled, grabbing his hand to the Port de Suffren.

It's only a three walk away from the Eiffel Tower so it doesn't sweat us along the way. Hindi rin naman maalis ang tingin ko sa kalangitan. It is grey than usual. Mas kumulimlim na ngayon kumpara kaninang umaga. I was worried that it could be a hard rainfall pero ang sabi naman ni Victor ay ganyan lang daw talaga ang panahon. Hindi raw 'yan bubuhos ng malakas. Naniwala naman ako sa kanya. Hindi dapat masira ang special day na 'to.

I received a message from Cashel, fifteen minutes before our meeting time.

Cashel: I'm already on my way to the Port. I'll be seeing you, right? If you can't find me, I'm wearing a brown trench coat, aviator shade, and a red flat cap. Sorry, I had to disguise myself.

Pinabasa ko rin naman kay Victor ang message ni Cashel kaya naglingon-lingon din ito sa paligid. He composed the message for me to reply to Cashel.

Me: À plus. Je suis très heureux de vous voir.

He handed back my phone at pinapalagay na niya sa bulsa ko.

"What did you reply to him?" I asked.

He shook his head. "You don't have to worry about it. It's not a big of a deal."

"Whatever," I muttered. "Where should we go next?"

When we're almost at the port, walking on the side street and sight of the Seine on our right. The day was still wonderful kahit na lumalakas ang ihip ng hangin. I still have a slightly negative vibe of what's going to happen but I couldn't figure it out. I was just looking at the ground and my feet taking over each one of the other. Nakapulupot lang ang kamay ko sa braso ni Victor kaya safe ako sa dinaraanan ko.

But then he stopped walking, turned himself to me, and blocked my way to face me. Napakunot naman ang noo ng bigla niya iyong ginawa at bigla siyang may itinuro sa itaas. He made me look at where he's pointing at grey part lamang mga ulap ang tinuturo niya kasabay ng ilang ibon na lumilipad patungo sa ibang city.

"Look at those birds," he said. "They are dazzlingly beautiful, right?"

Mas kumurba ang kilay ko at nilingon siya ng bahagya. "I know those birds are pretty. But what am I looking at? Is there anything should I need to see that I' not looking at?"

"I guess so," he muttered. Hawak-hawak nito ang balikat ko at hindi niya talaga ako binibitawan. Like he's trying to sway my attention away.

"You're wasting my time, Victor. I don't wanna be late meeting Cashel. Baka sabihin pa no'n talkshit ako."

"Just watch the sky," he demanded but I had enough of it.

Agad ko siyang hinarap. I had to step away from him para hindi na niya ako mahawakan at ibalandra sa kung saan. I had to give him death glares but one thing that caught my attention was someone else. Inihawi ko si Victor para makita ko ng maayos ang nasasaksihan ko. I heard a deep sighed from Victor and I guess I know what he's trying to do now.

"We can leave now if you want to, Cosette," Victor said.

Umiling ako. "No. We're not leaving and we're totally not going anywhere. This is something I can't let go."

"Are you sure? I'm just looking after you, Cosette. I don't want to see you hurt."

"I'm not hurting..." I mumbled and watched Cashel walked with Amauree.

They are walking towards the Port area. Medyo malapit-lapit na rin kaming dalawa ni Victor but they don't seem to notice us. My eyes darted only to their direction. Parang nag-blurry ang kapaligiran ko at sa kanila lang ako nakatuon. I felt Victor's hand on my shoulder and I know he just wanted to keep me out of trouble but I know I had to see this.

If Cashel asked me to see him today. Bakit kailangan kasama niya si Amauree ngayon? And why is she here? 'Di ba rapat ay nasa Beaujolais siya at nagta-trabaho? If they made their friendship leveled up, para saan pa 'tong pagkikita naming dalawa. Did Amauree ask for it?

Ramdam 'ko ang mabibilis na kabog ng dibdib ko. They were laughing at each other. Nagbubunong braso pa silang dalawa. Nakilala ko kaagad si Cashel kahit sabihin niyang naka-disguise and he mentioned what he looks like kaya nakilala ko kaagad. But I'm not expecting to see him with her. Not after a month of not seeing each other.

Bakit parang ang lupit naman ng tadhana ngayon?

Bumaba ang kamay ni Victor sa kamay ko. "Cosette, if I were you. I will leave now."

I shoved his hand away from me. "I'm not leaving until I know what's going to happen."

"It is just a sore of an eye, Cosette. This won't help you. I can take you somewhere special to celebrate your day not around with this pathetic guy. Leave him be, Cosette. He's not good for you. I mean, I'm trying to be good and say what's right but please, listen to me now or you'll regret it at the end of the day."

"That's fine so I know if I need to trust him or not."

"Clearly, it shows he doesn't care about you."

There's a carousel from our sight dahilan din para hindi agad kami makita. Pero kitang-kita ko si Cashel at Amauree from this view. They were so close with each other at hindi ko maitatanggi na hindi na lang friends ang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa ngayon. It could be more than that. When Cashel and Amauree stop on the stairs heading down to the port, hindi ko na nakita ko ang ginawa niya but Amauree leaned closer to him, and then she left and grabs a taxi right after.

When she left, nanigas na lamang ako sa kinatatayuan ako. Muli namang inagaw ni Victor ang atensyon ko.

"Would you still like to go?" tanong niya pero hindi ako nakasagot. "We can just leave and go somewhere, Cosette. I don't want to see you like this. You don't deserve someone like him. You deserved me-but just a friend. We have a limitation to that but if you still want to go with him, it's fine. But remember what I told to you if it's already hurting, just stop. You're not a fool."

"I am not... I just couldn't I'll be seeing them together."

Tiningnan ko ang phone ko to check their online posts but Cashel has no recent updates. Amauree has. Naka-close friends ako sa Instagram niya and she posted a photo of them. Parang biglang hinukay ang buo kong pagkatao dahil sa nakita ko. I know it's a normal thing to do in Paris. But they kissed. Lips to lips. And with a caption: Heureux de vous voir à nouveau, l'amour.

Hindi 'ko alam kung anong gagawin but my feet decided to check him down there. Hinabol ako ni Victor. I didn't make another move. Sinilip ko lang si Cashel do'n and he was about to make a call dahil inilapat niya ang phone sa kanyang tainga. Then my phone started ringing. Hinayaan ko siyang tumawag hangga't sa paulit-ulit na niya akong tawagan at bahain ng messages.

Hinarap ko si Victor at ramdam ko ang pag-init ng gilid ng mga mata ko. I faked a smile and he knows how painful that is. Niyakap niya ako at hinagod niya ang likod ko.

"This day should be one of your greatest moments in life. And you're in Paris, you should be grateful for that! Many dreams of wishing to spend their days here but none of them can afford it. But you also don't need to explain yourself to me. Cashel est stupide. He just loses himself a diamond for a worth of cheap gemstone."

"I think it's time to go home now..."

Saglit lang din ay biglang kumulog ng malakas.

"Yup! That's the sign. Let's go home, Cosette. I hope I still made your day better."

I nodded and smiled. "You did, Vic. Don't worry."

We took the cab back to our place. Pinigilan ko na lang din naman si Victor na sumama sa akin sa loob ng apartment ko. I chose to be alone and he respected it. Hindi rin nagtagal ng bumuhos ng napakalas ang ulan. Nakatanaw lamang ako sa tapat ng bintana at pinapanood ang pagbuhos ng ulan. Sinamahan ko iyon ng pagkain sa cake na dinala sa akin ni Victor kanina.

I spend my time watching and eating then a moment later, Cashel called again but I didn't answer his call. He then sent a message and I read it.

Cashel: I wish you could've told me if you're coming or not. But good thing, they canceled the tour because of the heavy rain. They'll just refund our tickets. Can I come by to see you?

I still didn't answer him. Binalik ko ang atensyon ko sa labas. Walang tao sa labas. Lahat sila ay nakasilong. Halos dumilim ang kalangitan at parang nakisabay naman sa emosyon ko ang ulan. Pilit kong idinadaan sa pagkain ng matatamis ang pagpigil sa mga luha ko. I tried but my chest couldn't stop feeling about it. Huminga ako ng malalim at nabuos ko na lang ang kinakain ko para maalis ang bigat sa dibdib ko.

I took the last bite when I heard a knock on the door. Nagtaka naman ako kung sino 'yon. Papalapit na ako sa pinto para pagbuksan iyon ng may lumusot na card sa ilalim. Pinulot ko iyon at isang greeting card lamang iyon then at the back it has a smudge written ink signed on it. It was from Cashel. Parang nanigaw ang buo kong katawan nang ma-realize kong pumunta nga siya rito sa apartment ko.

"Cosette."

Tumindig ang balahibo sa katawan ko ng bigla niya ako tawagin.

"I know you're in there and I thought I'd see you back in the port. Though I'm not sure. So I came by here to see you so we could talk again," he said and he paused for a few minutes. Ang buhos na lamang ng ulan ang naririnig ko. "But whatever happens back then, I'm sorry. I should've listened to you and hear you out but I chickened out. 'Cause I felt like I don't wanna sit around with someone else who carries so much problem. But I know I had to deal with it and no time would tell me what to do. I just had to do it now."

And still, I'm not talking.

"Happy birthday, Cosette," he greeted and even though I couldn't see his face, I can tell he's smiling at me. "It's okay if you wouldn't open the door. I just want to check on you. And maybe we could do the boat tour some other time..."

I kept myself in silence.

"Cosette? Do you think we could still remain friends?"

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. "Did you know that Princess Diana died in Paris?"

"Hey!Yeah... I know. It's tragic and horrible."

"I know! And that's what I feel when you're with Amauree!" I exclaimed. Trying not to break my voice. "And you chose to broke me on my very special day."

"I-I... Cosette?"

Binuksan ko ang pintuan at kita kong basa ang kanyang damit but I set my eyes to his. I fired up. Bigla na lamang nag-init ang dugo ko dahil sa kanya. Bakas naman sa kanya ang pagkagulat but I just couldn't help it. Bumigay ang mga luha ko at nang susubukan niyang lumapit sa akin ay hindi ko siya pinayagan.

"Leave me alone, Cash. Please. Go!" I shouted and my voice echoed.

"Cosette..."

"I'm not going to repeat what I just said. Just please, go," I said gritting teeth.

At dahil hindi siya umaalis sa harapan ko, ibinagsak ko ang pintuan sa kanya at napaupo na lamang ako sa sahig at napasandal sa likod ng pinto. I tried not to cry and resist my emotions pero wala e, bumigay pa rin ako. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this dahil wala naman kami talaga sa umpisa pa lamang ni Cashel. Pero hindi ko rin naman maiiwasan. I know I shouldn't be like this girl pero sa ganitong sitwasyon ako nag-end up.

I can't wait to go back home. I just want to leave Paris now!

***

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