Jimmy walked towards Kyle's room, a newspaper crumpled tightly in his hand. The feelings inside him were like an all consuming avalanche he had no control over. Anger, sadness, fear, exhaustion, back to anger. Loneliness. He'd never felt more alone, more trapped inside his head, inside his body.

Sam still in a coma with no improvement and without any medical solution but to wait it out. Tom completely destroyed and borderline psychotic. Freider, yelling at them, running off to heaven knew where. Herrison coming back empty handed after searching for Billy for over twenty four hours.

It had been twenty four hours and he was more lost than ever. Time was a distorted mess which no longer meant anything to him.

And then there was the paper. The Agency's supposed reward for almost dying, for losing family.

He stopped in front of Kyle's door and banged his fist against it, then he started bouncing on the balls of his feet. Even if he was exhausted, every time he tried to wind down, grief would take over all other feelings and he couldn't face that. He still needed his wits, to be strong for everyone else.

Kyle appeared in the threshold, looking as exhausted as Jimmy felt.

"Hi, can I come in?" he asked. His voice had come out robotic, but he didn't see the point in forcing some life into it.

Kyle moved out of the way and let him in. "What's up?"

Jimmy made his way to the desk and sat on the chair in front of it. Kay sat up in bed, watching him curiously, wearing Kyle's band t-shirt.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," he said, his voice just as robotic.

Kyle sat on the bed with difficulty and shook his head, and Jimmy decided to believe him, so he tossed the paper at him. Kyle caught it without difficulty and smoothed out the first page. Kay came up behind him to read over his shoulder.

Jimmy leaned back, already knowing what they'd see. It was a French newspaper printed in English and the story on page one was Chenonceau - War zone! joined by a pretty a picture of the castle in its former glory days.

"Explosions are news and the police were involved, so this isn't really surprising," Kyle said, passing the paper to Kay.

"I guessed that much. We pretty much destroyed that old, historical hallway. But that's not the issue." Jimmy started balancing on the chair's hind legs to divide his focus to something less aggravating. "Herrison gave me this paper as a reward. The agency is apparently very satisfied with our work and with how subtle we've been during the operation, so they gave us this." He nodded towards the paper.

Kyle frowned and it was obvious he liked the idea as much as Jimmy did. "Please tell me their reward was to cut our names out of this whole thing."

"Not even close. Turn to page six."

Kay complied and Kyle scooted closed to have a look. Jimmy turned back to the ceiling, suddenly longing for another cigarette. Or something much stronger that would numb him out.

Kyle swore under his breath when he realized just what the Agency had done. Their story continued on three pages and was filled with pictures of them and a bullshit story about their tragic lives and what humble little heroes they were. Jimmy hadn't read the article, he couldn't, but Jessie had given him a breakdown of the essentials. Snitch Gravel was mentioned, the feud in their family, their heroic resistance against what the press called a hidden terrorist, and their performance during the first mission.

Names, photos, everything.

"Some favor! We're practically a walking target now," Kyle growled, pulling away.

Jimmy shrugged. "I couldn't read it all. Jessie said it was incredibly unrealistic. Half of the stuff in there are lies."

"Good lies or bad lies?" Kyle asked, obviously unable to read it either.

"Stupid lies. They just annoyingly romanicise our lives. And to think that everything had just started to calm down at home and we were being left alone." He sighed and Kyle swore again.

Kay took the news like a champ, still sitting cross-legged on the bed, reading, frowning slightly.

"What did Jessie think about it?" Kyle asked.

"Laughed at it. She said it was that stupid, but that it was going to be pretty hard once we got home. Say goodbye to being left alone."

"Jessie's right. It's excruciatingly stupid," Kay mumbled pushing the newspaper away. "It fortunately doesn't damage us in any way. It could have been much worse. What did Tom and Jerry say about it?"

"Nothing. I didn't get to talk to them." Jimmy began balancing again as his mind had to produce important details he didn't care very much for. "Jerry's at the hospital with Christine. Herrison caught him and made him administrative second in command because there's apparently a lot of paperwork bullshit that needs to be taken care of. And Tom... He needed the break so he and Angie went out. They don't know about this yet."

"Tom and Angie went out?" Kyle asked blankly. "Shouldn't they be sleeping?"

"Shouldn't all of us be sleeping?" Jimmy retorted. He'd technically left Jessie to sleep and now here he was, forcing himself on other people.

"Tom does need the air," Kay said quietly. "What are you going to do?"

He faltered, then bit his lip. Sleep sounded heavenly, but he was terrified of those few minutes before he drifted off in which his brain would be unguarded, free to focus on everything he was trying to repress.

"I... Look, I know I should be leaving you alone, but... I have no idea what to do. I know I should sleep, but I'm not sure I can. Jessie's hopefully asleep and I can't go to the hospital. I couldn't face seeing Sam again." His voice cracked and he hated himself for it.

"Jimmy," Kay whispered. "It's okay. You're not made of stone."

Yes, he was. No remorse, no regrets, yet the pain was too real. He still had that.

"You could stay here with us," Kyle said, though he didn't sound very convinced. "I know how you must feel and it's not a good idea to be alone right now. Just fall asleep here."

"Yeah," Kay said, patting the bed next to her. "Plenty of room for the three of us."

Jimmy smirked. "Don't set me up for dirty jokes. Kyle already wants to hit me."

"Now I want to hit you even more."

Kay grinned, but didn't seem to regret he had refused their offer at all. Which gave him a pretty good hint that he should be getting out of there and fast. So he stood, wished Kay goodnight and headed for the door.

Kyle followed him and stopped in the threshold. "Look, I meant it. If you need us, we're here. Just knock first."

"I don't want to knock." And he meant it. In no way was he knocking because they needed the privacy as much as he needed Jessie.

"Go to Jessie then."

"What if she's sleeping?"

Kyle narrowed his eyes. "I know her. She's not."

Jimmy surely hoped so. He just nodded and headed back towards Jessie and Angie's room, the guilt already eating him from the inside. But it was easy. If she didn't answer, he'd just go and do something lucrative with his time and energy, like smoke the whole pack or hang out in the cold. And if she did open, then he could lay by her and watch her sleep, as creepy as it sounded.

He reached the door and lifted his hand to knock, but before he could, Jessie opened, all dressed up. She jumped back, a look of surprise on her face. It was quickly replaced by worry as she pulled out of the way to let him in.

"I was on my way to find you," she said, closing the door after him.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" His voice was so flat and impersonal he just wanted to kick himself.

But his energy seemed to have evaporated the moment he entered the room. Seeing Jessie, being with her, and he unconsciously decided it was time to become vulnerable.

"I'm actually a bit worried about you," she answered, eyeing him warily. "Are you alright?"

"You should be sleeping."

Broken record was the way to go. It only made her look even more worried and he couldn't blame her. His voice, his stiffness, his utter exhaustion... All he wanted was to hold her, kiss her, assure her that everything would be alright because she wasn't dead, they still had each other. But he was afraid that if he opened his mouth, he'd end up saying it like he didn't mean it.

His vision tunneled and the room seemed to close in around him as much as he yelled inside his head that he didn't have claustrophobia. But there was no air, no space, so he found himself walking to the other side of the room, opening the balcony door and stepping out.

The moment the cold air hit his face, he could breathe again. He leaned his elbows in the snow and looked out over the rooftops of Paris. The sun was about to set and it left behind a reddish light. In the distance, the Eiffel Tour was visible. His throat clogged and his eyes stung, but no tears would slide down and give him the least bit of relief.

"Jimmy, what are you doing? Come back inside!"

He could hardly hear her, lost as he was in the view, his eyes focused on the blend between red and orange on the horizon. If he stared hard enough, he could find a semblance of balance. Jessie touched his shoulder and came next to him, her winter jacket on. She hugged his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"It's going to be alright," she whispered.

And in that moment, he believed her. "I love you." And his voice finally lost the robotic edge.

She tightened her hold on him and stared out into the horizon. He leaned his head on top of hers, and the feeling of peace felt real.

"It's very cold," Jessie finally said, straightening. "We should go inside."

He was only wearing a t-shirt and the moment she mentioned it, he could feel the cold biting into his skin, so he nodded and let her take him inside.

She closed the door and threw her jacket off, leaving her white shirt for show. Out of reflex, he took in her side, half expecting to see blood. But her wound was bandaged and everything seemed to be under control.

"It's okay to feel bad, Jimmy," she said, sitting on the bed and patting the space next to her. "What we've been through... It was brutal. But that's why I'm here. To help you through it."

"I think that by now you feel as strongly about my family as I do."

She nodded, looking away from him. "I've never been more worried and exhausted in my life. I also feel like I've never had so much to lose."

"Jessie..." He took her hand and leaned over to press his forehead against hers.

"And yet, I've never felt so alive," she whispered. "I have so much to lose because I'm finally surrounded by people I love. And I'm happy."

"So am I." Because he had her and she was right. His life had never been so full and he'd never had so much to lose.

Jessie looked up and her nose brushed against his. The hesitant look on her face reminded him of the beginning of their relationship, when they were skirting on thin ice, testing their feelings. Except this time, there was nothing stopping him from kissing her.

She kissed him back, slowly carefully, then she suddenly climbed into his lap and kissed him hard, with more passion than she ever had, as if she were trying to prove to him and herself that they were still alive. He liked it, wasn't going to complain. He kissed her back putting just as much passion into it, glad to finally have her in his arms. He avoided touching her side, though he wished he could have all of her.

As if guessing his desire, she pulled her body away for a second just to undo the first few buttons of her shirt. He took over, quickly getting rid of the rest. He liked this, liked where it was going. She pulled the t-shirt from his jeans and pulled it over his head. He definitely liked where this was going.

She leaned her weight against him and he leaned back on the bed, letting her climb on top of him. His body once again hummed with life and his senses went haywire. The feel of her skin, her smell, the way she fit against him... He never needed anything more in his life. And he finally felt free again, like there was more to life than fear and exhaustion.

He rolled her over and climbed on top, kissing her jaw, her neck, her collarbone. The little sounds she was making drove him up the walls. She was the most beautiful person he had ever met and there was nothing else he'd ever wanted this much.

Except... He froze because, on instinct, he'd lifted her hands above her head, holding her wrists together, immobilizing her arms. Even if there had been no tension in her body, he could remember what happened last time. And whatever she'd buried deep in her subconscious, there was no way he wanted to trigger that again, so he released her wrists and pulled back.

"Hotstuff, what are you doing?" she breathed, putting her hand on the back of his head and pulling him back towards her.

"Just making sure you don't slap me again."

She froze, and her eyes opened, wide and filled with fear.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly. "I just want you to be sure. To be comfortable."

She sat up, pushing him along, but climbed into his lap and pressed herself against him. It didn't help his focus at all. All he wanted to do was rip the rest of her clothes off. Preferably with his teeth. He should've kept his mouth shut.

"When I was leaning against that pile of furniture, bleeding out," she said, her voice low and breathy, "for a moment, I really thought I would die. That we wouldn't make it to a hospital and we would all die. And in that moment, do you know what I regretted most?"

He shook his head, entranced by her words, by their meaning and the sultry tone.

"I regretted pushing you back that night in Chambord. I've been so stupid, trying to rationalize everything. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I could be so attached to you, love you so much after such a short time. It didn't make sense. Four months. Four months is nothing and I couldn't..." She faltered as she looked down at him.

"But it makes total sense," he said. "Because I've never felt this way about anyone either. And long term doesn't really mean true love. Look at my parents." That slipped out before he could help it, but he didn't really think his parents were in love.

She nodded. "All that denial was just a waste of time and it almost made me miss something I want with every breath I take. I don't think I've ever regretted anything more in my life." She ran her hand through his hair. "That I didn't take the chance when I had it, that I was going to die without giving myself to you fully. Body and soul. Because you're part of me and I should accept it, enjoy it. Not fear and reject it. We could die the moment we step out of this room, and I'll be damned if I die without making love to you first."

He didn't need more. He kissed her again, letting her take over, set the rhythm she found comfortable. This time there was no hesitation, no holding back. He maneuvered around her bandage, making sure they put no strain on her wound. She moved with the grace of a dancer, wrapping him up in her, building the flames between them until there was nothing left but a supernova ready to explode.

Every touch, every kiss, it felt like an amazing first time, and the way she whispered what she wanted, that she loved him, made it the most intense experience he'd ever had. She could be his first, the first woman he was truly in love with, the first woman he trusted with his life. There were no games, just complete trust, devotion. Freedom.

Something nagged him in the back of his mind, drunk as he was on her. Something that had to do with Kyle. A million thoughts ran through his mind: the newspaper, the need for sleep, where everyone else was, what they would do next, but everything disappeared in a puff of smoke. He could put that off and drown in happiness for a while, bask in the feel of her skin. And that's when he realized what was missing.

He tore his mouth from her stomach and raised to face her, his mind still dangerously hazy. "Jessie, I don't have--"

She put her finger on her lips. "I don't care. I'm all in."

So was he, so he didn't really care either. It was a risk he was willing to take. So he turned his brain off for good and let his body and heart take over. Because he still had powerful feelings, he was still alive, and this was indubitable proof that despite everything, there was always hope in the world.

Hope for them, hope for the wounded, hope for all those not yet dead. Christmas was, after all a time for miracles. And the first miracle materialized in the form of huge snowflakes, shining like rubies in the light of the dying sun.

To be continued

❄❄❄

A huge author's note to come in a separate chapter. Regarding this part, I know I left you hanging, but this how I've always planned to end this.

Yes, Sam is still in a coma, Billy is still missing, presumed dead and everyone's pretty much messed up. You also maybe got a little more than you bargained for in this part #sorrynotsorry.

I enjoyed writing this, because Jimmy and Jessie hold a special place in my heart as a couple with the way they took a chance on each other. And it just made sense for things to turn out this way between them.

So please leave me your thoughts, hit the star, and see you in the next part for more info on what's to come!