Jessie's eyes fluttered open and it took her a second to register where the orange light was coming from. A lone candle stood on the small table by her bed. Her mind still groggy with sleep, she frowned in confusion. She could vividly remember putting it out when she finally succumbed to sleep. She'd been afraid the canopy of the bed or a tapestry or anything else ancient in that room might catch fire.

Yet, there it was, the flame flickering merrily in the complete darkness as she looked at it from the bed.

She yelped and jumped into a sitting position. This was something else she could remember properly: she had fallen asleep on her chair, with her upper body on the bed, holding jimmy's hand. Yet here she was, properly tucked in.

"Hey, relax."

She whipped around. Jimmy gazed at her, his head a little titled, his back propped up against the headboard. Another candle burned on the other side of the bed and he held a frail looking booklet in his hands.

"You're up," she said, her voice croaky and slightly slurred.

"Obviously," he answered with a smile. "I was catching up on some light reading." He nodded towards the booklet and only then did Jessie compute that it was the very same Jerry had found in Blois. "She doesn't half-bitch about everything, really."

"Interesting read?" Jessie stretched, trying to get the wariness out of her bones.

"Pretty much. Not saying it's easy to decipher. I need better light."

"I can't believe you're up." He'd been knocked out for hours.

"I'm feeling much better, too."

She still scooted over and put her hand on his forehead. He was still hot, but not necessarily in a feverish way; more like he'd just come out of the sun. "Your voice is still raspy."

"Yes, but my throat doesn't feel raw anymore so that's a great improvement." He hesitated a moment, biting his lower lip.

Jessie sighed in relief, finally able to relax a little. "I was so scared after what happened. All that blood you lost and the fever..."

"Yeah, about that..." He rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie and showed her his wrists. He'd taken his bandages off.

She took his hands and stared, feeling the need to rub the rest of the sleep out of her eyes. There was nothing there except for two very thin white scars. "You healed."

"Yeah. I have vague memories of what happened after my adrenaline rush faded, but I do remember there was a lot of blood involved."

Yes, there was. And the fact that he wasn't happy about the extra fast healing speed said a lot, spoke of her greatest fear.

She took in a deep breath. "This doesn't have to be a bad thing. So the serum made you heal fast. We should be thankful for it."

"That's not what freaks me out," he mumbled, pulling his sleeves back down.

"Then what?"

He nibbled on his lower lip some more before turning to her. "Are you sure you want to know? Because once I tell you... We can't go back."

A cold shiver ran down her spine at his words and she hugged the cover tighter around herself. He was wrong. There was no choice. Because they were in this together, whatever this turned out to be. So she put on her brave face and nodded.

"I killed four people today, Jessie."

The news wasn't a surprise, but the matter-of-fact way in which he said it sort of gave her the chills.

"It was self defense," she whispered.

"I know. But they're dead. And it's not like I didn't know what I was doing. I shot one of them in the head. It was self defense and it was necessary. I know they would've done the same to us." He paused and took a deep breath. "What freaks me out is not that I killed them. It's that I don't care."

She faltered. "What?"

"I know I should be obsessing over this, finding ways to cope because it's a big deal. I don't need to. I just don't care. There's no remorse there. Just a mild freak out that I'm being so cool about this." He raised his eyes to look at her and she saw so much confusion in them, so much fear. "What does that make me?"

She just stared, trying to process what he was saying. The first word that came to mind in answering his question was lucky. Because they had to do things like this, whether they liked it or not. Him doing it without remorse was a huge advantage. But even so, even if this particular situation didn't scare her, something else did.

"You think it's the serum?"

"I'm sure it is. It sort of puts a lot of feelings to sleep." He looked at his wrists again, a frown on his face, as though wondering if super healing was worth all this.

His answer had her biting her lip until she was sure she'd draw blood. "What feelings?"

"Guilt, discomfort, embarrassment... remorse I guess." He still watched his hands, turning them over.

"Do you get angry?"

He raised his eyes. The chocolate brown glistened in the candle light. "I don't think I have the Jekyll-Hyde thing Kyle's got going on. Kyle still seems to have normal reactions ."

Jessie breathed in relief. "Thank God. We don't need another Hulk."

He huffed, but the amusement faded fast. "I wished I had that. Would make me less of a monster."

Jessie took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. "Don't ever say that! You're not a monster. You're perfectly capable of feelings. Of love. And if you don't feel remorse for killing those guys, all the better. We knew we'd eventually have to start shooting back. And if you can do it without being torn up about it later... Then great! Someone has to."

He lightened up a little. "You make a very persuasive argument."

"Screw being normal, hotstuff. Normal is overrated. And if you thought this would scare me... Well, you were wrong!"

"I love you so much," he mumbled as if he didn't really want her to hear.

His words warmed her up because it was the feeling she cared most about. As long as he still loved, he couldn't become any sort of monster. "I love you, too, hothead."

"Apparently I'm everything that fits with hot," he said, the edge in his voice finally gone.

"That's because you are hot. Literally." Once she'd calmed down about the effects of the serum, worry about his health came back into play. "I still want to check you properly."

"Okay. Do your thing, doctor." He sat up straighter, bringing his knees to his chest and throwing the cover off himself.

Jessie scooted closer, suddenly aware that they'd been sleeping in the same bed. Well, not exactly since Jimmy had probably tucked her in after he woke up. But it was still a first.

Trying to ignore that little aspect, she put her hand on his forehead again. He was still warmer than usual. Not like his fever would die in ten minutes. "Tell me if any if this hurts." She pressed her fingers on his forehead, above his eyebrows, then on his cheekbones, under his eyes.

He made no move, said nothing, so she continued by checking the base of his neck, right under his jawline. Nothing felt swollen which was a good sign. But all that touching made her want to touch more.

She raised her eyes to look at him. He was just observing her, an intensity in his gaze that made her flush all over. The way his skin glowed and his eyes twinkled in the candlelight made it hard to focus. God, he was gorgeous. Their gene pool was unfair.

"How am I?" he asked, his voice low.

"You seem fine. Can I check for other injuries?"

"Of course. Why do you even ask?"

Because it involved more touching and she felt she would be cheating if she didn't ask. But with his approval, she undid the zipper of his hoodie and checked his ribs. They seemed okay and he didn't flinch as she pressed them. She returned to checking his hands. The cut on his wrists had healed as did the minor scrapes on his knuckles.

Maybe she was being paranoid and this was pointless, but she still wanted to check. So she pulled one of his sleeves, wanting to take the hoodie off. Jimmy interrupted her when he shrugged it off himself, remaining in a dark blue t-shirt. The color looked really good on him, but she pushed the thought back and checked his elbows for scrapes.

"Turn around please."

He complied, turning with his back to her. This made most sense because her knees had bruises and scrapes on them from the slide on the ceiling, which meant his back might also. But as she raised his t-shirt, her hands shook a little. He took this as to mean she needed help so he pulled it over his head, exposing his entire back.

She hadn't been wrong. He did have scrapes on his back, but they were now just pink ghosts of wounds. He really was fine. Yet she couldn't bring herself to tell him to get dressed. Her eyes traveled to the tattoo at the base of his neck. The flaming parchment spelling rebirth in Japanese. A testament of a past she dared not ask about. Because then she'd owe it to him to bring up her own crummy past and she wasn't ready for that.

"Jessie?"

She shook her head. "One more test and we're done." She touched his tattoo. The heat of his skin was even more obvious here. This was bullshit, but after everything that had happened, she wanted to touch him, make sure he was still there, find comfort in the heat of his skin. So she ran her fingers down his spine, checking to make sure all vertebrae were in place. Which was a useless checkup really, since he'd be screaming in pain if they weren't.

He didn't comment, even if he probably knew that, too. He just let her have her way, touch as much of him as she wanted. And oh how she wanted to touch. His body had changed a lot since they'd met. No longer was he so skinny that his ribs were visible and his spine jutted out. Months of proper meals were showing as he finally had some meat to accompany his muscles. And he looked even better.

She reached the belt of his jeans and stopped, unable to find any other reasons to touch him except the obvious one: that she wanted to. And she honestly doubted he had a problem with it.

He turned to face her and the breath hitched in her throat. It had been much too long since she'd last seen him shirtless. And the slight haze in his eyes combined with the half smile lifting his lips proved he hadn't bought her checkup excuse.

"What else do you want to see?" he asked, the raspiness in his voice sending her mind spinning.

This was it. She'd either back off or own up to what she wanted. And she saw no reason not to.

"Everything," she whispered.

It was like she'd flipped on a switch. Jimmy got to his knees and wrapped his arms around her, pressing her tight against him. For a second, he just looked at her, but it was with such adoration and hunger that it instantly heated up her entire body even more than his unusual temperature.

Then he kissed her. She closed her eyes and cupped the back of his head, but holy hell, none of that was necessary. Ever since their first kiss she'd been blown away. Maybe it was the fact that she was in love or he was legitimately great at it, but she never thought there was room for better.

How wrong she'd been. He'd never kissed her like this before, so deep, so overwhelming, like it was... foreplay. It felt amazing.

When he pulled back, she was panting her lungs out. "Where did you keep that hidden for so long?" she breathed.

"It's a trick I don't use unless... well, let's just say you're not the only one overwhelmed. The feel of you is amazing."

"Anymore tricks up your sleeve I should know about?"

"Oh, I have a lot of those if you want me to show you."

"Hell yeah, bring it on."

He bit his lip for a second before he lowered his mouth and bit hers. The pressure was perfect and her back arched to bring their bodies closer. He kissed her again with that mind numbing intensity before he moved to kissing her jawline, nibbling on her earlobe and then heading down her neck.

Her entire body trembled and she sunk her hands in his hair, trying her best to bite back a moan because he wasn't really doing anything that-- He lifted her sweater and tank top and kissed her stomach.

"Oh God," she breathed as he trailed kisses higher and higher.

It was getting out of hand and she knew it. She also didn't care because screw being smart all the time. They could've died out there without ever experiencing any of this. And what a waste it would have been. When he started kissing her inner thighs she bit her lip not to cry out even if it was just through her jeans.

He came up to face her and as she lay pinned under him, she couldn't believe how well they fit together.

"Jessie," he whispered, his breathing labored. "I need to know you're okay with this, because I'm not teasing you."

"Show me your worst," she whispered back.

So he pulled her sweater over her head and kissed her shoulders, her collar bone, and every inch of skin he could reach.

She bit her lip and arched her back, allowing his arms to wrap around her. The feel of his skin against hers was amazing and the way the flickering light of the candle danced around them made everything surreal. Perfect. A night to remember.

So she committed everything to memory and closed her eyes, focusing on every touch, every kiss, the desire and love filling her to the brim. She'd never been this happy in her life, this intimate with someone.

The thought brought a sliver of cold through her veins. The weight on top of her suddenly felt like too much and labored breathing thundered in her ear joined by the stench of alcohol. Her hands were trapped, held up against her will and disgust crawled over her body like marching ants. The huge body forced itself between her legs as the breathing and the smell became heavier.

"Yessica," a grumbling voice whispered in her ear.

She screamed. Her entire body tensed and buckled and she freed her hands and slapped as hard as she could.

"Ouch, Jessie, what the...?"

When she opened her eyes, Esteban was gone. Jimmy was on his knees, already off her, his hand on his cheek, looking bewildered. With a will of its own, her body scrambled back against the headboard, her hands pulling down her tank top.

The pain on his face made her want to slap herself, but she wasn't sure she could pull that off with how bad she trembled.

"You could have just told me to stop," he mumbled, rubbing his cheek. "You know I would've backed down immediately."

"It's not that," her stupid mouth said before she could help herself. "You've done absolutely nothing wrong." At least that last part was true.

He looked rightfully confused. "Then... are you into this sort of stuff? Totally not judging if you are."

"What? No!" Her face caught fire. "I mean I don't know." It's not like she'd ever had the chance to try anything.

"Then what...?" His eyes narrowed and the chill in them made her want to run.

His mind was losing the haze brought on by desire and he was doing the obvious math. God, she couldn't let him get to the logical conclusion. He'd track down Esteban and kill him. Literally kill him with no remorse involved. And that would really make Jimmy a murderer.

"I'm so sorry, hotstuff," she said desperately. "I just got nervous because... well, I'm not sure what you're expecting of me."

This line of thought successfully threw him off track and the murderous look on his face disappeared. "Expecting of you?"

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, but I'm not... you're not..." Embarrassing as fuck but something she wanted to get out of the way and it was useful to distract him. "It's not my first time."

He stared for a second then let out a relieved laugh. "I sort of figured that out, what with you being engaged and everything. Were you afraid I'd judge you?"

She nodded though she wasn't. She was more pissed that she couldn't lose her virginity to him and had to go through that awful experience which had left her with a few screws loose apparently.

"I'm not going to judge you over your past. Ever," he said, being a total sweetheart. It only made her want to push him down and straddle him, though she didn't feel brave enough for that. "And if it makes you feel better, it's not my first time either."

She'd guessed that much too, but it didn't make her feel better at all. More like unreasonably crazy jealous. "How many?"

"What?" he asked, rightfully surprised.

She sunk her face in her hands. "Ignore that. Word vomit." She really should slap herself.

"Can I come closer?"

"Yes, of course."

He sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She cuddled against him, tears filling her eyes as she tried to make sense of the turmoil inside her. She shouldn't care how many girls he'd been with before her. She loved him so much and wanted to be with him. Then where did that whole slapping thing come from?

"Do you really want to know?" he asked quietly.

She just shrugged and wiped her nose.

"Would it make you feel better?"

"I'm just stupidly curious," she answered.

"Three."

She raised her face to look at him. His mouth was twisted in a half snarl, as if he wasn't very happy with himself. "But that's not a lot."

"Three too many as far as I'm concerned," he muttered, hugging her tightly against him. "Look, don't feel any pressure. Whenever you're ready. I'm not picky, I'll wait. I just want you to be sure and comfortable and happy."

She nodded. She knew that and was already sure and comfortable and happy with him. If only her stupid repressed memories would stay repressed. But even if she wanted to, she knew they couldn't continue where they'd left off. Not then anyway.

"I'm really sorry for slapping you."

"Hey, if you want some spanking in return, I'm more than happy to provide."

She slapped his shoulder and he laughed, the tension finally breaking and she could relax. The moment she did, sleep weighed heavy on her lashes and all she wanted was to fall asleep like this, in his arms.

"Can you hold me while I fall asleep?" she asked.

"I could hold you forever. I just don't want to seem clingy."

She giggled and nestled against him. Even if the heat of his skin was not permanent, she'd bask in it while it lasted. "You're not too clingy. You're the perfect amount of clingy."

"Glad to hear that. You're the perfect amount of everything."

She hugged him tighter. "I love you so much. Through better or worse."

He kissed her hair and held her against him and she closed her eyes, ready to drift into the perfect sleep.

"You'd tell me, right?" he asked all of a sudden. "If there was something wrong, you'd tell me."

She tensed, but relaxed the following moment. "Of course." And she hoped this was the last lie she'd have to tell him.

❄❄❄

I'm sorry, but I love this chapter. Like really loved writing the problems Jimmy and Jessie have. Then some hot stuff then more problems because hell yeah for problems.

What do you think? The effects of the serum on Jimmy are finally starting to show and they don't mirror what Kyle has. Better? Worse? Scary? Will he get the murderous part as well?

And you get a glimpse of Jessie's not so happy past. No wonder the poor girl was running away from home 😔

Leave your awesome thoughts for me. And much luck needed for new update. I actually can't remember where the story is supposed to go from here.

Hit the star!