More students started to come in and I already felt my teeth start to clench as I tried to toon everyone's thoughts out. If I was going to do this I was going to have to wait until absolutely necessary to start so I just focused on Eren's thoughts since he was the closest to me. Armin's thoughts kept creeping into my head since he was sitting next to me too, but I took a breath and tried to ignore the other voices that would slip through.

A few other students walked in and I noticed someone's thoughts get closer. I couldn't hear what they were thinking clear enough since there were already so many voices in my head. The only thing I heard was a thought that said, I need to tell him. I looked up and Ymir had walked up to me. She was still too far away from me that her thoughts were getting jumbled up with the rest of the voices.

She looked at me and went to speak, but all she did was open her mouth slightly before closing it again and walking away. It's not the time I heard her thoughts one last time before she walked away. I wanted to get up and ask her what she meant, but I'm afraid I already know. Her power is one that I've always envied because when she loses people she doesn't really lose them.

She's been known to pull people aside and tell them messages from their lost loved ones, and honestly, as much as I'd like to hear what messages she has for me I think I'm better off not knowing. I don't even know who the messages would be from whether it be from them, from mom, or from that jackass. As much as I'd give to talk to some of those people again I think it would do me more harm than good. I mean it's my fault they're gone.

"Alright class," Hanji said speaking up. She pulled me from my spiraling thoughts and I took a deep calming breath as I tried to prepare myself for the mental torture I was about to endure. "I know this topic is a heavy one so I want you all to know that if at any point you need a break you can leave the gym for a few minutes to clear your head. Also, both Erwin and I will be here during all of the breaks as well as after the class finishes if any of you guys need to talk, and if you don't want to talk face to face you can always email us."

I could tell she was worried about this lesson. She knew she had to teach it, but she was still worried about the outcome. There was a cold silence in the room before Erwin started speaking.

"So the first hour and thirty minutes is just the basic break down of what they are and how they work," he told us.

That shouldn't be too bad I mean most people probably will be okay with this portion, well, at least the first part of this portion. When they start going deeper into it is when people might have issues, but I still have to watch and be sure that everyone is okay regardless since some people at the mere mention of a power trigger can be thrown into a depressive episode or a traumatic memory.

I waited for them to start talking about it before deciding to open the floodgates. After roll, they took a few minutes to make sure everyone knew this was a safe space and that everyone should remain serious. When they started talking I looked to Eren before giving him a little nod. I took a deep breath and prepared for the head-splitting headache. I knew it would be painful, but I don't think I really understood just how painful it was. The second I expanded my power my head felt like it was getting ripped open from the inside out. It took everything I had to stop myself from screaming. I closed my eyes and the dizziness took hold.

I will not pass out, I will not pass out I will not pass out. I kept telling myself as I forced my eyes back open. My jaw clenched so hard I swear It's a miracle I haven't broken any teeth. My hands were clenched so tightly all the blood flow was restricted and I could feel my nails breaking the skin on the palm of my hands. I tried to keep a straight face as I turned all the thoughts into white noise. Just a jumbled mess of voices layered on top of each other. I took a deep breath it was a little more bearable, but not much.

I was just listening for worrying phrases and words. I looked up Eren who was staring at me with the most concern I've seen yet. I couldn't even tell what he was thinking since his thoughts were just apart of the jumbled mess. I assumed he was asking if I was okay so I just gave a nod. Guess I was right because he gave me a tiny smile and a nod back.

I could barely hear what Hanji and Erwin were saying out loud with all the chaos in my head, but I managed to make do with what I could hear. I mean it's fine I really didn't want to hear this lesson as is, but I know they are probably going to talk to me later about it to make sure I'm okay. So I should probably know at least a little of what they were talking about.

I tried to focus and finally was able to semi hear what Hanji was saying. "So I think we all know the basics of what a power trigger is and how they work, but we're going to look past the obvious and go into the science of it."

Great, just what I need to be bored by the science behind why my life turned to shit. I took a deep breath I could feel the frustration brewing in me. I'm used to getting irritated easily when I have headaches, but this pain is causing me to be more than just mildly irritated.

"Well a majority of people carry certain genes that when put under extreme stress, or life or death situations will often front and do everything they can to protect the body," Erwin started.

God, I could really care less about this. I would have rather I died back then I never asked for some bullshit genes to save me.

I heard someone's thoughts say, suicide, and I tried to match the voice to a specific thought. It took me a minute but her thoughts kept repeating that word so it was easier to find. I tried to listen and focus on just her thoughts. It was hard at first but I managed to hear enough to figure out what she was thinking.

So that's why I wasn't able to kill myself. Because some genes or whatever fronted and caused my power to save me? I mean, all I wanted was to get out of that damn orphanage and just be treated normally. Now I'll never be treated normally. It still doesn't make a ton of sense to me all I know is my suicide attempt failed because some stranger was around to be affected by my power. I mean he was just driving along the bridge and then was forced out of his car compelled to help a poor girl who decided to jump. How pathetic of me. I couldn't even help myself back then and now thanks to my power I never have to do anything for myself even if I want to.

It took me a minute to place the voice but when it finally hit who I was listening to it all hurt a little more. She's always so happy, always smiling. Though her power always makes me want to keep my distance now I know how it came to be. Poor Christa.

Her thoughts faded away as she changed the topic of her thoughts and I forced them back into the jumbled pile of voices. I felt my body start to shake. I never imagined how hard this would be on me. Hell focusing on voices in a crowd of people that alone zapped most of my energy. It didn't help that she was one of the people furthest from me. It's not like Armin or Eren whose right next to me so I really had to focus with that one. I could already feel my body giving out, but we were barely 30 minutes into the class. I just have to keep this up for another hour until I can have a break. Great, this is going to be a long, long day.

I heard another thought come forward. I knew the voice as soon as I heard it. Jean. I heard his thoughts say kill myself. I quickly listened in. This one was a lot easier since he wasn't sitting too far from me.

I think it's just now settling in how many times I could have died when I was younger. I mean I slept walked in nothing but sweets in -10-degree weather ended up a town over blue and frozen. If my fire powers didn't front when it did I would surely have died out there. Not to mention how I could have killed myself when I stuck that fork in the toaster. Thank God for my electricity powers coming in when they did. My poor mother, I must have put her through hell growing up.

I took a deep breath and let his thoughts drift back into the background. Well, that one wasn't much to worry about now, but damn he's right he probably put his mom through hell.

They talked more about genes how only a little over half are said to have them. They talked about how some people with them never have them activated and how after the age of 13 it's nearly impossible for the genes to be activated. Well, at least that was the gist of what I heard.

"Now, this might be a disturbing thing to hear," Hanji started she seemed really disturbed at whatever she was about to say. Her emotions and her body language were very clear evidence of that.

"Some of you guys might be wondering that if these genes are detectable then why you didn't know you had them, and I hate to say this, but some of you might even know why," Hanji said her breath catching in her throat. She looked to Erwin with such sadness in her eyes and at first, I thought it was just so he could take over, but after listening to Erwin speak I realized it was because she knew.

Erwin had to take over for a second and he started talking. "Well, there used to be a time when doctors used to tell the parents if their kids had these genes, but that was quickly stopped." He took a deep breath too. Even he was having trouble talking about this. I knew why when his emotions felt this pained. He was this affected because he felt it first hand. He was speaking from experience here. "Parents would put their kids in stressful and often abusive situations to force their powers to come forward, some parents would even go as far as staging a life or death situation to ensure their kid gets them." Erwin stopped talking and Hanji put her hand on his back before picking up where he left off.

I felt my stomach churn. Just hearing that makes me feel sick. How could people do that? I mean I lost my faith in humanity years ago, but I never thought I'd hear something this fucked up.

"Laws were quickly passed to stop doctors from telling parents if their kid has these genes, however, there are still ways to find out and this stuff still happens today," She said and I heard a thought in the back of my head say, should've killed myself. I sorted through the thoughts back to the voice. I found it and listened to what they were thinking.

That's why I should have killed myself back then. They forced me into these powers and then when they fronted they hated them because they weren't extraordinary. If I would have killed myself back then I could have saved myself all this grief, but I'm nothing but a coward who couldn't pull the trigger. A part of me is glad I didn't since now I have this amazing boyfriend who loves me despite how much of an arrogant dick I can be. However, a part of me wonders if they would even care that I died. Or would they only be upset that they missed their opportunity to exploit me?

It took me a minute to place the voice, Reiner? I looked up at him and he was looking at Berthold with a small sad smile. That explains a lot now. I feel bad for him no wonder he's so hard to get along with, he's doing the same thing I was. He's pushing people away because he's afraid to trust people again.

I pushed the thoughts back and felt another wave of dizziness hit me. I heard another thought in the back of my head. It was a girls voice again, kill myself. It wasn't a voice I recognized even slightly. I followed it and listened to what she was thinking.

I thought my childhood was fucked up, but that is just insane. I mean hell my power trigger was no walk in the park. I wonder if my asshole of a dad was trying to do that to me? Force my powers to front? No, he couldn't have known. Especially since he was surprised when they did front. Man, he wasn't ready for the ass whooping he got when I finally had enough of his shit.

I mean I know it was wrong and I wasn't trying to kill him, but he was so close to death by the time the cops came. I didn't even realize how badly I hurt him. I was just so tired of it all, all the abuse when I could finally inflict some pain back it was a miracle. When I realize what I did I didn't even feel guilty. I think that's what really fucked with my head. It wasn't the fact that I almost killed him, I think it was the fact that I didn't feel guilty for doing so that led me to my depression.

I mean what kind of human being thinks those kinda things? Not to mention a 13-year-old. I was so convinced that I was a monster that I started believing it. I thought for sure I was better off dead then losing control like that again. I was going to kill myself back in juvie. I remember the night I was planning on doing it Pixis came and told me that he was taking me to this school and honestly I've never felt more human. If it wasn't for him then I would have been dead in a cell before ever really living.

It took me forever to place this person's voice until she said juvie. I know I don't usually believe rumors, but in this case, the rumor was true. The only person who has been said to have been to jail or juvie was Annie and suddenly the voice matched. I've never known much about her and suddenly I know something that explains a lot about her.

I took a deep breath. All of this felt so wrong. I'm invading so many people's privacy, but at the same time, I don't want anyone to die. Two of my most conflicting morals. I took a deep breath and check the time. I felt relieved seeing there were only about 15 minutes until the next break. It felt like time was going as slow as possible, but thank god it is moving. I watched the clock as the last 15 minutes slowly counted down. Hanji dismissed us a minute early and the first thing I did was reach in my pockets and pull out my headphones. I put them in and plugged them into my phone.

The room cleared out and Eren stayed right there by my side. I looked at him and just whispered, "Ouch," before slumping onto his shoulder the second the room was empty. It was just us and the teachers.

"Levi are you okay?" Hanji asked. I went to answer, but nothing came out. My eyes closed and I felt myself blackout. Well, better now than during class.